No, she was most wary of human-controlling Strangers, the Nice Guys and August Princes of the world, the kinds of Strangers that don't remove themselves from your perception, but change it entirely. The kinds that are the most blatant, because they think they have nothing to worry about from the heroes trying to stop them, from the victims that try to make sense of things going wrong.
The worst kind of Stranger, the worst kind of Parahuman, was the type that couldn't be sensed at all. The ones that fostered paranoia, followed by mass hysteria, followed by more paranoia as people begin to suspect each other and their surroundings. The kinds of Parahumans that didn't need to do anything but be themselves and let their power carry the burden for them.
One only has to look at recent history to see why they were coupled together with human Masters in M/S Protocols.
In the 1990s, there was once a Parahuman from Japan who was essentially a living hallucination. He couldn't be detected by any means other than word of mouth, and he would earn the name "Lil Sluggger" for attacking random civilians down on their luck with a baseball bat. This was back when Japan was still prosperous. The hallucinations got so bad that an entire prefecture had to enter a blackout just to counter him.
Another Stranger, from Brisbane, Australia if Missy remembered correctly, could freeze time as long as they held their breath. They trained until they could hold their breath for over fifteen minutes, and would make a name for themselves by "pranking" government officials and random women.
The kinds of pranks that left corpses behind.
Strangers like these, they weren't a threat because of what they did or how they did it. No, they were a threat because they were never caught. Most of Brisbane had lived in fear of being next, of these "pranks" killing another person like the Mayor or a random civilian while in their homes. Lil Slugger was even worse, because nobody knew for certain who he was or even if the blackout worked. Most assumed he died to Leviathan in Kyushu, but for the wary few who still believed…
Well, paranoia was a hell of a thing.
The Stranger that Missy was dealing with, Incognito, was just like that. They were unknown, unable to be perceived or anticipated, mostly neutral for now, but they could be worse. They could be anyone. They could be in the room with Missy right now, able to kill her and her friends, or worse.
And she couldn't stop them.
"Vista."
Missy became Vista once more, despite not being in costume. She looked up at the Director, who was addressing Armsmaster, Triumph, Dragon, and the other Wards, still halfway through taking off their costumes after their patrol.
"Yes, Director?"
Piggot gave her the stink eye.
"I distinctly remember telling you to take the week off. How is it," She huffed, "That you managed to start this clusterfuck all over again? Are you being targeted? Do we need to investigate your school?"
Vista was quick to shake her head, because the idea of her hardass boss and the autistic robot sending a squad to her school full of impressionable children sounded like a nightmare waiting to happen.
"No, ma'am. I," She had to bullshit hard, because she still wasn't certain about Evan and naming him would be premature, "I was just restless to get back in the field. With Incognito out and about, even if they seem to be on our side, I'm worried about what they know, what'll happen if the gangs get to them."
Armsmaster stepped forward.
"Director, I've put her through more tests, and most of them came back negative. She seems to be in control of herself, but…"
"But?"
Armsmaster cleared his throat.
"One of them was contradicted by the scanner. The Stranger had not used a passcode breaker or other means to bypass the security on Vista's phone."
Piggot raised an eyebrow, steepling her fingers together on her desk.
"Then how did they get a message to us? How did they compromise Vista without tripping our M/S protocols?"
At this, he looked uncomfortable.
"Ma'am, according to the tests…Vista unlocked the phone for them. They did the rest themselves, physically."
That caused a stir, and Vista found herself the target of many accusing looks. She wilted, throwing them a defensive glare.
"I don't remember doing that, honest!"
"Nonetheless," Dragon spoke up, "Incognito was physically present at the school at the time of the message. The fact they're using Vista as a middleman between us implies that they are around her age. Have you met any suspicious characters or seen odd behaviors in your friends lately, Miss Biron?"
Vista didn't bring up Evan because, to be perfectly honest, she was the one that came onto him when they first met. The boy had just transferred into the school, sure, but Missy had been the one to seek him out. Even Marko had no reason to interact with Vista at all, if he even knew her identity.
No, he wouldn't have been as friendly or as well put together as Incognito seemed to be. Even if killing the ABB capes was a little extreme, it came from a place of good intentions. She couldn't picture Evan actually committing such acts with just the ability to hide, even if he was the Stranger she thought he was.
However, he does make my senses itch in ways no civilian has up to now. Maybe he really is a Parahuman?
No, this would require more investigation. She would have to step up her game to avoid being caught unawares. Dammit, she was the Mistress of Space! She should have been able to overcome Incognito, her classmates could've been in danger!
