"Free. Wake up. We are back..," Milo shakes gently young mans shoulder, to wake him up from his deep sleep.
A bypassing night city view is what Free finds himself looking after opening his tired eyes. While shaking the last remains of his dream world he straightens his back, rubbing his eyes. Because there was still much to do in Z city until they could start heading back home, the long day has already turn to night. Finally, after two days stay they have arrived back to X city. That short period of time was very hectic, totally leaving Free exhausted enough him not even remembering half of it. Like there was a fog cloaking his memories.
"I'm so envious you can sleep so soundly. Lend me some of that power," older smirks when he turns his focus back to driving.
"Right.. You really haven't slept at all? How you can do it? I would be exhausted..," Free awes and stretchs his aching neck. Kind of mutually admiring his superiors power to look so energy without sleeping three full days.
"It's called insomnia. I just can't sleep even if I want," Milo educates then, changing ramp.
"Can't sleep? At all?"
"With some hard drugs I can. And with alcohol. Sometimes I just pass out when I've been up too long."
That sound so weird. Free swear he might go insane if he couldn't sleep. "Is it, like, stress? Then you have to relax. Forget everything. Eat some chips and watch a movie. That works for me." He gives a friendly advice while smiling.
"That is exactly what I'm gonna do tonight," Milo snorts, being both sarcastic and serious. He knew that would never help in his case but it doesn't sound that bad either. He might actually do as he was counselled. "There is something I have been wondering, just because. Never got a change to ask." Young man next to him hums, waiting to hear others serious sounding question. "That electricity breaker you used in the CID building.. When they arrested you.. You didn't make it yourself, right?" What all Milo knew about this kid, he sure was smart but not that book smart. You need to understand physics to make something like that, or at least know a middle school level electrotechnology. It looked like a home-made school project to him. About something this uneducated young man very unlikely understood a bit. "Where did you get it?"
To get to hear something that nostalgic take Free back to the times he still live with his brothers. How Free among their youngests was leaning on their oldest and his home schooling sessions. Without that person Free could not have even learn to use his laptop, nor know how to break in CGBs site and make a good use of those cameras around their city. Kain was the one behind all that, being the actual brain of everything they together have done. But that fact is something Free has never confessed to anyone. Not even Don. "It was not mine.."
"Was it your brother?"
The look on Frees face speaks for himself. When young man doesn't really want to admit it but can't really deny it either because lying to Milo felt wrong and inappropriate. So he doesn't answer straight. "We used it on christmas. Because my little brothers loved it. I didn't need to know how it works. Just how to use it.."
"I'm not gonna use it against him. I was just curious," Milo snorts, reading the room. "How it survived from the fire? Your house burn down."
"Before I live there I live in my basement. Under a bar. It's my first home. And my stock. Those kids found and used and broke everything so I kept stuff out, kept them in my stock," Free explains while looking quite melancholic to recalling all that. But he still smiles because not every memory from those times were that bad. "I have a gun too. Stole it from some gangsters."
"If you are keeping guns, please, give them out. It's better than someone else finding them..," older sighs, not that surprised from others confession, but still feeling quite dumbfounded. After all streeters were streeters. Even this kid who was now pretending to be something else. But still having his wild heart. "Before we arrive.. Do you wanna talk about it? Today." They were already near the area where Dons apartment located. Last change to sure other was okay with the situation before their tomorrows actual meeting where they will go through the case outright as an educational sitting. To close it for good.
Talk about the case? "Not really," is Frees straight answer. When he first was very unwilling to let go of the case now he rather not even think about it. For now he just wants to go home. Take a damn break. The closer he is from home the more uninterested he grow about the whole case.
Knowing he doesn't have to worry would kids guardian take it from here, Milo shortly hums back. That will be the very first thing Don makes sure to do. "At Vipera Cafe. Two o'clock," Milo reminds other when he stops the car in front of Dons apartment building. "You want a ride?"
"No, I'm good," Free reaches his bag from the back and opens the door, stepping out. "See ya."
"See ya. Try to rest."
While standing inside the moving elevator, stretching his arms, Free could finally feel more relaxed, finding his inner peace. What Milo said earlier, about him overthinking and so letting himself feel lost, now Free could definitely see it too. After getting some distance, he could think clearly again. Feeling even a little ashamed. Overthink shouldn't be part of his vocabulary. That's not like him at all. To prevent that from happening again he really needs to grow more. As a SE. And as a person.
