"I should have thought that through more..." (Mizuki)
Alto raises her eyebrows at me.
"Hmm...maybe. I wouldn't worry too much, though. I'm sure that Zara will understand if you explain everything to her." (Alto)
The unexpected mention of Zara jars me into silence for a moment.
It's about a half an hour after the lightblade incident, and we're currently sitting in the Delmura forest in Nina's old nest. Alyse was unexpectedly muted after the loss of her sword, and after thanking me for everything, she said that she'd like some time alone to think about everything she'd heard today. So, I just showed her to a guest room in the mansion and left her be.
After that, Alto and I decided that we'd come here for a nice little research session together, and I've had just enough time to create a second lightblade fashioned after my katana. Nina, who I thought might join us just for the company, surprisingly decided to stay home, take a bath, and wait until I returned. She said she needed to think, which I found more than a little strange.
Regardless, at no point in the events leading up until now did anything with Zara happen that I could imagine earning her ire. Hence my confusion.
I give Alto a bewildered look.
"What? I'm talking about Alyse! Her precious sword was ruined because of my experiment with the lightblade. Why the hell would Zara be upset with me?" (Mizuki)
Alto gives me a blank stare, then her expression turns pitying.
"You are incredibly dense sometimes, Mizuki. Do you not understand the people around you at all?" (Alto)
I blink.
Did she really just say that to me? Alto? Seriously? Based on the pure obliviousness I've witnessed in the past several days alone, part of me thinks that even if Alyse climbed into her bed in the middle of the night she'd assume that it just because the woman was cold.
Alas, I bite back my retort...it's not my place to interfere in matters of the heart quite so directly. I draw the line at my subtle teasing of Alyse. There's no telling how either of them might take it if I just blatantly out Alyse like that. Plus, I'm honestly not sure if those two are even a good match, or if Alto is attracted to women...or men...or anything breathing.
I give her a terse smile.
"It seems not, so why don't you enlighten me?" (Mizuki)
Alto sighs and nods, as though she's preparing a lecture for a helpless child.
"The lightblade you made is something remarkable – except for its name, of course. Nevertheless, I can't imagine a swordsman alive that wouldn't envy it after seeing what it did today. So, how do you think Zara will feel when she learns that Alyse was gifted one the very first day she joined our group, while Zara has been with you as long as me and still doesn't even know of its existence?" (Alto)
My eyes widen in surprise.
I...honestly hadn't even considered that Zara might react negatively to something like that. Wait, what am I even saying? I didn't consider it because that's nothing like her! She wouldn't react like that! Am I seriously listening to Alto for people advice now?
I give Alto a skeptical look.
"No offense, Alto, but I think you might be reading too much into this. One of the few things I'm confident about regarding Zara is that she doesn't get jealous like that, especially over something like a gift that she was never promised." (Mizuki)
Alto sighs deeply.
"It's not about jealousy, or even the lightblade." (Alto)
Not about the lightblade? What the hell are we talking about it for then?
I raise my eyebrows at her, and she seems to recognize that she's lost me. She purses her lips thoughtfully.
"Mizuki, what do you think Zara wants from you? Why did she ask to join you back then, and what's important to her where her relationship with you is concerned?" (Alto)
Alto leans towards me as she lets the questions hang in the air, her piercing blue eyes searching mine, as if she's hoping for a particular answer. My brow furrows as I consider her question.
Back when Zara joined our group along with Alto, her biggest motivator was trying to help her people develop and rise above exploitation. Her justification for joining me was that she thought it'd help her do so.
I glance at Alto expectantly.
"I mean...she wants me to support her in helping her people, right? She joined us because she thought it'd provide her opportunities to further that goal. I imagine that she wants me to fully include her in our affairs so she can learn, and probably hopes I'll continue giving her more direct aid as well." (Mizuki)
Thought it's brief, so brief that I'm not even sure I see it, I could swear that I see a flash of disappointment in Alto's eyes. But as soon as I think so, her typical placid expression is the only thing I can see, and she merely gives me a subdued nod.
"Those things are true, but you're only describing your relationship with her transactionally...as though it's an alliance between two nations. But, is that how Zara sees your relationship? I know she comes off as quite formal, but think back to the other night, when we decided on you being a Nephilim. What did she say?" (Alto)
I narrow my eyes are her, trying to remember. I glance at her hesitantly.
"She said she considers me her mentor...is that not explicitly pretty formal?" (Mizuki)
Alto rolls her eyes.
"You're missing the point again, Mizuki. Yes, she sees you as a kind of mentor, and yes, that means she wants your support. But what else would someone want from their mentor? What's something deeply rooted in wolf-kin culture? Something that even Zara values." (Alto)
I look away from her pressing gaze, more confused than ever.
Something people want in a mentor...something important to the wolf-kin. Suddenly, it hits me.
My eyes widen, realization starting to dawn on me, and I look back at Alto, my voice subdued by the revelation.
"Respect...approval...you're saying that she wants to know that I see her and her decisions as something to be proud of?" (Mizuki)
Alto's demeanor immediately warms, and her lips twist into a small smile that alludes to an underlying relief at my answer. She nods approvingly.