"I've been looking around for people out of the norm, and I think I found a lead," Not that Evan knew, "But I don't think anyone I know is the Stranger. Maybe Incognito found out about me and wanted to spook us? It would explain how they know about Armsmaster."
Armsmaster shook his head, projecting a screen on the wall using his helmet. Vista recognized the schematics as one of Armsmaster's most recent projects, one that he needed the software on her phone to decrypt. Neither of them knew what the connection was, or why Vista was necessary, but Armsmaster had suspected that it was a safety measure to ensure nobody accessed the file until it was securely in his hands.
"What is this, Armsmaster? Why are you showing us this?" Piggot asked. She didn't look all that impressed, until Kid WIn made a noise of surprise.
"What kind of unholy nightmare tech is that?!"
Armsmaster was quick on the uptake.
"It is a controlled pico-scale swarm of programmable weapons that targets dimensionally-folded matter. High concept Tinkertech, aimed only at destroying the Endbringers, as it has eleven different redundancies in place in case it touches anything that isn't their target."
"So Incognito is also a Tinker? Or," Triumph got an idea, "Maybe his Stranger power comes from his Tinkertech? What kind of specialty would cause these two to overlap?"
"None," Armsmaster grunted, looking put out, "Because this schematic is the result of my own power. The final stage of it, most likely."
"What?!"
He began to speak over the chaos, trying to get the Wards in check. Vista was horrified, now that she thought about it, because if Incognito was physically present to use her phone, how did they get access to Armsmaster's private projects? Hell, how did they know?
"My power is Miniaturization and Efficiency, as you may know," Armsmaster gestured to a separate design, some kind of control node implanted in the helmet, "It can easily produce something like this given time and significant resources."
"Then why did they have your notes? Why didn't you report this project to the oversight committee, especially if it's an anti-Endbringer weapon?"
At the Director's questioning, Armsmaster went silent. His jaw clenched, frustrated.
"The project, Nanothorns, was in the beginning stages of experimentation and design. Colin and I were working on a prediction program for the Endbringers and hadn't given the Nanothorns much thought," Dragon answered, making the hairs on Vista's neck stand up, "This version of it would've taken years of innovation and hundreds of tweaks just to get right, not mentioning the fact it's been watered down for just Endbringers. Armsmaster could not have created this alone, with my assistance, or even if he'd worked with every Tinker on the East Coast. Which means…"
"Wait, so you're saying…?"
"Yes, Vista," Dragon said, voice solemn, "We can't say for absolutely certain, but this evidence seems damning. Armsmaster did not make this project known, and it could only be produced using his own power. Meaning Incognito has, or at least, is allied with–"
"A power copier," Armsmaster spat out, furious and tense, "One that can jailbreak powers or even alter power expressions."
Silence.
Vista counted up to five, thinking of the implications.
"Director!"
A PRT agent, one from their logistics department if Vista had to guess, ran into the room.
"We are in the middle of a meeting–" Piggot was cut off.
"We're getting reports and calls of a talking biotinker creation on the Boardwalk! There's proof it has the power to grant wishes!"
A power copier getting their hands on a wish granter? The gangs getting their hands on a wish granter? Or maybe…
Is this Incognito themselves? Are they actually a Trump and are now operating in the open?
"It's all over PHO! Kaiser himself posted a one million dollar bounty for it!"
The meeting descended into pandemonium.
***
Today was Arbor Day. Time for a haiku.
"I once had a dream~, where I was a redwood tree~. I am the Lorax~," I sang under my breath, ignoring how Christie gave me a confused look that scrunched up her features cutely.
It was the 29th of April, a warm Friday morning, and PHO was having another meltdown.
Apparently, someone had gotten it into their heads to post everything on the Global Threads rather than Local, and now that there was proof that Kyubey's powers worked as intended, granting wishes that became more and more illogical as time had gone on, it was open season.
The Brockton Bay threads were booming, Kaiser himself posting on an account that got banned immediately, but not before he put a one million dollar bounty on anyone who "secured the honorable creature for the great American people." He got a mixed response there, the typical hate and trolls taking his side to ragebait the social justice warriors. The Asian communities were having a bit of a civil war at the moment, a solid third believing the magical cat dog was a Kami come down to explore Earth Bet and answer prayers, while another third believed it was a Parahuman Case 53 playing at being a Youkai, calling it Inari. The last third just wanted to secure Kyubey for themselves, even rally around it to restore some semblance of the ABB.
To that, I laughed, and laughed, and laughed. It was the highlight of my night, making my depression go away for the amusing few minutes it took before another idea struck me that I immediately implemented.
