Note: This Chapter is Re-Translated on 6 / 15 / 2025
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Chapter 5: Rin—The Eternal Mechanical Idiot—Tohsaka
A crimson sweater, a beige winter coat draped over it, her slim waist delicate enough to inspire protectiveness, and beneath the hem of her black skirt, her slender legs were tightly wrapped in black stockings.
Her long black hair, tied into tidy twin tails, framed a face so dazzling that even the dry chill of winter couldn't dull its brilliance.
Anyone judging her by looks alone would easily score her over 90 out of 100—her only "deduction," perhaps, being the modest flatness of her chest.
There was no doubt about it. She was none other than Rin Tohsaka, one of the three main heroines of Fate/Stay Night.
"Heh~ Shinji," Rin scoffed, crossing her arms and shooting him a cold glare. "Even Kiritsugu-san's heard about the mess you made at the Clock Tower. And you still have the nerve to show your face?"
Shinji's lips curled into a smirk. A glint of wicked amusement flashed in his eyes, as though he'd just recalled something fun.
"Well, if it isn't the pride of Fuyuki—'the eternal mechanical idiot,' 'the girl whose mere touch causes machines to explode,' 'walking electronics bane,' 'perpetually penniless heiress,' 'prime example of what not to be,' and the 'role model all good children are told to avoid!' Rin-san, please be careful not to touch the camera gear during shooting, unless you want the budget to explode."
"...…"
A string of absurd nicknames rained down in quick succession, leaving the nearby crew frozen in place. Several pairs of eyes slowly turned toward Rin, their expressions gradually shifting into subtle disbelief.
Rin's face flushed bright red.
She had only meant to tease Shinji a little using Kiritsugu's words as leverage—she hadn't expected a full-on critical hit in response.
"It's not like I want to break machines!!"
Her wail echoed through the wintry mountain air, a shriek of despair from a twin-tailed girl who had just taken 10d6 psychic damage.
"Ohhh! Onii-chan, is this the famous Japanese manzai comedy?!"
Illyasviel clapped her hands excitedly beside them, silver hair swaying as she giggled uncontrollably.
Nearby, Shirou let out a weary sigh, rubbing his temple with one hand.
Shinji being a walking disaster was par for the course, but seeing the usually proper Rin getting swept up in his nonsense was... something else.
"Illya. Be a good girl and don't learn any of that nonsense."
"Ehh??"
Illya pouted and bit her finger, clearly disappointed.
"C'mon, let's go find Mom and Dad, okay? We haven't seen them in days—they'll be happy to talk with us."
With a bit of coaxing and a gentle nudge, Shirou managed to steer his adoptive little sister away from the chaos.
"Ahem!"
Rin straightened up again, glaring daggers at Shinji with renewed vigor.
"Aww, no need to look at me like that, Rin-neesan~ I'm shy, y'know."
Shinji, naturally, kept up his infuriating grin, completely unfazed.
"Drop that fake-ass smile!" Rin snapped. "Just looking at you ticks me off."
Shinji let out a dramatic sigh, placing a hand on his chest.
"Rin, you wound me. After all, we're childhood friends! We grew up together, didn't we? Even if I went overseas for a while, that bond is still there! Look—Shirou and I get along great, don't we?"
"Don't rewrite history just to suit your delusions!" Rin growled, fire in her eyes. "There was no 'bond!' All I remember is you bullying me!"
"Really?" Shinji tilted his head innocently. "You sure about that?"
"You want me to list it by date, or by severity?"
Shinji's expression soured.
Apparently, this girl held grudges. Big time.
Maybe it was because there was no Holy Grail War in this world, but the relationships between the three founding families—Matou, Tohsaka, and Einzbern—were much tighter than in other timelines. Shinji, Shirou, Rin, and Sakura had all grown up together in this version of Fuyuki.
But their dynamic had always been the same:
Shinji and Rin constantly bicker, Shirou acting as the peacemaker, and Sakura quietly following along behind them all.
"It was just childish squabbling. Are you really going to hold onto it until the day you're in your coffin?" Shinji muttered with a helpless shrug.
"...…"
Rin's brow twitched—always the first sign that she was about to explode.
"Alright, alright, bygones be bygones," Shinji quickly changed the subject, clearly not in the mood to get beaten up. "Let's try to get along from now on, yeah?"
Far from being convinced, Rin narrowed her eyes. His sudden friendliness only made her more suspicious.
"What are you plotting this time?"
"Hey, that hurts!" Shinji flailed dramatically. "Look, I even invited you to be the second lead in my debut film! If that's not sincerity, I don't know what is!"
Rin turned her head with a huff, the faintest blush coloring her cheeks. "Tch... if it weren't for my dad asking me to come, I wouldn't bother. What a pain..."
(If you really didn't want to come, then maybe don't accept the appearance fee...)
Shinji shrugged to himself. After growing up with Rin, he was long used to her tsundere double-speak.
"As for schoolwork," he added, "don't worry. I've arranged private tutors for all you student actors. Starting tomorrow, you'll—"
"Nani?! PRIVATE TUTORS?!"
Illya's shocked voice cut through the conversation like a thunderbolt.
"That's right," Shinji nodded solemnly. "Not just for high school. Even elementary school tutors are lined up."
Back when they were shooting at the Emiya residence, the schedule was manageable—Shirou and the others could still go to school during the day. With a few "club activity" excuse forms, they could shave off a couple of hours without missing much.
