Summary:
Adorable little idiots.
"And another one there!" Spinel threw the scrap forward. "And another one there!" She continued to pile it on. "And a final one there!" She finished. "I made a chicken!"
Gus stopped by to look at her work. "Actually that's a penguin."
"What's the difference? Penguins are just chickens that live in cold weather." Lucci said as he carried a load of scrap on his shoulder. "Their small and don't fly. Clearly it's just a chicken."
"Actually chickens can fly." That Connie girl said as she pushed a small box of scraps with Vee. "They just don't have the energy for long sustainable ones. They also live in cold environments."
"And they can swim." Vee added. "Me and Amethyst sometimes do them when we water race … ever since Lapis joined the crew she tends to beat Amethyst every time though."
"Yet she always somehow loses to Vee every time." Amethyst rolled her eyes as she took a bite out of a piece. "Don't think I don't know you're playing favorites."
"Can neither confirm nor deny." Lapis shrugged as she held a majority of the metal above the air. "Explain to me why we're moving this out to the barn instead of just throwing it into the sea?"
"I'm not going to throw away perfectly good material I can fake people into thinking it's worth something." Lucci said with an offended tone.
"Remind me why we're in on this?" Connie asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Because you felt guilty about not helping out during the invasion and I like helping as long as it's not fighting." Vee answered.
"I thought we were doing this because we needed a place to store all of Moldavitie's tech before Peridot, Jasper, or the government got their hands on it." Luz brought.
"If we were worried about someone getting it we would have just destroyed it and scattered the ashes across the globe with the warp pads." Willow said. "You know, because machines are an atrocity that ruin all ecosystems in life."
"I'm not one to say that technology doesn't cause problems to the environment and we can stand to tone it down a little, but I also don't want to say that technology needs to be destroyed at all costs, because it has good examples and people benefit from them." Connie said. "There's a balance to be had. People just tend to switch extremes anytime one side goes too far."
"Exactly. And as soon as those extremes vanish and people stop going too far, that's when we'll make the world a better place." Vee smiled.
"And then we can play every game we want without people telling us no!" Spinel was liking this plan.
"Oh you sweet, summer children." Lucci laughed loudly for some reason. "Well, until that day comes, I'll continue to exploit the gullible until they wise up." Which was going to be never, cause where's the fun in that?
"Hey Lucci." Gus spoke up. "As someone who wasn't there for couples night … how bad was the shooting star incident?"
"Lost half of all feeing in my nerves, most of the surface of my skin, and everyone nearly suffocated and died of heatstroke, why?"
"Because I see a shooting star right now."
"Oooh! Really!?" Spinel turned her eye into a telescope and scooped the fireball coming down on them. "Now we can play a game of hot potato and won't have to pretend it's hot!" She looked closer…and got disappointed. "Booo, that's not a shooting star. It's just a roaming eye."
"A what?"
"Roaming eye. It's a type of ship homeworld usually gives to Rubies on scouting missions." Spinel sighed. "Boo, i really wanted to play hot potato too."
"..." Lapis cracked her neck. "I'd say there's enough trees around here. Luz, Vee, get the others. Willow, Lucci, let's go ahead and try shooting them down before they land." Oooh, hit the target sounded like a fun game!
"Great! We're actually in a place full of plant life this time, so I'll actually be useful!" Willow's eyes glowed green as several massive vines and trees grew out of the ground. "Ooh, you guys have no idea how good this feels!"
"And three razor disks, and four, and five." Lucci counted as he made spinning blades. "Every scratch is one point, every time we move them is three. Knocking them out of the sky is five!"
"What if we destroy the ship and poof everyone?" Spinel began growing her fist to match the size of the barn.
"Unlikely given our luck, but let's call that ten points." Willow said with a smirk.
"Then I'm going for it!" She sprung to the top of the barn; and jumped into the air. "Gummy-Gum…Elephant Cannon!" She shot her fist out, and struck it right in front of the ship.
Kaboong
The ship seemed to bounce off it, sending itself into a circle before crashing into the ground, leaning into a crater, being stuck in the ground. "Yay, I win!"
There was a moment of silence. "... Was really expecting … something more after Jasper." Lucci noted.
"Very anticlimactic …" Willow agreed. "...I'll tie them up, you poof them."
"Wait, so we have to poof them? They could be nice." Vee tried to bring up.
"I'd rather not take the chance." Lapis said. "We already didn't immediately poof Jasper and Peridot, and look what happened there."
"I didn't poof you, you know." Vee stated.