Kyubey was a massive success, but didn't reach its full potential. So, I swapped out You Are A Dragon for a one point power that allowed me to mimic languages and the other Discount Genie upgrade that allowed you to grant wishes to people who prayed to or referred to you, Mama Mathers style. With this new powerset, I spent the entire week granting mostly benign wishes of people who asked for the mascot, mostly Asians that first night then more as time went on, who were just as shocked to see it as I was of the fact it worked.
I ignored those who intended to do harm, change too much of themselves to be healthy, or those who would be too complicated to complete in a year. I also only offered one wish, saving the other two for if the person wanted to call on my services again.
So began the tale of Kyubey, a play on the word "Kyuubi" that most Japanese people understood immediately. The mascot, to them, was a mischievous and holy guardian spirit, a messenger of Inari, Kami of Foxes and Good Fortune. I spent the entire time from 6 PM Tuesday evening to 6 AM this morning just testing the limits of this powerset, granting wishes for things like protection, luck, money, good health, companionship, and even life advice.
Many people spread the name of Kyubey by word of mouth and, later on, stories on PHO, the tales of a cute talking mascot that helped them through the dark after the ABB collapsed. Hell, when others began summoning Kyubey overseas, stories circulated on niche threads and small forums of a magical fox curing plagues and trauma from the Endbringers, fixing neighborhoods and comforting the lost and forgotten, the lonely and the downtrodden.
What a haul.
For free, I took the bombs out of every remaining conscript who had been living in extreme fear. For free, I offered advice and comforting words to small children and traumatized Japanese citizens who still remembered their culture, their homeland that was taken from them. I plastered Kyubey everywhere, having the mascot explore the world on foot and by air even as it granted wishes.
Then it snowballed once the PRT named Kyubey as the possible reason the ABB fell, their plan to destroy the power grid for the East Coast by unleashing a superbomb thwarted by a wish.
So many prayers came in that I had some trouble sorting through them all, even with the multitasking power I slotted in later on once I learned a few languages such as Russian, French, German, Cantonese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, and even some Thai. I wasn't native-level in any of them yet, but I could reasonably hold a conversation after downloading a year's worth of constant study with no breaks to eat or sleep.
Now it was the morning, the mascot had been put to rest, and God was punishing me for my hubris of doing all this on a school student's schedule. Mostly by giving me the mother of all headaches just before breakfast. I was regretting not slotting in a Noctis package or other power to clean this up, because now I was in the kitchen surrounded by the other kids, in full view of the matron and her cooks. I felt like shit.
"Evan," Christie tugged on my sleeve to get my attention, looking worried, "Are you okay?"
I looked down at her, one of the few children shorter than me, still gripping her Maggie Holt-themed plush animal, and offered her an easy smile.
"I'm okay."
I learned to speak to her just for this moment, for when I finally felt more comfortable around the children I would do anything for. Christie, Jimmy, Traci, Nico, Bianca, Isaiah, Valerie, and me. We were all orphans, all growing together and surviving together in this cruel, hopeless world. We were all toughened up by a life of living when nobody wanted us except to cash checks, where community was built out of necessity and misfortune.
The Deckerwoods, a community that survived the Bad Old Days and the chaos of the Empire claiming our territory, was close-knit.
As much as I wanted to ignore the children in favor of playing around with my new powers, I was slowly coming around to everyone.
"Evan! You talked!"
Christie's smile lit up the room, even as the other kids made jokes and the matron quieted the staff from doing the same. Sister Agatha knew the significance of me talking, how much effort it took to get comfortable enough to speak.
I could see her, from the corner of my eye, nodding approvingly and gloating to the other adults. They were cooking their own breakfast, a hearty meal of scrambled eggs and two slices of toast with butter for everyone. We went through a lot of food each month, but most of the load was paid for by the community pitching in and helping the matron.
"You looked really tired, Evan. Do you want to hold Mr. Magica? He's Maggie Holt's best friend," Christie hugged her little toy, holding it out to me like the stuffed animal could solve every problem in the world. Across the table, picking at his eggs with a fork, Nico sighed.
"Those books are rotting your brain, Hermione. Besides," The Italian boy grinned, all teeth and friendly banter, "Mr. Magica ain't so magical anymore. Haven't you seen the news?"
Christie pouted. She was clearly uncomfortable, whether that be her nickname or the subject matter, I couldn't tell.
"Mr. Magica is cool! That weird monster cat is lame and probably steals souls."
I winced. There was a reason I kept Kyubey away from the orphanage. Nobody summoned him here yet, and the cases of wishes granted in Brockton that were publicly known were all being investigated. Supposedly, Kyubey was being mistaken for the Stranger persona I used to send Armsmaster the finished nanothorns.
