Cara smirks, though it seems distinctly lacking in warmth or even amusement.
"From your tone, I guess that means you're taking her side. You think I'm being unreasonable." (Cara)
I lift my eyebrows, slightly taken aback by the blunt accusation. I raise my hands placatingly.
"No, nothing like that. I didn't realize there were any 'sides' to take. I'm just...curious." (Mizuki)
She cuts her eyes at me, her tone skeptical.
"Curious?" (Cara)
Though it's clear she doesn't believe me, I just meet her gaze without flinching, my tone becoming a bit firm.
"Yes, curious. I've known you long enough to know you're empathetic, open-minded, and composed, even when the situation makes it hard to be. Can you really blame me for being surprised when you seemed so standoffish and distrusting around Alyse? I'm just curious about your reasoning...if you're willing to share." (Mizuki)
Her expression softens at my words, not enough to signify remorse, exactly, but to the point that I feel I won't be speaking with her in an adversarial context anymore. She looks away, pursing her lips thoughtfully, the soft crunch of dried leaves and twigs beneath our boots the only thing to punctate the passing of time.
Eventually, she lets out a heavy sigh, her amber eyes meeting mine with a heaviness that wasn't there before.
"You've attended nobles' meetings with me, you've toured my family home, you've watched me carry out my typical duties as the Egris house head...you say you know me. Tell me, Mizuki, what do you think? Before recent developments, before we met, what do you think my life has been like?" (Cara)
I furrow my brows, trying to understand the reason for this line of questioning, but I come up short. Accepting that she may soon make that clear anyway, I divert my focus to considering her question. Really considering it.
I reflect on how I've seen her behave during the nobles' meetings, what I saw of her obligations when we first visited Wellick at her invitation, and what little Alyse has shared with me about their family. Truthfully, her life has similarities to what I've seen from Ilina and even Alara – annoying people asking her for things, expectations she never really agreed to, and far too little privacy and freedom for my liking, all barely compensated for by what passes for a luxurious lifestyle in this world.
So, based on my initial impression, my inclined answer to her question is...boring. Her life seems mind-numbingly, crushingly dull. And, to be fair, I stand by that characterization. However, I eventually realize there's something else about her daily life that stands out in stark contrast to that of the Ophelle sisters'.
Family. Friends.
Throughout Ilina's daily life, it's clear to me that she routinely interacts with her mom and dad in a more casual capacity, and even her sister now that the two have somewhat reconciled. Hell, even her relationship with Klaus is pretty friendly. But Cara...
Thinking back on my visit to her family home especially, there was none of that. Her mother is dead, I've never heard a peep about a father, and her brother is apparently so absentee as to curry concern from his siblings. There didn't even appear to be a single servant or guard she was particularly close to. In fact, the most casual interaction I've ever seen her have outside my social circle was with Alyse, yet it was not a pleasant exchange.
So, when I really think about it, if I had to describe what I think her life has been like in one word...
"It seems...lonely." (Mizuki)
My voice carries lingering waves of realization and sympathy, my eyes no doubt holding a glint of pity in them now. Cara, meanwhile, snaps her head towards me, her own eyes widening in surprise. For a moment, she just stares at me, stunned, until her expression shifts into something I wasn't expecting...something appreciative, and distinctly affectionate.
"I guess you really do know me..." (Cara)
Her voice trails off, her gaze full of something more hesitant. As though she's holding back more she wants to say. For my part, though, I'm too confused by the implications of her admission to ponder the meaning behind her behavior.
"Then...why? Why be at odds with the only family you have around? Whatever else I may not know, Alyse clearly cares about you. Honestly, in my unlearned opinion, she seems like she shares your feelings of isolation." (Mizuki)
That much was obvious from the short conversation I had with Alyse about their family history, and from how hurt she seemed by Cara's dismissive behavior when we visited. Also, if Cara's tracking skills are any indication, the two clearly had a healthier relationship in the past, so it's not like they just fundamentally can't get along.
Cara sighs deeply, no longer meeting my gaze.
"As far as I can tell, what my sister really wants is an apology. From our extended family, the elders, and from me for not facilitating it.
"I tried to keep her close for centuries, Mizuki. I spent the first half of my life insisting on her as my advisor, the person I went everywhere with and leaned on for support during my duties. I did it despite the fact that she seemed to constantly squabble with everyone, even when she had nothing to gain, even when I explained how it made my job so much harder, even when I just plain begged her to stop. I did it despite pressure from the elders to dismiss her.
"Yet, for all that, she couldn't let go of that damn grudge of hers. She just took every plea out of my mouth for her to be civil as though I was siding with the elders over her, condoning alleged slights from them that happened before I was born and that I'd never seen any evidence of myself.
