[We will have the next 2 days off with no chapters. My drafts are running out and we are getting close to the end of Volume 1.]
[Tell me if you noticed the A.I messing with my stuff, I may have missed something when I proofread it. And thank you for the support guys, really appreciate it.]
[Where is that guy who said that he will give me a genuine critiqal review with no bullshit if we reach the 40th chapter?
I may have unknowingly scared off people from giving reviews with how I go after low star giver's asses lol. But I doubt you guys would read till here without liking this shi to some degree. But don't worry, as long as you make sense and advice me instead of speaking high on a horse then I will genuinely look into your advice and improvise based on that. Sooo, criticise and advice, not whine]
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In a big kitchen that looked quite modern, the hand-painted ceramic tiles, and the spice racks were organized. The knife blocks gleamed under the overhead lamps. The floor was made from polished hardwood.
I approached where the ingredients were ready for me to start cooking, rolling up the sleeves of these annoying tight clothes and cracking my knuckles.
Let's destroy this kitchen with my magnificence.
As a martial artist, cooking becomes second nature if you bothered to learn anything about it. And I have been training with my culinary skills for three years now.
I was well beyond a Michelin Star Chef by Earth's standards and my level is getting closer to those Food Wars freaks, but still not enough to make people schizophrenic.
Shortly, Gordon Ramsey is my bitch.
My fingers moved precisely as I hovered over the cutting board. I grabbed a plump chicken breast, and with a swift controlled motion, I sliced through it.
The blade in my hand moved and each cut flowing into the next, like water with no wasted movements.
When the chicken met the seasoned flour, I dusted it. Each piece of chicken coated with a swift controlled motion that ensured an even distribution of flavor and texture. I tossed a piece in the air, caught it with the back of my hand, and sent it flying into the hot oil I prepared beforehand without even looking.
*Splash!*
'Shit! But it doesn't matter, just a little bit of oil splashing from the breast falling into it.' I thought.
I moved on to the beef next, my hands working the meat into thin strips for the shawarma spit.
I seasoned it with a blend of spices I had mixed earlier... cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, a touch of nutmeg, and something else that I had created that didn't have a name yet, something that would make people question everything they thought they knew about food in this world.
I stacked the strips onto the vertical spit, layer after layer, packing them tight so the juices would stay inside while the outside got crispy and caramelized.
While the spit rotated slowly over the heat, I started on the sauces.
The garlic sauce, then I whisked garlic paste into oil drop by drop, my arm moving in a circular motion that would have made my master Bang proud.
The emulsion came together slowly, turning white and creamy, thickening until it was perfect. The tahini sauce was smoother, nuttier, something that would balance out the richness of the meat.
Then I started on the fries...
Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist!
I waved my fingers super fast and cut the potatoes into pieces with small wind blades, each fry exactly the same size so they would cook evenly and then double-fried them. The first fry cooked them through, the second fry made them crispy enough to shatter when you bit into them.
Then the burgers. I ground the beef myself, mixing in just the right amount of fat so they wouldn't dry out. Shaped them with my huge palms, pressing them into patties that would hold together but still be tender.
The buns I made from scratch, letting the dough rise twice, brushing them with butter before they went into the oven so they would come out golden and soft.
And through it all, the shawarma spit kept rotating, the outer layer of meat getting crispy and brown, the fat dripping down and sizzling on the heating element below. The smell filled the entire kitchen, rich and spicy and savory, the kind of smell that made your mouth water before you even saw the food.
*Clap clap clap.*
"Whooooh!!"
The clan head was cheering for me with wide eyes, his massive hands coming together in applause as I moved around the kitchen like I was performing some kind of sacred ritual to him, which might as well be true with how religious Akimichi's become when things involve food.
They might even be worshipping some burger god or something.
I mixed some of my martial arts forms into my cooking to make it more entertaining to the dude and make a good impression. A little Water Stream flow when I flipped the tortillas, a touch of Whirlwind Iron Cutting when I diced the vegetables.
And it worked, the guy had literal stars in his eyes.
I kept going super fast, my figure making after images through the kitchen.
Onion rings, battered and fried until they were golden and crispy. Mozzarella sticks, the cheese inside threatening to burst out. Chicken wings tossed in a sauce I had invented that was sweet and spicy and tangy all at once.