They seemed to think Kyubey was more powerful than it actually was, being able to grant powers to itself and others, which honestly, was fair. It was close to the truth but hilariously far off the mark at the same time.
Nobody suspected Evan Marko. However, I would have to be more careful, because granting any wishes without being specifically summoned was a one way ticket to being put under a microscope. Shame that the Deckerwoods were stubborn mules.
"He's a talking cat. That's the kind of things you girls like, right," Next to him, Bianca stiffened, nudging her brother Nico when he continued, "Why deny it? I bet he'll come if you say pretty please and stop being a nerd."
"Nico!"
"It's fine, Bianca," Christie smiled, "Besides, we're strong. It doesn't matter if the cat fairy can grant wishes for money and stuff, it can't give us a family. We've got each other."
The others were content to listen, finishing their food as Sister Agatha hastened them out the door to the school bus. Minutes later, Christie was sent to read upstairs with her tutor and I was pulled aside.
"Evan."
"Yes, matron?"
Sister Agatha looked me up and down, stopping at my face. She must have seen the bags over my eyes, the way I swayed a bit.
"Be careful at school today. I won't send you on any errands, just come straight home and take a nap," She frowned, "Did you sleep at all last night? You've been off all week."
I reluctantly shook my head. Humans, especially children, were not built to stay awake 22 hours a day for a week straight. I was admittedly going to erase all traces of sleep from myself using my powers later, but now that the matron saw my current state, doing something like that might catch her attention.
Projecting my body language, I looked towards the stairs. Sister Agatha chuckled.
"School is important, boy. I cannot have you miss a day just because you chose to stay up late on that new phone of yours," She gently pushed me out the door, "Now, get out there."
I was out on the street before I knew it. Walking towards the bus stop with my frustratingly stubby little legs, I considered how to amuse myself today.
Did they find Dinah yet? Coil hasn't been arrested or even publicly outed and I've given them long enough.
[Metacognition.]
With fifteen little stars gathered together, I slotted in a simple Thinker power. It was basically a weaker version of the Tier 2 power "Omniscient," where one could know the answer to any question about the past, present, or future, with no blindspots. Mine had the usual blindspots, Endbringers, Entities, and Trigger Events, but all the answers I got were one hundred percent accurate, and with practice I could model around my blindspots.
However, that is not what I was doing.
Thank fuck the mutism doesn't trigger when nobody can hear me, otherwise this would be pretty unpleasant.
"Where is Dinah Alcott?"
My answer was more than just an image, more than just a string of letters and numbers. It was a state of mind, one absolutely certain that Dinah was still in Coil's possession and currently unattended. The entire floor she was on was empty, with only Mr. Pitter on call should she demand her "candy."
An idea formed. I knew that I couldn't ask questions of myself that involved Paramount itself, because Metacognition assumed I only had the one power, but I didn't need to.
"How do I cure Dinah Alcott of her ailments, directly or indirectly, within one year?"
And suddenly I knew medical techniques, social gaming, and a combination of currently active capes that could help.
None of this mattered, though, because now I had my plan. I dropped Metacognition and sorted through my stars again. Playing around with certain mixtures up to six points, I decided to mash everything together into a boosted version of–
[Mascot, Genie from Wish.com, Knockoff.]
It worked! I didn't think it would!
Mascot and Genie were both familiar, but I had six points left over. See, my hypothesis was that I could somehow "amplify" powers from the CYOA by making an original power with that exact function, but adding more or less points to adjust its strength.
Knockoff was a one point Trump power that could mimic any power from canon Worm, including the Triumvirate and Scion, but only at the level of a one point power. However, with six points to spend on that power alone, I could circumvent that restriction, including the one prohibiting me from using canon powers that were above Tier 1.
I grinned, spawning Kyubey in his wish-granting glory. I then mimicked Scion's Stilling and pushed it through the mascot, cackling when it spawned a rainbow aura, albeit drastically weakened.
I was tired. I was on my way to school. I was depending on the heroes to save her, I was depending on Dinah to make the right wish, because I couldn't twist it to my desires anymore.
If they can't track down Coil because he's abusing her power, then I'll just deny him her power.
I think it's about time for Dinah to meet the cat fairy.Last edited: Dec 9, 2025569EmmelmpauDec 4, 2025View discussionThreadmarks 6 View contentEmmelmpauThey/ThemDec 5, 2025#86Fucking Murphy.
Vista had the sneaking suspicion that today's patrol was going to be special.
"Keep calm. First patrol's always the longest," Vista said soothingly. She and Shadow Stalker were showing the new Ward, Mayfly, the ropes. It was her first patrol, and honestly, Vista wanted nothing to do with the girl. Not after she terrorized a bank full of people using her insects. Creepy, crawling, buzzing insects. If it were up to her, she'd leave the whole thing to Aegis or Gallant.
