The salty tang of the Pacific Ocean filled my nostrils as we materialized on the deserted pier. The Santa Monica Ferris wheel, a skeletal silhouette against the twilight sky, stood motionless, its usual activity extinguished. The air, thick with a humid silence, was devoid of the usual cacophony of city sounds. No car horns, no distant sirens, no laughter from tourists. It was like stepping into a ghost town, a surreal scene of normally impossible urban stillness.
"Looks like we were somehow expected," I said, raising an eyebrow at Asuna. Even with our powers suppressed, the sheer emptiness of the city was unnerving. It reeked of a carefully orchestrated trap, a stage set for a confrontation.
Asuna opened her mouth to respond, but before she could utter a word, seven figures materialized around us, forming an equidistant circle. They appeared out of thin air, their movements as silent and precise as a well-oiled machine.
My gaze swept across the group, my enhanced senses taking in every detail, every nuance of their presence.
A nun, or perhaps some kind of female pope, clad in flowing blue and white robes, stood directly in front of us. A serene smile graced her lips, a gentle warmth radiating from her that seemed at odds with the tension crackling in the air.
Beside her, a Chinese woman, her posture radiating a practiced martial grace, exuded an air of haughty arrogance. She looked like an old lady trying desperately to appear young, her movements a bizarre blend of youthful energy and ancient wisdom.
Two Japanese college students, one in a crisp white button-down shirt and black slacks, the other in an all-black uniform, stood opposite each other. The first, his face etched with a weary resignation, seemed to be wishing he were anywhere but here. The second, his expression a mask of irritation, glared at us with a barely concealed hostility.
An old man, his features sharp and angular, his eyes like chips of ice, stood to my right. He radiated an aura of stoic, no-nonsense badassery, his presence as solid and unyielding as a mountain. He held a thick, leather-bound tome in his hand, its pages turning rapidly, as if animated by an unseen force.
A blonde man in swim trunks, his physique sculpted and tanned, lounged casually to my left. He managed to look simultaneously irritated, bored, and smug, a feat I found both impressive and vaguely annoying.
And finally, directly behind us, stood a figure clad in a gleaming, metallic suit of armor. A superhero, his face hidden behind a mask that I suspected usually concealed a flamboyant personality. But right now, he radiated a cold, focused malice that made my skin crawl. Strangely, beneath the masculine armor, I sensed a feminine anger, a dissonance that added another layer of unease to the already tense situation.
The book in the old man's hand slammed shut with a loud clap, the sound echoing through the silent city. It was a signal, a call to arms.
"Now!" the old man roared, his voice a thunderous boom that shattered the stillness.
The nun, her serene smile unwavering, produced a golden bell from beneath her robes. She raised a small hammer, and with a speed that defied normal human comprehension, she struck the bell in such quick succession that a normal person would only see and hear a single clang- 108 times. The air shimmered with golden light, the sound of the bell's reverberations merging into a single, continuous tone that seemed to vibrate the very air around us.
The light converged on the book in the old man's hand, bathing it in a blinding radiance. The tome pulsed, its pages opening again and turning faster than before, a whirlwind of arcane symbols and ancient script. A wave of energy, cold and oppressive, washed over the battlefield, a tangible force that pressed down on us, constricting our movements, stealing our breath.
My senses screamed a warning. This was no ordinary magic. This was something different. Something powerful to the absolute extreme.
And then, I felt it. My divinity, the very essence of my godhood, was being suppressed. Eighty percent, gone in an instant, sealed away by a force that dwarfed anything I'd encountered before.
Before I could even process the implications of this sudden power loss, the book in the old man's hand snapped shut, its now sealed pages glowing with an eerie light. And then, the world exploded into motion.
The Japanese college student in the white shirt, his expression hardening into a grim determination, drew a massive, golden sword from thin air. The Chinese woman, her haughty demeanor replaced by a predatory focus, launched herself forward, her movements a blur of martial grace.
And then they were upon us, a whirlwind of steel and divine power. The air crackled with energy as the nun's bell chimed again, its sound echoing with an unnatural resonance. The old man's magical blasts, amplified by the bell's effects, slammed into Asuna, forcing her to momentarily shield herself with a radiant barrier.
The white-shirted student, his form now encased in shimmering silver armor, swung his golden sword with a speed and precision that belied its size. I met his attack head-on, my twin black swords clashing against his golden blade, sparks flying as our weapons met. The force of the impact sent a shockwave rippling through the air, shattering the concrete beneath our feet and sending chunks of the pier flying into the ocean.
I parried a blow aimed at my head, the force of the impact vibrating through my arms, numbing my hands. I countered with a thrust, my left-hand sword, Uno-Reversidator, aimed at his chest, utilizing the precise, controlled movements of a new style I called 'Not Aincrad Style Anymore Because I'm A Badass Style'. He deflected it with ease, his golden blade a wall of shimmering steel.
He pressed his attack, a relentless storm of blows that forced me onto the defensive. I danced back, my right-hand sword, Black Divine's Grand Repulsor, blurring into a defensive whirlwind, the fluid, unpredictable movements of one of my new my self-created styles, 'The Even My Sword Is Always Right' style deflecting his attacks. But his strength was overwhelming, each blow carrying the weight of a god.
