I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Which, considering I'd literally fallen from space just a while back, was probably the best I could ask for.
Everything was blurry, and for a second I thought I'd somehow damaged my eyes during the whole 'crashing into a pocket dimension at terminal velocity' thing. Great. Add blindness to my list of problems right after 'A power-house enemy wants me dead' and 'stuck in a universe where people punch through planets.'
Then a hand appeared in my vision, offering what looked like glasses.
I took them, put them on, and everything snapped into focus.
Nakime was there, still in that respectful bow, her single eye with its carved kanji watching me patiently. Her hand was still extended in that offering gesture, like she'd been waiting for me to wake up just to hand me glasses.
"Did I need glasses before?" I asked, my voice hoarse.
And then it snapped "Right my 'Four Eyes' curse. I seriously need to stop forgetting shit."
The gacha giveth, and the gacha maketh you need prescription lenses. At least I could see clearly now, albeit with glasses.
I looked around the room, still that luxurious feudal lord aesthetic. Silk sheets rippled like water across the bed. Century-old wooden furnishings and massive carved ceiling beams spoke of master craftsmanship. Pristine tatami mats carried the fresh scent of cut grass, likely replaced by Nakime, while shoji screens softened the light into a warm amber glow. The whole room was screaming Royal Fortune.
"Where's Puar?"
"The small one returned to her resting place shortly after you fell asleep, Master. She said if she got the chance, she'd be back to play with us again." Nakime's voice was barely above a whisper, with a respectful tone she probably used with Muzan.
Then the memories grew clearer in waves. My death in Viktor's warehouse, the bullet through my skull. Meeting RNGesus in that Pachinko Parlour. Spinning the World Wheel and landing on Invincible of all places. The Curse Wheel hitting Severity 18 and giving me a mortal enemy. Falling through space like a golden comet. That last-second pull summoning Puar to save me from becoming a splatter on the castle wall.
And then another notification appeared:
[Feat Achieved! Draw attention of Global Defense Agency]
[Reward: +1 Silver Random Gacha Ticket]
[Feat Achieved! Survive your First day in the Invincible world]
[Reward: +1 Silver Random Gacha Ticket]
I stared at it. "How the hell did they notice me already?"
Then again, a man falling from space in a golden trail of energy, opening a giant tatami gate mid-atmosphere and disappearing probably wasn't exactly subtle. From what I remember about the Global Defense Agency, they are people who monitored superhuman threats and kept tabs on Aliens, and had probably been the ones to spot me. Of course they had. Cecil probably had a file on me already, cross-referencing me with every alien threat in their database.
Great. Just great. Day one and I'd already painted a target on my back for both the superhero community AND whoever my mortal enemy was going to be.
I got up from the bed, but before I could even take a step forward, a sudden sting ran through my brain like someone jabbed an ice pick into my skull. My eyes locked onto the messy bed. The rumpled sheets, askew pillow and blanket twisted at the wrong angle.
It felt wrong. My skin crawled and that itch in my brain intensified, spreading down my spine, demanding I fix it, now.
My hands moved on their own, tucking corners, smoothing wrinkles, adjusting angles until the bed looked like it belonged in a hotel magazine.
Nakime looked horrified.
She immediately prostrated herself, her forehead touching the floor. "This one begs forgiveness, Master! I failed to realize my duty! I should have prepared the bed in proper fashion! Please, allow me-"
She practically lunged at the bed, and within seconds had it remade with experience that came from centuries of serving Demon King who'd probably kill you for getting a wrinkle wrong.
I stared at my hands, then at the bed, then at Nakime who was still bowing apologetically.
"So this is the neat freak curse," I muttered. The compulsion was an actual mental itch that wouldn't go away until things were organized. "Nakime, keep everything organized and tidy in my room and wherever possible, but no need to go all out on an infinity-sized castle. We'd be cleaning forever."
"I will remember Master's first true command," Nakime said, bowing even deeper.
I looked down at myself and winced. My blue suit, the one I'd been wearing when I died, was in tatters. Ripped at the seams, burned at the edges, barely holding together. I was honestly glad that was the only damage. Could've been worse. Could've arrived naked from space.
"Is there a bathing room?" I asked. "And some decent clothes that aren't in tatters?"
Nakime plucked her biwa with one hand and a tatami door slid open to my left, revealing an indoor hot spring. Steam rose from the water, and I could see traditional Japanese bath fixtures, wooden buckets, the whole aesthetic.
I'd been to Japan on annual trips back when my family still claimed me, visited actual hot springs in Hakone and Beppu. This looked just as good, maybe better. A permanent hot spring bath in my pocket dimension?
'Hell yeah!'
I walked toward the bath, already pulling off my destroyed jacket, when I stopped short of removing my underwear.
I turned my head slightly and saw her in the middle of undressing, her black kimono already loosened, the obi coming undone as her pale cold skin glistened in the lantern lights.
"Nakime," I said calmy, or I hope so, "What are you doing?"
She stopped, looking confused. "It's a servant's duty to attend and cleanse her Master, is it not?"
"No, no, NO," I said quickly, holding up my hands. "This is not feudal times. Just get my clothes ready and get out."
She looked momentarily puzzled but she bowed and exited through another tatami door that appeared at her biwa's command.
I finally exhaled.
Look, I wasn't some shy virgin simp who'd never seen a woman before. The Fake family had thrown enough galas and parties that I'd seen plenty. But this felt wrong. The power dynamic between me and my familiars was already completely lopsided: absolute loyalty, unable to refuse orders and bound to serve. Taking advantage of that, even if she was offering, didn't sit right with me.
I had enough problems without adding 'skeevy master who abuses his servants' to the list.
I stripped down and sank into the hot spring with a groan. The heat hit like a wave, seeping into muscles I didn't know were tense. Steam rose around me, carrying that mineral smell you only get from natural springs. The water was almost too hot at first, but my body adjusted and then it was perfect.
The ache in my shoulders started to unwind. The tension in my neck loosened. Even the lingering fear from the space fall began to fade, replaced by the simple animal comfort of warmth and water.
"This was exactly what I needed."
After soaking for a few minutes, I took inventory.
One Silver ticket from attracting GDA attention. One Gold ticket from surviving the fall from space, "Tch, that miser bastard's only gave Gold when I'd literally survived space re-entry."
And the Modified Compound V still sitting in my item storage, waiting to be used.
Then I remembered the mortal enemy curse and I could only sigh.
I needed to prepare. Needed to use every card I had before that enemy showed up.
This was the moment. One more spin, one more pull, one more chance at power. The itch was back, that same familiar feeling from the warehouse, from every bet I had ever made. Just one more. It was always just one more chance.
So, still in the bath, I mentally pulled up my first Silver ticket and tore it.
The gacha spun.
[Impulse]
|Uncommon Ability|
Allows you to quicken the electrical signals in your body, increasing your reflexes and speed proportionally. Overusing may cause nerve damage.
My nerves suddenly heated up, pain shooting through my entire body like someone ran electricity through my veins. I gritted my teeth, ready to scream, but before it became unbearable, the heat cooled instantly, settling into something manageable.
I could feel it now the ability to amplify signals between my nerves and speed up my reactions. I quickly slotted it in and tested it, making mudras and hand signs at near blind speed, moving my eyes at incredible speed to track my own hands.