Sadly, leaving the two alone was a bad idea, for reasons concerning their civilian identities. Apparently, Sophia caused a Trigger, and that immediately landed her on everyone's shit list, including Vista's. Unfortunately, Piggot listed many reasons for why they couldn't get rid of her, all boiling down to "We need warm bodies to counter the Empire and can't relocate either of them."
This was the result.
"I don't think I'll ever get used to this," Mayfly said to herself.
"To being important?" Shadow Stalker sniped.
"To being the center of attention," Mayfly gestured at the few civilians around, pointing, whispering, and occasionally taking photos of them.
"What, you scared of a few civvies and their photos, Mayfly?"
"If I have to share them with your ugly mug, definitely."
"You little pussy–"
"Hey, how about we play a game," Vista cut in, stepping between the two, "It's called The Quiet Game. Whoever stays quiet the longest wins."
The two glowered at each other, but stayed blissfully silent. They crossed a busier street into the beginnings of Downtown. Vista dared to hope.
They managed to reach the end of the block, until–
"You're a cunt." Vista didn't hesitate to smack Mayfly on the leg.
"And you fail the Quiet Game. Let's try to make it another block," Vista said. Mayfly grumbled something unpleasant.
"This is bullying," She said. Vista sighed.
"You think everything is bullying. Ever since we got your father involved, you've been a menace," Vista lowered her voice, admittedly feeling very bad for the new Ward. It wasn't like she asked to join next to her abuser, "Look, I get it. Being forced to coexist with the person who caused your Trigger is agony. I can't say I blame you for acting out. Especially because Stalker's a genuine piece of shit. I don't know what she did to you, but it caused you to Trigger–"
"Because she can't take a joke–"
Vista smacked Shadow Stalker on the leg. She heard a pained hiss as the hunter stomped forward, out of earshot. Vista immediately became more friendly, losing the stern edge and squeezing Mayfly's hand.
"I'm not saying you two need to be friends," Vista said, placating, but firm, "But this is the job. Your job. We're trying to recruit more capes, even that cat dog bastard, so we can stop the Empire and get rid of her. She's not making it to the Protectorate, anyway, but don't tell her I said that."
Mostly because I'm tempted to wish her into prison where she belongs. Fucking Piggot.
"But why Sophia? Why pick her side over mine?" Mayfly, no, Taylor, sounded petulant, hurt even. Vista sighed, remembering that this was the girl that threatened to kill civilians with black widow spiders, before replying.
"You had either this or juvie, and your blonde friend has it worse for shooting at a minor, even if Glory Girl could take the shot. So please, try to keep things professional, at least for now?"
Vista was twisting the truth a little. Wards weren't really held up to the same standards as full Protectorate heroes when it came to professionalism. Not to mention, while yes, Tattletale had it worse in the beginning due to being under constant surveillance, she was never going to see her abusive parents again. Instead, she got to sit nice and comfy behind the Console.
Speaking of which–
"Console to Route B, there's a disturbance on 36th and Main, near the unfinished office buildings? Apparently the Empire and Coil's goons are tearing each other apart," A bored voice spoke over the comms. Vista couldn't help but snicker.
Tattletale, now Opsec of the Wards, had taken a deal to avoid her parents being notified of her alter ego. Truthfully she didn't have a choice, because she was still a minor who had her GED but wasn't emancipated, so it was either accept a desk job behind the Console, using her Thinker power to guide Protectorate assets to problems before they spiral out of control, or go back to school.
To a teenager that hated being around disgusting kids her age all day, the choice was obvious.
"Vista to Console, any idea what they're fighting over? Combatants? Any capes?"
"You want me to use my power already? I just got done marathoning an investigation into the ABB's financial crimes, I don't think–"
"Just do it, blondie," Shadow Stalker grunted, coming back to them, "We don't got all day."
They heard a sigh.
"Fine, spoilsport. You owe me snacks for this. Pricey ones,"The sounds of mouse clicking and shuffling could be heard, "Let me bring up CCTV, the reports coming in were all contradictory…Okay, so Kaiser's pushing the mercenaries hard. Hookwolf, Stormtiger, Cricket, Krieg, and about twenty professional racists armed with small arms are spread across the block. They're assaulting…damn, looks like they found Coil's base," A short pause, more clicks, "Wait, the Empire seems to be fighting itself. Hookwolf and Cricket seem to be slugging it out with Krieg, and Stormtiger is protecting a VIP, looks like. Seems to be a little girl–What the fuck?!"
