"Huh?" Naruto said, looking left and right as the bright light faded away. "Where did he go?"
Indeed, Obito seemed to have vanished into the ether.
However, having an inkling of the true nature of his teleporting act, Sakura knew he still had to be somewhere close by. Essentially, his Kamui allowed him to fold space-time, puncturing a hole in reality to enter a dimension whose bounds he could control, and then emerging at the other end of the hole, having reduced the walking distance inside the Kamui dimension to a single step.
Presumably, this ability only worked within sensing range, or within his line of sight… otherwise, his already broken ability would be even more ridiculously unbalanced.
"Ugh, I hate that guy, he's so annoying," Sakura said in a huff. "He's always popping out of nowhere and trying to recruit Sasuke and me into the Akatsuki with his wild stories."
Naruto pulled a strange face.
"Sasuke, huh?" he said grumpily. "Is it true?"
"Is what true?" Sakura asked, frowning.
"That you and Sasuke kissed," Naruto grunted.
Sakura rolled her eyes at him.
They had bigger things to worry about than who had kissed whom! Anything involving one of the final bosses of the shinobi world ought to send alarm bells ringing in anyone's head, provided they had a functioning brain!
"Who cares?" Sakura snapped. "In case you've forgotten, Uchiha Madara just attacked us! He could still be hiding around somewhere! We need to warn everyone!"
"Oh yeah? Whom are you going to report to, ya know?" Naruto said moodily. "You're the Hokage, remember?"
Naruto's words finally gave Sakura pause. Right, she had almost forgotten that she had just become the Sixth Hokage with all that excitement. She had the entire might of the village at her disposal!
It was one of the perks of the job.
"That's right, I'm the Hokage, now!" Sakura said proudly, turning her back on him and jabbing her thumb at the numeral six embroidered on her new cloak. "And if you're going to act all jealous just because I kissed Sasuke one time, then you can just go have fun at your sleepover with the boys, or whatever!"
"As if I'd go sleep at that bastard's house now!" Naruto yelled, fuming. "I'm gonna find my dad and sleep with him!"
Sakura sniggered. "Fine by me."
"Fine, ya know!" Naruto shouted, and then… "Wait," he spluttered. "You know that's not what I meant!"
And with that, Naruto and Sakura harrumphed indignantly one last time and stalked away from each other into the night. Maybe Lady Tsunade had been right about one thing, Sakura thought angrily to herself as she headed towards the crater that housed the new Hokage Residence.
"Yay, our first lover's spat," Sakura said glumly to herself. "…wait, are we even going out yet?"
Sakura and Naruto were both too stubborn and headstrong; sparks were bound to fly whenever friction arose in their relationship. He wasn't going to stay a lovesick puppy for the rest of his life, after all. Unlike Hinata, his quiet wife in the original timeline, who went along with his every whim…
"You mindless cow, I bet you sucked off Naruto whenever he asked, didn't you, Hinata?" Sakura swore under her breath. "Well, that sort of thing won't fly with me, no way. I don't mind sending him down mammary lane, but there's no chance I'm putting a man's thing anywhere near my mouth. Except maybe on his birthday. He'd have to beg on his hands and knees for it, though. Hmpf."
Sakura felt as though she had got slightly off track.
"Right, gotta warn someone about Obito," Sakura grumbled. "Why do I still have to do everything myself? And where did my useless guards go? This should be their job!"
As she approached the bomb crater that used to be the village centre, the sounds of revelry grew increasingly loud.
"Yo, Menma! Wearing your dad's hat again?"
Sakura raised the brim of her Hokage hat to see who had just spoken.
Speak of the devil… Hinata, Shino, Kiba, and Akamaru were walking down the street towards her. Perfect, she thought. She'd get these three to pass word to the ANBU that Uchiha Madara was still hanging around and that they needed to increase patrols, so that she could finally go home and get some sleep. Or, perhaps she'd sleep at the Hokage Residence instead; she still had a lot of paperwork to fill in.
"Wait, you're not Menma," Hinata hissed at her. "What do you think you're doing, wearing the Hokage's robes? Think you're hot stuff just because you've got my man's clothes on, huh!? Well, once a loser, always a loser, you dead last, man-eating whore!"
Sakura gaped at her in shock. Had that venomous, vitriol-filled rant really come out of shy Hinata's pretty little mouth?
Also, Menma who?
"Maybe if I also had a 150 cm ghetto booty just like Sakura, Menma-kun would finally notice me," Hinata sighed, her fingers sinking into the soft meat of her breasts as she grabbed at them despairingly through her fishnet top. "But all I have are these huge, useless lumps of fat on my chest! He won't even look at me!"
Upon closer inspection, Hinata seemed rather… different.
Her overall shape hadn't changed, only the way she carried herself. She wore a rather daring shade of lipstick, and black eye shadow accentuating the contours of her eyes. She was still wearing her signature hooded jacket, but it was unzipped, and she had swapped out her trousers for a pair of strikingly short booty shorts that emphasised the curve of her backside, giving the impression from afar that she was completely naked from the waist down.
"Are… are you wearing hotpants, Hinata!?" Sakura said, goggling at her.
With some difficulty, Sakura tore her eyes away from Hinata and turned to her two teammates. Shino was still unmistakeably Shino, yet there was something distinctly odd about Kiba. He held his hands close to his chest as though they were cats' paws, and he was duckfacing… no, mewing at her! Was this perhaps some new form of looksmaxxing that had grown popular in the village lately!?
"Grrr…" Akamaru growled.
Sakura instantly raised her guard. Had Akamaru caught Obito's scent? As expected, he was still lurking somewhere close!
"Oh, would you give it a rest already, you dumb mutt!" Kiba yelled at his dog. "Stop… yeeouch!"
Without warning, Akamaru lunged at Kiba, sinking his sharp canines into his forearm.
"Shannarooo!"
Your disguise might have fooled my eyes, Sakura thought to herself as she summoned her chakra, but there's no way it would fool Akamaru's nose!
"Sakura, what are you doi—" Shino blurted out as Sakura flickered past him and started smashing Kiba's face in. "Stop!"
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
"Have you gone mad, you fat-arsed bitch!?" Hinata yelled. "Stop hitting my femboy! Oi, I'm talking to you!"
Sensing killing intent behind her, Sakura vaulted off Hinata's arm as a palm strike came driving towards the back of her head. Twisting midair as she flipped over her opponent's head, Sakura landed behind her and gave her a light push that sent her sprawling, but Hinata sprang back to her feet almost at once, continuing her relentless assault.
"Gentle Fist Art: Eight Trigrams, Thirty-Two Palms!"
Sakura batted away Hinata's chakra‑imbued strikes up to series sixteen, but despite coating her forearms in chakra, they were beginning to get oddly numb… why did she feel so weak?
"Man, that kinda hurt," said Kiba, rubbing his jaw as he sat up, seemingly no worse for wear. "What was that for?"
Sakura grabbed Hinata's wrists as she initiated series thirty-two and drove a knee into her groin. Hinata's eyes bulged, and she crumpled to the ground, foaming at the mouth, her body wracked by the worst pain she had ever experienced in her life.
"Just how durable are you, O— Madara?" Sakura said in disbelief, turning to Kiba. "I used my full strength!"
"Falling on my butt hurt more than your punches," Kiba grumbled, aiming a kick at Akamaru's ribs, who promptly darted out of the way, growling viciously at him. "And who's Omadara?"