"Because your pure but naive, and that charmed me into caring about the planet enough as long as you live on it." The blue gem ruffed the girl's head. "Now come on, we have some enemies to preemptively lock up at the very least."
The group cautiously surrounded the roaming eye as a door opened, revealing a Ruby who had their gem located on their left eye. "Ruby?" Vee tilted their head.
"Enemy!" The Ruby pulled out a knife. "Say your prayers scum of earth!"
"And now you die." Lapis used the water she had to swoop her up in the air.
"Rouge gem! Rubies assemble!" The Ruby shouted from her water
"Ruby!" A Ruby with a gem in their chest jumped out, looking commanding.
"Ruby!" A Ruby with a gem in their arm jumped out, looking angry.
"Ruby!" A Ruby with a gem in their stomach jumped out, looking happy.
"Ruby!" A Ruby with a gem in their leg tripped out, falling to the ground.
"... This is surreal." Willow muttered, before tying them all up in vines.
"Rubies never give up, rubies, begin attack strategy alpha!" Eyeball Ruby shouted.
"Right…what was Alpha again?" The stomach Ruby asked confused.
"Is that where we run around screaming to confuse the enemy?" The army Ruby scratched their head.
"Why are we here?" The leggy one just looked lost.
"We're here for a mission to retrieve a gem. We'll do it after we escape from this clever trap." The chest one looked down. "Maybe if we struggle hard enough, we can break out!"
"Great idea Ruby!" Arm Ruby began moving, unable to get out of the vines. "…Anyone got a knife?"
"You know, I've lost my violent intentions. At this point it's like hitting Coven Scouts." Lucci sighed. "We'll take them to the barn and figure out a plan there."
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Amity looked at the five gems, struggling in vines. "... This is surreal." They all looked so identical.
"Right!?" Willow shouted. "Like … how!?"
"I don't see the issue." Spinel said.
"And didn't we see two other Lapis in space?" Boscha asked.
"Yes, and it was still freaky. Those ones at least looked different from the ones we know." Willow pointed to said blue gem. "These guys are practically indistinguishable from Garnet Ruby aside from the gem placement."
"They already caught another Ruby!?" The one with a gem in its stomach shouted. "We're doomed!"
"Just let me at em, I'll punch them until they squeal!" The arm one growled.
"Aww, they're oddly adorable in their little angry way." Vee cooed on the still confused looking Ruby with a gem on their leg.
"It's like Coven Scouts, completely inept in the right way." Lucci smiled at the eyeball one.
"You think I'm inept!? I'll kill you, I'll kill everyone you love and then-"
"Hey now, easy there Ruby." The one with a gem in their chest said. "Sorry about that, she was in the gem war on earth, she saw things."
"Let me guess. Rose Quartz did something horrible and you're still feeling the effects." Lucci responded.
"A little …" They nodded. "The knowledge that she's gone with the rest of the Crystal Gems helps though."
Everyone looked at each other, nodding to make sure to not bring them up too speed. "Yeah, they're completely gone with absolutely no chance of them being alive at all." Luz said a little unconvincingly.
The one with the navel gem looked at her, before smiling. "Well, if you say so, then it must be true!" These guys were dumb….like…somehow beyond Steve levels of naivety.
"So … what brings you around?" Gus questioned.
"We're looking for a very important gem, a Jasper. We have orders to bring her back to Homeworld." The chest one spoke. "Have you seen a very tall orange gem with a great personality who could never do wrong?"
"... No?" Connie said after a moment of hesitation.
"Alright then. Okay people, once we get out of these bindings, let's move. We have a whole planet to search and a limited clock." They continued to struggle. "And we will get out of here….eventually!"
"Yeah, you go and do that." Amity said as the group turned to each other. "Alright, option one, we bubble them and or destroy their ship to prevent anything from getting to Homeworld."
"Then Homeworld gets suspicious and sends someone else for Jasper." Hunter said. "Option two, let them find Jasper and leave."
"And Jasper will either not listen and go back to killing Lucci, or go to Homeworld and tell them everything that happened, and then they send someone else." Luz brought up. "Option three…"
"We let them search…and make sure they keep searching." Lucci said.
"That sounds like a terrible plan." Connie said.
"Give me one good reason." The boy frowned at the bitch.
"Gems are immortal, and therefore have no sense of age. You'd have to keep up the lie for a solid six thousand years and maybe they'll leave." They explained.
"It is a loppy idea admittedly, but it's the best one we have." Willow said. "Any ideas we come up with now only deal with the short term. This one at least covers the longest period of time."