Nachos piled high with cheese and jalapeños and guacamole. Corn dogs I made super fast for this because why not. A Philly cheesesteak with thinly sliced beef and melted provolone. A Reuben sandwich with corned beef so tender it fell apart. Mac and cheese bites, fried until they were crispy on the outside and molten on the inside.
And the shawarma spit kept turning, the meat getting more and more perfect with every rotation.
Nearly 2 hours Later/
"Annnd here's the last one. Enjoy." I said plainly as I put the final dish in front of the clan head, wiping my hands on my apron.
I looked at all the food spread across the counter, plates and plates of things this world had never seen before, things that were about to change the entire food industry forever.
I patted my own back mentally for inventing all of this. Future generations would retell about the day Hatake Garou brought good food to the masses.
Or maybe they'd just get fat like Americans and then create ass country songs. Either way, I was gonna get paid.
Also, I will make sure the quality of foods being sold stayed the same. We don't want that toxic capitalism enforced by those rats in this world. I love the shape of my nose the way it is.
Lying and deception do actually make your nose bigger like Pinocchio according to Biology. Don't lie.
You are what you think and do.
Or was it 'you are what you eat.' by Malcolm X?
Anyways...
*Clap clap clap.*
"Hohoho, what are all these, Dango-san?! Only the smell of them is going to literally make me go berserk!!" The clan head said with saliva falling down his mouth like a waterfall, his eyes already locked onto the feast in front of him. His hands were actually shaking with anticipation.
I pointed at each dish as I rattled off like an MG42 and said the names. "This is classic pepperoni pizza, margherita pizza, barbecue chicken pizza, cheeseburger with the works, bacon cheeseburger with caramelized onions, a double stack burger with special sauce, chicken shawarma wraps, beef shawarma plates with rice and garlic sauce, lamb kebabs with tzatziki, chicken kebabs with lemon and herbs, Italian subs, meatball subs, chicken parmesan subs, classic club sandwiches with turkey and bacon, BLTs, grilled cheese with tomato soup, buffalo wings with three kinds of sauce, barbecue wings, honey garlic wings, onion rings, mozzarella sticks, loaded nachos with everything, french fries with sea salt, curly fries with cajun seasoning, sweet potato fries with marshmallow dip, fried chicken bucket style, chicken nuggets with honey mustard, chicken tenders with ranch, tacos with ground beef, tacos al pastor with pineapple, soft tacos, hard shell tacos, burritos as big as your head, quesadillas with chicken and cheese, enchiladas with red sauce, chimichangas deep fried and crispy, hot dogs with chili and cheese, corn dogs on a stick, philly cheesesteaks with peppers and onions, reuben sandwiches with thousand island, mac and cheese bites, loaded potato skins with sour cream and chives, pancakes with maple syrup and butter, waffles with whipped cream and strawberries, and finally..."
I paused for dramatic effect, turning to the vertical spit where the shawarma meat had been rotating all this time. I grabbed a long knife and started shaving off thin slices, the meat falling away in perfect ribbons, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.
"And finally, the crown jewel. With extra garlic sauce, pickled vegetables, and my secret spice blend. My perfect creation, I introduce to you, the king of wraps... Fresh shawarma wraps!" I announced dramatically. And to be honest, this Shawarma deserves all the praise because I have put much more energy in creating this than all the foods.
*CLAP CLAP CLAP!*
"THIS IS AWESOME!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!" He yelled.
I watched as he grabbed the first wrap like a beast in heat... warm flatbread, the meat still steaming, the garlic sauce creamy and white, the pickled vegetables adding extra beautiful effects, and the secret spice blend that I had mixed myself with ingredients nobody in this world had ever thought to combine. He took a bite, and the entire world seemed to freeze for a moment.
His eyes went wide. His jaw stopped moving. The universe itself seemed to hold its breath.
I could hear the angels singing the man's name from here.
Ohh, he cried.
Ohhh, he is ascending.
Then his whole body started shaking. Stars and galaxies literally appeared in his teary eyes, I didn't even know that was physically possible, but there they were, twinkling away like the cosmos had decided to bless this man's taste buds.