The Wards were already on their way towards the conflict, Vista making bridges in space for them to move in, but Opsec's sudden shout cut them off.
"What? What's wrong, Opsec–"
A scream of frustration.
"I have been trying to summon that damn cat dog bastard all week and yet it appears in the hands of that little brat?! Goddammit!"
Vista's heart stopped.
"Console, say again–"
"Armsmaster to Wards, that "little brat" as Opsec put so elegantly is the mayor's niece. Dauntless, Assault, Battery and I will be providing backup, do NOT engage the Empire. Focus on getting Dinah Alcott to safety."
It was only when they approached the warzone, the static of gunfire, explosions, and screaming metal growing louder than their thoughts, that Shadow Stalker spoke up.
"I'm getting a wish."
Vista heard Mayfly choke on her spit, shooting the umbrakinetic a scathing look.
"Excuse me?!"
"The cat dog thing in Dinah's hands can grant any three wishes," Even through the mask, Shadow Stalker looked hungry, her tone greedy, "I figure I might as well shoot my shot since I never tried summoning it."
"For good reason," Vista challenged, "This is the same being that the PRT thinks copied Armsmaster's powers. Who can say what they'll do to you?"
"All I need is one wish."
"That's bullshit," Mayfly yelled, causing Vista to nearly stumble over a building, "Someone like you doesn't deserve a wish. Not after everything you did. If anything, a wish would be better used–"
"By someone like you? Please," Shadow Stalker scoffed, "At least I'm an actual hero. If you used a wish, you'd either waste them or doom us all."
"You fucking–"
"Enough! Neither of you are getting a wish!" Vista pushed them away from each other, already wanting this patrol to be over. She couldn't believe that her fellow Wards would be willing to make use of Incognito like this. Too many civilians all over the world were being played by the wish granter, too many drawn in by how cute it was and what it could do for them. Vista was of the mind that granting wishes took a toll, a price that nobody realized they were paying. She didn't want to think of the implications of another Teacher, one with global range if PHO and the mainstream media was to be believed.
"Vista is right. We still do not know the mechanics of Incognito's powers, or even if this creature is telling the truth about itself. The fact of the matter is, we have found the mayor's kidnapped niece in its company, who probably made a wish to be released from captivity. The most important thing is that we secure her and the creature before the gangs do," Armsmaster's stern voice boomed over the comms. He sounded determined, maybe even a little frantic, "We CANNOT allow Incognito to fall into the wrong hands. We dropped the ball on Coil because of this wish granting fiasco, we can't afford a loss here. Nobody steps a toe out of line, understand?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Good. Let's be heroes."
***
I waited until lunch came around and school let out until I made my move. As today was a half day, and I mostly pretended to nap during my classes, I had ample time to send Kyubey towards where Dinah was being kept. The fact I could phase through matter and shift visual and auditory wavelengths was a massive boon, because as weak as the power was, someone noticing Kyubey would've been disastrous.
Just for kicks, I sent him (actually, was Kyubey even male? I'm assuming they're male, even though the mascot is sexless) through the vents of Coil's base, humming the Mission Impossible theme. The rooms full of traps, security personnel watching cameras, and burly, no-nonsense military men playing cards definitely fed into the atmosphere of the Bond villain base, methinks. I was honestly having a little fun trivializing Coil's entire stronghold, even using only my Knockoff Stilling power. Passing through the laser grid, floating past motion detectors, dodging mines and spike launchers, and disabling turrets and cameras…
This place is a playground!
Whoa, cool it, Evan. Don't forget that you're still technically in public. Focus on rescuing Dinah.
Speaking of, I think I found her cell. As I divined earlier, her entire floor was empty, stank of depression and citrus-adjacent chemicals, and housed multiple cameras and doors. I saw Dinah herself laying in a comfortable-looking bed watching what had to be the PBS, her eyes hazy and unfocused. Next to her was an IV drip, thankfully not in her arm just yet, but looking empty, suggesting she had been dosed earlier. Coil must have been in here recently, because Mr. Pitter was busy talking on the phone in the room down the hall.
I watched the cameras, sensing something was off about them. Moving Kyubey a little closer, I noticed they moved with him, but did nothing to sound the alarm.
Okay, so something is picking up Kyubey, but there's nothing visible to bring attention to. Dammit, I hope I still have enough time, it's not like I can just shut off the cameras--Oh, wait.
I floated the mascot closer and touched one of the cameras watching this floor. It beeped after a second, and coming back around to Pitter's office within view of the camera watching him, I noticed that the security footage was now looped, not that Pitter would notice.
Good. Time to kidnap a child.
I had Kyubey float into her cell, then land at the foot of her bed. Hoping she didn't scream and undo all my hard work, I "popped" into existence in front of her.