"And you have to deal with the fact that Jasper is roaming around somewhere, so you'll have to poof her before they find each other, or worse, finds Peridot and reforms Moldavite." Vee brung up.
"We were going to poof her anyway." Amity said. "This just means we have to do it a little faster than we were."
The group broke up, turning to the Rubies. "We'll help you look for your friend." Luz said.
"Wow, really?" The one with a gem in their stomach smiled. "Thank you human." They turned to the rest of the rubies. "You hear that Ruby!? We're getting help!"
"I heard Ruby, I'll make sure to tell Ruby!"
"Ooh, don't forget about Ruby!"
"But what about Ruby?"
"Okay, if we're going to be around each other for long periods of time, then we need to do something about the names." Gus said. "You can't all be Ruby."
"But we're all Ruby." The leg gem said.
"Then how do higher gems tell who's who?" Hunter asked. "You know, when they want someone specific?"
"Ooohh, why didn't you say so?" The one with a gem on their chest asked. "I'm Ruby Facet-1C5F Cut 8HT. That's Ruby Facet-1C5F Cut 8HU. And-"
"How about we just come up with our nicknames for you." Vee suggested.
"You saying our names suck!?" The one with a gem in their arm shouted, glowing a bit red.
"No, we're saying us … humans … are too simple minded to appreciate how complex your names are." Lucci answered. "So we need to dumb it down or else our heads will explode."
"Ooooh, that makes sense." The ruby with a stomach gem nodded. "Humans are filled with fleshy goo. Makes sense they explode."
"Riiiight." Vee nodded. "So you'll be Navy, cause you got a gem in your naval." Vee said to the stomach gem. "Following that is Leggy, Army, Eyeball … and Doc."
"That last one doesn't feel like it fits with the theme." Luz said.
"Well calling her chesty just feels wrong."
"And yet Army and Leggy are fine …" Willow muttered in confusion.
"Whatever, we got the names, so now everyone can be less confused." Lucci said. "So, who's ready to have fun looking for a giant orange puff ball?
"How do you know she looks like a puff ball if you've never seen her?" Eyeball eyes suspiciously.
"...Her pure amazingness has spread legends across the planet?" He answered.
The eyeball one continued to glare, before slapping her head. "Duh, of course! She's so perfect of course legends would be told about her!"
"...It's so easy to do this it's not even fun." Lucci muttered.
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Peridot clutched the wall, trying to regain her senses. "I … I can feel this." It's been so long since her hologram was free to touch something. So long since there was anything other than pain and a gony.
So long trapped inside of that machine … so long..trapped with that MANIC barbarian Jasper. Being stuck with her all alone on the ship was bad enough, being stuck on the same planet as her was terrible enough … but being fused with her…beyond her consent … that was the absolute WORST experience she's ever had in her life.
She never gave two thoughts to fusion before, it was an archaic method for Cloddish rock heads and brutes who were too weak to get the job done. It absolutely did not interest her in the slightest, and now…now Peridot was repulsed by even the mere mention of it, whether it be same or different gem cuts. There was absolutely nothing to appreciate about fusion, and she would do everything she could to be rid of it as possible.
She listened to her thoughts … and nothing responded. "I can think freely … so comforting … so comforting." Peridot clutched herself, falling deeper into the hole she was climbing. Solitude was her greatest friend right now. Quiet peace, existence in absolute peace.
Now she just needed to leave. Maybe there was another planet in the solar system she could wait out while she recovered her sanity. Even as horrid as that experience was, she knew better than to stay on this crumbling rock. And given that the crystal clods and their 'witch' organic subspecies associates split Moldavite apart, she had to do it fast before either them or Jasper caught up with her.
She didn't have the time, or the resources, to build another rocket, she barely had the equipment on her to sustain substantial flight. Most sophisticated tool she had was her personal log at the moment. She supposed she could resemble one of the old communication towers to send out a signal…but the likelihood of it being functional was slim to none.
The most advanced gem tech on this planet was the Galaxy Warp….which from what she recalled….WAS active for a time. That's what got her sent to this planet in the first place! That was the key to getting back home!
"I need … to craft … a better escape …" The problem was she couldn't just build one, the technology was too complex to do alone. And only … Moldavitehad the power necessary to make an escape ship. Peridot refusedto even entertain the notion of that horrid experience having merit. She would neverfuse again.
Other than that, the only slightly impressive form of power on this planet were those subspecies 'witches', and their energy transmutation. While…Moldavite…was a horrible time in her life, they did make a good point…their power…what they called…magic…was impressive.