It fucking worked. My reflexes were faster and my perception sharper.
But after a while of messing around, both my eyes and fingers heated up, that warning sign of overuse. I had to stop before I fried my nervous system.
So, that's the limit. Couldn't spam it indefinitely. But in close-quarters combat, it could come in clutch to save my life.
Then I tore up the second silver ticket.
[Blademaster]
|Rare Ability|
Unordinary - Allows you to create a variety of blades made of energy, ranging from throwing knives, katanas, sabers, large greatswords, etc. while also providing a minor strength boost.
A painful current ran through my mind, like someone was downloading a file directly into my brain. Information flooded in - different types of blades, construction techniques, how to mold my energy into shapes, whatever the hell that meant.
"Fuck yeah!" I yelped, actually excited for once. My first offensive ability. Finally. I wouldn't just be the useless young master hiding behind his demon servant while she did all the work.
I focused, and on pure instinct, a small six-inch blade materialized in my hand. Silver energy, crackling and sharp-looking, like something out of an anime. It felt right, natural, like my body had always known how to do this.
As I tried to increase it's size my stomach churned loudly as the blade dispersed, seem like the 'energy' they were talking about aremy calories.
Which meant if I spammed this ability too much, I'd literally starve myself to death. Great. Another limitation to keep track of. Between the neat freak compulsion, the glasses, the nerve damage from Impulse, and now energy blades that ran on my metabolism, I was collecting drawbacks like Pokemon.
Now for the Gold ticket.
In a good mood I tore it mentally, and the gacha rolled again.
[Zero Gravity]
|Uncommon Ability|
Your body moves as if it is in a zero-gravity environment, allowing you to freely float, although without much control.
I felt my connection to a fundamental force suddenly sever.
And there I was floating above the bath. With my junk hanging down.
With absolutely no control over my movement.
"What the-" I tried to turn, to orient myself, but this was way harder than it looked. I flailed, spun slowly and helplessly like an astronaut who'd let go of their tether.
I switched the ability off.
Gravity reasserted itself immediately, and I fell arse-first onto the spring's stone base with a painful THUD.
"OW, OW, OW!" I yelped, clutching my ass. That was going to bruise.
Then another notification appeared.
[5 Abilities Collected! 2nd Ability Slot Added]
All the pain vanished from my mind.
Two ability slots. Which meant my Call to Arms ability could now pull from the Silver familiar pool instead of just Bronze.
"Time to Trade up, huh."
And more importantly, I could use Polymerization and Call to Arms at the same time now. Could summon a familiar and fuse with it for a power boost.
The build was coming together.
-x-
The build was coming together.
Satisfied, I pulled out the Modified Compound V from my mental item storage.
The vial materialized in my hand, but instead of the blue liquid I remembered from The Boys, this was shimmering, almost glowing gold.
This could be a pivotal moment. The ability it gave wouldn't eat an ability slot and would stay with me forever. It could synergize perfectly with what I had, turn me into an actual threat. Or it could be complete trash that ruined my future plans.
But I'd never been good at playing it safe.
"All in," I said out loud, and downed the vial in one gulp.
The liquid hit my tongue first as expensive and smooth, like that 60-year Chardonnay I'd stolen from my father's personal collection years ago just to see what the fuzz was about. Rich, complex, with a burn that settled warm in my chest.
Then the notification appeared.
[Immunity System]
|Rare Ability|
While Immutable is an active ability slot, you are immune to poisons, diseases and negative biological effects.
My body felt light, like a burden I hadn't even realized I was carrying suddenly lifted. My immune system, which had been working overtime trying to adapt to this new universe with its unknown pathogens and unvaccinated diseases, finally rested.
This was a godsend. Especially in a multiverse with unknown diseases, alien biology, demon blood, and god knows what else. And it was permanent and didn't eat an ability slot. Just always there, always protecting me.
I was so overcome with gratitude that I bowed my head in the bath, brought my hands together in prayer, and started thanking my patron.
"Our Gambler, Thou in art in Casino, hallowed be thy RNG, thy gacha come, thy will be spun, on Earth as it is in-"
"Ahem."
A cough interrupted me.
I turned to see Nakime standing at the edge of the bath, her single eye filled with worried concern.
"Master, are you alright? Are you running a fever from being in the bath too long?"
I wanted to drown of embarrassment.
'All the Aura I built up…its gone.'
"Have you prepared the clothes?" I asked quickly, changing the subject.
She moved to the edge of the bath, sat in her proper seiza stance, and presented a set of clothes.
The first thing I notice is a long black coat draped loosely over the shoulders, falling like a cape with quiet elegance. Looking closer, I see a well-fitted vest over a light shirt, paired with a patterned tie, giving the ensemble a refined, aristocratic touch. My eyes finally settle on the clean white trousers and dark polished shoes, completing a look that feels dignified, composed, and effortlessly sophisticated.
I couldn't help but stare at the outfit.
"Master, all the clothes here are from Upper Moon quarters, but they are not suitable for your old style. These are from Lord Muzan's personal collection and looked similar to your previous attire."
I stood up, towel already wrapped around my waist. "Damn, I didn't know Muzan was a fashionista. Oh well, I guess I'll have to thank him if we ever meet." The Demon King had taste, I'd give him that. The suit looked expensive, well-tailored, the kind that screamed 'wealth' and deliberately being obnoxious about it.
After I dried off and got dressed, the suit fit perfectly, which was weird but I wasn't complaining.
I returned to the master bedroom.
"Nakime, are there any nichirin blades here? Or Muzan's blood?" I asked with reluctant hope.
She shook her head, her long dark hair swaying slightly. "Unfortunately, after a thorough search while finding your clothes, I only found mundane items such as clothing, footwear, furnishings, etc. All weapons, tools, even the gold and money we had stored in our treasury has disappeared from the castle."
"Please tell them there's something to eat and drink" as I felt my stomach protest for food after I burned it's energy to generate the blade.
"Forgive me Master! Since this castle was used to house demons, there used to be a storage of human body and blood but that too has disappeared."
I nodded. Made sense. The gacha wouldn't just let me fleece everything Muzan had accumulated over a thousand years by pulling Nakime as my familiar. That would be too easy and broken. At least the mundane items and facilities still worked.
"Nakime could you tell me about your abilities in detail," I asked as I sat on the black sofa.
Nakime bowed and began explaining. "I can freely manipulate the infinite expanse of this castle - rearrange rooms, change layouts and even create pathways. I can open portals in the shape of Tatami Gates anywhere my eye sees, though for now that's limited to within the Infinity Castle itself. I once could deploy lower demons from the barracks to overwhelm enemies with numbers, but seeing as there are none here, I cannot help you with an army anymore. Forgive me, Master."
"No worries," I said. An army would've been nice, but honestly? The spatial manipulation alone was incredible. Mobile fortress, instant escape routes, home base that was literally unreachable unless I let someone in. I was more then satisfied.
She continued. "I also possess detection abilities. In my former service, I could track Demon Slayers through my detached eyeball familiars, gather information across Japan. The range was limited to where Lord Muzan allowed me to place my eyes, but within those areas, nothing escaped my sight."
Information gathering combined with her portal abilities, she was basically a one-woman intelligence network.
I was really glad I'd pulled her before entering this universe.
