= Sarah POV =
I got up from the table and went over to Chris' room. I knocked for a moment and then pushed open the door. I looked around the room to find Chris sitting at her bay window seat, staring out at the city in deep thought.
I walked over to her and sat down, patting her leg.
"Hey, what's gotten into you? Tell me honestly, are you ok? Are you upset with me?" I asked.
Chris tore her eyes away from the city skyline to look at me. Her lip trembled as if she wanted to say something but thought against it, turning back to look out the window as she sighed. She leaned back against the window sill, running a hand through her hair before she finally spoke.
"It's just that the reality of you being here temporarily is finally setting in. This entire situation was because you needed a place to stay. Even when you were tricking me, you did have your own apartment. I don't know how to say this, but," Chris said, turning to me, her eyes glassy, as if she was holding back tears.
My eyes grew wide. I had no idea that our arrangement was affecting her so much. I started to say something but stopped as Chris reached out and grabbed my hands, looking down at them and then up at me.
"I'm sorry you had to see the kind of relationship I have with my mom, but maybe you can understand why I have so many issues around people staying in my place for free. However, when it comes to you, I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay, you don't have to pay rent. I make enough to cover both of our expenses and even enough to afford kids if we were to move in that direction… urgh, what am I trying to say here?" Chris said, releasing me and walking up and down the room.
I gulped at the mention of kids. 'Why was Chris talking about kids? Did she want to have kids with me? We weren't even dating. If we were to have kids, who would be the one carrying them? Did she want me to carry the child? Did she want to get me pregnant?' I thought, confused and a little…turned on.
I felt my face get hot and I rubbed my cheeks, trying to calm down. Trying to think of something *anything* to wipe the thought of her getting me pregnant out of my head. Sure, IUI or IVF isn't exactly sexy, but there were things before and after that which kind of were…
I shook my head further. 'This was getting too much. I needed to play this off. Diffuse the situation!' My brain screamed.
I started on a calmer line of thinking, 'Maybe she was joking. Maybe she misspoke. Yes, that's more like it. Maybe it was furbabies she wanted. Everyone likes furbabies, obviously I was jumping to conclusions here,'
I shook my head and decided to tease her.
"Kids? Wow, I didn't know kids are a part of a platonic relationship. Do you plan on having kids with Hana, Heather and Ms Ruby as well?" I laughed, crossing my legs and leaning my back against the window, trying to give off a cool, calm, I'm totally on the same wavelength vibe.
Chris stopped and turned to look at me. Her gaze was cold and steely, and instead of things improving between us, the atmosphere in the room completely dipped negatively.
"Sorry, I-I know I should be taking what you say seriously, but it's a lot, what I think you're implying…" I said, averting my eyes and rubbing my arm nervously.
Chris crossed the room and leaned down, her arms bracing either side of me, grabbing the window grill.
"See, this is why I have done everything in my power to knock the idea of what we have as being platonic out of your head. I don't want platonic Sarah, I want you," Chris said and released the window grill to lean into me, her arms wrapping around me.
Chris sighed as she rested her head on my shoulder, holding onto me tightly as if she was afraid that I would disappear, her hot breath warming my skin.
"Wait, Chris, stop-" I gasped, blushing as she held me tightly.
"What are you going to do when you can finally pay rent? Are you going to move out? Are you going to find yet another married man to fall for and rent from?" Chris asked, her voice hoarse and ragged as if she was struggling to hold back the pain she was feeling.
"Chris, if you're gonna say something, say it properly. You can't be judging me for my life choices while clinging onto me and expect me to take you seriously," I said and sighed, feeling a mixture of sadness and irritation as I pushed at her to let go of me.
I could feel her sigh as she pulled herself away from my body. With what felt like a great amount of reluctance, she plopped herself back down in the position I had found her in.
"Sarah, please just stay here with me, rent-free. I never wanted this contract in the first place, and I can't see myself living alone anymore. I love being able to cook for us, and when I come home, it feels so empty when you're not around. Look, I get it. Your feelings aren't 100% sure about me being your partner, and that's fine. I don't want to force you into a relationship with me, but -" Chris said, then paused as if it was hard for her to continue.
"But? What do you mean but?" I asked, laughing nervously.
"But you asked to sleep with me repeatedly, you came on to me and pretty much wrote this contract that we are in yourself. I don't know what you want from me if it's not a relationship, but I damn well want one, and I'm going to keep pursuing you until you make up your goddamn mind," Chris said, looking at her hands as she said it.
I sat back, my eyes wide. I gulped.
"Ch-Chris. We already talked about it. I just…don't feel that deeply about this. All I wanted was a teacher. I trust you and respect you, that's why I asked you. I never expected it to go beyond that because, you know, you're my best friend," I said and then bit my lip when Chris looked up and glared at me, "Ok, ok, ex-best friend, but it is because of our platonic relationship, that I even turned to you for help in the first place. Why do we have to change something that's already good as it is?" I asked, leaning forward and placing a hand over Chris' hands.