With a roar, he unleashed a flurry of strikes, his golden sword leaving trails of shimmering light in the air. I parried desperately, my swords singing a song of steel, but I was losing ground. He drove me back, step by step, the force of his blows shattering the pavement and nearby buildings, sending chunks of asphalt flying.
Then, with a final, thunderous blow, he sent me crashing into the iconic Hollywood sign, the letters exploding into dust as I slammed into the hillside.
I scrambled to my feet, my armor dented, my breath ragged. The student, his silver armor gleaming in the moonlight, stood over me, his golden sword raised. He was breathing heavily, but his gaze was unwavering, his determination absolute.
I glanced around, my heart sinking as I realized Asuna was no longer by my side. The other four god slayers, their movements too fast for me to track, had separated us, a classic divide-and-conquer tactic.
It seemed the Chinese woman had gone with them too.
The old man, his eyes glowing with an eerie light, raised his hand. The air around him shimmered, a translucent barrier of energy forming around his body. The nun, her serene smile replaced by a cold, focused intensity, rang her bell again as it disappeared in a flash of light.
This time, the sound was different. A chilling, bone-deep cold emanated from her body, a wave of freezing energy that bypassed my resistance to cold entirely. I shuddered, my breath catching in my throat.
The white-shirted student, his silver armor now glowing with a fiery red light, raised his golden sword.
My grip tightened on my swords, the metal warm beneath my gauntlets. A primal thrill, a surge of adrenaline fueled by the sheer impossibility of the situation, coursed through me. They were strong. Stronger than anything I'd encountered before. But I wouldn't back down. Not yet.
I lunged forward, my enhanced speed shattering the sound barrier multiple times over. I knocked him back into the city as the air roared around me, a sonic boom that echoed across the ruined cityscape. The white-shirted student covered in his armor that unfolded, giving me a feeling of a primal metal boar, his golden blade a beacon in the twilight, met my charge head-on. Our swords clashed again, a thunderous clang that reverberated through the very foundations of the city.
The force of the impact was staggering. Buildings crumbled around us, their concrete and steel frames reduced to rubble. The ground beneath our feet buckled, cracks spiderwebbing outwards as the shockwave of our clash rippled through the earth.
I pushed forward, my muscles straining, my swords screaming against his unyielding blade. He was immovable, a wall of divine steel. But I wouldn't yield. Not yet.
We were locked in a stalemate, our blades a nexus of power, the very air around us shimmering with barely contained energy. And then, he glowed. His silver armor flared with a blinding intensity, the red light intensifying, as if fueled by a furnace burning at the heart of a star.
I knew, in that instant, that I was outmatched. But retreat wasn't even a thought in my mind.
I wasn't even here anyway! This hive clone was just for fun and I could never pass up a challenge like this.
I disengaged, launching myself backward with a burst of speed that shattered the pavement beneath my feet. The student, his form a blur of silver and red, followed close behind, his golden blade a comet trailing a tail of fire.
The city of Los Angeles, once a sprawling metropolis of dreams and ambition, shattered around us. Buildings imploded, streets buckled, the very earth itself seemed to groan under the weight of our clash. We were gods- no, god one one meant to slay them, locked in a battle that defied mortal comprehension, our every movement reshaping the landscape, rewriting the rules of reality.
I slammed into a mountainside, the rock crumbling around me as I carved a deep crater into the earth. I scrambled to my feet, my armor dented, my breath ragged. The student, his form shimmering as he materialized before me, raised his golden sword, his eyes burning with a cold, unwavering determination.
The battle had just begun but I was having way too much fun to care!
I grinned, the thrill of the fight coursing through me, even as I felt the sting of a dozen hairline fractures spiderwebbing across my bones. My armor, battered and dented, hummed with a newfound energy. It shifted, plates sliding and reforming, a symphony of grinding metal and shifting gears. A sleek, industrial aesthetic replaced the previous sleekness, a testament to the power I was about to unleash.
Two wings, vast and radiant, erupted from my back, their feathers a tapestry of celestial fire, each one seemingly containing a miniature galaxy. I rose into the air, the ground beneath me cracking under the strain of my amplified divinity.
"This is fun!" I shouted, my voice echoing across the shattered landscape. "Thanks, guys! I know I'm about to lose, but this was awesome!"
My words, intended as a sincere expression of gratitude, were met with silence. The Campione, their forms frozen mid-stride, stared at me with a mixture of shock and… anger. I'd pissed them off. Really pissed them off.
The old man, his eyes blazing with an icy fury, transformed. His body expanded, fur sprouted, his features contorting into a bestial snarl. He was a wolf now, a titanic beast the size of a small town, his fangs gleaming like daggers in the moonlight.
The Nun-like woman, her cold demeanor replaced by a mask of cold rage, landed on the shoulder of a colossal golem that had risen from the earth beneath her feet. The golem, a mountain of metal and stone, towered over the landscape, its eyes glowing with a malevolent light.