"Nakime, I need to explain something to you," I said seriously. "I have a curse. A Severe curse called Mortal Enemy. The moment I fully awakened in this world, someone of strength greater than yours would be imbued with absolute hatred toward me. They're going to hunt me down and won't stop until I'm dead. The only way to break the curse is to kill or neutralize them."
Her single eye widened slightly, the most emotion I'd seen from her so far.
"I also need to explain the world we're in. It's called the Invincible-verse, and it's full of superheroes and supervillains, beings of powers equal or greater than Muzan even. But more importantly, there's a race called Viltrumites - alien conquerors who can fly, have super strength, super speed, and can punch through planets. One of them, Omni-Man, is pretending to be a hero while planning to conquer Earth for his empire. Things are going to escalate. Violence, death and planetary threats. But our job isn't to stop it or stay away from it."
I grinned, teeth and gums exposed in all their maniacal glory. "Our job is to bring more chaos, grow stronger, and most importantly - GAMBLE. That's our top priority. The gacha is how we survive and get powerful enough to deal with whatever's coming."
Nakime looked surprised for a moment - probably not what she expected from a master - but she nodded. "I understand, Master. I shall serve you in this endeavor."
"Good. Now, I need you to open a portal to a secluded space. Somewhere we can scout and get our bearings."
She picked her biwa, but hesitated. "Master, given this constitutes an entirely unfamiliar world, I haven't had the opportunity to explore and mark key locations. This first portal would be purely random, based on chance. Please, let me be the scout first. If there's danger-"
"I appreciate you worrying about me," I said, patting her shoulder. The gesture made her eye widen - probably not used to casual contact from her master. "But I'm not completely powerless."
I put my Mini-Map ability in one of my slot as a virtual map appeared in the corner of my vison. It showed the layout of all the places I've been inside the infinity castle, my room, the bath, even the hallway even to the last inch. With me being represented by blue dot and Nakime Represented in green.
"Nakime, open the gate."
She plucked her biwa, and a tatami door appeared, sliding open to reveal... complete darkness.
I walked toward the portal.
"Remain back," I told Nakime. "Be ready to pull me back at the first sign of something going wrong."
She nodded, biwa at the ready, her eye locked on me.
I stepped through the tatami door and felt metal beneath my feet. The air was different here. recycled and climate-controlled. The kind of air you get in secure facilities.
I was in a dark space, couldn't see much but my mini-map was filling in the details. It showed me the circular room I was in: its multiple entry points and electronics mounted on walls, ceiling. Security systems, probably littered with cameras and sensors. This wasn't some random location.
And then I saw movement on my minimap as multiple yellow points came into the map's range.
They were neutral at least as I could see from the yellow color but it could soon turn red at a moment's notice.
Before I could even command Nakime to pull me back the bright lights suddenly turned on.
Flooding the entire space with harsh fluorescent glare.
And I froze like a deer caught in headlights.
I saw people emerging from the shadows and stepping into the light one by one.
After my brain caught up with what my eyes were seeing,
And I recognized them.
The Guardians of the Globe.
Spoiler: The Guardians Of The Globe
War Woman in her red and gold armor, the power of Zeus crackling around her mace.
Darkwing in his black suit with the cape, that Batman-esque aesthetic was quite apparent.
Red Rush in his red speedster costume, already vibrating with impatience.
Aquarus in his blue scaled armor, looking distinctly uncomfortable under the harsh light.
And standing in the center, arms crossed, was their leader- Immortal looking directly at me with suspicion.
My brain finally caught up with my situation.
I was in the Guardians of the Globe headquarters.
"Oops... wrong base? I'll show myself out." I said eloquently.
-x-
Author's Note:-
Guys, I'd love to get the engagement up so feel free to participate as Comments and thoughts are my fuel, they keep the creative juices flowing.
If you're enjoying it, a like would be appreciated too.
Join my Discord if you wanna hang out. Like ReplyReport Reactions:Heidao, Legae, UnownMan and 575 othersMax_StrikerMar 30, 2026Add bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 8: Holy FUCKING Cow! New View contentMax_StrikerNot too sore, are you?Mar 31, 2026NewAdd bookmark#202"Oops... wrong base? I'll just... show myself out?"
I tried to turn around and get Nakime to open a portal before this got any worse, but Martian Man's arm stretched like taffy and wrapped around my waist, locking me in place like some elastic prison.
'Fuck. Grey alien motherfucker had to grope me. Now I can't risk Nakime opening a portal or this bastard comes along for the ride.'
I wanted to keep Nakime and her pocket dimension hidden. My one near infinite safe space, my trump card, and I'd almost blown it in the first five minutes of being in this universe.
Then a notification appeared.
[Feat Achieved! Infiltrate Guardians of the Globe base through dumb luck]
[Reward: +1 Gold Random Gacha Ticket]
'Well, that's nice,' I thought, and honestly, that notification did more to calm my internal panic than anything else. At least I was getting rewarded for almost dying.
The heroes rounded around me; the same heroes I'd only seen in the first episode of the show before they got brutally slaughtered. But standing here, surrounded by them, I realized they weren't just animated characters anymore. They were real, top-tier heroes of this world. And I was some asshole who'd portalled into their secret base.
The tension in the room was thick enough to cut. Every hero had shifted into combat stance without even thinking about it. It was clear this wasn't their first rodeo.
Aquarus stayed back near the wall, looking distinctly uncomfortable being this far from water. His blue scales caught the light, and I could see the webbing between his fingers flexing nervously.
The Immortal stood front and center, arms crossed, that shit-eating grim expression on his face like he'd seen this song and dance a thousand times before. Probably had, considering he was thousands of years old.
War Woman had her mace ready, the mystical weapon crackling with Zeus's power. I remembered from the wiki that she was basically Wonder Woman with a mace instead of a lasso.
Darkwing pulled out what looked like a scanner with a holographic screen and started scanning me. Batman knock-off with copy of his tech to the boot.
Red Rush just fidgeted around me, vibrating with barely contained energy, moving too fast for me to track even as I mentally slotted Impulse into my second ability slot. The Russian speedster was a blur of red.
Green Ghost II floated above us, keeping watch from her aerial position. 'Alana, was it?' The new one who'd gotten her powers from swallowing an amulet.
Darkwing's device beeped red.
"Results are negative," he announced, his voice gravelly like he'd been smoking since he was a teenager. "He's not in any record on the entire planet. No birth certificate, social security, passport. Not even in the underworld records."
Red Rush suddenly blurred, and the next second he was back, standing still for maybe half a heartbeat. "Just frisked him. Nothing on him except an expensive suit that looks like he stole it off a runway. No weapons or even ID."
"Hey that's sexual harassment!" I showed my displease.
War Woman actually chuckled. "Now, now, he could've been the model from the looks of it."
The Immortal raised his voice, cutting through the banter. "Focus, War Woman. We have an unknown individual in our base without tripping a single alarm. Not to mention the signal Darkwing sent us all."
Darkwing looked shocked. "I wasn't the one who sent the signal. I thought YOU did, Immortal."
Suppressed panic flooded through them. I could see it in their body language - the sudden tension and the way they shifted into defensive positions.
The assembled heroes each held the same bewildered expression, which had begun to twist worse with their rising panic.
It was the kind of look you'd see on someone who was on a winning streak, and now we're suddenly dealt the worst cards.
And I knew exactly what was happening.