When the elevator door opens again Free is already in a better mood, just reminding himself how he kind of just drive the case through quite easily. In there he was in his element, performing at his best. This afterward happy feeling was his prize from performing good, from reaching his goal. And the ultimate prize would be the praise from Don. But since it was plenty over midnight, Don might be sleeping already. Man wasn't out yesterday when they last time spoke and Free recall him saying he wouldn't be going out tonight either. He should be home. Sleeping.
And that is exactly how Free found him. Older guy lying on the couch, with his daytime clothes on, eyes closed, sleeping soundly. What Free wasn't expecting is the mild smell of tobacco around Don. When young man drops his bag down the floor and sits next to man, he could also smell a scent of beer from Dons breath. Older has definitely smoked and drunk some beer before going to sleep. Something he rarely does here, or more like never. The reason behind was clear; to get through something what bothers him, calm his nerves, ease his mood.
If just needing to befriend with other kids and live in their world under cover with a smile was enough to slightly mess Frees mind, someone like Don, jumping in a role far from his own personality and hanging out with some seriel killer, must be feeling even worse. Free hasn't really seen his act but he could easily tell from others changed appearance being there was simple hard. 'Playing with fire'. That's what man was doing there. No matter how highly he thinks about Don, about his own Boss here, Free couldn't help but feeling uneasy. If Don himself questioned his own plan but at the same time was very eager to just jump in shouldn't those contradictions be enough reasons to stop him? Was Free wrong letting other do as he please?
No, like Free has a choice really. When there's something Don want nothing will stop him. Man might be his, but when it comes to work Frees novice level experience against his Bosses was incomparable. Free simple has no right to mistrust him. Nor doubt him. Not in personal level either.
Not when Free himself was the one who broke in others closed world. Forced other open up. Just to give Free a better life. Give him his place to stay. That fact was bitter but very clear. Something what took Free some time to realize and accept. To think he needed to have that distance between them during the training to finally see it. Don was totally right when he said Frees feelings were blinding him. But he wasn't blinded from how he thinks about Don. But how other thinks about him.
Free takes his place next to Don, leaning his face against others chest, hugging him. This man plays to be his. But if Free wants to break that original deal between them and make him totally his, he needs to grow faster and become someone who this guy can't walk over. Only then Don doesn't need to worry about him among everything else man was smothering in. Only then they can become equal. And only then Free can say this place is really his. Simple and Clean. Just like how Don thinks.
Well, his first real case really open Frees eyes. Just two days in the field and he learnt so many new things, about himself and about people he met. Plainly, he still has much to learn. So much to figure out still. Oh, how much he wanted to just shake this guy up and cry out, make other straight up things to him, like he always dose. Clear his head. Go through what all happened. Tell him he did great. Say he's proud..
With a tired and slow movement Free touches others cheek with his fingers. Yeah, that's not how he will grow up. That childish attitude is not how he will surpass Don. But be spoiled by this man doesn't feel bad at all, so it's very hard to let go of those habits. Free wants Dons touch. His attention. His everything.. That Sakari Ihan making his man falling asleep on the couch cigarette smell on his clothes is simple unforgivable. Only Free has the right have an influence on Don. Only he can hurt him.
"I'm home..," Free whispers, closing his eyes, leaning his body even closer against others. "Welcome me back. Please." But of course man doesn't answer. Pain killers he was having were at least as strong as those hypnotics Milo offered to Free earlier, making man completely out. That was good too. At least so man doesn't have to feel the pain he was tolerating. It's something inevitable. Which leave Free even more embarrassed from how vainly sad others purposeless ignoring make him feel. How twisted his thoughts could be.
Even when man was right here next to him Free was feeling awfully lonely. Just this wasn't enough anymore. He couldn't feel the usual warm wave inside his chest. Can't stop missing him. Can't shake off all the shit he was still feeling. Not until he gets to hear others voice. Calling out his name. The name Free once hated so much he abandoned it. But because it still exists between them, now he wants to hear it more than ever.
