The life of a normal high school student. That was what everyone told Ludwig. He never really understood what one meant by 'normal'. In essence, wasn't every person's life different? There might be similarities, many even, but the family was different, the school were different, their self was… different.
Some people say even siblings of the same parents, raised the same way, will be different.
So, what is normal?
The school was a milestone in every person's life, having as much influence over people as parents.
So, how could those older people, his relatives, tell him that he was living the life of a 'normal high school student'?
He, for sure, knew that wasn't the case.
Still, looking closely, only the details might be different. But, many times, it was these details that mattered the most.
So, like any 'normal high school student', Ludwig went to school. Sometimes he skipped class, but most of the time he was there.
He learned well for his exams (that is, if learning a week prior to the exam can still be called well; at least he didn't learn one day before it, like some of his friends), did sports sometimes (although that didn't help with his slight obesity, at least his parents kept quiet about his weight then), and generally had a 'typical' life.
The problem lay in the details, though.
Like any younger human being, a teen, he was more inclined to experience and exaggerate psychological dilemmas.
Sometimes, he felt like the world would be coming down on him, sometimes he couldn't talk to people, sometimes he just wanted to let out stress by cursing a bit in his games, but only cursing, for he didn't have the luxury of destroying something just to let out stress – thankfully that wasn't a thing he liked to do anyways.
His depression, social anxiety disorder, and other things he was diagnosed with by a therapist behind the back of his parents, for he felt ashamed because he wasn't 'normal', kept him always at bay in school and in private, 'forcing' him to stay home, or maybe, he really just enjoyed staying home.
In school, he could focus on his grades and tasks, only talking to his 'friends' (which he wasn't sure whether they were friends or just people he hung out with; the difference was great, at least he thought so).
But at home, he was a small servant for his parents – he lived in a house, something some of his friends were jealous of, which he didn't understand, because that meant he would have a longer way to get to his parents, as they always commanded him to do something for them.
It was annoying, really annoying.
Especially when people told his that was 'normal', why was it normal for healthy people to use their children as a servant?
Understandably, he was always upset when people told him how it wasn't a big thing.
He tried going out more, so he would have his peace.
Not with his friends, for they always had other plans or were gaming even more than him, their parents not restricting them as much.
Even when it was -5°C, he still kept going out, the cold and fresh wind gave him a revitalizing feeling, especially since no one else would be outside during these days.
Unfortunately, summer came after winter, and then people were outside… but they weren't anyone he knew, so it was only a slight annoyance, still, it was better than home.
But he stopped doing that at one point – it became tiresome to always go outside, often when it was dark, having insects flying around in summer and frozen seats in winter.
He tried being more at home, and his parents seemed to have calmed down after all his time being outside. That didn't last long, but he couldn't keep going outside – he really wasn't in the mood.
Yes, he was moody. If he wanted, he could write essays and complete projetcs weeks prior, but if he just wanted to sleep, then he wouldn't do anything the whole day. This might have been one of the more prominent reasons for his later choice.
The problem with his family was that they always talked about his insecurities – his weight, his anti-social behaviour, the grades that suffered from exactly this shaming and more. This made resentment grow in his heart.
It wasn't something that happened from one day to another – no, since he could think, it was always like this.
When he was sick, it was a lie. When he was busy, it was a lie. When he was studying, it was a lie.
Everything was a lie if he didn't specifically provide his family with evidence – they had even threatened to place cameras in his room, privacy wasn't something they cared about much, as he lost his rights to a door every few months.
As much as he felt they hated him, at the same time, he also felt they were nice and kind. They took care of all his finances (even though they forced a young student full in his prime to work part time every weekend, reducing his freetime during the weekend to less than 10h), and even offered his many other things his friends could only dream of.
Wealth was a great thing, and Ludwig's inherent disposition towards greed made him succumb to them, life alone would be very difficult, the finances not covered, he would barely come by and most probably lose any option of success in life.
In all honesty, which child didn't wish to break away from their family in their earlier years?
Most of the time, it was because of unsatisfaction, sometimes it was because they wanted to adventure around the world – something Ludwig couldn't relate to, but he accepted that as a reason to want to break away too.
He had wished to do so, and his friends also had such thoughts, but his friends somehow found peace with their family, leaving Ludwig alone to himself.
Being an only child, it was natural for the whole focus of his parents to be on him, so he never had the option of rebelling for some time to let go of his resentment and then come back to be a nice and behaved child.
Time flowed and Ludwig became a teenager, his resentment only grew over time.
Now, it was more than breaking away, it was the thought of death. His own, and his parents'.
That was a thought he always tried to supress, but he couldn't.
He kept it with him, sometimes just wishing that he fell into an accident, that way his parents would get the money from the insurance. In comparison, if they died… well, he could inherit everything they owned, and live a good life.
The first option became less and less appealing, the latter interesting him more and more.
He didn't act upon it, but the thought of freedom and a good life was very interesting. He had months where he totally forgot about it, but just one longer talk with his parents, which was mostly just them delivering a repeated speech, made Ludwig stressed, depressed and deprived of any happiness in life.
He was helpless regarding that, he couldn't ask anyone for help, the one therapy session he took to get the diagnosis was already so stressful and uncomfortable for him, and the further attemps to get a therapy took too long and were unsuccessful, so he was very alone.
His family being the core reason, the lack of true friends was not any less disturbing.
He had one person that he really liked… a girl his age, and he considered telling her about his feelings, waiting to calm down and reign in his life, he wanted to then ask her out.
But when she ended up finding a person to rely on, he couldn't anymore.
He gave up all the feelings when he heard how happy she was, and his resentment towards his family grew towards a peak.
And so, it began.