But now that the shoot had moved deep into the forests of Fuyuki, all the way to the Einzbern Castle, going to and from school was out of the question. It was a full-blown trek just to get down the mountain.
So, to make sure the minor cast members didn't fall behind academically, Shinji had no choice but to bring in tutors.
He is running a legitimate film crew, after all. And legal regulations meant you had to keep underage actors' education intact.
Illya, however, didn't seem to appreciate Shinji's noble sense of duty. Her small face was a storm cloud of disappointment.
She had come into the mountains expecting no school and full playtime. And now—tutors?!
"Do we have to?" she pleaded, eyes wide.
She was only ten, at the prime age of carefree play and exploration. To her, "studying" was a word uttered only by demons and villains.
"No can do, Illya."
Rin gently patted the little girl's head with a sweet smile—the kind of soft warmth she only ever showed when Shinji wasn't involved.
"You're still young. It's important to study properly. Otherwise…" her eyes slid toward Shinji, "you'll end up like a certain irresponsible Onii-chan whose highest diploma was 'partially completed middle school.'"
It wasn't hard to guess who that was aimed at.
But Shinji simply chuckled, twirling a finger in the air. "Now, now, Rin. You're forgetting that I'm currently an Oxford PhD holder~"
"Whoa! That's amazing, Shinji onii-chan!"
Illya's eyes sparkled with wonder, pure admiration practically radiating off her.
Rin's eyebrow twitched again. "That knockoff degree's nothing to brag about."
She knew exactly how Shinji had earned it.
The Clock Tower awarded its graduates honorary doctoral degrees in linguistics from Oxford—an arrangement made so magi could blend into the mundane world more easily.
To be fair, it wasn't unearned. Most magi were incredibly proficient in dead or obscure languages—Greek, Old English, Sanskrit—you name it. Anyone who made it through the Clock Tower had to be a linguistic powerhouse.
But as always, there were exceptions.
And Shinji was a very loud, very smug one.
He was the type who excelled in practical application, but absolutely floundered at theory. When it came to actual spellcasting and magical constructs, he was borderline genius. But when it came to the dry, theoretical side of things? Total disaster.
Of course, it couldn't be helped.
Shinji's time at the Clock Tower had been limited. His graduation was only made possible thanks to his genius-level aptitude for magecraft.
Which was exactly why Rin always scoffed at his rather suspiciously acquired degree.
"You don't need to worry," Shinji huffed with a confident smirk. "My Chinese is fluent, anyway."
"That's because you've spoken it since you were a kid. What's there to brag about?"
Rin pressed her fingers to her temples. Continuing this conversation was only going to raise her blood pressure.
"Forget it. I'm going to put my things away and start memorizing the script. Since I promised my father, I might as well play the role properly."
With a toss of her twin tails, she turned and headed toward the castle.
"Ah, wait—Rin."
She stopped at the sound of Shinji calling her name and looked over her shoulder.
"If it's not too much to ask…" Shinji said casually, "I hope you'll try smiling more often."
"Huh?" Rin scoffed, the corner of her mouth twitching in disbelief. "Don't tell me you expect me to be nice to you?"
"Not at all," Shinji shrugged. "But hey, there's an old saying back in the mainland: 'A cheerful heart lifts the spirits.' Smiling more is good for your figure, too."
He even winked cheekily at her.
For a second, Rin just stared, stunned.
Then her face turned crimson—starting from her cheeks and spreading all the way down to her neck.
"SHINJI MATOU!! GO TO HELL!!"
Had her jewels not been so expensive, Rin would've gladly used a few to carpet-bomb that infuriating grin off his face.
But by the time she had recovered, Shinji had already slipped into the castle, leaving her behind in a seething rage.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Of course, Shinji didn't head back to his room for a nap or anything relaxing. He immediately jumped into directing mode, overseeing both the Servants and the rest of the crew as they made final preparations inside the castle.
The Einzbern estate was already visually close to perfection, but some adjustments were still needed to match his vision.
For example: to accommodate the lighting setup, some rooms required color adjustments—wallpaper, carpets, even the drapery. Without that, the final film would have issues with color saturation, making the characters visually blend into the background.
Fortunately, the castle's mistress—Irisviel von Einzbern—was completely on board with the shoot. Every request Shinji made, she approved without hesitation.
In fact, she had gone so far as to say, "If you really need to, you can tear down the whole place and rebuild it. It's fine!"
Her enthusiasm wasn't because of some contractual agreement with the Matou family. No—she was just really into the idea of filming a movie.
According to Shirou, his foster mother had a bit of a "people-pleaser" streak. Once something piqued her interest, she became incredibly easygoing about it.
Seeing how cooperative she was, even Shinji—who normally loved taking advantage of others—felt a little guilty.
To repay her generosity, he made a few changes to the script. He added a few more scenes set in the castle and gave Irisviel a small cameo: a maid character who interacted with Illya.
That way, she could enjoy her own taste of movie-making magic.
—Though, if Shinji were being honest, Irisviel wasn't exactly great at acting.
She was too lively, too bubbly—totally unlike what you'd expect from Illya's maid.
"Honestly, the way she smiles… she looks more like Illya's older sister," Shinji muttered, watching the monitor with a furrowed brow.
"Mmm! You're absolutely right, young man. Iri is the best!"
Kiritsugu—who was standing nearby—nodded with the enthusiasm of a man cheering for his wife at a talent show.
Shinji: "...…"
Of course you'd say that, old man. Just keep spoiling them, why don't you…