- - - -
Last night Dons mind was still a mess, making his head ache. These different feelings from excitement to irritation filled him, leaving him just hanging. It was a strange feeling. Keep leaning on something he's been so careful not to show out before, but now it was more like beneficial to use. And the same time he made sure to act like usually in front of others. Make sure he is in control. When in reality he really wasn't that stable.
Going so far, taking risks, all were worth it; Don got eventually closer. But that was also too much to handle; fighting back against his nature wear him out. Leaving him in state he wanted to yell his feelings out, but really didn't know how without getting physical. First time in a long time his thoughts were wandering. His ability to control his mood was notable lacking. To be constantly charged from a very different reason he has used to corrupt his line of thought even more. This tension muddle in him. Making him seriously think highly about his target rather than dislike him. Like Don knows exactly how other is thinking and they couldn't be more mutual.
But that is a bit of a distortion. While Don moves his fingertips on Frees hair, calmly staring the ceiling with a sunrise pattern from the window drawn on it, this morning showed everything more clear again. As long as Don doesn't let other drag him too in to his world he should know where to draw the line. He should know his role. Or his annoying little lover here might really follow him down. That he would really hate. Create a conflict between himself and the only one who he really treasures. Who he really fears losing.
Free moves a little, rubbing his face against Don while continuing his sleep. Older isn't that sure when exactly this kid came back home. It wasn't even six am yet when he woke up so it's pretty early still. Don is totally awake now mainly because of others presence, he couldn't dare to fall asleep anymore. Like fearing he would lose precious seconds with Aki if he now closes his eyes again. Feeling the warm body next to him simple filled him with calm. When everything is right here where they belong. Under his eyes. Now he can think more clearly.
Sakari Ihan. That man trys to make Don feel like he was years younger, understanding nothing. Just a nobody. That's how man does it. Raising himself above others with this old, wise man figure he pretends to be. Not that he could blind him, but Don needed to borrow some of his younger lovers cocky attitude just to stand him, to not show how annoyed he sometimes deeply felt around the man. Acting humble was a must. Men like Sakari reguires that kind of attention. He needs someone to show how 'awesome' he is after holding it all in so long. And when you can make them careless around you that is the very moment you bite. Don knows his mirror. Sakasi has many similar habits as him. Being very precise. Has a simple office. Has his pens in line on the table.. That all sound very familiar. Having control is how they both live.
But so far Don can easily say that was pretty much all they even have in common. Deep down they couldn't be any different. This one thinks he has no need to hold back. He thinks he doesn't need to be afraid of anything. He is unstoppable. It's his high complex which will destroy him eventually. His thirst is uncontrollable in all its control. That is why Don found him too. When he became too arrogant. Boldly showing his face around wrong people a third party could easily spot him and question him.
Needing a comparison, or in this case someone like a pupil or an apprentice, will be Sakari's doom. As long as he thinks Don is lost with his mind and needs to be pointed to 'the right direction', he will keep Don close, without Don needing to do really anything from now on. Just appear once in a while. That will do the trick. Keep up an act.
A natural pretender can smell pretense from far. The biggest pretender lies right here next to him. Don got him down from highs too. And look how nicely he can behave now. Pointing out how useful kid would be if he chose to use his skills for something greater than gta around his neighborhood was just a slip of the tongue back then, but it generate a whole new page of life for both of them. Something Don never expect to happen. And while it still was something he struggle with in an acceptable level, there is no way to go back. This weird kid is already too precious to lose. Which is why he needs to be careful too. To make sure he will get back home safely from his own case.
Slowly moving his hand from Dons chest to touch mans face, still half asleep young man breathes deeply out before mumbling out. "You smell smoke.. Did something bad happen?"
There is no way try to embellish his words. "I just.. felt a bit cranky. And lost. So I needed to calm my mind," Don admits, taking a gentle hold of others hand. "Welcome back, Aki."
Free hums. Smiling. That voice was all he wanted to hear to feel satisfied. "Is it over?"
"No," Don answers shortly. "But the rest should be easy. Just make him confess all when the time is right."
"Good. I'm pretty much done here too. So rush it. I don't wanna share you anymore..," Free finally raises his tired look up, meeting with others eyes.
While looking straight to Frees blue eyes Don doesn't say anything for a while. Free was also quiet, kind of calculating others tired appearance. No way man was just feeling a bit cranky. That's his hangover face. Inches from blowing up. "Without you I could not have done this," man speaks then, showing a calm smile. "When I feel lost or about to move too far, you pull me back. That's the chain you have on me. I can't see it, but I definitely feel it. It works fine."
