About a week had passed since I decided to sleep without Priyanka's help.
Since that day, I have been practicing meditation and reflecting on my emotions for 20 minutes a day.
Thanks to that, I was able to regain a little of my self-control.
My screen time had gone down, and even though I was still pretty impulsive, I was better at noticing when my thinking got twisted and could keep myself from getting too caught up in it.
While there were still many problems to resolve, it was undeniable that I was making progress.
As I used less of Priyanka's schedule, it became common to see her more immersed in her work.
Even now, I could see Priyanka analyzing documents while talking with a patient through her laptop.
Doug had also been sleeping with Priyanka since I stopped, and the atmosphere in the house had noticeably softened.
I was experiencing firsthand the results of my actions, and that also brought me a sense of satisfaction.
However, not everything was perfect.
I looked at the girl who was watching me draw with interest. Unlike before, Connie was now showing her presence without hiding it.
I looked at the scene with a little regret.
The price to regain this bit of progress was getting involved with one of the people I should avoid at all costs.
Maybe because of the discussion I had with Priyanka, I had truly been out of my mind for an entire week.
I tried to avoid her and do things on my own, but due to clear physical limits, it was almost impossible to manage everything.
That's why I inevitably came closer to Connie, who showed a surprisingly proactive attitude in helping me.
Until last week, it would've been unimaginable to see Connie and me clinging together, but these days, she was the one moving my wheelchair or bringing me snacks.
Maybe that was the reason Priyanka was quite lenient about my actions.
Initially, she looked troubled, as if she were watching her adolescent son finally entering puberty, but when she saw me and Connie getting closer, her expression softened, and she didn't try to urge me to sleep with her.
She would occasionally go to the hospital during the afternoon instead of at night like she used to, leaving us alone for a while.
But all these changes came with the price of staying with Connie.
I had indeed become a little more independent from Priyanka's care, but I was far from truly gaining total freedom in my actions while relying on Connie.
Still, it was the first time in three months that any of my plans had worked, so I tried to see it in a positive light.
If things were working as they were, it was best not to think too much about it.
'There was more than a year until the original anyway.'
I comforted myself with such irresponsible words, leaving the problem for an imaginary future self.
I knew this behavior was destructive, but I preferred the current situation over giving Priyanka more problems again.
I opened my notebook and checked the notes.
[ ⋆˚࿔ Action Plan to Avoid Certain Death And Live Happily Ever After 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ ]
[Main Goal: Find a way to recover your senses, even cracked, and enjoy your life while delegating the processing of this data to an external compartment.]
➤ [✔] Sleep without Priyanka's help.
The moment I saw the list item checked off, I could barely contain my smile.
The first step was already done. Now it was time to think more carefully about my next moves.
As there wasn't any external compartment available, my focus naturally shifted to my rehabilitation.
I decided to list my senses one by one.
[Current State of the Senses]
[Vision: good]
[Movement: partial]
[Hearing: nonexistent]
[Speaking: nonexistent]
I removed both taste and touch because there was no viable solution, and they were not vital to my life.
I also divided the senses into levels: nonexistent, partial, good, and excellent.
The first was [Vision].
Usually, I simplified my vision to basic shapes in everyday life, using more energy only when I wanted to check the color of an object or enjoy each episode of Super Drill Adventures.
There was room for improvement, so it wasn't excellent yet.
I couldn't see very far, and when I focused on something, I lost track of my surroundings. This had caused many problems and misunderstandings before, so it was something I definitely needed to fix.
But not today.
I could already live quite well with my current level, and the other senses needed more of my attention.
I looked at the next element on my list.
The second was [Movement].
I was able to move my upper body to some extent and even make careful movements with my hands. However, I couldn't stay standing for even a second before losing my balance.
My mind would quickly overload trying to keep so many parts functioning at once.
I had to repeatedly adjust my body at superhuman speed.
While I could do this without issue if my energy and gem were intact, the reality was that it was impossible in my current state.
But that didn't mean there was no hope. Maybe I could still walk if I could automate the process.
The only problem was that my gem was small, and there was a limit to how many partitions I could create. If I truly wanted to move, I would have to overcome that limitation and find a more efficient way to automate my processes.
However, there was no point in focusing on that right now. I could already get around with my wheelchair, just by pressing a few buttons.
My real focus was on the two senses I hadn't yet addressed: [Hearing] and [Speaking].
My goal was to bring both to at least a partial level.
They had one thing in common: sound waves.
To hear and speak, I would need to both interpret and reproduce sound waves.