The white-shirted student, his shoulders shaking with barely contained power, raised his golden sword. The blade pulsed, its golden sheen replaced by an abyssal darkness, the air around it warping and distorting as if consumed by a black hole.
I didn't even have time to react. The world dissolved into a chaotic blur of motion, a symphony of impossible speed and overwhelming power. And then… darkness.
----
My eyes snapped open. I was back in the throne room of my empire, the familiar hum of divine energy a comforting presence. Asuna, her arms crossed with an expression a mix of petulant pout and irritation across her face.
"That was fun," I said, my voice a bit raspy from the phantom feeling of getting a mountain shoved down my throat. "Being curbstomped by the definition of 'things beyond any god's control that defy all fate' was actually quite humbling."
Yui, her form shimmering beside us, giggled. She handed us each a pair of T-shirts. Mine read "Best Stupid Father of the Year" in bold, stylized font. Asuna's, in a slightly smaller but equally artful script, declared, "I Am the Best Mom, But After Fighting Bad Decisions, All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt."
Beneath those, we each received another shirt, this one a matching set. "I Got Curbstomped by Campione! But All I Got Was This Lousy Shirt."
I chuckled, accepting the gifts with a wry grin. "Yeah," I said.
I pulled the "Best Stupid Father of the Year" T-shirt over my head, a wry grin spreading across my face.
"Lesson indeed learned."
Yui, ever the mischievous one, clearly had a knack for finding the perfect souvenirs. I glanced at Asuna, who was staring at her own shirt with a mix of amusement and a deep, simmering frustration.
"Okay, I know that face," I said, my grin fading as concern replaced amusement. "What happened?"
"I didn't even get to fight," she grumbled, her voice laced with a petulant annoyance. "The second I got separated from you, the Chinese lady's hands turned to diamond, there was a glow from around me, and then… absolutely nothing. I don't even know how my hive clone died!"
She threw her arms up in exasperation, her pout deepening. "It's like I blinked, and then I was back here. No pain, no memories, just… nothing."
I frowned, a shiver of unease running down my spine. That was… unsettling. To be snuffed out of existence without even a flicker of awareness, without a trace… it was a level of power that even I, with my divine domains, found unnerving.
"That's… weird," I said, my voice a low murmur. "And kinda creepy. You sure you didn't just get bored and decide to come back early?"
Asuna shot me a glare that could have melted steel. "I told you, Kirito, I wanted a fight," she growled. "And I didn't get one. Not even a little bit."
I raised my hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright," I said, my grin returning. "No need to get all stabby on me. I believe you. It's just… That's some serious power, even for a godslayer,"
"Campione." Yui said.
I paused, a thoughtful frown creasing my brow. "Yes, the specific term is important. Maybe we underestimated them," I said, my voice taking on a more serious tone. "Or maybe… there's something else going on here. Something we don't understand."
With a wave of my hand, the world below us snapped back into place. The shattered cityscape, the pulverized mountains, the very air itself, all reverted to their previous state, as if the battle had never happened.
The Campione, their memories wiped clean, blinked in confusion, their expressions shifting from battle-ready intensity to bewildered curiosity.
Pandora, her mind still reeling from the echoes of a threat that no one else remembered, stared up at us with wide, uncomprehending eyes from her seal. She was the only one who retained even a sliver of awareness of what had transpired, a lone witness to a battle that to everyone else had never truly been.
I shrugged, turning to Asuna, who was still pouting about her anticlimactic demise. "It would be interesting to know how you lost," I said, my voice laced with a hint of amusement, "but I guess we'll never know."
Asuna grumbled something about "cheap tricks" and "unfair advantages," but her annoyance was already fading, replaced by a spark of curiosity.
Yui, her form shimmering beside us, beamed. She handed us a stack of pamphlets, each one depicting a different world, a different possibility. "I made them myself!" she chirped, her voice full of pride.
---
Ahem. Well, well, well. Look who's back. And sober, surprisingly.
As the only one here who is both omniscient and, well, back from drowning my sorrows in a cosmic cocktail of existential dread and questionable tequila, I can answer that question about Asuna's defeat quite well!
It turns out that diamonds truly are forever, especially when wielded by Luo Hao, the Chinese Campione, and her Authority, "The Power."
Salvatore Doni, the Italian Devil King, decided to spice things up a bit. He unleashed his Authority, "The Sword Hidden from God," a delayed attack that ricocheted off Luo Hao's diamond-hard defenses, striking Asuna from the front. And then, just for good measure, he followed up with "The Meteor Sword," his most powerful attack, aimed at Asuna's back just as Luo Hao was knocked out of the way.
Poor Asuna. Caught between a diamond-powered sword-punch laser and a meteor-powered power-shaped sword of power lasers. Not exactly a fair fight.
John Pluto Smith, or whoever the hell she really is, didn't even get a chance to join the fun. And the other Japanese Campione? Well, he can go back to his burger and fries. His day off is officially back on.
So, where are our intrepid heroes heading next? What world awaits them? And does "anything fun" truly mean anything?
Find out next time on: "I'm Goddamn Coping Here!"