"W...what... what is this fucking sorcery?!" He whispered, clutching the shawarma like it was the most precious baby in the world. "The meat is crispy on the outside but so tender inside it just falls apart. The garlic sauce is so creamy and sharp it cuts through the richness perfectly. The pickles add this tang that cleanses the palate between bites. And the spices... what are these spices?!! I've tasted every spice known to the Elemental Nations, and I have never experienced anything like this. It's like... it's like... mom???"
He then took another bite which made his eyes go wider, and another, and another, each one sending him deeper into some kind of food induced schizophrenia.
Wait, I thought I was still away from inducing illusions in my foods.
Or maybe his standards are just that low.
Soooo, that means basically, the dude is a manwhore for food.
By the time he finished the first wrap, there tears and snot running down his chubby cheeks.
"I have lived for forty-seven years." He said, his voice thick with emotion. "I have eaten the finest food the Elemental Nations has to offer. I have dined with Daimyos and Kages, tasted dishes prepared by the greatest chefs in the world. But this... THIS..." He held up the empty wrapper like it was a holy relic, which might be to him. "This is the single greatest thing I have ever put in my mouth!! If you told me I could only eat this one food for the rest of my life and nothing else, I would die a happy man!!"
He reached for another wrap with trembling hands, this time the beef shawarma with extra tahini. He bit into it and made a sound that I can only describe as breaking through from first stage of Qi Gathering to the final stage of 'Divine True Dragon Golden Immortal Death Calamity' stage from one sitting of cultivation.
"INCREDIBLE!!!!" He shouted, bits of meat flying from his mouth. "The beef is so rich and deep, and the tahini thingy you called it adds this nutty earthiness that complements it perfectly!! How did you do this?! How did you create something so perfect?!"
He didn't wait for an answer. He grabbed a third wrap, then a fourth, then he abandoned the wraps entirely and just started grabbing handfuls of meat directly from the platter, shoving it into his mouth like a man possessed.
He tried the chicken wings between bites of shawarma, dipping them in the buffalo sauce and then the garlic sauce, his eyes rolling back in his head with every combination. He ate a cheeseburger in three bites, the juices running down his chin, then moved on to the tacos, then the nachos, then the fries, then back to the shawarma.
"AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!" He started laughing hysterically.
"I will go and write the recipes for all of them and how to make them until you finish." I said to the pig in heat, but he was already in another world, his soul ascending to some higher plane of existence where the shawarma never ran out and the fries were always crispy or some shit.
I slowly made my way back to his office to find paper, ink and brush, leaving him to his culinary enlightenment.
---
30 Minutes Later/
As I finished writing down the recipes for all those glorious junk foods, the door of the office opened and the clan head entered with a dazed and disheveled look on his face, like a man who had seen the face of God and found out that God was made of chicken and garlic sauce. He had a smear of sauce on his cheek, a blissful expression, and his belly was significantly rounder than when I had first arrived.
"I wrote down the necessary things and I want to talk business now." I said impatiently to him with my arms crossed, tapping my foot on the floor.
"Huh? Ohh, sorry Dango-san, but those dishes you served are just heavenly! Are they your creation?!!" He came back to reality and said with admiration and stars shining in his eyes again.
"Yeah yeah, just let's talk about the contract quickly and finish this... please." I replied quickly because I already had something I wanted to check on.
"Sorry sorry Dango-san for wasting your time. Please tell me then, how do you want to cooperate with the Akimichi clan?" He finally asked what I wanted to hear, settling into his chair with a contented sigh that shook the walls slightly.
"I want 80% of the profits from what you gain from my creations." I said with an internal smirk, already calculating how much money that would be.
"Deal!" He quickly replied with a huge smile on his chubby face, not even hesitating for a second.
"Huh?" I uttered in surprise while looking at the clan head weirdly. I had expected some negotiation, some back and forth, maybe some haggling, but this.
"Don't get me wrong, Dango-san, but your dishes are so special that I am sure they will become a huge hit for both our clan's economy. And I am sure that we will become very rich, I can say even comparable to the Senju and the Uchiha clans in no time. So even 20% is still a lot. In fact, I would have given you 90% if you had asked. That shawarma alone is worth everything!" He said with a smile while I internally facepalmed myself so hard I almost knocked myself out.
'I should have asked for more.' I thought as I felt my underwear pocket screaming in pain at the lost potential revenue. This guy was a food addict, and I had just introduced him to drugs or crack in bread form.