"Yes, that's right, Mizuki. As silly as it sounds, she needs to know that she's living up to your expectations, and only you can give her that. Have you?" (Alto)
I sit back heavily on the ground, my eyes drifting to the rays of sun glinting off the lake nearby as I mull over Alto's words. She watches me patiently until, eventually, I sigh, frustration infiltrating my voice.
"Okay, I can see what you're saying, but what am I supposed to do? Zara isn't exactly the type for heart-to-hearts or open praise. Also, I still don't understand what this has to do with the lightblade..." (Mizuki)
THUMP!
I'm stunned from my thoughts by the feeling of a crisp flick against my forehead. Bewildered, I turn to see Alto giving me a smirk that somehow seems both exasperated and amused.
"You're just completely clueless about people, aren't you? Honestly, what would you do without me?" (Alto)
Alto's tone is thick with a self-satisfaction that borders on smugness, complementing her staple smirk all too well. But as she props her chin on her hand and studies my reaction, there's a hint of a smile on her lips that doesn't match. I glare at her indignantly, rubbing my forehead in mock-pain.
"Are you going to answer my question, or are you just going to keep being smug?" (Mizuki)
Alto's smirk deepens.
"Hmm...definitely both. But very well, I will spell it out for you...since you need me so badly." (Alto)
I cut her another glare, but she just continues speaking, pretending not to notice.
"Zara doesn't want you to praise her. She's taking cues from your actions, Mizuki. Even when you aren't intending for her to.
"Do you remember when there was the demon crisis, and Zara was the only one you took with you and Nina to the minor continent? How you let her deal with sparring the demon general herself, and she rose to the occasion?" (Alto)
I nod, a faint smile coming to my face at the memory.
"I do...after she won, that's probably the most pride and excitement I've ever seen from her." (Mizuki)
Alto nods.
"Precisely. And whether she ever said it or not, I'm sure that was partly because your actions clearly communicated that you respected her growth as a swordsman. You entrusting that task to Zara was most certainly a form of validation for her.
So, how do you think she felt when you swooped in like an overprotective lunatic today, making a scene about how badly Alyse was beating her? How do you think she will feel when she also finds out that, right after that, you handed over Azura's greatest blade to Alyse without even thinking of her?
"What message do you think she'll glean from those actions, about your respect for her as a swordsman?" (Alto)
As Alto's questions settle in my mind one after another, I remember Zara's seemingly out-of-character reaction from earlier today. How adamantly she tried to downplay the severity of her injuries. Now, though, I can't help but see her response in a whole new light, one that makes me freeze.
"Shit..." (Mizuki)
Alto chuckles lightly.
"Fufufu...I'm glad you finally get it." (Alto)
I glance at her anxiously, all my levity evaporating.
"That's not how I actually feel, though! I don't want her interpreting things that way. What do you think I should do?" (Mizuki)
Alto raises her eyebrows, her expression becoming mildly annoyed.
"Well for starters, you can do what I've been telling you for most of our relationship. You can stop treating the rest of us like children who need your constant protection, Zara included." (Alto)
I wince at her biting tone, unwillingly remembering the exact arguments between us that she's referencing. I nod sheepishly.
"Okay...anything else?" (Mizuki)
Her eyes soften slightly as her lips curl into a rare smile.
"Well, it certainly doesn't hurt to explain yourself preemptively – Zara may not focus on words as much as actions, but that doesn't mean they're worthless to her. Aside from that..." (Alto)
She purses her lips, her eyes becoming unfocused as she considers what to say.
"Hmm...you're about to embark on a lengthy, diplomatic mission in demi-human territory, just the two of you. And, developing as a leader is something that's just as important to her as the sword. So, try to give her some responsibilities and independence on the trip. Don't treat her like an accessory..." (Alto)
Her tone carries a subtle accusation, her eyes piercing me knowingly as she studies my reaction. I can't help but tense at her warning, all too aware that I absolutely would have tried to handle everything on my own, never fully appreciating what the opportunity would've meant to Zara.
Seeing my reaction, Alto offers me a satisfied smile before looking out towards the lake. We sit in comfortable silence for several moments.
"Thanks, Alto...it seems I'm worse at this than I thought." (Mizuki)
She turns to face me, her trademark smirk in place once again.
"That's to be expected. It's not like you had siblings or someone to mentor on your home planet, right? Luckily, I'm here to impart my wisdom." (Alto)
I roll my eyes at her, but I can't entirely hide my lips twitching upward.
"You really couldn't just say 'you're welcome' like a normal person? Plus, you say that it's to be expected, but aren't you an only child, too? I don't really know much about your family." (Mizuki)
I give Alto a teasing smile, expecting her to quip back at me about the alleged hypocrisy. Instead, she seems frozen in place at my comment, an unexpected tension in the set of her jaw. I raise my eyebrows at the sight.
Did I say something I shouldn't have? She's mentioned that she doesn't really have anyone to go back to if she left our group, and premature deaths are exceedingly rare among elves. So, I've always assumed that she's an only child, and that she's not on great terms with her parents. Maybe she doesn't like talking about them?
Alto turns to face me, and for a moment I swear that I can see a conflicted expression, her eyes full of...guilt, maybe? However, it's gone just as quickly as I register it, then it's back to that placid look of hers.
She stands abruptly, dusting her clothes off, and gives me a lighthearted smile.
"Okay, Mizuki, enough stalling...I was promised some research time." (Alto)