Hello guys, its been a while I know.
2 months? 3 months? Yeah it's been a very long time.
First and foremost—no, the series isn't discontinued.
It's more like a unofficial hiatus.
And yeah let's address the elephant in the room, "why the hiatus?" Well, some things happened to me. This is gonna be a long read so please, do bear with me.
So in our school, we have an exam every first week of the month. We finished that exam and my classmates decided we should go out and eat outside.
We were supposed to just eat, but one thing led to another and we got in our way to go to the mountain near the place. As you guys know, roads towards mountains are composed of turns and corners. So during the last corner, the turn was sharper than I anticipated and I, or we (because i have my female classmate as back ride that time) crashed. Luckily, just before we crashed, I managed to brake and slow down just enough. Additionally, my motorcycle also hits the mud instead of the concrete wall, so it didn't really received any significant damage.
How did I crash some of you might ask. It was a combination of things and ultimately, ego. I was getting left behind, so I tried to catch up with them. Unfortunately, during the last turn, I was going way too fast and underestimated that turn. When the corner suddenly tightened, I was caught off guard. I abandoned my lean (though not totally 'cuz I was still slightly leaning) and braked. My rear wheel locked up, and we low sided.
Honestly, I wouldn't have crashed if it weren't for these two things: First is that I stay in my lane way too much and secondly, I didn't trust my machine enough.
During that last turn, the thought going on my head when the corner tightened was "my motorcycle cannot lean deep enough to complete this turn," which is why I braked. Lastly, when taking a corner, I always stay on my own lane. My mindset is that there will always be a vehicle on the opposite lane and to be fair, if I'm given the choice between hitting another vehicle or crashing on my own, I would choose the latter. But again, because of that mindset, I also shot my foot by limiting the choices that I can do. If I didn't have that mindset and gambled for the opposite lane, I could've saved us from crashing.
In the end, the cause of my crash is still because of my ego and wanting to catch up with my classmates. The blame is all mine.
It was my first crash and as you guys can guess, I was shaken. First off, I didn't have any injuries, same goes to my classmate. By the end of the day, all I have is a sore leg, back, neck, forearm, shoulder, and ankles. We all decided to not tell our parents that I crashed for obvious reasons. Now comes the part of why it affected me so much. To be honest to you all, if its just me who crashed? l'll even laugh it off. But the problem is, that was not the case. I have a backride. My classmate. My bestfriend. She was crying and shaking hard that time, clearly shaken. She trusted me, my classmates trusted me, their and my own parents trusted me—and I feel like I broke those trust.
More than that, the thought "I almost killed someone because of my mistake" came into my mind. I mean, if I didn't brake hard enough or we didn't hit that mud and instead hit the wall, who knows what kind of injury we'll get? I was very thankful that her head didn't hit the road or anything.
Again, I was very shaken. It's safe to say I was also slightly traumatized. For an entire week, I can't sleep properly. I'm always sleeping past 3 A.M. The event kept rewinding in my head, reminding me of my mistake and keeping me awake.
It also didn't help the fact that some of my classmates started treating it as a joke, even until now. Sometimes I laugh it off, but it was still a sensitive topic for me.
I resented them.
By how much? Sometimes a lot, sometimes just slightly.
I was like "can't they get a clue that I'm affected by that accident? Are they that insensitive?" and stuff.
I want to confront them and set boundaries, but I want to do it in personal. But unfortunately, every time they do mention it, it was those times where the mood is good. As for times where my mood is bad, the topic is mentioned on our group chat.
Though, I did snap at them one time. Though not the full on long paragraph or angry kind of snap. Just a sentence or two of informing them that I don't like what they are doing. From then on, they are more selective of their words when mentioning that accident. Though, I'm still frustrated that I must speak up first before their insensitive asses get the clue.
And if that weren't enough, my life hit some rough patches during those times. Though, I would rather keep these personal problems strictly to mine.
So yeah, life's been pretty mean to me during the past months.
So as a way to cope, especially on the first few weeks after the incident—I started distracting myself. I kept playing games until midnight. I sleep late because I want to make sure that once I close my eyes, I'll be immediately asleep or at the very least, I won't spend too much time getting reminded of that event again. To make it worse, I can't go to the gym since our budget was tight that month.
I tried making chapters too. But unfortunately, when I try to think, the memory of that day kept crossing my mind.
Even so, I decided to keep writing. But the chapters that I make never meets my expectations. I feel like I could've made this and that part better.
Even then, I kept writing until eventually—chapter 34 is ready for release. But just before I finish the final touches, I realized something. Perhaps due to the lack of sleep and mental exhaustion—the pacing of that chapter was wrong. In other words, I jumped or skipped over an important part or scene.
So in the end, I have to remake the entire chapter. Which is also when I have concluded, I'm not fit to write right now.
It'll be either the work I produce won't meet my and your guys expectations or, I might just end up ruining this fanfiction.
Though yes, I should've given you guys a heads up instead of just disappearing suddenly—which is an asshole move I admit.
I was actually letting the comments pile up instead and then read them later. Excuses? Perchance. Though, I still replied to some when they appeared on my notifications and caught my interest.
So you guys might also want to ask that since it's been, 3 months I think? How am I now.
Well, better than I initially was I guess.
Does that accident still bothers me? Yes.
Do I still get frustrated when my classmates mention the topic and my mood is bad? Obviously yes, even when my mood is fine.
To conclude this entire shenanigan, I would like to share that we went to that place again yesterday—minus that female friend of mine. I don't want to go, but decided I might as well to ease some of my fear to corners. But this time, I wasn't the one driving—it's my cousin. He was the one driving on the way to the destination, while I drove on the way back home. Thankfully, no further accident happened. Thanks to my cousin, I also learned that my bike can lean more than what I thought it can. Also, during the ride, I confirmed that I am now slightly afraid of taking corners. When my cousin was driving, I get nervous when he takes a corner. When it was my turn driving, I slow down too much before taking the corner.
Well, I spoke too much.
Anyways, that's all.
Again, I apologize for not speaking up and giving you guys a heads up. I'm sorry for also not creating a chapter for a long, long time, especially since we are near the end of season 2.
I sincerely apologize.
I can't exactly tell when I'll officially be back, for I do not want to give promises that I'm not sure I can fulfill.
But what I can promise, is that I won't abandon this work.
Again, thank you for y'all's patience and understanding.
I wish you all good health and luck in life.
Our glorious queen Alfia would be back.
Again, thank you to all of you.
I'll be back.