"And as a clan who loves food a lot, this is the least I could do for my now idol!" He said with stars again shining in his eyes, looking at me like I was some kind of culinary Jesus. "That garlic sauce you made... I would bathe in it. I would build a shrine to it. I would name my firstborn after it if my wife would let me."
'Wtf?' I thought as I felt weirded out and scooted my chair back a little. This was getting uncomfortable fast.
"Okay, thanks for that, but I want to tell you two things regarding this." I quickly said before he could say anything else, raising my index and middle finger at him.
"Please tell, I am all ears." He said, leaning forward with interest, his massive frame making the chair groan.
"First is that I want the money to be sent to my clan's bank account in the bank that's in the capital of the Fire Country, not Konoha's bank." I said, watching his reaction carefully. He narrowed his eyes for a second but still nodded, understanding the implication.
Konoha's bank was too exposed, too easy for certain above people to get information from and not safe to rest your belongings there. The capital was safer.
"Second is that I want you to sell these new dishes under the banner of One restaurant as a whole, then build many chains of the same restaurant across Konoha's districts. Eventually, I want you to spread these chain restaurants to the outside. Maybe even build restaurants in the other countries. I'm talking restaurants in every major city in the Elemental Nations. I want people in Kiri to be eating my shawarma. I want Kumo ninjas to be fighting over the last piece of pepperoni pizza. I want Suna to have a franchise in the middle of the desert if possible. But for now, the fire country is our main focus. I want the whole food industry to revolve around us basically, can you do that?" I said.
He seriously nodded with a hand on his chin, clearly running numbers in his head. "That's... actually brilliant. A unified brand, consistent quality across all locations. People will travel just to eat at our restaurants. We could expand to the capital quickly if the Daimyo give us permission to build restaurants there, then maybe the Land of Tea. The trade routes are already established, and the distribution network could–"
"Yeah yeah, you know this stuff better than me, so I hope you take care of it. That's all I have to say regarding this." I cut him off before he could go full businessman on me. I was a martial artist, not a merchant.
I don't want to bother myself with this stuff. That's why I also asked for Yuji's help. Next time I see him, I will try to hire as many Naras as possible to take care of the business. And by 1% of the shares they will get will be the payment for their services to work for me forever if possible.
"That's a really great idea, Dango-san. With this, so many people can eat this food without traveling far to get to only one place. And imagine the variety! We could have different locations specializing in different dishes. One spot for shawarma and kebabs, another for pizza and pasta, a burger joint, a fried chicken spot... the possibilities are endless!" He said, and I nodded in response with satisfaction.
The guy is an expert, no need to worry then.
"So can I ask for the name of this chain of restaurants, Dango-san?" He said, pulling out a scroll to write it down.
I smiled to myself. "I will name it... Heavens Feel."
Because that's what this food was going to be. A taste of heaven for people who had never known anything but bland stuff.
"Beautiful name. Absolutely beautiful! I'll have the first location open within the month. We'll start with the shawarma and the burgers, then roll out the rest gradually. And Dango-san..." He looked at me with genuine gratitude in his eyes. "Thank you. For sharing this with us and for trusting my clan with your creations. I promise you, we will try our best!"
I just nodded.
---
30 Minutes Later/
"And the contract is complete now, Dango-san! Thank you for your cooperation and for giving the Akimichi clan this chance." He said with a smile as he rolled up the scroll and sealed it with his clan symbol while giving me an original copy of the contract.
I shook his hand with a nod, feeling that the headache of being too poor to freely move lift away a little.
"I will be going now. If you need anything related to this matter, just send a ninja to inform me, please." I said as I left his office and saw a ninja waiting outside on his knees, ready to escort me out.
"Sure sure, Dango-san, please let this ninja escort you out." He said, and I just nodded, following the guard through the compound.
'Sigh, finally this is over.' I thought with a tired sigh as I left for my home.
---
25 Minutes Later/
I stood in front of my house's front door for a few moments, taking a deep breath and preparing myself for whatever chaos was about to happen inside.
Then I slid the door open.
"I'm home." I said as I removed my tai chi slippers and slowly walked inside, my body aching for rest.