This was the setup from Omni-Man. The moment before everything went to hell.
"Yeah, fuck this..." I muttered, remembering this was the pilot episode where these heroes got butchered by a single Viltrumite.
I needed an edge. Anything before Omni-Man showed up and turned this room into a slaughterhouse.
So I tore my Gold ticket mentally.
The gacha spun was music to my ears.
[No Enemies]
|Elite Trait|
"You really don't" Everyone you meet has a good impression of you, even evil dictators, violent murderers or mindless beasts have a decent liking of you as soon as they get to know about you. Only works on named characters.
The moment the trait activated, I felt it. Like a switch flipping in reality itself.
'Alright, now this I can use.'
"HEY! HEY YOU! YEAH, YOU DISCOUNT JUSTICE LEAGUE! FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!"
They all stopped mid-discussion and centered their focus on me.
The weight of their collective attention hit like a physical force.
The Immortal's voice boomed. "Was it you who sent the sig—"
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME, LINCOLN!" I yelled to cut him off. "We don't have time for your fucking ego trip! Someone is coming to kill ALL of you, and now I'm an accidental sacrificial lamb!"
I expected resistance. Expected them to threaten me to shut up and call me crazy.
But they were silent.
War Woman spoke first, her voice urgent. "What are you waiting for? Who threatens us? Quickly!"
'Holy shit, this trait is too OP,' I thought. They actually believed I wasn't a threat and wanted to hear me out. Like I hadn't randomly teleported into their hideout with their detection tech being none the wiser.
"Nolan Grayson!" I said quickly. "He's the one who sent the signal to bring you all to one place! Omni-Man is—"
Green Ghost II was the first to argue. "That's impossible! Omni-Man has served Earth for nearly twenty years! He's saved thousands of lives!"
Right, she was a new hero who grew up watching Omni-Man's heroics on TV. Of course, she wouldn't believe a stranger.
The others joined in her defense. Even the Immortal, who I knew wasn't Omni-Man's biggest fan, had fought alongside him too many times to believe this easily.
"This is a trap," the Immortal declared, pointing at me. "He's trying to divide us."
But Darkwing was silent between the chatter, his detective mind working. "It doesn't matter who sent the signal now. Our priority is vigilance. Cecil needs to know about this breach."
As he pressed a button on his device, my minimap lit up with a single massive red dot traveling at breakneck speed, heading directly for this room.
My blood turned to ice.
"FUCK! Hey, Martian, let go of me! He's here! He's—"
Before I could finish, the world exploded.
The wall detonated inward as concrete and steel turned to shrapnel that filled the air like bullets. The shockwave hit me like a physical thing, lifting me off my feet.
I slammed into the wall with Martian Man coming along for the ride because he was still holding me. The impact knocked the wind out of my lungs, and for a second, I couldn't breathe or see.
When my vision cleared, I saw Red Rush was a blur, running around the room at speed I couldn't hope to track, shifting the Guardians' positions, pushing them out of the way of attacks I couldn't even see yet.
And then there he was.
In Red and white costume, with that iconic mustache and gray temples. A spitting image of J.K. Simmons but younger, buffer, and one mean-looking motherfucker.
Omni-Man.
Nolan Grayson.
Spoiler: Omni-Man
The Viltrumite who was about to murder every single person in this room. Including me, seeing as he wouldn't want any witnesses.
But to my surprise, none of the Guardians were dead yet. They were dodging, fighting back, coordinating. My warning had given them a split-second advantage, just enough to not be completely blindsided.
Martian Man unwrapped his arm from around me and joined the fight, his body stretching and morphing as he tried to restrain Omni-Man.
Fuck this I need to get OUT.
I activated Impulse, feeling my neurons fire faster and my perception sharpening. The world slowed down just enough to see Red Rush moving in bursts instead of being completely invisible and roughly track Omni-Man's movements as he deflected War Woman's mace.
I begin ordering in my mind, 'Nakime! Extract me before—'
Suddenly, I saw Omni-Man's eyes focus on me as I saw curiosity and unintended focus in them.
Even after he was being strangled by the sudden attack from Martian Man, his eyes still followed my movements.
It wasn't until Green Ghost's surprise liver punch that he finally let go of his focus on me and shifted it toward the guardians.
'Finally, that predator took his eyes off me.' I sighed in momentary relief.
'Now. Nakime to open the gate and take me out of here!'
I heard the Biwa pluck, the floor beneath me shifting to materialize my only way out. But because my luck is damn abysmal, Nolan immediately caught sight of me. I watched the Martian be flung directly at me with the aided assist of Impulse.
"Fuck!" I screamed, scrambling away as the half materialized Portal dissipated below me..
Ghost arrived in the nick of time to save her mentor from certain death or serious injury.
Shit. Omni-Man and most of the Guardians had superspeed. If I opened a portal behind me, they could follow me in, find the Infinity Castle, and compromise my only safe space.
Fuck that. I need to find an opportunity. I can't just recklessly give them access to my safe haven.
I mentally swapped Minimap out of one ability slot and put Call to Arms in.
'RNGesus, please bless your child for just one more. My lord. PLEASE.'
I pulled from the newly upgraded Silver pool.
Silver light materialized in front of me, and my new familiar appeared:
[Holy Cow]
|Common Familiar|
"Holy Cow!" Is a Holy Cow, quite literally, a large, healthy female cow that always lactates and can be milked for 10 and up to 50 liters of milk per day, depending on how well fed she is. Thanks to her holy origins, the milk she produces is truly extraordinary, having great health benefits, nutrient-dense, and of incredible quality compared to mundane milk. It can also function as low-quality holy water against unholy. Any children she has will mostly inherit her incredible genes and holy blessing.
I stared at the thing my summon just spawned.
A cow! Not some ancient beast, not even a celestial spirit. Just a plain, slack-eyed cow standing there like she had all the time in the world, dressed in ridiculous ceremonial garb: a stiff white cloth draped over her back, a tall yet absurd hat perched between her ears like a mockery of a priest's mitre, and two long red sashes hanging from its neck.
The animal just blinked at me slowly, chewing cud.
"Holy FUCKING cow!"
Spoiler: Holy Cow
-x-
Author's Note:-
Guys, I'd love to get the engagement up, so feel free to participate as Comments and thoughts are my fuel; they keep the creative juices flowing.
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Check out 20+ advanced chapters on my Patreon.Last edited: Apr 2, 2026 Like ReplyReport Reactions:Xelor, The NEET in the Tower, Legae and 540 othersMax_StrikerMar 31, 2026NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 9: Wrong Place! Wrong Massacre! New View contentMax_StrikerNot too sore, are you?Apr 1, 2026NewAdd bookmark#260"Holy FUCKING cow," I said out loud. 'That RNGesus bastard must be rolling in laughter right now.'
But I wasn't the only one in shock.
The entire fight stopped for a single moment.
Every single combatant froze mid-motion, Omni-Man included, stopped.
For one perfect, absurd moment, the massacre paused because nobody knew what to make of the blessed bovine that had just materialized in the middle of their battle.
Then they went right back to fighting.
War Woman was the first to resume attack, centuries of warrior instinct overriding confusion. Her mace crackling with divine lightning as she swung at Omni-Man's chest. The impact sent him stumbling back, and I heard something crack- ribs, maybe? The mace left a scorched imprint on his costume, and underneath I could see skin already bruising purple.
