It began, as all world-changing events should, with a chicken dramatically slapping a conference table.
Alfredo the Chicken—feathers fluffed, eyes blazing with cosmic determination—stood at the head of a sleek, Wakandan-adjacent multiversal therapy chamber. Around the roundtable sat the most emotionally constipated beings ever to exist: Loki (multiple variants), Ghost Thanos (who kept muttering "I should've aimed for therapy"), Hela (knitting aggressively), Ultron's disembodied head, and a surprise drop-in by Justin Hammer, who clearly mistook this for a TED Talk.
MC, grinning ear to ear in a flamboyant rainbow blazer with "HUGS FIX UNIVERSES" stitched across the back, pointed both fingers at the group like a talk show host on sugar.
"Alright, villainous or emotionally repressed icons of chaos, welcome to Alfredo's Empathy Emporium!" MC announced, sliding across the polished floor on Heelys powered by good vibes. "Today's mission? Feel stuff. Cry if you want to. Or scream. Just... keep your hands to yourself, Loki."
"Which one?" all three Lokis asked in unison.
Alfredo squawked once. It was the sound of absolute authority. Every being in the room went quiet.
"Right," MC said, clearing their throat. "We're starting with the Mirror Exercise. You'll stare at the mirror and compliment yourself until the mirror stops judging you. You have ten minutes. Alfredo and I will be monitoring."
Ghost Thanos hovered forward first, uncertain. "Compliment myself?" he grumbled. "But I killed half the universe."
"You were very efficient," MC said, nodding encouragingly.
"Fine... I had excellent balance... And my skin care was... top tier."
The mirror rippled slightly.
Progress.
Meanwhile, in Wakanda, the sun dipped low as a musical number stirred to life.
T'Challa stood beside Shuri on a massive open-air stage shaped like a panther's paw. Confetti cannons flanked the crowd. A funky baseline kicked in, courtesy of Luis and Rocket Raccoon (who'd discovered a keytar). The audience? Every Avenger, Wakandan citizen, and multiversal stray within flying distance.
"Today," T'Challa said, "we honor the strange creature who united us in joy... Alfredo."
A golden spotlight hit the chicken.
The crowd roared.
From the stage wings, MC backflipped into view wearing a full disco outfit—bell-bottoms, sequined vest, and Alfredo perched on their shoulder wearing shades. "Let's answer the ancient question, my beautiful people!"
Shuri grinned. "Who came first?"
"THE CHICKEN!" MC shouted, launching into a high-energy dance routine complete with egg-themed pyrotechnics.
Cue the musical chaos.
Verse One: (Sung by Peter Parker and MJ)
"We were lost in gloom and doom,
Multiverse was feelin' doomed—
Then came feathers, clucks, and flair,
Brought some joy and shook our care!"
Chorus: "Al-fre-do! Al-fre-do!
Dancing through the pain we know!
Feathers fly, the tears dry—
Cluckin' all the way to glow!"
As the music soared, so did Alfredo—literally—boosted by Iron Man Jr. tech and spinning like a ballerina in flight. Sam Wilson DJ'd from above, Falcon wings flapping to the beat. Bucky was absolutely nailing the robot. Even Doctor Strange found himself foot-tapping, muttering, "This is ridiculous," while casting rhythm-enhancing enchantments.
Back in the therapy chamber, Ghost Thanos burst into quiet tears as the mirror turned into a calm lake.
Ultron's head blinked. "I don't even have tear ducts but… I feel things."
Loki Variant #2 offered a tissue. "Is this what bonding feels like?"
"Gross," Hela muttered—but she smiled.
The camera panned out from the therapy circle to the Wakandan night, where laughter, music, and the sweet sound of Alfredo's triumphant clucks echoed through the stars.
And MC? They stood center stage, arms raised, eyes shining with mischief and joy.
"Laughter heals. Chaos unites. Chickens... are forever."
-
End of Chapter.
Full version of the song:
[Verse 1 – Peter Parker & MJ]
We were lost in gloom and doom,
Multiverse was feelin' doomed—
Cracks in time, hearts full of ache,
Hope was fried like last week's cake.
Then a flap, a cluck, a peep,
Feathers in our dreams so deep—
Joy broke in like comic frames,
And nothing's ever been the same!
[Chorus – Ensemble]
Al-fre-do! Al-fre-do!
Dancing through the pain we know!
Feathers fly, the tears dry—
Cluckin' all the way to glow!
Al-fre-do! Al-fre-do!
Struttin' through the highs and lows!
With a wing and cosmic wink,
He's the joy we didn't know!
[Verse 2 – Scott Lang (with beatboxing by Luis)]
He ain't no side dish, he's the meal,
Emotional support with serious zeal.
Came with chaos, left with hugs—
Gave my trauma chicken shrugs.
He stared into my haunted soul,
Then tap-danced in a cereal bowl.
Now I dance when skies are gray,
Thanks to Clucky's feathered way!
[Bridge – Rocket Raccoon (guitar solo) & Shuri (rap)]
(Guitar squeals)
Feathered funk! In vibranium boots!
Layin' down truth in poultry suits!
Forget your pain, forget your scars—
Cluck it out among the stars!
[Verse 3 – Loki (with dramatic cape flourishes)]
I was burdened with glorious pain,
Waltzing through eternal rain—
Then came Alfredo, bold and bright,
Clucked my cynicism into light.
He danced atop my ego's stage,
Outshined my flair, quelled my rage.
Now I rule with softer glow—
All hail the bird who stole the show!
[Chorus – Full Ensemble + Background Dancers]
Al-fre-do! Al-fre-do!
Dancing through the pain we know!
Feathers fly, the tears dry—
Cluckin' all the way to glow!
Al-fre-do! Al-fre-do!
Struttin' through the highs and lows!
From Asgard to 616,
He's the bird who fixed our woe!
[Finale – MC & Alfredo]
(MC speaking in rhythm)
He's got no powers, no evil plan,
Just fluffy feathers and a dance that slams—
He's the heart we didn't expect to see,
Our funky-feathered therapy!
[Crowd chant + fade out]
Al-FRE-DO!
(Cluck-yeah!)
Al-FRE-DO!
(Shake that tail!)
Al-FRE-DO!
(Save the day!)
CLUCKIN' ALL THE WAY TO GLOW!