"Now what is that..?" Free snorts. Yeah, that is definitely others sentimental mood taking over.
Without answering, Don just keeps petting others hair. Now that other is finally awake, he wants to fill his mind with nothing but Aki right now. To escape from the anxiety in him. "How about your case?"
Now younger sighs and lows his face back down. "I was right from the start. Or, Kain was right.. They messed things up. Killed their friends."
"Wanna talk about it?"
Right now Free doesn't even want to remember it all. Yet just last night he was so eager to share it all, go through it with Don. Such a sudden change of mind only impart closing this distance between him and Don was all he need to clear his head. "Not really. I'm fine now..," he quietly notes. And sounds suddenly more energy when he adds the rest. "It wasn't all just shit. I got to meet Kain again. And really learnt a lot. Didn't go waste. It's all for experience." Broadening his horizons, gaining new skills and developing a deeper understanding of the world he wasn't yet that familiar with are what his rookie time under CID is all about. It's an unavoidable road he needs to walk to get better. In everything.
"You have really grown, haven't you?" Don then suddenly states out. Sounding somehow surprised even. Which made Free immediately react back with clicking his tongue, to show that comment felt like an insult against his very grown ass self.
"Just now you realized..?"
To clear what he meant Don rushs to explain. "I just haven't told you. What I've been thinking. It's not just your body, but what's inside your head too what has become so much stronger," he points Frees head. "I'm afraid you might actually know me better than I know you anymore. Pretty sure it was the other way around not long ago."
Now that Free took as a compliment, showing a wide smile while rolling himself to sit on other. "You are mine. I have to know my lover. To keep my control," he points out, dominantly pushing Dons left hand against the pillow behind mans head, squeezing his fingers around it. "Really, you think I haven't get to know you already? I know you the best."
Don hums. Without resisting others bossy act. "It's normal I guess. Totally expected. Still.. It feels.. weird. Like I am really just now realizing how much you know about me. And you are still here. Haven't run.."
Other must feel very tired. To start thinking such old stuff. "You know I will never run from you. Told you that a million times..," Free sighs, straightening his back, intently eyeing other. Maybe the one needing a listening ear wasn't Free but this guy. "This case. That man.. Maybe it's you who is growing here. You seem kinda lost.."
What an interesting thing to say. "You might be right. I'm learning more from myself, while using him." A short quiet moment and Don speaks again. "What you said before.. About me suffocating.. I never really thought about that before. Not like that. 'Cause I have kept myself still. I don't have that kind of urge he has. But I indeed do search ways to silent.. my mind. It's addictive.."
What was truly scary is how this imaginative kid could open his eyes more than all those countless hours spend sitting inside those different examination rooms doing different tests. All he learnt back there was to close up even more, to make sure to hold it all still instead of trying to understand himself better. When all he really need from the beginning was to just face it. Stop lying to himself. Stop pretending to himself and be honest about his feelings and desires. Blinding himself for the sake of control has never been the best solution. That Aki taught him to see. "Sakari sees it differently. It's his drug. What he needs. If I had met him a year ago.. I might have willingly walk his way rather than my current here. Guess I was very lucky when I found a way stronger obsession than my bad habits are. Someone who holds me still," now Don touchs Frees face, looking very calm. "The strongest drug I could possible have.."
Young man tsihs smiling, isn't so sure should he be on the alert after hearing Dons straightforward statement. Or was this calm a good thing? How exhausted other kind of looks like doesn't somehow match his overly calm appearance. Clearly man isn't his usual self. But still kind of is.
"Sure, it feels nothing if there is no reason," man keeps then, closing his eyes for a moment while sighing deeply. "If I can't justify it.. Then it's just a crime. You made me review my thoughts, is there a possibility for me to actually be like him. If things in my life have went differently I definitely could be like him. No doubt." Once again Don searchs Frees skin to touch. Like searching comfort. "Only my will to keep my life in right order prevents me from going further. If I burn my way, you will follow me. That I don't want. Ever."