Red Rush became a crimson blur again. Each punch hit Omni-Man's chest with the force of a sledgehammer, thousands of impacts per second, the sound like a machine gun. Fabric from the sheer speed and repetition added up. Omni-Man's chest was covered in burn marks, the fabric of his suit disintegrating under the assault.
Darkwing pulled devices from his utility belt and hurled them in precise arcs. The explosives detonated against Omni-Man's back, with enough force to crack the floor beneath him.
But it was useless.
Finally, Aquarus raised both hands and sent a torrent of high-pressure water with enough force behind it to cut steel.
I tried to use Call to Arms again to summon something - ANYTHING - useful.
But the ability was on cooldown for twenty-four hours.
I was stuck with a holy cow.
Before I could even process what to do, Omni-Man appeared in front of me suddenly. He grabbed my cow by the horn, turned it around, and used it as a shield against Aquarus's water torrent.
'NO! MY HOLY COW!'
It might have been useless, but it was still MY cow! Not to mention the blasphemy Nolan just committed, using a blessed animal as a meat shield.
The high-pressure water tore through the animal like tissue paper. I watched in horror as the Holy Cow was shredded in seconds, as the water pressure was so intense it turned the poor thing into chunky salsa. Blood and meat chunks splattered everywhere, some even sticking to my expensive stolen suit.
The water below us turned thick crimson.
My stomach lurched. Bile rose in my throat. I'd seen death, but that was my own. Watching an innocent animal torn apart because I'd summoned it into a warzone made me want to vomit.
Then I felt angry.
The five-minute cooldown for switching abilities started ticking.
So, I switched out Impulse and slotted in Blademaster.
I poured whatever calories I had left into creating a silver energy sword with its blade as thin as possible.
"Huh, looks like those forced fencing lessons would come in handy after all, dear Father," I muttered, remembering the expensive tutors my family had hired.
Omni-Man was turned away from me, focused on the Guardians.
Seeing my chance, I thrust my silver sword toward his back.
He suddenly turned.
Threw the Holy Cow's carcass aside.
Grabbed my neck in one hand and lifted me off the ground, choking me before I even realized what was happening.
I couldn't breathe. His grip was like an iron vice, crushing my windpipe.
My hands clawed at his fingers uselessly
Omni-Man looked me in the eyes with absolute hatred. Irrational and all-consuming hatred.
His face covered in cow blood and worse.
Oh.
Oh fuck!
The curse had chosen HIM. Omni-Man. A Royal Viltrumite who I just happened to have come across on DAY FUCKING ONE OF BEING IN THIS VERSE!! THANK YOU RNGESUS. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.
And it just HAD imbued him with ABSOLUTE HATRED toward me specifically.
"Who are you, bug? Was it you who alerted them? I've never wanted to kill anyone more in my entire life."
His voice was raw yet clinical. He was asking the same way you'd ask someone for directions. The disconnect between the casual tone and the fact that he was actively strangling me made it worse somehow.
Before he could continue, War Woman's mace struck him from behind, the divine weapon connecting with his skull and snapping his neck to the side hard enough that I heard something crack.
In that single moment, that split-second when his grip loosened from the shock, I poured all the energy I had and more into lengthening and sharpening my blade.
The silver energy extended rapidly towards his bruised chest, where I heard his ribs crack and to both our surprise, it actually CUT through the Viltrumite's skin.
His Blood finally trickled, not a lot mind you, just a thin red line. But I made him bleed.
"GET OFF ME, YOU TRASH AUTHOR!" I screamed as he threw me with more than enough force to decorate the walls with my insides.
Green Ghost swept in and grabbed me, turning us both intangible to negate the damage, as Darkwing used the distraction to throw more bombs.
My blade dispersed as soon as my energy depleted, but the damage was done. I'd actually wounded Omni-Man. Not much, just a cut along his ribs, but it was bleeding.
He looked down at his side. Saw his blood for probably the first time in decades, maybe centuries, that was rare even for him, and RAGE finally flooded his features.
Green Ghost was keeping us intangible, but I knew she couldn't maintain it indefinitely. The ability had limits.
Omni-Man saw that I was protected and turned his attention to the Immortal instead.
And that's when the real massacre began.
He flew at the Immortal faster than I could track; the sonic boom alone shattering nearby equipment. The ancient warrior tried to block and deflect, but Omni-Man grabbed him mid-punch and did a devastating 'Superman punch' directly through the Immortal's torso. I heard bones break, organs rupture, and the wet crunch of a body breaking.
The Immortal's eyes widen in shock.
Then Omni-Man pulled his arm sideways through the body, bisecting the man in from sternum to spine.
The Immortal's top half fell one way. His legs fell another.
And the worst part, the poor man was STILL ALIVE.
Omni-Man picked up the Immortal's top half and threw it like a baseball.
Directly at Aquarus.
The King of Atlantis didn't have time to dodge.
The supersonic impact of the Immortal's corpse against Aquarus the collision transferring enough kinetic energy to turn the Atlantean into red smear against the wall.
Second fatality.
Green Ghost saw this and screamed. She let go of me to try and save her teammates, and the moment I became tangible again, I stumbled and fell face-first onto the metallic floor.
I'd burned every single calorie in my body constructing and extending that blade. My body was running on empty. Not to mention being dirty and covered in blood slowed down my recovery.
My vision was blurry mess of colors and shapes, and when I reached up to adjust my glasses, I realized they'd shattered when I hit the floor.
Great. Now I was half-blind, exhausted, and in the middle of a slaughter.
I could still make out the large mass of red and white flying around. Could still see sprays of blood flying through the air as Omni-Man systematically dismantled Earth's greatest heroes.
Just shapes and sounds and the overwhelming copper smell of blood.
He turned toward me as I saw the red and white blur shift direction and felt the weight of his attention pressing on me.
Fuck.
"You," he said, his voice rough and breathing shallow, "A fucking HUMAN cut through Viltrumite skin. Do you understand how humiliating that is?"
I tried to summon the energy to run, to do something, but my body was empty. I'd burned everything on that one attack.
"I'm going to pull your spine out through your throat," he said. "Slowly. Very slowly, as I savor it more than anything I've ever done."
He was moving slower - the fight had fucked him up more than he wanted to admit.
'Nakime,' I thought desperately. 'Open a gate! NOW!'
I saw the tatami door begin to materialize below me, wood grain forming from nothing as I heard the biwa string start to pluck.
Omni-Man's eyes locked onto it.
He broke into a run.
Then flight.
Moving toward me faster than I could follow.
"NAKIME! TRAP!" I screamed.
Another tatami gate opened between Omni-Man and me just as he was finger's-length away.
And Omni-Man, so consumed by curse-driven hatred that he couldn't think straight, so exhausted his judgment was completely out the window, couldn't and wouldn't even think about slowing himself because, he was so absolutely OBSESSED with killing me that nothing else mattered, flew straight through.
Into my Infinity Castle.
Into my safe space.
No. No no no NO—
I gave Nakime mental orders as fast as I could think them.
'Rearrange the castle into an Infinite Maze! Change it to hold extremely strong and extremely fast enemy! Hold him off as long as you can! Prioritize YOUR safety! Don't let him find…'
The final thing I heard was a ding…
As I passed out from exhaustion.
