Late at night, Ophelia heard a knock at the door.
"Who's there?"
Draped in a sheer nightgown, she approached the door, asking softly.
"Just an ordinary plumber here to unclog your loneliness," came the cool reply from the handsome guy outside.
"Is that so? Well, thank you kindly."
Ophelia smiled, opening the door to reveal Charlie in a hardhat, clutching an array of plumbing tools.
"Wow, you're the real deal," Ophelia said, her eyes gleaming as she stepped aside to let Charlie in.
She loved this kind of ceremony.
Inside, the dim lighting revealed a room filled with adorable pet enclosures on the table, TV stand, and open kitchen—venomous snakes, lizards, spiders, centipedes, brightly colored poison frogs… and a pile of skulls in the corner.
Charlie's scalp tingled.
This "cute" decor was utterly shocking.
"What do you think? Nice room, right?"
Seeing Charlie frozen, Ophelia swayed past him, draping a massive python around her neck and fondly stroking its head.
"Little baby, say hi to Daddy…"
"Call your xx a skull!"
Charlie cut off the creepy family reunion, his face darkening. "Where's the sewer? I'll fix it now."
Ophelia's smile turned playful. "Oh, man, you really know how to unclog a pipe?"
"Of course."
Charlie raised his tools. "Aunt May only sent me to fix the sewer, nothing else."
Ophelia crossed her legs, her gaze teasing.
With a flick of her nightgown, Charlie was blinded by a flash of dazzling white.
"Ah! My eyes are burning!" He threw up a hand to shield himself. "Damn woman, what skincare do you use to glow like that?"
Ophelia: "…"
She blinked.
What kind of move was this? Flirting? She'd never tried it before.
It was perfect!
Her smile widened as the python slithered across her body.
To Charlie, it was a scene straight out of a restricted horror flick.
He carefully sidestepped a spider enclosure on the shoe rack, then— Wait, why's Spider-Man afraid of spiders? Charlie froze, glaring at the massive tarantula in the box.
Hiss!
The tarantula raised its front legs, hissing, and Charlie stumbled back.
Damn! That's a big spider.
"Like my little baby?" Ophelia asked.blanc.
"If you like it, I can give it to you."
"No thanks. Spider-Man doesn't keep spiders. It's a principle."
Charlie waved her off, deadpan. "If you don't say where the kitchen is, I'm assuming it's clogged and getting to work."
With that, he headed for the kitchen, but a green viper dropped from the ceiling, blocking his path.
Behind him, Ophelia's smile grew eerie in the dim light.
She sidled up, resting her head on his shoulder.
Leaning close to his ear, she whispered, "Ten years, Charlie. I'm dying to know how much stronger you've gotten~"
"Back off, that tickles."
Charlie pushed her away, digging a finger in his ear.
"Evil woman, what's your real game here?"
He tossed the tools aside, turning to face her.
"You know it's been ten years. You can't possibly think you'll get my perfect genes, so this visit isn't about that."
Charlie's face grew serious, adjusting nonexistent glasses and pointing at her.
"There's only one truth: you've got another scheme!"
Ophelia, her purpose exposed, gave up teasing the unattainable man.
She clapped, and the room's lights blazed on, revealing a hulking, purplish-red figure stepping out.
"Thanos?"
Charlie squinted, sizing up the sluggish, purplish-red Thanos, lost in thought.
This universe's Thanos had that skin tone.
"So you two have been scheming together, huh? Pfft!"
As the unresponsive Thanos stood there, Charlie spat on his head.
Instantly, Thanos froze.
Ophelia grimaced. "I'm not into his Titan genes, don't get it twisted."
She stroked her python pet, smirking at Charlie.
"Seems you care about this more than you let on. I'm close to winning."
Charlie shot her a look. "Woman, you're playing with fire."
"Hold it, domineering Spider-Man. Enough with the tough talk."
Purplish-red Thanos wiped the spit off his forehead, sighing weakly.
"I've got a condition. I need your help."
"Why should I?" Charlie glared.
Thanos glanced at Ophelia, who smirked at Charlie.
"Because you have to help him, or I don't mind showing your friends what's on this."
She pulled a fingernail-sized chip from her "superweapon" cleavage.
"You know what this video could do. It'd make you a laughingstock."
"What?"
Charlie's face paled. "You damn sneak, you filmed me?!"
Ophelia shrugged. "Don't play dumb. You're not worried about that. The chip's got something else…"
She paused, her grin turning wicked.
"Guess what."
"I'm not guessing."
Charlie rolled his eyes. "Your threats don't work on me."
"Then I'll make a deal. Help him, and I'll stop chasing you forever."
Charlie raised an eyebrow.
"I've got Sundays free."
Ophelia shook her head. "I said forever."
"Deal!"
Charlie clapped, turning to Thanos.
"Alright, tell me what's up."
Thanos exhaled, sitting heavily at the table.
"I've got severe gastroenteritis."
Charlie: "…"
What the hell? This wasn't the plot he expected!
"You sure you're not joking?"
"No."
Thanos said gravely, "Only you can help me."
Charlie rubbed his chin, studying him. "How long's this been going on?"
Thanos looked down. "Since the Battle of New York."
"Which one?"
"The Ten Rings headquarters. You fought those guys and vanished. Three years later, you were gone, so I led an army to invade Earth."
Charlie's mouth twitched. "Buddy, you're making it hard for me to help you."
Thanos shook his head, sighing. "No worries. I failed. Your friends were too strong. My army got wrecked, and so did I."