To do this, I had to expand the influence of my [Appraisal] skill to detect air movement and identify sound waves.
This wasn't impossible, but it would naturally consume more energy.
For passive listening, the only way was to have more energy. Since my energy was limited, I had to draw it from other sources—but there was nowhere to get more.
I already used my energy to maintain my human disguise, see, and perform daily movements.
I couldn't give any of that up.
So the only solution was to reduce the cost of these processes by making them more efficient.
However, that wasn't something easy to achieve, much less quickly.
So I shouldn't focus on passive listening at this stage. Instead, I should focus on an active process. That was the most feasible option in my current situation.
As for [Speaking], the Gems' base bodies already had good vocal cords.
The problem was that I had lost the ability to manipulate them naturally.
The only way to modify my body was through my [Transmutation] ability.
Like [Appraisal], I also used [Transmutation] regularly to maintain my human disguise.
Modifying external materials came at a great cost. I had to fully understand the structure of a material before I could change even a small part.
But the same didn't apply to my body, which was made entirely of dark energy.
[Transmutation] worked by using dark energy to manipulate matter, so the cost of modifying my own body was much lower. It depended mostly on mental strength and a small amount of energy.
This was different from the natural shapeshifting ability that Gems possessed.
The Gem's shapeshifting ability could be applied almost passively, though it was limited. You couldn't change things like the shape of your gem or your skin color—it only affected your form.
My ability didn't have those limitations, but it required far more mental effort. I'd lost consciousness several times before because of it.
In this case, the ideal would be to use my gem's natural ability, but that was no longer possible.
The ability's connection to my body had been completely blocked, leaving me with only my base form.
While that sounded terrifying, it had advantages. If the ability had been damaged but still connected, it could have directly affected my base form.
I was only able to maintain my form because, within my gem, there was something like ROM memory—a permanent system that always ran as long as energy kept coming.
It would be a lie to say I wasn't frustrated. Why do I have to rack my brains just to do something as simple as open my mouth and speak?
However, that was the only thing I could do.
To speak, I would use [Transmutation] at all times in conjunction with [Appraisal] to recognize sound waves, manipulate the air through my lungs, and shape my vocal cords and tongue into the correct positions for each phoneme.
I had no idea how long this would take, so I decided to focus on one thing.
[ ⋆˚࿔ Action Plan to Avoid Certain Death And Live Happily Ever After 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ ]
[Main Goal: Find a way to recover your senses...]
➤ [✔] Sleep without Priyanka's help.
➤ [ ] Reach partial level in [Hearing] (NEW).
➤ [ ] After that, reach partial level in [Speaking] (NEW).
Two new items had been added to my list.
I decided to focus all my efforts on practicing [Hearing] first. That way, I could concentrate solely on identifying sound waves.
It was impossible to speak unless I mastered listening.
By limiting my goals, my mind became clear again. Focusing on just one thing was truly liberating.
Now that I had a goal, all I needed was a method.
After some thought, I finally began writing again.
➤ [ ] Reach partial level in [Hearing].
▷ Research more about sound waves (NEW).
▷ Develop a way to identify sound waves (NEW).
Two lines were added beneath my goal.
My knowledge of sound waves was very basic, so it was worth researching further.
Normally, I would watch videos online. But from my experience with learning meditation, I learned something important.
The knowledge in videos is very superficial compared to their original sources.
Videos are made to be simple, short, and entertaining. But what I needed was a relatively deep understanding.
So I had to change my approach this time.
I shifted my focus from the notes and steered my wheelchair toward Priyanka.
When I got close to her, she was still deeply focused on her documents.
I pinched the edge of her sleeve, and her attention naturally turned to me.
At that moment, I felt something snap in my mind. What I was about to do was extreme, even for me.
But pride aside, I had to do what needed to be done.
I looked straight into her eyes and held out the notebook with the cutest posture I could manage.
[Mom, I need an allowance.]
And I appealed to her emotions to give me money.
Books weren't cheap after all.
*
Author's note
A lot of people were confused, thinking Patreon was for paid members. Again, you don't need to pay lol; you just need to log in and join the community. I post content daily there and extras (for all members). You can also be part of my planning. Today, the members voted on Asha's first song, for example.
Thank you for the 160 members, both free and paid <3. And, special thanks to Faruk Ereng and Jordan Brown, I Love You. But do not feel forced to donate this every month, you can always downward or cancel, feel free.
And for you, I hope you liked the chapter <3.
Next chapter: 08/10 at 3 PM (GMT-3).