Despite her unfocused look, she noticed immediately.
"Candy?"
My heart broke, then filled with rage that I had to push down. Don't get too attached, Evan, you're here to save her, nothing else.
"No, Dinah, I'm not giving you candy. I'm here to give you something better," I spoke through the mascot, cheerful and soothing. Its eyes glowed and changed to kaleidoscopes, a rainbow aura spread over her. I couldn't get everything just yet, but I'll damn sure try. "I'm your best friend, here to grant you three wishes."
Lucidity came slowly, but with it came dawning horror and hopelessness at her captivity. She hiccuped, trying not to cry.
"Is this…What are you? Are you real?"
I immediately leaned back in my main body, isolated in the boy's bathroom. Calm, Evan, calm. You can fix this. She shouldn't sound like that, and Coil's going to die painfully the moment I get her clear of him, deadman's switches be damned, but you're here to help.
Most of my focus went into healing Dinah of the drugs scrambling her brain and doing her body damage. It was difficult, but thankfully Coil hadn't gone and dosed her with anything Tinkertech, just the usual suspects meant to relax muscles and numb pain. It was disgusting.
"I'm very real, Dinah. I'm here to help, just make your wishes and I'll do my best to grant them."
She stared at the mascot with disbelief all over her features, but she seemed willing to try.
'Can you…can you make the headaches go away?"
Fixing her power was easy with Knockoff, especially if I had a full year to do it.
"Easily done. You won't get decimals anymore, but you also won't get headaches either," The mascot tilted its head cutely as I spoke, "Of course, the more questions you ask, the more inaccurate the answers get unless you get more data. Chaos theory and all that."
"What's chaos theory?"
"I'll explain once you're safe. Next?"
"Can I," She swallowed thickly, "Can I refuse to answer questions if I don't want to? Maybe even lie?"
Ooh, smart kid. This way, even if she stays in Coil's employ, she can sabotage him. Not that I'll leave her here, I'm already committed.
"Done. You can refuse questions, and lying about the answers doesn't trigger your power," Kyubey pat her leg with a paw, "There's no need to worry about the bad men keeping you, I'm getting you out of here. Do you want to use your last wish? I can teleport you to your parents if that's what you want."
"Actually…"
Dinah thought about it for a moment. Then she said something that I really wasn't expecting.
"I wish that every time Coil uses his power, he feels the uncontrollable urge to sneeze, and that every time he sneezes, he poops and vomits all over himself, and that every time he eats a meal, it tastes like absolutely nothing and triggers his power."
…
"Can you grant that? Or…Or is that too much?"
What the fuck?
Kyubey was frozen, mostly because I had blue-screened trying to make sense of this last wish and the fact that it was actually possible to grant.
"You really hate the snake man, don't you?" Kyubey asked, because I just had to get this question out of the way.
"With all my heart and soul. He gave me candy. I don't like candy," She pointed at the TV, "He wouldn't even turn off the TV. If I have to watch another episode of Cyberchase, I swear to God–"
But Cyberchase slaps–You know what, fair. Wish granted.
"Done. We should probably get you out of that bed."
Kyubey floated itself and Dinah through the base after that, taking the shortest route through to the least guarded exit. It took everything I had just to shield both the mascot and Dinah from detection, but even then, we were mostly in the clear.
Mostly because Coil had suddenly started voiding his bowels all over his expensive computer, and he had summoned his medical staff to attend to him. Most of his men were avoiding doing their jobs, because the offices started to stink, it was that bad. I did not help by wafting the stench into the vents and causing the entire base to panic.
Eventually, I managed to guide Dinah outside, past the squads of mercenaries at the front, into–
Oh, what the fuck. Why now?! Now, of all fucking times?!
"I knew it! I knew if we went looking, we'd find the little bastard!"
Hookwolf was waiting for us. I couldn't cover myself and Dinah anymore, and we were currently facing a group of armed men and four dangerous capes who just happened to be "passing by," by the looks of it.
Which I call bullshit on, because they shouldn't have been anywhere near here! What kind of plot contrivance is this?!
"Herr Hookwolf, we are here to purge Coil, yes? Finding the wish granter was just a bonus," Krieg's accent was atrocious, and he was blocking Hookwolf from stepping forward. "If Coil had made use of a wish like the rumor said, then we are lucky indeed to run into it. Speaking of which…"
And that's when I realized none of them had their guns drawn, not really. Dinah was trembling, clearly scared out of mind, and squeezed the mascot for comfort with such strength that it would have suffocated had it been biological.
"Honorable Wishmaker, may we have a name to address you by? We insist on a meeting."
