If he could rewind to a few months ago, he would.
Adjusting the navigation settings in the van to exclude this location and automatically return to Julien's residence, Andrew sighed.
Even if he couldn't, if he could maintain this level of control—even during a full moon—that would've been enough. Then he wouldn't need to break his contract like this.
Catching a minty scent at the edge of his senses, Andrew pulled out of the van and turned his head.
"What's this Ted?"
Remus leaned against the body of the car with his arms crossed.
"Ya know you have to come back right?"
"I'm not leaving."
Andrew shut the door to the van while Remus stared at him with a pleasant smile on his face.
"Bristles can't leave either y'know."
Andrew stared at him. From their first conversation until now, this person had been nothing but vague.
"Explain."
Remus tilted his head.
"I have."
Andrew shook his head. As the subject of his original bond, he would seek out Julien during a full moon, meanwhile Remus would attempt to supplement what Julien lacked. However—
"Is supplementation impossible without Julien?"
Remus tilted his head, then with a short 'Aha' his finger tapped against his arm.
"It is."
Despite the smile, Remus's eyes narrowed to a near imperceptible degree. Andrew understood immediately.
A sensitive subject.
"If you bond with me, will the original one break?"
Remus simply chuckled.
"I wonder? Maybe I'd tell ya if you stopped tryna separate the subject, goliath."
Then the answer is no.
Remus tapped his shoulder and nodded towards the building so they could walk and talk. Andrew glanced at him before following.
There was really only one way to speak to someone like this.
"Answer the following questions with concrete numbers."
Limiting the range of answers.
Remus rolled his eyes. Andrew asked his first question.
"Likelihood of personal survival without subject's phenos?"
"Even after gettin' warnin' after warnin' you're still askin'?"
"That is not a number."
Remus's smile twitched and he furrowed his brows.
"…Roughly 5%?"
Pointing at the lounge door so that the other could open it, Andrew asked his next question—ignoring the grumbling of the werewolf beside him.
"Likelihood of personal survival with only your phenos?"
Remus gave him a look.
"…About the same?"
"That is not a—"
Pressing his hand against Andrew's mouth, Remus pushed open the door and scoffed.
"Yeesh, you're such a fuckin' square."
Plopping down on the couch, Remus patted the seat next to him.
Andrew sat across from him, causing the other to huff.
'Do I have rabies or somethin'?'
He definitely heard something like that just now.
Andrew opened his mouth to ask the next question when Remus raised a finger to his lips.
"I'll explain it special just for you so cut the shit Teddy."
Crossing his legs he began.
"With either of us missin' you're as good as dead capeesh? With both of us…"
He rolled his head.
"Imma be for real with ya, the chances aren't much higher. Maybe 20, 25%?"
He licked his lips.
"Well, that's what it is 'cause you went and bonded to your little boyfriend."
"We're acquaintances."
Remus smirked.
"Really now? Well he musta taken real good care of ya for it to turn out like this."
Andrew furrowed a brow.
"Explain."
"Nope~"
Remus smiled sweetly.
"With your death ticket as good as signed, why don'tcha quit bein' such a stubborn little mouse and just accept it?"
Andrew's nose twitched. Remus stood up.
"If you die, your worries will all be for nothin' anyway right?"
That's if I die before Julien does.
Opening the door leading into the hallway, Remus revealed the very subject of their conversation standing just outside—Julien. Wrapping his arm around the smaller man's shoulder, Remus gestured towards the sudden guest.
"Taddah!"
Andrew bit into his cheeks to keep himself still.
How did he?
Shoving Julien into the room and shutting the door behind them, Remus crossed his arms.
"Wow~ looks like the doors won't open until ya'll hug it out."
Raising a hand to his mouth, he let out a fake gasp.
"Should I grab a camera?"
Julien looked back at him with a frown.
"Would it kill you to be gentle?"
Grabbing the redhead by the back of the neck, Remus dropped his falsetto and threw the other on the couch beside Andrew.
"I'd bleed out in seconds."
'Asshole.'
Julien muttered something under his breath while shifting over about a handspan away. Briefly checking on his condition, Andrew turned away as Remus began the next round of dramatics.
Remus peeked at their unamused faces, dabbing fake tears from his eyes in the process.
"While you two were pussyfooting around each other, I got kicked out, unbelievable right?"
Sitting beside them himself, he pouted.
"Then I come back and what's this I hear? The princess is getting ready to flee?"
Julien frowned.
"More like I'm trying not to."
Tilting his head to look at Andrew, Remus hummed.
"Or so he says, yet look at this guy?"
Andrew pursed his lips. What was this? An intervention?
"It's safer."
Remus clapped his hands and stood up.
"Oh, is it now? Yeah it sure is right princess?"
Julien furrowed his brows.
"Probably… not?"
"Ding ding ding! Separation means death, collaboration means death, but what's this?"
Remus dropped the theatrics and continued.
"This isn't a democracy. Your opinions don't matter."
He pointed at Andrew.
"Especially not yours."
Andrew stared at his finger then raised his eyes to meet Remus's own. He briefly considered leaving for the forests on his own.
Though the likelihood of collateral damage from total separation… was high.
Turning his head as Julien tapped his arm, he sighed. Currently, whatever blocked the other's scent last night was applied at this moment as well, making it a bit easier for him to think rationally.
Part of that rationality was whispering tempting words of self-preservation.
Julien opened his mouth.
"Think about it this way. If we can both live up until the moment your contract ends, then you won't need to concern yourself with me anymore right?"