"Oh, Garou, you are bac—WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU AGAIN?!!" My mom yelled at the end, her voice hitting that pitch that made the windows shake.
"It's nothing. I just visited the Senju Compound and met Mito." I replied calmly while looking at the ground tiredly, not having the energy for a full explanation.
"..."
Weird, she should still be yelling.
I looked up to see my mom making a serious face which was weird. Usually, she was either smiling or angry, but still smiling while angry.
"What?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow.
"Why did you meet Mito-sama?" She asked seriously with her voice low.
"Can we talk about this later, Mom? I am really tired." I said tiredly, something had been gnawing at me since I woke up in that destroyed room of Mito.
She stared at me for a few moments, her eyes searching my face. "Go wash yourself. You smell like garlic and meat. Actually, you smell amazing. Did you cook something?" She said, sniffing the air around me.
"I'll tell you later." I said, already moving toward the bathroom.
I immediately walked toward the bathroom where there was a huge mirror, taking off my clothes along the way and leaving a trail of some shredded fabric behind me.
The moment I saw my face in the mirror...
"Hmm?" I coldly looked at a long fresh scar that spread across my face from my forehead, making its way between my eyebrows until my right cheek. It was deep, red, and looked like someone had taken a sword to my face.
[Picture]
---
1 Hour Later/
I was eating dinner on a small table with my parents who were staring at me from time to time, which made me annoyed enough that I wanted to throw my chopsticks at them.
"So why did Mito-sama ask for you, Zombie?" Gintoki asked nonchalantly.
"I am friends with her granddaughter and she wanted to meet me because my friend talked about me to her." I said with some fish in my mouth, trying to keep it simple.
*Bam!*
"TSUNADE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND NOW?!" My mom yelled in surprise as she hit the table so hard the plates jumped, her eyes wide as saucers.
"Yeah?" I said in confusion while looking at my mom. Was that really the important part of this conversation?
"Well, it seems you can't control the thing down there anymore huh." Gintoki said with a stupid proud grin that I wanted to wipe off his face with a right hook.
"Ah, shut up." I said in annoyance while focusing on my food.
"Finally 'sob sob' We will have some grandkids, Gin." My mom started to cry while looking at my dad with snot running down her face, completely ignoring the fact that I was ten years old.
No actually, she should be concerned about Tsunade's age not mine, but this is ancient times, people don't give a fuck about what's normal.
"Yea sure whatever, I hope they don't turn out as simp as him. A week in the Academy and he already folded like the sorry ass he i– But let's ask first what he talked about with Mito-sama!" Gintoki immediately stopped the roasting and changed the subject as he saw my huge fist raised and ready to pop his head like a watermelon.
"Well, I had a talk with her and eventually, I asked for her granddaughter's hand in marriage, but she didn't agree. Then we fought and I won." I said calmly and continued to eat, keeping my eyes on my bowl.
"..."
"..."
"What?" I asked as they looked at me with a deadpan.
"Sighhhhhhhhh, Zombie... I know you are a simp, even a blind man can see that, but are you serious?" Gintoki asked as he inhaled and exhaled deeply.
"Do I look like I am joking?" I looked at him, not amused.
"But why? You were utterly humiliated and got rejected in front of everyone by that girl when you were 4, I still laugh at that. Have you not learned? Should I loan you some of my dignity?" He asked and looking concerned.
"You don't get it. My plans are beyond your expectations." I replied with a shrug.
"Yeah, I know, but my expectations for you were always minus zero, beyond that is still within my low expectations. You are still losing Zombie." Okay, this guy is getting on my nerves!
Let's... calm down, deep breathes, can't do something unthinkable, mom is here.
"So when should we visit the Senju Compound to make Mito-sama's granddaughter your fiancée?" My mom said with a huge smile on her face, already planning the wedding in her head probably.
"I will tell Tsunade that when I go to the academy tomorrow." I replied with gritted teeth as I looked at Gintoki, then I grabbed another piece of fish.
"But before that, I plan to invite my friends. Will that be okay?" I said and asked my parents, realizing I had been putting this off for way too long.
"Yeah, bring those dumbasses over." My dad replied nonchalantly, not looking up from his bowl.
"Absolutely, baby! Tell them that I will cook something delicious for them." My mom replied happily.
"Sure."
The End.