Sometimes...I feel like I've failed myself, yet whenever I don't act my age, I overreact to things I say, think, or even do.
I have embodied the thought that everything I think about is a sin from Hell. Call it damned, but I see the overthinking process in my head.
I don't want to stop now, I don't want to continue living myself in a lie I created to protect every mental pain, every emotional torture that goes through my head whenever I speak to those that DEARLY want to destroy the only sanity I have left...Why can't I just be relaxed and open for myself to feel the things I feel forbidden to do?
Lying is second nature, a second-nature defense mechanism, to keep my mother's and my sister's truths hidden from onlookers. Even mine...
I wish to be safe and secure with someone I love without having to pretend or lie. I wish to change my own life or even pass my emotions freely without caring about the world. I make so many wishes, and I know whenever I wish for my dear ones, they always come true, but mine all come last.
I realize I always put myself down first.
I'm tired of being someone who doesn't dare to speak up when my tongue keeps twisting me to refrain in both languages.
I speak true to the words I write here, and I have no intention of stopping now!
I have the RIGHT to write what I want and what I decide to do, even if others don't agree with me.