NADIA
I had had enough for the night, and all I wanted to do was get out of there and get some fresh air. It wasn't until I'd had a few more conversations with people I'd never met - people I didn't even like - that I decided it was time for me to leave.
I shivered as I reached the outside, my hands immediately clutching my arms as I fought through the cold. Why didn't I bring a jacket? I thought to myself as I walked further into the garden area.
But for some odd reason, I felt like someone was watching my every step. Chills ran down my spine, but not because of the cold this time. My brows knitted together as I turned around, only to see nothing. What confused me even more was that I could've sworn I heard some footsteps. I exhaled silently.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
But then I felt a hand clasp over my mouth, and someone hard pressed against my back. I screamed, but my screams were muffled as I struggled against the person. My heart was beating out of my chest as I panicked. "Calm down," was all I heard, and my body stilled at the familiar sound of his voice. "I'll let you go if you agree not to scream." Like hell I would, but I nodded my head like a dummy until he slowly let me go.
Once I was free from his grip, I turned around and slapped him into oblivion.
"What the hell is your problem?" He said, clenching his jaw because of the impact.
I scoffed in disbelief. "My problem? Are you being for real right now? You tell me to calm down after you followed me like some kind of creep in the dark and scared the living daylights out of me? Heck, if I didn't know you any better, I would've thought you were a psycho or something." I said as I caught my breath, dragging my hand over my chest, getting more frustrated that he wasn't retaliating. He was just... staring at me.
"What?" I snapped, glaring.
"Are you done now?" he asked.
My jaw nearly dropped. I raised my hand to slap him again, but this time he caught my wrist midair and used it to yank me closer. Our eyes locked.
There was one thing about his gaze I hated to admit: it drove me wild. In those few moments, I felt so loved. Needed. Desired. Cherished. Secure - all with one look. I could see it all. It made me feel like the only girl in his world.
It was like his eyes were a mirror of everything he'd ever wanted, everything he felt for me, all the lengths he'd go to just to have me. And it was all of that, under his gaze, that terrified me. I was scared of what he was capable of. But there's always been a voice in my head that shuts it all down. Because I had to realize those were all the things I wanted from him, not what he could give. It was just a fantasy I'd made up. One that would never be true.
I bit my lip as my gaze fell to his. I wanted to kiss him, but I knew I couldn't. Instead, I clenched my jaw, shook my head, and used the moment to shove him away. "You should go," I said, my back to him. My heart pounded out of my chest and I silently cussed myself out when I felt the tears burn. But I blinked them away.
"Why do you always do this?" he asked.
I shuddered when I felt his hand on my arm. It was warm. Comforting. Everything I didn't need at the moment.
"What?" I said, my back still to him.
"This. Pushing me away. Turning your back on me. Playing dumb." I shook my head and let out an uncomfortable sigh. He was seeing right through me, and I hated it.
"You can't accept it, can you? That I can't be with you. That we can't erase the past and pretend like nothing ever happened. Elijah, this... this can't work. It's impossible."
"Says who?" he shot back. But I couldn't get the words out. "Elijah—" "No. Look at me, Nadia. Says who? Huh? Are you going to keep denying what we feel for each
other? Or is it because you don't believe me?"
Again, I was lost for words.
"Tell me. I'm desperate here. Tell me what I have to do and I'll do anything just to have you again."
"Elijah, no." I shook my head as the tears burned even more, but this time I didn't care if they fell. "Do you want me to admit my heart was burning with jealousy when I saw you with Julian? Fine. I was. Because I can't stand to see you with someone else when I want the privilege of being by your side. Something about you intrigued me from the day you almost got hit by a car and I saved you. I wanted to stay away from you. I probably should have, because of my lifestyle. But I don't regret it, Red. I don't regret giving us a chance. Giving myself a chance to finally feel something I've never felt before. I've liked you since the day I gave you that nickname. And it sounds stupid and childish, I know. But I don't care. Because there hasn't been one moment where I don't think about you since we met again, and I don't want to lose that.And yes, I did find out who you were. But that was before your father's accident. I know that doesn't matter to you right now because what's done is done. But I'm willing to do anything for you. Heck, I'll give up this whole lifestyle for you if that's what you want."
This was exactly why we couldn't be together. I'd be putting lives at risk if I was selfish enough to get back with him. I just couldn't do it.
"I— I have to start a life of my own," I said. "One that's normal. That's not chaotic and driven by vengeance and rivalry."
"But I said I'm willing to—"
"No." I cut him off, pressing a finger to his lips. I slowly dragged it down to his jaw, caressing his cheek. "I won't let you put your life and your family at risk for the sake of me. You can't just quit, Elijah. And you know that. I will always remember you as Sam. The boy little me had a crush on. The one I wrote letters to - letters I never sent. But now you're someone else, and I... I don't fit in this new life of yours. And I don't think I want to. I don't think I can look past it all and move on like you can. I just can't. But—" I sniffled as tears ran down my face. "I'm so glad I met you. It's a shame our paths don't align and that we had to end things before they even started. But I'll never forget you. You will always be the boy who brought joy and excitement into my life. Who gave me a reason to smile on the days I couldn't fake one. My confidant. My comfort place. The only boy who ever made a difference in my life. The only boy who made me feel things I never have, and probably never will for another. But I owe it to myself to create a life of my own. Away from all of this."