Chris sighed and flipped my hand over in hers, gripping hold of it tightly as if she never wanted to let me go.
"I know, I know, it's just for practice; you trust me, you see me as your friend, someone who you trust, who you can turn to for anything," Chris said and paused, closing her eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking up at me.
Her gaze was intense, blue orbs staring into mine as if she was looking right into my soul.
"Why can't I be the one to give you all you need? Why can't you rely on me and me alone?" she asked firmly, her jaw set.
I felt a stab in my heart. Was I hurting her by wanting things to stay the way they always have been? If I didn't agree to her love and affection, could I even continue to stay here in good conscience?
I looked down at our intertwined hands and sighed.
"Chris, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to put you through all this. I hate that I'm hurting you like this. For some reason, when I'm dating people like my ex, maybe it's because he is already married that it makes it easy to be with him. People like him make things light and fluffy because even if I didn't know he was married, he acts like the relationship has an expiry date, and I… I like that.
People like him just enjoy me in the moment and don't expect much from me. But with you… I just feel like I have so little to offer, and yet there is so much you want from me. I-I can't be the person you want me to me," I said quietly and looked up at you, feeling my heart clench as I tried to explain to you as kindly as possible, how I felt, "Won't you just accept me as I am? I'm giving you my friendship, as I have done for so many years; why isn't it enough now? Why do you need more now?" I asked, feeling confused an saddened by how much you were pushing for me to change.
Chris' eyes grew wide. Her expression was completely unreadable.
I looked down and I bit my lip, as I tried to hold back tears. My body started trembling under the sheer pressure of feeling Chris' gaze on me, judging me and probably, hating me for being so inflexible. I had no idea this morning that by paying off the storage unit, I was effectively destroying what little connection I had left with Chris. I felt like crying. I felt like taking it all back.
I pulled my hand back and sighed.
"Look, I-I can make a few calls, and I'll be out of your hair. The last thing I want is to live here and make it uncomfortable for you, especially since I can't return your feelings," I said and looked up at you cautiously, my vision blurring slightly from unshed tears," Please Chris, you gotta believe me when I say, I never meant to hurt you,"
As I said that, Chris' face completely changed. She looked…angry. It sent a shiver down my spine. Before I knew what was happening. Chris lunged towards me. I yelped as she pushed me down, her body straddling my waist, a hand grabbing both my wrists and pinning them down the soft cushions of the window seat.
A sly smile spread across her face as she glared down at me, licking her lips, the atmosphere around her completely changing into something more electrifying.
"You know I have something to confess. You're not the only one who's lied in this relationship," he said in a low, pensive voice, studying my face.
I gulped as I looked up at her, trembling, completely ridged as I found myself completely at her mercy.
"Y-You lied to me?" I gasped.
Chris nodded and smiled, but her smile was a little sinister, as if she been scheming for a long time.
"Right from the start, I never offered you my friendship, and I've been hiding that fact for years," Chris said calmly, stroking my jawline with her free hand, "I thought that just being able to see your face and listen to your troubles was enough. I could live my life accepting the distance between us because, I could keep up the façade as long as it meant you would spend time with me," she confessed, her fingers drifting up to tuck some of my hair behind my ear, and then trace curve of my ear gently.
I shivered as she touched my body so gently, feeling even more weak and pliable as she played with me like I was some kind of doll she fancied.
"But then here you come, after several years of sitting on my hands and pretending to be your friend, asking for sex and intimacy? Instantly you became a drug I just can't avoid. I'm trying to hold myself back; I'm trying to accept things as they are, but when you're this close, and you're offering this much, how am I supposed to settle for just a taste?" Chris said and leaned forward, your faces just inches away from each other, "Sarah, I want all of you, forever," Chris said softly, her eyes looking at my lips hungrily.
Chris' free hand dragged itself up my waist. She parted my legs with her knee, her body pressing deeply into my groin, causing me to gasp at the sudden invasion of my private space.
"Chris, stop, don't do this; I'm gonna-" I gasped, trying to wriggling my wrists, but to no avail.
Chris leaned in and kissed me deeply, her tongue slipping into my open mouth, taking my breath away. I could feel my nipples ache as she leaned firmly against me, causing a deep pulsing need to build up inside.
Her hands slipped under my shirt. She unhooked my bar from behind, dragging her hands to my front and gently caressed my exposed breast. As she flicked and twirled my nipple, I groaned into the kiss, feeling my mind going blank with need as I slowly succumbed to her touch.
Chris pulled back, leaving us both breathless, panting for air.
"Things stopped being platonic when you got drunk and begged me for a place to stay. Things stopped being platonic when you climbed into my bed and allowed me to hold you deep into the night, and things definitely stopped being platonic when you asked me to teach you how lesbian sex works. If you want me to accept you, then you have to accept me, too, right?" Chris said, and then sighed, releasing my hands and standing up and walking away, stopping in the middle of the room and crossing her arms.