"What's going on here?" Sakura asked pointedly, her gaze shifting between Jiraiya and Orochimaru. "That funny business at the Jōnin's Assembly. Explain."
Once Shikaku had finished tormenting her with threats of interminable meetings with self‑interested civil servants and promises of towering piles of paperwork, Sakura had Jiraiya and Orochimaru summoned to her office at once, to discover what the two old boys were playing at.
"Well, someone hasn't wasted any time filling Tsunade's old bra," said Jiraiya, laughing boisterously. "To think that young lass who once washed my fundoshi is now important enough to have us summoned!"
"I believe the expression is filling one's shoes," remarked Orochimaru. "And I do not believe Tsunade wore one… and by that, I mean a bra. Or shoes either, for that matter."
Sakura attempted her best imitation of Tsunade's signature withering glare.
"Well, aren't we having a laugh," she said sarcastically. "I'm glad you're both having fun catching up with each other. With the slate wiped clean, it's almost as if you didn't spend the last fifteen years playing cat and mouse."
"I was just keeping an eye on Orochimaru, making sure he stays on the straight and narrow!" said Jiraiya defensively. "We can't rid ourselves of him either way, so the least I can do is see he doesn't get up to any mischief."
According to Shikaku's briefing, Orochimaru was in the midst of having his special equipment—from Otogakure in the Land of Rice Paddies and his various hideouts across the continent— reverse‑summoned to Konoha, to the new laboratory the Second Hokage was having built for himself. Sakura shuddered to imagine the atrocities those two might concoct within those walls, even though it was a necessary evil if the Leaf were to survive.
"You must've been preparing for this for a long time, if you've had the summoning arrays ready for this very occasion," Sakura said suspiciously. "Jiraiya, if you're going to stick to Orochimaru, make sure he doesn't summon anyone else with the Edo Tensei."
"You no longer wish for Tsunade to be revived?" said Orochimaru, arching an eyebrow. "Now that you're Hokage, I won't be asking for your eyes any longer, but I'm sure we can still come to an arrangement…"
"I forbid you to use the Edo Tensei until further notice!" Sakura roared, slamming her fist upon her new desk. "Do I make myself clear!?"
Unbeknownst to Sakura, Black Zetsu had already delivered a fascinating and rather unique specimen to Orochimaru, only a few weeks ago… and he was raring to revive him.
"But of course," Orochimaru said silkily. "No more zombies, I promise."
Sakura glowered at him to drive in the point, before moving on to what she actually wanted to discuss.
"Orochimaru, I'm tasking you with bringing me Danzō's head," said Sakura. "I know you've been working with him in secret, so you must have your own ways of reaching him."
Orochimaru inspected his fingernails with disinterest. To him, Tailed Beasts embodied merely external strength. Fascinating subjects of research, certainly, but he'd tired of them long ago. He far preferred devising new jutsu and studying bloodlines.
"I won't ask you to do it for free," Sakura sighed. "Come with me, I've something to show you."
Sakura rose to her feet, swept her new cloak over her shoulders, and settled her Hokage hat upon her head. The two Sannin followed her out of the building, where they were greeted by a storm of applause from the villagers hard at work rebuilding. Already, the village's skeleton was beginning to take shape.
"The prison?" said Orochimaru, sounding suddenly rather intrigued as they stepped inside the makeshift building and made their way up to the second floor. "I see, I see…"
At last, they reached a cell that held a young, blond‑haired man in a straitjacket binding his arms behind him, his eyes hidden by a blackout mask marked with the symbol for seal. Sakura waved her hand, dismissing the guards assigned to watch him, and she summoned her sword by pressing the rune or her wrist.
"Wait," Jiraiya said, placing a hand on Sakura's shoulder. "You're not thinking of executing him?"
"Who's there!?" Deidara yelled angrily. "I can hear you talking!"
"Just watch carefully," Sakura said simply. "Yin-Yang Style: Gender Reversal Jutsu!"
Sakura swung her sword, the blade phasing through Deidara's thighs, and with a series of precise sword strokes, she freed him from his bindings, save for the sealing face mask.
"What the!?" yelped Deidara. "That felt weird, what did you just do to me, damn it!? Ugh…"
Jiraiya and Orochimaru watched in fascination as Deidara's body began to bubble, his flesh oozing and rippling, his bones creaking loudly as they shrank and shifted, his form narrowing at the waist and broadening at the chest and hips… and before long, a beautiful young woman was lying on the floor before them, unconscious.