"Then keep it that way..," Free whispers back. Dons words scare him a little. Man was talking shifting. Hearing what he was actually thinking sometimes cross the line Free's prepared to face. But that was better than other avoiding to speak. "I have just found a nicer way to live. With you. Would like to live so the rest my life."
That sound lovely. And still very distance. Like a false idea that might fall apart any second. "I'm scared I might have accidently teach you behave like this," older points out then, like just stating the fact. "Approve me. Look up to. Accept my ways too easily. That's wrong. So wrong. I'm sorry about that."
Man still dares to doubt him?! "Bullshit!" Free curses, looking now angry, shaking the last of his tiredness off. Non other has the right to define how he feels. Not even Don. "I was away for four months. You weren't there teaching me anything. I had time to think things through so forget that shit. I accept you, not the things you have done. Because it's you. You are mine."
"Really?"
"Really," younger keeps, not into hearing more nonsense. "I know in your eyes I'm still just a kid. But I'm trying to take responsibility like an adult. About my own life and choices. And about what I did to you.."
That last sentence didn't sound right, leaving Don puzzled. "What you did..?"
Free just shows a smile. Doesn't answer. "I see you the way I want. Accept you the way I want. Not the way you 'teach'. It's really annoying when you still see me as this cocky kid, but maybe I deserve it. I kinda screw up before. I know my place.. I will get better."
"I see." That is pretty much all Don could even say. As always the moutful return from Aki was sure to silent him. No way to talk back. Not when kid could make it sound like he indeed knows what he's talking about. He is truly confident, proudly standing behind his straight words. A quiddity of his nature Don truly adore about him.
"From this I won't back off," when Free was sure his words get through, he gets more relaxed again. But doesn't save his words. "Just give up. And do as I say. What ever I say. I will look after you from now on. So you can stop deciding everything on your own."
This kid is full of big words. But Don doesn't mind that a bit. More like it's always very refreshing to have him around, see the world from his simple and naive sounding point of view. Don admits he himself could be sometimes very stubborn when it comes to following his rules, leaving no room for negotiation simple because he felt the most comfort when knowing everything would go as he plans. Still ironically he found himself sometimes trying his own limits. Challenging himself and those rules of his. Proving he still isn't that well mannered even after all these years. But just hiding. And when there is another person trying his patient, forcing him to compromise and face his varying feelings daily, Don couldn't but start feeling more relaxed eventually. The addiction he now has, in all its miscellaneous, could totally blind him.
"You really think weird things inside your head," Don then says, adoring how manly soul this young man has. He will gladly let other decide over him. Let him try his limits. Anything. As long as Aki stays with him. "Do you feel jealous again? Should I drop out?"
Like that would ever happen. "No. It's your job," Free tsihs, carefully landing back down to lie halfly on Don.
Don hums. And takes other under his arms. Closing his eyes. "I was planning to meet Mark today. Give my report. Should I change my plans? Spend the day with you?"
"Sounds like you want me do that. Using me have a day off..," younger points out, so reading others mind. What he would hate more than be left behind alone is to disturb others work plans. Even when it was damn tempting to power harass other and remind who is more important here, Free would never do that. That would be so immature. "Too bad. I'm seeing with Milo. Two o'clock."
"Hash out the case?" When Free just hums back Don continues. "Then.. Let's cook something later. I want to hear all about it."
Once again Free answers with a hum. Without both of them saying more a peaceful silence fell over the room. Younger was listening the calm heartbeat under Dons chest. And some distant lazy Sunday morning traffic sounds from outside. Him slowly falling into this state of calmness. And close to sleep. While man he was lying against keeps fondling his back.
Even when their position felt very nice and restful, Don couldn't fall back into sleep as easily as the other. His mind was already too awake. Now going through all what needs to be discussed in their upcoming meeting. Or rather be stated out. Confessed out. How Don has exclusively run his case, others in his unit overall knowing relatively small part of it still, will automatically provoke some disagreement and perhaps even resistance after bringing it to the table. Even when Don has a complete report, having everything under control so far, this level of investigation work is usually done by teams, not alone. And there is a good reason for that. To keep a proper line between the case and people working on it.
Don needs to get prepared mentally. He might not be liked by his other co-workers in the building because of his cold, imperious and unconcerned attitude when it comes to literally work with him, but Don rarely cause bummer among his own unit. And he will definitely pay for his selfish actions way or other.