He tore open his chest armor, unveiling a shocking scar.
"I lost. My ship was destroyed. I fled, hiding on Earth to recover.
There's an Earth saying: the most dangerous place is the safest. So I moved here."
Gone was the domineering tyrant, replaced by endless melancholy and sorrow.
He gave a bitter smile. "Without Spider-Man, Earth still crushed me. I overestimated myself."
Charlie listened quietly, then asked, "So, you got depressed from losing and ended up with gastroenteritis?"
"No."
Thanos shook his head. "Titans don't get depression. I eat on time, no bad habits, no late nights."
Charlie: "…"
"Maybe see a doctor?"
"I tried. They're clueless."
Thanos' face twisted in pain, clutching his stomach. "It's back."
Seeing his agony, Charlie pondered.
"Damn, that's a nasty condition. Even a Titan can't handle it. Guess the invincible Spider-Man's gotta step in."
Sweat beaded on Thanos' forehead. "I've figured out there's something in my gut. But no tech can scan it."
"So you want…" Charlie raised an eyebrow.
Thanos stared at him. "I need you to shrink down, enter my body, and find it."
Charlie frowned. "Even weakened, you could get Pym Particles easily."
Thanos took a deep breath, fighting the pain. "Pym's elusive. I can't find him. But I know you've got the stuff."
"Then I'll lend you a vial of Pym Particles."
"No. I only trust you."
Thanos, drenched in sweat, hunched over.
He looked up at Charlie. "If I die, I want it to be at the hands of a true warrior."
Charlie facepalmed. "Seriously? You're guilt-tripping me so I won't plant bombs in your gut?"
Thanos kept staring. "You wouldn't. A true warrior doesn't stoop to cheap tricks."
"Moral blackmail, huh?"
Charlie spread his hands. "Fine, you've got my attention."
Thanos stood, turning his back to Charlie. "Thank you, Spider-Man."
Charlie looked puzzled. "What're you doing?"
Thanos glanced over his shoulder. "It's in my intestines. You'll need to go in… there."
His skin flushed redder.
Charlie's face darkened.
"Motherf—go to hell!"
He kicked the weakened Thanos to the ground. "You bastard! Nobody insults me like that. You're the first, the last, and the sorriest!"
Fists flying, Charlie pummeled Thanos. Ebony Maw rushed out, shouting, "No, don't hurt my master!"
Maw threw himself over Thanos, pleading, "Invincible Spider-Man, please, stop!"
Damn! "Master-servant bonding, huh?"
Charlie kicked Maw aside, pointing at the cowering Thanos. "Let's see who else dares stop me!"
"Don't hurt my master!"
Black Dwarf lunged forward. Charlie, veins popping, took him down too.
"I'll kick your asses to kingdom come! My temper's so bad, I'm spitting inverted sentences!"
Ophelia watched silently, grabbing her python and slipping away.
…
Meanwhile, inside purplish-red Thanos' body, deep within his winding colon, stood a lavish garden villa.
Star-Lord, fully armed, returned to the villa, shedding his gear and collapsing onto the couch.
Clapping his hands, a virtual screen began playing a movie.
"Hey, Quill, how's it been these past couple days?"
Scott Lang, in his Ant-Man suit, strolled in, casually removing his gear.
Star-Lord sipped a glass of red wine. "Same old. Years of trying, and we're still stuck in this hellhole. This guy's self-healing is insane. I've given up."
Scott nodded. "It's been a while /
System: , but just hold on. Once I figure out a way to access the Quantum Realm, we'll get out of this nightmare."
"Here's hoping!"
Star-Lord rested, but his wrist device suddenly flashed red.
Quill tapped it, and Gamora's panicked face appeared on the screen.
"Quill, something's wrong. Thanos' body's acting up. It's like it's knotting—I'm trapped in his rectum…"
The screen cut to black. Quill's face paled.
"Damn it, something's happened…"
The villa shook violently as a flood, like a roaring beast, surged through, engulfing everything.
A torrent of muck, rocks, and debris swept Quill and Scott through the churning intestinal river.
"Oh my God, I'm done for—blegh!"
"Stay sharp, man! After all this time, we should be used to it!"
"Blegh—Quill, save me!"
"Hang on, I'll give you mouth-to-mouth! Hold tight, brother!"
"Blegh—I'm good, thanks… oh no, run! That thing up ahead's huge!"
"No!"
"It "
's Gamora! I see her—hold on!"
"Quill, don't rush! I see the exit!"
"My God! The exit!"
"He's finally letting us go!"
"Let's rock and roll—charge!"
"Go!"
"We're out!"
In the room, purplish-red Thanos let out a triumphant roar. Charlie's face twisted, and he dove into a portal without hesitation.
The next moment, Ophelia's house filled with toxic gas, her pets suffocating in their enclosures, writhing before stiffening in death.
Boom!
The ceiling exploded, and Ebony Maw and Black Dwarf tumbled into the yard amidst the blast.
Finally, flashes of light revealed Star-Lord, Gamora, and Scott crawling from the sludge, gasping for fresh air.
Survivors of the ordeal, they exchanged smiles, their bond forged in hardship.
But…
Charlie burst into Aunt May's room, shouting in panic, "Aunt May, Uncle Ben, get up! We're moving—now!"
He rallied everyone, forgetting only the chubby kid slaving over homework.
At the desk, frothing at the mouth, little Kingpin twitched, stubbornly finishing his last problem before passing out with a dramatic eye-roll.
The night grew deep.