-x-
Author's Note:-
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Check out 20+ advanced chapters on my Patreon. Like ReplyReport Reactions:The NEET in the Tower, Xelor, Legae and 496 othersMax_StrikerApr 1, 2026NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 10: Aftermath New View contentMax_StrikerNot too sore, are you?Apr 2, 2026NewAdd bookmark#313NAKIME'S POV
My hands were shaking as I plucked the biwa strings. I couldn't make them stop trembling no matter how much I wanted.
I'd served Muzan Kibutsuji for centuries. Watched him slaughter entire families. Seen Upper Rank demons tear through Demon Slayer Corps members like they were made of paper. Witnessed Muzan himself in rage so terrible it made the air itself feel like it was burning.
This was worse.
Far worse.
The thing in red and white tearing through my Infinity Castle. It was a force of nature wearing human skin, and even that skin was barely holding together after what Master and those heroes had done to it.
His life energy dwarfed anything I'd ever sensed. Lord Muzan, at his peak, was a candle beside this monster's bonfire. And the raw physical prowess of his speed and strength, he was destroying halls faster than I could rearrange them, smashing through walls I'd reinforced with my Blood Demon Art like they were made of rice paper.
I plucked the biwa again, shifting an entire corridor into a pit that dropped into nowhere. The monster fell for maybe three seconds before he just... flew back up, covered in dust and blood and absolutely consumed with rage.
Spoiler: Infinity Castle
"WHERE ARE YOU, BUG?!" His voice screamed into the infinite castle. His voice echoed through dimensions. "I'LL TEAR THIS ENTIRE BUILDING APART! I'LL FIND YOU! I'LL RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT-"
I shifted him three hundred miles away mid-sentence, warping space so he ended up in an entirely different section of the castle.
It bought me maybe thirty seconds before he resumed tearing through walls again.
My single eye tracked his movements through the castle's spatial awareness. He was coughing blood, the shallow wound Master had given him still bled down his side, refusing to close. That woman's divine mace had cracked multiple ribs of his, as I could see the way he favored his left side. Not to mention, friction burns that covered his entire chest in angry purple bruises that looked almost black.
He was injured, weakened and slower than he'd been at the start.
Yet "slower" for this monster still outpaced even Upper Rank One at full sprint.
And his senses were sharper than Kokushibo's. Every time I opened a portal to redirect him, he'd sense the dimensional shift before it fully formed. Every trap I constructed, he'd either avoid through instinct or just smash through with brute force.
The only thing keeping him from finding me was the infinite nature of the castle itself. I could keep rearranging, keep shifting, keep him chasing shadows forever.
Theoretically.
But in practice, I had another problem.
I was hungry.
My face heated with shame even as I plucked the biwa to shift another section of castle between us. Demons didn't blush, but if we could, I would be.
I hadn't eaten since Master summoned me. And maintaining this level of spatial manipulation, constantly warping an infinite fortress while a what was it that master called him… a Viltru…? Yeah, a Viltrumite tore through it, burning through energy I didn't have.
My stomach cramped. The demon hunger, that terrible gnawing need that had driven me to cannibalism in my previous life, was starting to claw at my concentration.
But I couldn't leave to hunt. Couldn't risk opening a portal to the real world while this monster was hunting, because he'd sense it, follow, and find Master.
Master was still unconscious in that massacre hall. I could see him through my detached eyeball that remained in the real world, watching over his knocked-out body surrounded by corpses and blood.
I could take him back here to safety. Pull him into the Infinity Castle, where I can protect him properly, while he heals.
But doing that while the Viltrumite was actively hunting would expose Master. The monster would sense the portal opening and then nothing would stop him.
The curse binding them together made the monster hypersensitive to Master's presence.
I'd rather die again than lead this thing to my Master.
At least if the monster killed me, he'd be trapped here forever. The Infinity Castle was bound to my existence - if I died, it would collapse into dimensional void, taking everything inside with it.
Including him.
Master would be safe in the real world, and this monster would be banished to nowhere forever.
But I didn't want to die.
I'd already died once, and given a choice between oblivion and service, I chose service—chose Master. And I would serve him properly, which meant surviving this and solving my hunger problem before it became critical.
I plucked the biwa, opening the smallest door I could manage - just barely large enough to poke my hand through into the real world.
The portal appeared in that massacre room, in the far corner where Master lay unconscious. My hand reached through, fingers closing around something cold and wet.
The upper half of that hero in blue. The Immortal, they'd called him. His severed head stared at nothing, eyes glazed, mouth frozen in whatever last word he'd tried to speak before the monster had decapitated him.
Even by demon standards, this was disturbing. We ate humans, yes, but we didn't usually take trophies like this.
I pulled the corpse through quickly, sealing the portal before the monster could hear my Biwa's pluck.
The Immortal's torso felt strange in my hands. Still warm.
I could ration it, make it sustain me for days, maybe weeks if I was careful.
I took a small bite, just enough to quiet the hunger, and felt strength return to my limbs.
I heard the monster roar somewhere three sections away, smashing through another wall.
I plucked the biwa and shifted him five hundred miles in the opposite direction.
This was going to be a long night.
GUARDIANS OF THE GLOBE HQ
The pneumatic doors hissed open.
Agent Marcus Roth, the first GDA agent through the entrance, immediately threw up in his helmet.
Senior Agent Vasquez behind him couldn't really blame the kid.
The room was a slaughterhouse. Blood had foud its way everywhere. The walls were covered in it, the floor slick with it, even the ceiling dripping with it, imitating a grotesque art installation.
Bodies.
Or pieces of bodies.
Or what used to be bodies before something terrifyingly strong had torn them apart.
Spoiler: Crime Scene
"Sweet Jesus Christ," one of the paramedics whispered, his voice barely audible through his respirator.
Agent Vasquez's GDA team had gotten the alert seventeen minutes ago. Emergency beacon from the Guardians of the Globe headquarters, every alarm screaming priority one, and then complete radio silence.
They'd expected bad.
But not this.
Aquarus was paste against the far wall. Like someone had flung him at such speeds that the impact had just... liquefied him. Blue scales mixed with red pulp, and there was a man-shaped impact crater in the reinforced steel that should've withstood tank rounds.
Darkwing lay in another crater, his back bent at an angle that would've been impossible if his spine hadn't snapped in multiple places. His utility belt was still beeping, some gadget still trying to deploy even though its owner was gone.
Green Ghost II had a fist-sized hole through her stomach, clean through. Guts and bile visible, and her signature jade glow extinguished completely.
Martian Man was in pieces scattered across the room. Grey chunks of alien flesh, some still twitching as his elastic body tried to pull itself back together through sheer biological stubbornness.
War Woman's neck was broken, head lolling sideways. Her divine mace lay three feet away, still crackling with residual divine energy.
Red Rush's legs were crushed flat. Bone protruded from one leg. His fists were burned down to bone, flesh completely seared off from the friction.
And right there in the center of the massacre was the Immortal or parts of him.
His legs near the entrance.
His upper body missing.
"Sir," one agent called out, voice shaking. "The Immortal's torso is gone. Someone must have taken it."
The senior agent processed that information.
'Someone had taken half a corpse. Why? Trophy? Evidence? Some sick fuck's idea of a souvenir?'
Then he heard it.
"WAIT! This one's breathing!"
