Fillory was still buzzing from the duel between monarchs that had nearly turned into Elliot's funeral.
And yet some Somehow, Eliot had managed to broker a deal with King Idri in the final hours of the duel. The deal was… bizarre, questionable, and entirely Fillorian in its logic:
Marriage.
Because, of course, Fillory custom dictated the monarch was entitled to both a husband and a wife "one of each, balanced like a well-stocked salad," as Eliot had put it with breathless sarcasm.
If he hadn't suggested it and gotten an agreement, he'd probably be dead right now.
Magic sword or not.
Margo had watched the whole thing from the stands with a slow-building panic tightening her stomach. The enchanted sword Fen gave Eliot had burned through its magic way too fast. One second he was fighting like a graceful, angry gazelle… and the next he was running for his life, trying to stay out of king Idri's sight and survive long enough till the sword's magic came back up.
She had no choice and had turned to the only other option she had. She has gone to the fairies.
They'd named their price and well let's just say it was a very, very heavy one.
Fen's baby.
And Margo was desperate, furious and terrified had said yes.
Now the diplomatic crisis with Loria was solved, sure. Fillory and Loria wouldn't be going to war. Beautiful. Wonderful. Champagne all around.
Except she was drowning in guilt.
Inside the throne room, Elliot had proudly announced the wedding arrangement. Cheers erupted and the people clapped. Idri held Eliot's hand with regal satisfaction.
Margo turned to leave…
…and froze.
"Shit."
Floating just behind the assembled crowd was a fairy with white skin, white eyes, white gown like a gown made of spiderwebs. Watching.
The price was coming due.
The few Days later — Fillory's Castle
Kai walked through the halls with Quentin beside him, hands tucked in his pockets, relaxed as if he hadn't recently built a supernatural war crime disguised as a lamp.
They pushed open the doors to the throne room and Kai stopped.
Blinking.
"Ohhhh. Wow. It's that time already."
Quentin frowned. "What time?"
Kai shrugged dramatically. "Wedding season."
Before Quentin could respond, a voice chimed in from across the room, "Right you are!"
Eliot was sitting in a tall decorative chair like a very flamboyant judge, tasting food from silver spoons one after another. Each time, his face twisted.
"No. Not good enough. Next.
And that? Absolutely not. My palate refuses to be insulted today."
Margo stormed toward them like a furious, sleep-deprived general.
"Where the fuck have you two been, hmm?"
Kai nodded thoughtfully.
"Oh, you know. Crafting a vessel of eternal suffering. Fashioning a lamp to incarcerate a soon-to-be imprisoned cosmic low-life. Light weekend project."
Margo blinked. "What?"
Quentin sighed. "He wants to turn a god into a genie."
Margo stared.
Stared a little longer.
Then said to Kai while looking into his eyes "…Right. Sure. That's—uhhh—that's fine. Yes. Good luck with that."
She did not believe that. Not for a second.
Behind them, Eliot tossed another spoon aside.
"Bland! Why is everything bland?! If we're going to blend Fillorian and Lorian culinary culture, then taste is NOT what we should compromise!"
Kai raised an eyebrow. "How long has he been like this?"
"Since the announcement," Margo groaned. "And now that you two are finally here, I need to run errands. So you're taking over."
Kai blinked. "Shouldn't you be the one handling most of this?"
Margo stopped, looked him dead in the eyes again, shook her head once, violently and marched out of the room.
Kai stared after her.
"…What?"
Eliot waved a spoon at him without looking.
"Oh good, you're here. Please tell me you know anything about wedding food. Or weddings. Or food."
Kai exhaled.
"This kingdom is going to kill me before Raynard ever gets the chance."
Kai remained flat on his back, staring at the ceiling as Elliot paced around the room. Quentin had been sent scrambling off to find Josh, leaving Elliot with his arms folded, eyebrows raised.
"Wow," Elliot said finally. "So that's what you've been busy with."
Kai nodded without looking up.
Elliot let out a half-laugh, half-groan.
"And here I am stressing over a wedding, meanwhile you guys are preparing to stuff a deity inside a tea kettle."
Kai dragged his eyes toward him.
"Please, Elliot. It's not a kettle. It's more like… a very angry, divine thermos."
Elliot blinked.
"…Right. That's so much better."
Kai waved lazily. "Look, keep things simple. Whatever you decide for the ceremony, don't make it boring. They wouldn't like that."
Elliot paused.
"...They?"
Kai didn't answer. Just stared back at the ceiling like he was listening to someone only he could hear.
A few long seconds passed before Kai suddenly sat up.
"I need to find that half-low, half-goat."
"Ember?" Elliot said.
"Yeah." Kai rubbed his temples. "I've got this feeling he's about to do something… actually diabolical."
Elliot scoffed.
"Says the hybrid magician who wants to turn a living, unbelievably powerful being into a genie."
Kai stood and stretched. "Different levels of diabolical."
He glanced toward the hallway. "Oh, uh Elliot? I'd like to do a sweep of the castle. That okay?"
Elliot hesitated. "Uhh… yeah, sure. Why?"
"Oh, nothing," Kai answered casually. "Just checking for bugs. Paranoia, you know?"
Kai started walking off, then stopped mid-stride.
"Oh yeah, what about that guy in the dungeon? Uh… Bay? Benson?"
"Bayler," Elliot corrected.
Kai snapped his fingers. "Yes! Him."
Elliot narrowed his eyes. "Why do you want to see him?"
Kai shrugged. "Just to pass a message."
———————————————
The Dungeon
The cell was slightly dim with little amount of light coming in and quiet, Bayler sitting on a bench that looked more ceremonial than necessary.
Elliot stepped in first. "Bayler, this is Kai—"
Bayler immediately stood as if to greet them, opening his mouth—
Kai cut him off.
"Oh, it's good to see the guy who nearly killed Elliot."
Bayler let out an awkward laugh.
"Yeah, uh… about that. I've been helping Elliot, actually. A lot of time to reflect, and—"
Elliot raised a hand. "He's changed, Kai. I was even thinking of introducing him to margaritas later—"
SLAP.
A single, impossibly fast motion.
The next instant, Bayler's body slumped sideways, lifeless, with Kai standing off to the side as calmly as if he had swatted a fly but in this case it was a head.
Elliot stared, eyes wide.
"WHAT THE FUCK, KAI?!"
Kai dusted his hands.
"Oh, he was definitely using you, Elliot."
"Wh, what?!"
"Classic slow-burn manipulation," Kai said, stepping over the chains. "Gain trust, act helpful, lower your guard. And then? He waits for the moment you least expect it." Kai tapped his temple. "All this was Bayler softening you up."
Elliot's jaw dropped. "He, he was…"
Kai walked past him without looking back. "Don't deny it. You felt something was off. You just didn't want to admit it."
Elliot exhaled sharply. "Shit… So all that time in the dungeon was what? completely wasted, huh?"
He ran a hand through his hair, then yelled:
"GUARDS!"
The guards rushed in, eyes immediately widening at the sight.
"Clean. This. Mess. Up," Elliot ordered through his teeth.
Kai walked out calmly as the guards exchanged horrified looks, staring down at what was left of Bayler.
Behind them, Elliot muttered under his breath:
"…he couldn't have just talked to him first…?"