"I need to study … to replicate …" She needed whatever magic was, to build a way home. Going over her personal log, she typed something in. "Please work, please still work…" A video holographic projection was displayed. "Yes! Personal recordings of the enemy are still intact!"
She needed to watch these … and learn how to use those powers from the inside out.
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Luz couldn't help but watch in amusement as the gang of rubies began their search. She had simply said they'd help them find jasper 'by looking under every rock and through every crack', which the little gals look literally, literally turning over every rock, every pebble, and ever stone they saw on the ground. "Keep going girls, you'll find her eventually.
She heard Lucci snicker next to her. "Don't forget the leaves and grass, thoroughly search everywhere!" He shouted.
"You're right!" Leggy shouted, moving over to a leaf pile. "Not here … not here … not here …"
"Okay, that's just really cute." Vee awed at the sight of the naive one. "I don't see how these guys are threatening."
"Oh, I'll search this one!" Doc walked up to a tree and punched a hole into it, peeking inside. "Not here!"
"Still more cute than threatening." Lucci smirked. "How are these guys soldiers?"
"They're more strong as a fusion than they are apart." Lapis explained. "Rubies and Topaz's are the main gem types that commonly fuse together for larger brute attacks. Apart, their main strength is agility and limited fire control."
"That makes sense …" Willow nodded. "Hey, make sure to not hurt the trees and grass too much." She told the gems.
"Why, it's not like we're damaging anything important." Army said, burning up the grass they were ripping apart.
"They kind of are…because they help the environment flourish and help keep air on this planet." Willow slightly growled in response, gripping her hands.
"What's so good about air? It just gets in the way, especially with the wind blowing in people's faces." Navy said, throwing a rock overhead and into the barn, smashing a hole into it.
"Besides, it's organic at the end of the day." Leggy gave a dopey smile. "And since when have those ever had value to any gem?"
"Well there was the Human Zoo Blue had." Doc thought aloud. "Although after that break out she got really angry, I heard she planned on shattering most of the gems there." Great, the warp incident got a bunch of gems doing their job killed … although Luz was skeptical about how bad to feel about that.
"So … do all of you feel the same about … life?" Vee asked hesitantly.
"Organic life was the reason Rose slaughtered our people." Eyeball growled. "It's why I'm glad this planet is doomed." Wait what?
"Eyeball!" Doc shouted in a reprimanding tone. "Don't go spilling classified information now."
"Would it matter? They're going to die anyways, not like they're going to tell anyone." Navy responded.
"Yeah, but that would be disobeying an order, which is wrong." Army said.
"Are you guys hoping this is just more of their confused naivety talking like I am?" Gus asked.
"I'm not entirely sure these guys are smart enough to comprehend self destruction like we thought Moldavite was speaking of." Connie muttered. "How hard do you think it would be to get them to spill?"
"These guys could get lost in a can of soup with the lid open, I don't think it'll be that hard for them to crack." Lucci smirked. "So you guys can't tell organics, right?"
"Yep."
"What about another gem?" He asked.
"That depends…what are you implying?" Eyeball glared.
"I'm just saying, we have both a Lapis…" He pointed to the blue gem, who gave a blank stare with less than energetic wave. "And Spinel." The lanky gem waved like there was no tomorrow. "And they don't have any attachment to earth, am I right?"
"It's a fun playground, but I'd be willing to change it up every now and again." She shrugged.
"And I'm fine with drowning majority of humans." Lapis said with no hesitation.
"And I'm an Amethyst, you know?" Amethyst smirked.
"… Oh my stars, I'm so sorry for your condition." Navy said honestly.
Amethyst blinked. "What condition?"
"You're overcooked." Army bluntly said.
"Hey, don't be rude." Doc chided.
"Overcooked…what are you talking about?" Amethyst raised an eyebrow.
"You know, stuck in the ground too long?" Leggy asked. "It makes you short and weak compared to everyone else."
There was a moment of silence as Luz could visibly see multiple emotions wash over the purple gem. "Well wasn't that a revelation we should've probably had." Vee grabbed onto the purple gem and began speed walking with them in tow.
"Weird. You'd think she would've gotten some limb enhancers or something to compensate. How embarrassing." Army scratched her head.
"Aren't you guys super short and not as strong as other gems too?" Luz has to ask.
"Yeah, but we were made that way. We're meant to fill a certain role and we fulfill it flawlessly." Doc said. "To fail that role is to be purged from existence."