Heads snapped toward the paramedic crouched over Red Rush's broken body.
"What?"
"He's alive! Barely, but alive! Get me a stabilizer, NOW!"
Another paramedic scrambled over. "War Woman too! She's got a pulse!"
"Green Ghost is breathing!"
"Darkwing's spine is shattered, but his breathing is stable!"
"Martian Man's core is intact! He's already regenerating!"
Hope surged through the room like electricity, cutting through the horror. They were alive.
Barely hanging by a thread, but alive.
But five survivors was a miracle in itself.
CECIL STEDMAN
I stood in the GDA war room staring at the live feed from the Guardians' headquarters, and I felt something I hadn't felt since the terrorist attack that melted half my face off.
Absolute helplessness.
Seven heroes. Earth's premier superhero team. The people who'd saved the world a dozen times over.
Dead in their own headquarters.
My fist slammed against the tactical table hard enough to make the holographic displays flicker. The impact sent pain shooting up my arm, but I barely felt it through the artificial skin.
"I've never seen anything like this," I said, my voice coming out rougher than intended. The scar tissue on my jaw burned.
Donald stood beside me, face pale but professional. Kid had seen some shit working for the GDA, but this was testing even his limits.
"Sir, preliminary analysis indicates-"
"SIR!" An agent's voice cut through the war room like a gunshot. "Red Rush is still breathing!"
My head snapped up so fast my neck cracked. "What?"
"War Woman too! She's alive!"
"Green Ghost has a pulse!"
"Darkwing's breathing is stable!"
"Martian Man's core is intact!"
Five survivors.
Five miracles.
"GET THEM TO ER STAT!" I roared, my voice carrying across every comm channel. "I want every doctor we have, every piece of medical equipment, EVERYTHING focused on stabilizing them! MOVE YOUR ASSES!"
The feed showed paramedics swarming the bod... survivors deploying emergency medical tech, stabilizing vitals and preparing for emergency transport.
In a situation that should've been Seven funerals, we might only have two.
Still two too many.
"Sir," another agent approached, younger, nervous. "You need to see this."
I followed his gesture to the feed, focusing on the far corner of the massacre room.
There, half-hidden in shadows and blood, was another body.
The body was in a white suit with an expensive-looking overcoat that was almost a cape. And most importantly, a fedora covering the face.
"Who the hell is that?" I demanded.
The agents on scene moved carefully, one of them removing the fedora with gloved hands.
A kid? Couldn't be more than eighteen, maybe nineteen. Blonde hair with Caucasian features.
But more interestingly, his injuries were a joke compared to everyone else in that room.
A few flesh wounds that looked painful but survivable. Bruising around his throat with purple marks clearly showed fingers, as if someone had tried to strangle him.
But compared to the Guardians? This kid looked like he'd gotten into a bar fight, not a superhuman massacre.
The discrepancy was screaming at me.
"What are you all standing around for?!" Donald snapped at the agents on feed. "Get him medical attention! Now!"
-x-
Author's Note:-
Guys, I'd love to get the engagement up, so feel free to participate as Comments and thoughts are my fuel; they keep the creative juices flowing.
If you're enjoying it, a like would be appreciated too.
Check out 20+ advanced chapters on my Patreon.Last edited: Apr 3, 2026 Like ReplyReport Reactions:MASTEROFALLCREATURES, The NEET in the Tower, Xelor and 545 othersMax_StrikerApr 2, 2026NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 11: You're a STAR, kid! New View contentMax_StrikerNot too sore, are you?Apr 3, 2026NewAdd bookmark#389"Get him medical attention! Now!"
The agents scrambled, but I just watched the kid's face, my brain already running through scenarios.
An unknown individual in one of the most secure facilities on earth. In the middle of a massacre, but barely touched.
Why?
Why was he there?
And most importantly, why was he left alive with just minor injuries?
"Sir. Preliminary scans are here." Another agent, this one holding a tablet. "Genetic material analysis is complete."
I grabbed the tablet, scanning the results. Blood samples from the room, DNA analysis, cross-referenced against known databases.
Most of it matched. The Guardians' blood types, genetic markers, all accounted for. The chaos of the fight had splattered everyone's DNA across the entire room.
But there were three samples that didn't match the known Guardians.
One was obviously the unknown kid. Human DNA with no abnormalities, nothing special beyond being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Second was that of a Cow?
'What in Holy hel...'
But the final sample made my blood run cold.
Viltrumite genetic markers.
Comparing from the databank, it matched Nolan Grayson's blood.
Omni-Man had been in that room.
And there was a lot of his blood. Enough blood to indicate serious injury to the Omni-Man.
But there was no body to be found.
No Omni-Man among the dead or survivors.
"Donald," I said quietly, my voice cutting through the organized chaos of the war room. "Give me a timeline. Everything we know."
Donald pulled up data, his fingers moving efficiently across the tablet. "Distress signal was triggered at 0347 hours from Darkwing's personal beacon. Guardians responded within a few minutes - internal logs show they assembled in the conference room at 0400 hours. We lost all internal feeds at that exact moment as every sensor in their HQ went dark simultaneously."
"Simultaneously?" That suggested someone deliberately cut the feeds, not damage from a fight.
"Yes sir. External sensors detected massive kinetic impacts consistent with superhuman combat. The fight lasted approximately four minutes based on seismic sensors in the surrounding area."
"And Omni-Man?"
Donald's expression tightened. "Last confirmed sighting was two hours before the signal. He was in Chicago dealing with a Flaxan incursion - publicly witnessed by hundreds of civilians. GDA tracking had him returning to his house at 0320 hours."
Twenty-seven minutes before the signal. Plenty of time for Omni-Man to fly back and to.
"So he could've gotten there," I said.
"Sir, are you suggesting-"
"I'm not suggesting anything." I cut him off, my voice hard. "But Omni-Man's blood is all over that room. The Guardians are barely alive. And one unknown kid with minimal injuries is lying in the corner."
I turned back to the feed, watching medics load the kid onto a stretcher, oxygen mask being placed over his face.
Something didn't add up.
Omni-Man was Earth's strongest hero. Had fought Apocalyptic threats, alien invasions, and interdimensional conquerors.
I don't want to admit it but if he'd wanted the Guardians dead, they'd all be dead.
But five had survived. Barely, but survived.
And this kid was comparatively unscathed.
"Run full analysis on the unknown," I ordered. "DNA, fingerprints, dental records, everything. Check global databases, Interpol, Mossad, MI6, CIA, FSB - I want every intelligence agency's records cross-referenced. Find out who he is, where he came from, and why the hell he was in that room. And most importantly, get me the scans on those finger bruises on the kid's throat and scan them for matches."
"And Omni-Man?"
I lit a cigarette, ignoring the way the artificial skin on my hand didn't register heat anymore. "Put a surveillance team on him and his family and keep it discreet. I want eyes on Nolan Grayson twenty-four-seven. If he so much as takes a shit wrong, I want to know about it."
"Sir?"
"Keep it quiet. If Omni-Man really did this..." I took a drag, exhaling smoke through what was left of my real lungs. "Then we've got exactly zero options for stopping him if he decides to finish what he started. The last thing we need is to spook the world's strongest hero into going full supervillain because he thinks we're onto him."
Donald's face went pale. "Sir, if he's compromised, what do we do?"