Dinah said nothing, and I immediately put the mascot between her and the many, many threats in front of her.
"I am Kyubey, everyone's best friend! I just want to take this poor girl home, she was kidnapped by that mean Coil, you see!"
Krieg nodded, the other three capes looking pissed off.
"Ah, yes, we all knew he was a degenerate, but never how much. Is the girl well, untouched? We notice that she's the mayor's niece."
I shivered in disgust, but that didn't translate through the mascot.
"Coil is having…a very bad time right now. He'll never touch her again," Kyubey was hard to take seriously with its cheery, melodious voice, but I put every ounce of menace I could into that statement. I wasn't going to try and replace Dinah's parents or smother the girl, but even I had a limit to my apathy. Humans were disgusting, one and all, but Dinah was still young. She shouldn't have had to go through what she went through.
"Judging by your tone, Herr Kyubey, you did not grant him a wish?"
"I did not."
Hookwolf started laughing.
"Serves that bastard right!"
He gave us both a wild look through his mask. I could tell he was planning something.
"How about this: I'll personally have my men escort the half-pint home, no kidnapping attempts, no cloak and dagger bullshit. Kaiser would've tried to get greedy, she's obviously a Thinker judging by how she's tremblin', but I'll do you this favor," His tone shifted into something hungry, almost playful, "If you do me a solid, Kyubey. You don't even have to come with us, just grant a single wish of mine."
The other capes gave him the stink eye, Krieg breaking character to snarl at Hookwolf.
"That is not what was agreed, you dumb brute," Krieg spat, "I know you've been trying to get out of doing this job but Herr Kaiser would not be pleased that you tried to short him. The wish granter will come with us to see him."
A snort.
"You were never going to convince it to come with you, not by bringing so many men. Did you honestly think Kaiser would send you if he thought it was possible?"
"I am the most charismatic of our forces! Surely Herr Kyubey sees that this city is diseased, that the Empire will use its abilities best!"
"Ignore his bleating, Kyubey," Hookwolf faced the mascot, "All I want is one wish: To be the strongest cape in the Bay. With me at the helm of the Empire, I can do away with the racist bullshit and focus on what really matters, pride and strength. I can get rid of Kaiser, who wouldn't bat an eye at killing the girl to get to you. I'll even kick out the wimps hiding behind our banner just to escape the law. What do you say?"
Krieg looked about ready to explode, and a good two thirds of the unpowered men were unsure of whose side to pick. Most alarmingly, Stormtiger and Cricket were slowly flanking Krieg, and half the men weren't stopping them, as if…as if they had planned for this beforehand.
Did I just start a coup? There is no fucking way I'm granting this bastard's wish, but he couldn't have known that. What in the name of Murphy's saggy balls is this, Fenrir's Chosen shouldn't have been a thing until after Leviathan!
"Traitor! You seek to take the throne that doesn't belong to you! Kaiser will hear of this," Krieg rounded on his men, "And you! Don't think I don't see those faces! You are disloyal? To ME?!"
Half did not look him in the eye. The other half watched the other men with rising tension, their fingers itching towards their triggers.
"Dinah," I had the mascot say, covering her in a rainbow aura, "We need to get out of here."
Dinah was trembling, but she nodded. She tried to take a step–
"We're not done, don't you move, brat!"
Krieg aimed a Luger in her direction, and I tensed. Hookwolf immediately put himself in front of the weapon, looking brave and gallant and totally not protecting Dinah to sweeten my perception of him.
And then things just got worse.
"Give us the asset!"
From behind, the mercenaries had rounded up and poured out of the base en masse, taking up defensive positions and unlocking laser attachments.
"Boss wants the asset alive," One of the squad leaders barked, clicking off the safety of his assault rifle, "Secure the creature by any means necessary. Take back the girl, all expendable."
That meant they were going to kill as many as they could if it meant getting Dinah back. I couldn't switch powers because I was channeling them through the mascot. If I took the time to switch and found her dead, it would spark a war that'll destroy the city.
If all else fails, if she's about to die, I'll use a wish to teleport her to my side. I don't want to, but I'd rather explain Kyubey knowing some random kid rather than choosing to let a preteen Thinker integral to the world's plot suffer these idiots' greed.
I intensified the aura, keeping Dinah safe in a tight shell that'll prevent kinetic energy from passing above a certain threshhold.
Just in time too, because one of the Empire goons got twitchy, and shot Krieg in the back of the head. Or tried to, at least.
"YOU BASTARDS! KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!"
"WEAPONS FREE!"
The capes charged.
The gangsters fled for cover.
The mercenaries shot lasers.
Dinah screamed.
I sighed.
Fucking Murphy.