She wasn't entirely opposed to making love with Si Ye, just that... afterward, her heart would feel guilty and uncomfortable.
He killed her mother, staying by his side was already very unfilial. And now, being with him...
Oh heavens, Chen Zhi felt like her head was about to explode. She hated herself; clearly Si Ye had done wrong, and she could have decisively left him.
Yet she remained threatened by him, stayed and didn't leave. More seriously, she was still hesitating, considering whether to accept him.
If her mother in heaven knew her attitude, she would surely hate her, and undoubtedly be very sad, wondering how she raised such an unfilial daughter.
She also hated this side of herself, indecisive, hesitant, not at all straightforward, dragging things to the present, becoming an awkward situation where she dared neither to advance nor retreat.