Andrew blinked. That was… furrowing his brow, he glanced off to the side.
Technically true.
If his only concerns were fulfilling his contract and staying alive then it made sense…
"…"
He waited for the other to finish speaking.
"There's only an illusion of choice here Andrew. I… if I can, I want to help you."
Lowering his gaze, Julien wrung his hands together.
"Don't even consider me for a second. Do you want to live? Yes or no?"
"…"
Want… is a strong word.
He looked away.
"I have to."
Julien shut his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Raising his head, he looked to Remus.
"Problem solved. We can go now right?"
Remus had at some point sat across from them with his legs crossed. Rapping his finger against his knee, he offered them a tired smile.
"I'll drop in soon anyway so whatever. Just get out."
Nodding, Julien stood up and offered his hand to him.
"Let's go home and take a long nap first okay?"
Andrew stared at his hand.
He didn't understand him at all.
"…"
He opened his mouth but no sound came out.
A long nap…
Did he look tired? Or was it something Julien wanted for himself?
Sighing, he took Julien's hand and stood up. Staring down at the other's face, he squeezed his hand hard enough to hurt.
"If you die, I won't follow."
Depending on his answer… he continued to stare at Julien's face, ready to restrain him if the need arose.
Julien blinked up at him and smiled softly.
"I don't expect you to."
Tapping on the hand holding him hostage, Julien's smile fell into an almost… melancholic form. Again, Andrew failed to understand the reason.
"No matter what happens, I won't hold it against you. Will you let me go?"
Loosening his grip, Andrew looked down at Julien's scarred hand. What was it the other was hoping for exactly? He… what did people normally do in situations like this?
"…Yes."
Unable to sort out a correct answer, Andrew quietly walked away.
For now, I'll recalibrate the settings.
Ignoring Julien who followed him out to the van, he licked at his canines and didn't open his mouth the whole way back to Julien's apartment.
—
Parting ways with Julien at the entrance, Andrew entered his room before shutting the door.
"Perrita."
He took a step inside, then two, before realizing she wasn't there.
Ah.
She was still with Mrs. Graves.
If she'd been left alone for several days without anyone watching her he would've regretted it. Honestly at this point… she might've been better off with someone else.
I wonder if she'd be willing to adopt her…
Shaking his head, Andrew unzipped the bag he had over his shoulder—the one Julien packed in a hurry only for most of its contents to be useless—and pulled out his dirty laundry and personal amenities.
Rattle
Pausing, Andrew reached into the bag once more and pulled out a small yellow packet. Reading the label, he quietly put the item back and closed the bag.
I'll return these tomorrow.
Moving to place the bag at the end of his bed, he caught his reflection in the mirror and paused.
"…"
Approaching his reflection, he looked at his eyes.
They didn't turn back.
They weren't as bright as they were when he transformed, but they were no longer black either. A color closer to burnt maple than scorched amber was staring back at him.
Raising a hand to his eyes, he sighed before turning away.
Staring at it wasn't going to change anything. Besides, the first thing he asked when he woke up a few days ago had a very clear answer.
There's no way to turn back.
…
Solo dormiré (Let's sleep.)
Stripping himself down, Andrew picked up his towel and headed for the bathroom. Warm shower, ambient music, silent thoughts.
He would take a nap just like he was told.
—
Andrew opened his eyes.
[ 2:17 A.M. ]
The apartment was silent.
…
Reaching for his phone, he opened his chat history with his employer and scrolled to the top—to one of the first messages she'd ever sent.
[Mrs. Michaels]
Take care of my brother.
Timestamp October 31st, XXII'75
It was a message sent well before his first meeting with Julien, but it was one he could sympathize with. He'd left a similar request with a friend years ago.
Though the request meant nothing in the end.
His younger sister… Vivian had still died.
Drafting a message, he stared at it for a while, wondering if he had it in himself to do the same thing to someone else. In only 97 days from their first meeting until now—far from taking care of him—all he'd done is make things worse.
Tapping his nose with his phone without hitting send, Andrew sat up.
He'd made things worse, right?
Recalling the worn down appearance of his charge the first day they'd met and what little he'd heard from his sister… Andrew pursed his lips.
Fixing one thing while breaking another wasn't what I was supposed to do.
Sighing, Andrew closed his eyes and hit send. Just once. If the two of them could be fine after this and separate healthy, happy, and on relatively decent terms…
He could lie just this once.
[Andrew]
The previous issue has been resolved.
Staring at the message for a second longer, he added one more thought before getting up.
Contacting Mr. Rubane is recommended to check psychological stability. When you get the chance, a phone call should suffice.
Shuffling through the room, Andrew picked up his laundry basket and moved it beside the front door. Glancing at the stairs, he reminded himself to have Julien do the same before they left tomorrow.
Nodding to himself, he brewed himself a cup of tea before setting off for the study. Cycling through the books, he landed on a familiar one and picked it up.
The Cello'd Orchestra
It wasn't his personal favorite, but it was something he needed to keep reading regardless. Glancing at his phone, he sat down on the recliner with the novel in one hand and his tea in the other.
And he waited.
Ding!
It was only after he'd finished the first chapter that he received a reply.
[Mrs. Michaels]
Noted.
Staring at the message, Andrew placed his phone down and moved to wash his cup. When he returned, there was another message waiting for him.
He'll need a refill on his medication soon. Take him.
Then she sent an address.
Making note of it, Andrew sent a new message of his own.
[Andrew]
Understood.
Then he put his phone back down and re-opened his book.