"Seriously, he won't?"
"Relax, my cousin and I are tighter than you and your cousin. Not every cousin is that annoying, but one who can make you forget how annoying he is with stacks of cash? That's my cousin. Did you know his bathrooms have projectors and supercomputers? You can voice-control the system to play Niagara Falls footage while you're on the can. Feels so smooth. Way better than New York's traffic right now. It's been days—nobody's moving these empty cars?"
Deadpool rambled on, letting go of the steering wheel and gesturing for Dupinder to drive properly. This had to be his cousin coming to hook him up with a paying gig.
Paid missions take priority, right? Spider-Man's already dust, and dead guys don't mind waiting a bit longer, do they?
Su Ming turned to Hamill. "Remind me to put a 'No Deadpool or Dogs' sign on the bathroom door when we get back."
"Uh, Slade, that's cold, but I can just teleport into the bathroom, heh heh."
"Cut the nonsense. Fifty grand."
"Who's the target?" Deadpool scratched his head, his skin still peeling from that time Phoenix half-cooked him.
"No killing. Just keep Odin busy. Same difficulty as dealing with Apocalypse." Su Ming said calmly, though without Gin here to count cash instantly, it lost some persuasive flair.
"You're scamming me, over and over, over and over. How many times is this? Odin's at the top of the Skyfather tier—way tougher than your average Thanos." Wade saw through it all, pulling two dead rabbits from his pocket and tossing them on the dashboard for Dupinder to take home and spice up his life.
New York was a ghost town now, with half the population gone. Getting supplies was probably a nightmare.
"Sixty grand."
"C'mon, add a bit more. Times are tough."
Wade squirmed in his seat, his stench wafting out, making Ciri wrinkle her nose. He smelled like a stable.
"Forget it. You're headed to Xavier's School, right? I'll just find Wolverine. I'll cover the fare."
"No chance. 21st Century Fox can't afford the actors' fees. Xavier's is just Colossus, Negasonic, and her lace-trim girlfriend. The place is empty, like a haunted house."
Wade immediately got smug, mimicking a ghost floating around. He'd been to the X-Mansion plenty of times, and it was always a ghost town.
"You're you. You come with your own BGM and storyline. But if I go, the X-Men will all be there, right, Illyana?"
"Yes, they'll be there. If needed, I'll make them be there."
Magik nodded confidently, though squeezed in with the others, she was practically sitting on Deathstroke's lap, her golden hair a tangled mess against the car's ceiling.
Wade's eyes sharpened. He glanced at Magik, then at his cousin. "I knew it. She's your mole in the X-Men. You DC folks are too dark. Got your eye on Magneto's two hot daughters, huh? You realize you're old enough to be their grandpa? That's practically a crime!"
"Add five hundred."
Wade's mental leaps were ridiculous. What did Magneto have to do with this? Just throw money at it—his nonsense was maddening.
"Deal! We mercs don't care about crimes. I'll grab Scarlet Witch and Polaris for you right now, but no promises they'll be alive."
Wade was about to activate his teleportation belt. Scarlet Witch was probably dust by now, and snatching her ashes from the Avengers would be tricky but doable.
Polaris, though, was tougher to track—a wanted mutant leader with a long list of people hunting her.
"Who said to grab them? Huff… Magik, take us out."
A black-and-red flash of Hell's Border light, and the group vanished from the taxi, as if they'd never been there. Only Deadpool's rotting stench lingered in Dupinder's nose.
Dupinder pulled over, grabbing a pink "Hello Kitty" backpack from under the passenger seat. Deadpool forgot his ammo bag again.
"Mr. DP?" He stepped out, shading his eyes to scan the sky, but Deadpool and the group were gone. He lowered his hand, genuinely impressed. "Cool."
"I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you, I know you were right, believing for so long…"
The melancholic tune of Westlife's "All Out of Love" played. Back in the timeline where Vanessa died, Wade was obsessed with this song, introduced by Dupinder.
Su Ming had initially excluded his little cousin from the team because he appeared in Loki's storybook.
But after meeting the future Loki in Latveria, he realized his thinking might've been off.
He couldn't vouch for others, but Deadpool was a timeline-hopping maniac who'd altered his own past multiple times. The Deadpool in the story might not be the same one from before. Who could script a wall-breaking nutcase?
Deadpool always talked about "friends in the audience," aware of the story's existence and able to jump out of it. He'd willingly leaped into Deathstroke's tale, a character who shouldn't even be recorded.