"I love my sister, I do, but...there was only so much I could take. I was operating on my own, deprived of growing up with a mom like she did, burdened with making decisions for the entire family by my twenties, and subject to their considerable expectations. And instead of being the one person I could count on to share some of that burden with, Alyse undermined my meetings with her outbursts, put me at odds with many of my cities' Primas, and made me feel like a villain when I tried to alleviate that added pressure instead of blindly admonishing everyone on her behalf.
"So, yeah...eventually I dismissed her as my advisor. Honestly, I thought that could be an opportunity for us. I assumed that, with all the political drama removed, things could be like they were when I was a girl, before I was put in charge of the family. But...Alyse didn't see it that way. What I saw as a fresh start, she took as a total betrayal – me completely siding with the members of the family she felt had done her an unforgivable wrong.
"I couldn't have a conversation with her without that resentment infiltrating everything. To me, it's like I bent over backwards trying to have a relationship with her, and all it ever earned me was blame from everyone around me. Eventually, I just got...tired of it all. I guess that's how things ended up as they are now." (Cara)
For a moment, I don't respond. I just try to digest the magnitude of her unexpected sharing, the sound of wind rustling leaves around us alleviating any awkward silence that threatens to build. After several moments, I'm still not sure what to say.
Cara is over a thousand years old – Alyse, five thousand – and I don't feel like their situation is so black and white that I can just...fix it. If Alyse's grudge with the older members of her family is over something half as bad as I've inferred, then I can understand her feelings. On the other hand, if I were in Cara's position, I'd absolutely feel like she does – she's unwillingly inherited the responsibility of emotionally validating two irreconcilable groups, even if Alyse and the other parties involved don't see it that way.
I must admit, now that I've basically pressured her to tell me all this, coming up short in the assistance department...it kind of makes me feel like shit. Useless, in fact.
Not knowing what else to do, I halt my steps. Noticing that I've stopped walking, Cara stops as well, turning around to give me a quizzical look. Before she can say anything, though, I just walk forward and hug her.
"M-Mizuki?" (Cara)
Her flustered voice reaches my ears, but I don't know how to justify the relatively intimate display. I don't know why exactly I felt like I should hug her, or what it really accomplishes. I just...I guess her loneliness really resonated with me on a level I don't fully understand, much as Nina's once did. I don't want to feel that way, and it sucks to know that she did, and maybe even still does.
Perhaps that is the reason why I did it...in case she feels that way now.
"Sorry, I uhm...I just felt like your situation sucks, and for once I don't know how to help. I guess I'm just trying to tell you that I'm your friend, and...if you're ever lonely, you can count on me. Even if nobody else sticks around, I promise that I will." (Mizuki)
I feel her stiffen slightly in my arms, and after a few seconds of silence, I feel her gently prying herself from my embrace. I look down at her, expecting her mood to have improved slightly. Instead, I'm confused to see a distinctly pained smile on her pale, beautiful face, her conflicted, amber eyes flashing with hints of gratitude, frustration, guilt, and something inexplicable. Before I can fully process my shock at the sight, her unusually fragile voice pierces my thoughts.
"Why...why'd you have to say that to me, Mizuki? How can I...just..." (Cara)
As her gaze pierces me, expectation and frustration warring in her conflicted expression, she seems to struggle with something. Something I can't quite infer or anticipate, leaving me only the more confused.
"What? What did I do wrong?" (Mizuki)
However, it's as though my words are the catalyst for her arriving at a decision about something I didn't even know she was contemplating. She lets out a long sigh, her face relaxing into a smile that seems deceptively serene for the pain still lingering in her eyes. When she responds, her voice is steadier, but somehow more deflated...resigned.
"Nothing...you didn't do anything wrong. I did..." (Cara)
Her words trail off in a whisper I don't quite catch, and I give her a puzzled look. Catching my inquisitive gaze, she shakes her head ruefully.
"Sorry, don't mind me, I'm just being emotional. I appreciate what you said, Mizuki. Thanks for being such a good...friend, to me." (Cara)
Then, like I imagined the past few moments entirely, she forces a charming, playful smile to her face, her demeanor becoming indistinguishable from what I'm used to.
"Come on, we've got to finish what we came here for!" (Cara)
Without another word, she continues walking ahead of me, leaving me looking after her with a pit in my stomach I can't quite explain.
Ultimately, Cara and I walk around for another half hour at most until she decides on a nice little spot for her new settlement. Though our conversation is mostly lighthearted throughout, almost forcefully so, she does end up telling me more about her history with the Egris family at my behest. I recall Alyse telling me a little bit about their brother, Reynard, but I'm surprised to learn the details about his struggles with magic. Considering that he may be galavanting off outside the Elven Kingdom regularly, I can understand Alyse's concern a little bit more now. A lone, magically crippled elf would find himself in indescribable danger if he's visiting human territories.
After we finish, I teleport her back to her office and we part ways with a mutually cheerful mood. Yet, I'm unable to fully shake the feeling that a profound melancholy lurks beneath Cara's apparent mirth.