"Orochimaru, I'm giving you permission to hunt down any Kekkei Genkai ninja on the enemy's side," Sakura said wearily. "Bring them back here, and I'll turn them into women for you, in exchange for letting me take a portion of their breast chakra first."
"This god‑like technique," murmured Jiraiya, breathing heavily as blood trickled from his nostrils. "A world filled with nothing but women… just for me… nyehehehe…"
Sakura had Jiraiya to thank for his Kaeru Kaeru no Jutsu, upon which this technique was based.
"I'm not sure if you'll be able to learn this jutsu, but I'll teach you if you work well," Sakura said. "So, how about it, Pervy Sage…? Once you've caught Danzō, I need you to head to Nadeshiko Village and break their alliance with the Hidden Mist. Can you do it?"
"I'm in!" Jiraiya exclaimed.
Knowing how to motivate one's subordinates was an essential skill for any leader, and Sakura knew precisely what everyone wanted!
"Breast Execution!"
Seeing as Orochimaru had already obtained the Explosion Style Kekkei Genkai from his trip to Iwagakure, Sakura decided to take everything Deidara had to offer. With a slash, she parted her from her new breasts.
"What is thiiiiis!?" a female Deidara squealed in ecstasy. "Is this some new form of torture… ngh~ well, do your worst… ooh~ I won't… nya~ breaaaaaaaak!!"
Blood spurted from Jiraiya's nose as Sakura's bust rippled, her clothes creaking as the seams tore trying to contain her expanding breasts, the material growing dangerously thin as the plump flesh within undulated outwards in short bursts…
"Phew!" Sakura gasped, once the growth had ended. "Orochimaru, y-you're dismissed."
[Congratulations to the Host for obtaining the Explosion Style Kekkei Genkai! Deriving techniques… 1%]
Sakura hugged her chest. She was already back to J-cups!
"Wait, Jiraiya, I didn't say you could leave just yet," Sakura said, as he turned to leave with his best friend in the whole wide world. "I need to ask you something."
Jiraiya slowly turned to face her, looking awfully guilty.
"You didn't answer my first question," Sakura said quietly.
"Didn't I?" Jiraiya said sheepishly.
"You must have known I would be chosen as Hokage if you dropped out of the running!" Sakura snarled. "Do you really care so little about the village that you would abandon everything to go off and have fun with your old friend, and leave all that responsibility to a sixteen-year-old girl?"
Jiraiya sighed.
"To be honest, I wasn't expecting Kakashi to drop out as well," he said, scratching his temple. "But when he did… it all sort of clicked, you know?"
Sakura glowered at him. What sort of answer was that? Jiraiya had dropped out after Kakashi!
"What I'm saying is…" Jiraiya rubbed his hair as he searched for the right words. "You weren't there to hear it, but you three brats under Kakashi, we often talked about you when we went out for drinks after work. Your teachers, Tsunade, Kakashi… they all believed you were ready. And, in a way, I'm your teacher too, you know? I did teach you the Rasengan… so how could I not believe in you as well?"
Sakura was horrified as the truth behind Jiraiya's reasoning dawned on her. "You… you left everything to me, just because of some stupid superstition…"
"I believe you are one of the Children of Prophecy," Jiraiya said with utmost seriousness. "With all of my heart, I know you will bring peace to this war-torn world of ours."
In Sakura's previous world, a certain prophecy concerning the end of the world had given rise to one of the worst conflicts in modern history.
For the sake of bringing about the apocalypse, powerful men had turned an entire people, who had once quietly minded their own business in their corner of the world, into an ideological enemy… and naturally, once victimised, they had taken up arms to defend themselves, only for those same powerful men to use their actions to justify having cast them as the enemy.
For no good reason at all, a brand-new cycle of hatred had been put into motion, one that still turned to this very day.
"Are you mad!?" Sakura shouted. "You can't make important decisions like that based on some vision an old toad had! Don't you get it!? The fate of the village, the fate of the country, it all…"
Sakura's voice trailed off. There was no point arguing with an idiot wearing a look of such conviction. Perhaps it was for the best that Jiraiya had not ended up as Hokage, ironically… even if he would have only stayed on for the duration of the war.
"Whatever," Sakura said dully. "Get out of my sight."