"And we are the perfect expendable soldiers who could poof or shatter at the drop of the hat while everyone else does their job even easier!" Army shouted.
"Just like Jasper … the flawless quartz soldier." Eyeball spoke with a blush. "The one, who in spite of being made on earth, has served Homeworld perfectly with a one hundred success rate. Never been beaten in battle, and never poofed."
She could see Lucci smirk a bit. "I see … so, you can tell them the thing about earth, right?"
"Sure … after we find Jasper of course." Doc nodded. "She's gotta be here somewhere …" They lifted a slab of earth, looking under it.
"So…what if we were to tell you that she wasn't on earth?" Luz decided to jump in.
" … What ?"
"Oh yes; I think I saw her ship leave the planet a while ago, so you might want to catch up with her-" Lucci went on, only for Eyeball to pull out her knife and aimed it at him threateningly.
"Don't you play us for fools, we know for a fact she's on earth! Just a few days ago, we detected a warpstar engine going off that never went off the planet! The same engine all gems of her caliber use whenever they travel! The trail leads to earth, so we know she's still on earth!" Eyeball screamed. "Now tell me where they really are or face the consequences!!"
Well that backfired spectacularly. Sure they could beat them up, but information was important. How are they going to get- "Congratulations!" Hunter shouted, sweating. "A job well done!"
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Hunter was very lost when it came to this 'alien' stuff. He barely understood what it meant to be human, heck, he was still understanding why it meant to be a normal teenage witch. But he was reading a lot of Cosmic Frontier, which was fun and weirdly relatable for him. The main character being a clone of someone important really hit close to home.
Point was that even if he didn't understand how homeworld rules worked, Cosmic Frontier gave him an edge over the situation … an understanding over complicated space political mumble jumbo that sounded important if you said it out loud.
"What?" Everyone asked, waiting for him to elaborate.
"You … you passed the test!" Hunter blurted out. "We … needed to make sure how … dedicated you were to your superiors before making sure. You are all to be … promoted…?"
There was a moment of silence. "Leave the lying to the professionals, golden boy." Clawthorne whispered.
"We're getting promoted!?" Leggy began to sparkle.
"This is the best day ever!" Navy jumped for joy. "I can't wait until I tell Ruby!"
"I already know!" Army cheered, throwing fireballs in the air.
"Oh my god they're buying it." Luz muttered looking at the gems with pity. "These girls are so freaking stupid."
"In this case, it's not a downside." Hunter whispered, before turning back to the gang of rubies. "As…Commander of all things earth related,…"
"Wait, since were organics commanders?" Navy asked. Shit, he forgot about these guys hate organics.
"Since…since…the Amethyst, Lapis, and Spinel have allowed us to join in their quest to…rip apart the planet as painfully as possible?" Clawthorne went on when he couldn't answer fast enough. "Since we hate this world so much."
"Wow, talk about impressing you two." Doc smiled. "Gold stars." He never thought he'd be grateful for Clawthorne's ability to lie.
"I win!" Spinel shouted.
"So as commander of all things earth related, allow us to … serve you and find Jasper while you stay in this … five star human rest spot." Hunter pointed to the barn.
"So fancy." Leggy nodded. "That looks amazing! Thank you commander!" The Ruby bowed gratefully.
"Fine … but know this." Eyeball got close and aimed her knife at his neck. "I serve Homeworld, not you. The moment I see that you're pulling us around like fools, I gut you and spit on your ashes."
"... Understood." He was ashamed that a small part of him felt intimidated.
"Glad we understand each other." The eyeball Ruby walked to the barn with the others, leaving his friends behind.
"Huh…that actually worked out a million times better than I thought it would." Connie noted. "I thought for sure this would've ended in a fight."
"We got off lucky." Luz nodded. "Great job Hunter. Now we don't have to worry about them running into Jasper anytime soon."
"Which means we're back to searching for her and Peridot before they find each other." Clawthorne brought up. "Pretty solid win by our standards."
"I know right?" Amity said. "... As long as Willow doesn't try murdering them for the destruction of plants."
"If it gets too far, I'm going to bury them into the earth's core after poofing all of them." Said girl grumbled.
"For now, it's better for them to be unproofed just in case. And we still needed them to tell us what's wrong with the planet." Hunter reaffirmed. This was going to be tricky…although he couldn't help but have a little sympathy for the little red ones.
They kind of reminded Hunter of himself, the duplicates, lack of identity, and the loyalty to their cause…maybe there was something he could do for them…just maybe.