"We smile, we nod, we act like nothing's wrong, and we pray to whatever god is listening that we can figure out a way to stop a Viltrumite before he decides Earth is more trouble than it's worth." I stubbed out the cigarette. "And we figure out what that kid knows. Because if he was in that room during the fight and survived? He saw something. And I need to know what."
The war room fell silent except for the quiet beeping of medical monitors in the feed.
JOHN'S POV
I was once again floating in darkness.
It was Peaceful and quiet.
Then I heard it.
Ding ding ding ding ding!
The sound of a slot machine hitting jackpot, echoing through infinite nothing.
Oh no.
"John, my boy! My lucky charm! My absolute favourite disaster!"
RNGesus's voice exploded through the void like a game show host on cocaine, coming from everywhere at once.
"THEY LOVE YOU! ALL OF THEM! The betting pool just EXPLODED! You're a STAR, kid!"
As quickly as he appeared, RNGesus and his joyful energy faded away. I finally opened my eyes.
Light flooded in, way too bright, and everything was a blurry mess. Just shapes and colors bleeding together like someone had smeared Vaseline across my vision.
"That should bode well," I muttered, my voice coming out hoarse.
I tried to rub my eyes, but my hands wouldn't move right. Something was wrong with my arms.
I looked down or tried to, as everything was still swimming in and out of focus and saw metal. Thick metal cuffs completely encase my hands like oversized boxing gloves, both wrists chained together with maybe six inches of slack between them.
I pulled at the chains. Only for them to rattle and not budge.
"Yeah, these are real, all right," I said to nobody. "cause why wouldn't I wake up in restraints? That's exactly how I want to start my day."
My brain was still catching up. Where was I?
Then the memories hit like a freight train.
The fight.
Oh god, the fight.
The Guardians of the Globe getting systematically dismantled by Omni-Man.
The Immortal was literally ripped in half, and Aquarus turned into paste against a wall.
Nakime's trap.
Omni-Man flying through it at full speed.
Into my Infinity Castle. My safe haven.
Oh fuck!
'Nakime!' I thought desperately, reaching for our mental connection with everything I had. 'Nakime! Are you there?! Are you alright?! Did he- please tell me he didn't-'
Relief crashed through me when I felt her response.
'This one… is here to serve you…Master.'
Her mental voice sounded exhausted, strained, like she was trying to speak while running a marathon.
'As for my condition...'
'What? Are you hurt? Where's Omni-Man? Did he find you? Did he-"
'This one is unharmed, Master. The Omni-Man you fought is heavily injured and severely weakened, but he is still destroying the castle as we speak. Tearing through my domain, smashing walls, all while cursing your name. He is... persistent.'
Persistent. Right. That was one way to describe a curse-driven Viltrumite with a pathological need to kill me.
'As for my condition... this one apologizes, but I took a portion of the corpse of one of those heroes who fought alongside you against that monster.'
I blinked, trying to process that. 'Wait, what? Which one?'
'The one in blue garb. The decapitated one.'
'Oh.' I thought about that. 'Oh! The Immortal! Nakime, that's fine. Actually, you can take more if you need it. That guy's not called Immortal for nothing. At worst, we'll get the Mauler Twins to create a clone of his body."
There was a pause of relief in our mental connection.
'Master, this one must report something unusual. This 'Immortal's' corpse is extremely beneficial to me. Every time my body digests his flesh's lifeforce, it regenerates the energy, providing sustenance again. I have been observing this phenomenon for the past day, and I believe... I believe this has effectively cured me of my accursed hunger for human flesh.'
I sat up straighter, or tried to, before the chains stopped me. 'Wait, seriously? You're not hungry anymore?'
'Not in the way I was before. The regenerating Life-Force provides infinite sustenance. As long as I have access to this corpse, I will never hunger again.'
"Nakime, that's amazing! That means you don't have to worry about-"
'Ahh—!'
Her mental scream cut through our connection sharply, and I felt her terror spike through the link.
"WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!" I shouted out loud.
I could hear her panting, feel her shock radiating through our bond.
'Master, it seems the monster heard me speaking, even across the infinite distances of the castle. He nearly caught me blind, if not got my biwa already taunt that I managed to redirect him several miles away.'
My blood ran cold.
Fuck.
FUCK.
'I must concentrate now, Master. Keeping this monster imprisoned requires my full attention. I will contact you only in emergencies. Please... survive.'
And the connection went quiet.
I sat there in my restraints, vision blurry, head pounding, and tried to process the absolute clusterfuck my life had become.
The Mortal Enemy curse had chosen Omni-Man, cause of course it had.
And now said psychopath was trapped in my pocket dimension, hunting Nakime, destroying my only safe space, driven by curse-enhanced hatred to find me and literally give me the most torturous death imaginable.
'On the other hand.' My mind went somewhere darker.
I could let Omni-Man kill her. After her death, the Infinity Castle would collapse, trapping him in a dimensi-
My hand moved before I consciously decided to do it, slamming my forehead against the metal restraints.
BONK.
Pain exploded across my skull sharply, and I felt warm blood start trickling down from my already-injured forehead to mix with the dried blood from earlier.
"Fuck," I hissed through gritted teeth. "The fuck am I even thinking? I promised myself I wouldn't be anything like Father. Wouldn't treat family like disposable assets in some grand strategy."
Nakime was mine. My familiar. My responsibility.
She'd already saved my skin twice!
And she was right now fighting to keep him contained while I sat here useless and chained.
I'd find another way.
Then notifications started appearing in my vision, cutting through the blur;
[Feat Achieved! First Combat Experience]
[Reward: +1 Bronze Random Gacha Ticket]
[Feat Achieved! Draw First Blood on a Viltrumite]
[Reward: +1 Platinum Random Gacha Ticket]
[Feat Achieved! Witness Your First Murder]
[Reward: +1 Silver Random Gacha Ticket]
[Feat Achieved! Trap a Viltrumite in Your Pocket Dimension]
[Reward: +1 Diamond Random Gacha Ticket]
[Feat Achieved! Alter a Canon Massacre]
[Reward: +1 Platinum Random Gacha Ticket]
[Feat Achieved! Survive Direct Combat with Your Mortal Enemy]
[Reward: +1 Gold Random Gacha Ticket]
[Feat Achieved! Solve your familiar's accused hunger]
[Reward: +1 Silver Bronze Random Gacha Ticket (due to Familiar's own actions)]
I stared at the notifications, vision still fucked from blood in my eyes, and started laughing.
Laughter that comes when you're so far past stressed that your brain just gives up and decides everything is hilarious.
"Holy shit," I wheezed, trying to wipe blood from my face with my chained hands. "I did all that. In one night? One fucking night?"
Infiltrated a superhero base by complete accident.
Warned them about Omni-Man.
Got into a fight with a Viltrumite.
Actually wounded said Viltrumite with a lucky-ass stab to his already-cracked ribs.
Witnessed eight heroes get brutally murdered.
Somehow changed canon enough that some of them survived.
Trapped my Mortal Enemy in my pocket dimension.
And survived all of it.
"I'm either the luckiest son of a bitch alive," I said to the empty room, "or RNGesus is saving me for something way worse."
"Well," I said, wiping more blood from my eyes and squinting at the blurry tickets. "Let's see if I can gamble my way out of this clusterfuck."
After all, I'm always...
ALL IN!
-x-