"Turn off your MP3."
"Hey, it's 1945? This is high-tech, man. What's your problem? Maybe it's been ages for you, but I just got home with Cable, didn't even have time to order pizza. Can't I set the mood?"
Despite his grumbling, losing his BGM was a bummer, but he obediently shut off the MP3.
"Wade…"
"Hm?" Deadpool's little eyes peered at Deathstroke through his mask, radiating confusion.
"Don't you read the room before playing music?!"
Only then did Wade notice the eerie atmosphere—inky green skies, countless tattered, wraith-like creatures surrounding them.
His modded MP3 blasted sound at insane volumes with long-lasting battery life, which had drawn a horde of monsters from across the plains.
Wade took a deep breath, puffing out his chest, soaking in the air's darkness and despair. It wasn't quite what he'd expected.
"Is this Gotham? The air's just dripping with death and chaos. DC's too dark. I wanna meet Green Lantern Hal Jordan, ask why he took that lousy gig, make him apologize, then kill him."
Wade suddenly turned to the side, addressing a nonexistent audience. "This might not fit my character, but I gotta say it…"
He faced Su Ming, pulling a moon-shaped cardboard cutout from his pocket, sticking it over his mask's mouth, and mumbled, "Why so serious?"
Bang!
Wade hit the ground. Su Ming calmly reloaded his vibranium Gauss rifle, having just pulled it from his bag and fired a shot under Wade's chin like it was a stick.
Silence at last.
Imitating the Joker, of all things? One Laughing Bat was annoying enough—nobody could handle a Batpool too.
He couldn't let Wade entertain that idea. A bullet to disrupt his thoughts was necessary, especially since Wade might actually jump to the DC Universe.
The Deadpool who slaughtered Marvel's Universe 12101 could barge into Marvel's editorial offices or even fight in classic literature, though he got knocked out by Sherlock Holmes' boxing. That proved he could break out of Marvel's system.
There was also a Deathpool in some parallel universe—a nauseating mashup of Deathstroke and Deadpool.
Like Harley crossing from DC to Marvel, stepping out of their worlds wasn't hard for lunatics—just impossible for normal folks to replicate.
Deadpool still needed a teleporter, and while its mechanics were unclear, at least there was a theoretical explanation for his jumps.
Harley's crossings were far less rational. She'd steal a car, drive in any direction, and somehow end up in the real world from DC, with no one knowing how.
Must be a cheat code.
This was Hela's underworld, not Gotham, but Su Ming couldn't let Wade's mind wander.
Wade got up, sticking a finger through his jaw, stirring it around, then reaching into the hole in his head to poke his brain.
The Gauss rifle's muzzle velocity was high enough that Wade's head didn't explode like a watermelon—just a clean, smooth hole through it.
"This was my favorite mask! I wore it when I killed Francis. You owe me!"
"Add a hundred bucks. Now get up—we've got some ribs to chop."
Su Ming kicked Wade to his feet, pulling two weapons from his bag and sweeping them at the surrounding enemies.
Against an undead army, fancy swordplay wasn't needed—just aim for the heads.
But fighting the dead in the underworld was like battling waves in the ocean—an endless fight.
Yes, the final battlefield wasn't Asgard but the underworld, because future Loki would inevitably come for Hela. A minor note in the story clearly stated Hela was also a figure from the future.
She was Loki's lover, sent to ancient times. If future Loki had a plan, she'd be prepared.
Hamill didn't need warrior protection, so the five drew their weapons, clearing their surroundings to hold the line and assess the situation.
Soon, Su Ming saw what Loki was planning—everyone did.
A golden sun rose slowly from the horizon, bathing the world in red light.
"Is Hela insane?"
Magik, gripping her greatsword, was the first to voice her confusion. The underworld shared similarities with hell—no reliance on stars for light, but on their own energy systems.
In the underworld, the dim, inky-green sky was the signature light source. Souls and undead were negative-energy beings; sunlight wouldn't destroy them but would weaken their combat strength. What kind of tactic was this?
Click, click. Wade snapped photos with his phone, striking various poses. "You're right, but first, let me post on X. Title: Underworld Sunrise, Miss It and Wait 10,000 Years. Done. Now to tag the Suicide Squad, X-Men, SHIELD, Weapon X's Colonel Stryker, and… X-what? Help me out, damn it, no signal here!"
Magik: "…"