It was funny how Harry never asked just how Gilderoy knew this about a student he had only met that day.
"You can either threaten him or you can work with him. The first will make everyone hate you for being mean to a Firstie. The second can make a huge difference in making you look like a good guy.
"Here's how it works. Tell him to meet you after dinner Saturday next, tell him to bring plenty of film. He'll be giddy with excitement, but make him promise not to tell anyone, at all, or everyone will show up and interfere with what the two of you will be doing.
"When you get together, make a deal with him. You will make him your official photographer. Once a month, the two of you will get together and he will take pictures of you around the castle. Once a month, the two of you will get together and review those pictures. He has to give you a copy of every picture he takes, and you together will select which pictures he can sell.
Harry sat up straight in astonishment, opening his mouth to protest.
"Wait," the professor held up his finger.
Looking mutinous, Harry sank back in his chair.
"In exchange, Mr. Creepy will agree to not take pictures of you anywhere else, and to not bother you at all!"
Harry was doing a fair imitation of a goldfish — bulging eyes and gaping mouth.
"And this way you control what people see! I guarantee you that he already has people asking him for pictures of you. And you really don't want every picture he takes available to everyone in the Castle. I'm sure the Slytherins would queue up by the dozens to buy pictures of you picking your nose, scratching your arse, or falling on your face after someone trips you."
Harry was looking alarmed.
"So, you set a price of a six knuts for each photograph, and he has to split it with you fifty-fifty. And if anyone brings you a picture and wants your autograph, you charge them two sickles."
"Two sickles!"
The boy was going to get emotional whiplash if he wasn't careful.
"Yes, two sickles. This does several things. First, it keeps hundreds of students from swamping you, every day, wanting you to sign the picture they just bought.
"When your friends ask why you're charging for the autographs you say it is to keep the arseholes away, as only someone serious will be willing to pay two sickles for your autograph. Plus, you can use the autographed pictures as a reward to select people. Knowing that you are giving them something free that normally people have to buy will raise its value in their eyes.
"But to everyone else you say, 'Because it's going to buy the Houses new Quidditch Brooms.'"
Harry stared at him, astonished.
"That's right, you're going to use that photograph and autograph income to make sure all the teams, not just the Slytherins, have modern brooms. No longer will it matter if one team has better brooms than the other because they'll all have the same brooms!"
Harry sat back thinking.
"You see how this works, don't you? You control what pictures people see. Nothing embarrassing, nothing that might be scandalous. You don't have to worry about picture hungry fans following you — they all go bother Mr. Creepy if they want a proper picture. If someone does want your autograph, then they have to buy Mr. Creevey's authorized pictures because you will only autograph pictures taken by Mr. Creevey. That will cut down dramatically on the number of people surreptitiously taking pictures of you.
"And when someone grumbles about having to pay money for an autograph, remind them that you aren't making any money, all the money coming in to you is going to a good cause — new Quidditch brooms. And how can anyone hate you for doing that? And that makes you a good guy!"
Lockhart sat back. "Anyway, you think about that. If you're smart, you'll do it. Otherwise you might find someone selling pictures of you taking a shower in the bathroom." Which had happened to Harry in the other timeline. He had been most embarrassed to discover the poster-sized image. He had found it near the end of the war in the ruined remains of some unknown Witch's demolished house, on a bedroom wall. It was quite scandalous, even by Muggle standards, truthfully, and taken in the Quidditch locker-room sometime in his Sixth Year when he was Captain of the team.
Harry stared at him in horror. Lockhart raised his eyebrows and nodded.
"So, you think about that.
"If you want to go ahead with that plan," Gilderoy opened a drawer in his desk and took out a scroll, "here's the contract I suggest you use." He handed it to Harry.
"And it's nearly curfew, so out of here you scamp!" Lockhart made shooing motions with his hands. Harry stood and stumbled to the door, holding the contracts and frowning.
After the door closed, Lockhart sighed deeply. This was harder than he had expected. But it was all vital in keeping the boy's feet on the ground and surviving the turmoil that the professor knew was coming. The next few nights he would lecture the boy, while they addressed letters and signed autographs, on the various social necessities the Wizarding World expected from the Heads of Houses. He would teach the boy how to navigate the shark-infested waters that were the so-called Pure-blood Houses — Gilderoy may have been an opportunistic twit, but he did know the rules of Wizarding High Society.
Physical fighting, Harry had learned, was only a small part of the war. With the right nudges and diplomacy, a skilled tactician could prevent some battles entirely, and save countless lives in doing so.
He pulled out his to-do list from the drawer, and perused it once more, moving the two completed tasks to his "Done" parchment.
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Tasks to Complete as a Hogwarts' Professor
First, Improve the students' current rating in D.A.D.A. from pathetic to a minimum of adequate. And achieve fame as the best D.A.D.A. teacher ever!
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Gilderoy kept trying to reverse the order of those two. He didn't seem to get that the fame would naturally follow the other without any additional effort.
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Second, Part A, destroy the friendship between Ron and Harry as subtly as possible.
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With the exception of last year, Ron had turned on him every year they had attended Hogwarts. His jealousy and temper had ultimately destroyed the Wizarding world. Not to mention the hell he put Hermione through every year, starting with their first year with his constant put-downs, and degrading comments, and continuing until he deserted them.
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Second, Part D, Fan Club for Harry Potter – Ginny, Luna? – Colin to start.
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A fan club for Harry would drive Ron to distraction.
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Third, catch the rat and bring justice to his Godfather. Use his position in the public eye to make sure the Ministry doesn't bury the story. Maybe he should write a book with the rat as the centrepiece.
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'And, not incidentally, garner himself some wonderful headlines and even more fame,' the Gilderoy-side whispered.
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Fourth, help Neville gain confidence to become the great Wizard he is capable of being.
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"And ensure at least one steadfast Pure-blood supporter should he ever need the help of a distinguished Ancient and Noble family," added Gilderoy.
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Fifth, Luna Lovegood. Make sure the bullies never have a chance.
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Her quirky outlook had saved his life more than once while they were on the run. He owed her that.
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Sixth, retrieve Ravenclaw's Diadem from the Come-and-Go Room, and destroy the soul piece in it. (Fiendfyre?)
Seventh, retrieve the Slytherin Locket from Grimmauld Place (dependent on when Sirius is released). (Fiendfyre?)
Eighth, destroy the diary and the Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, and save Ginny Weasley. THAT is definitely a book he will publish. Acquire Phoenix Tears just in case! Keep a sharp eye on Ginny. Maybe get the Map from the twins?
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"And cash in on the salvage of the Basilisk, the venom alone is worth tens of thousands of galleons," put in Gilderoy.
He would have to wait on that and let the year play out the way it had previously. After all, while he did know where and what the monster was, speaking Parseltongue was a secret he wanted to keep as long as possible. Publically, he was dependent on Harry for that.
The money from the Basilisk would easily pay for sending Ginny to a Mind Healer afterwards, and prevent the after-the-fact suffering she had endured in the previous timeline, which the Muggles called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the meantime, his hands were tied.
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Ninth, retrieve the Gaunt Ring and destroy it. (Definitely use Basilisk venom for this)
Tenth, retrieve the Hufflepuff Cup and destroy it, or get the Goblins to do it for me.
Eleventh, Remove ALL the bones from the Riddle Graveyard and replace them with something else — perhaps roadkill squirrels or Acromantula chiton? Let's see him try to rally the Pure-bloods looking like a spider!
Twelfth, find and kill Nagini? Is she even a Horcrux yet?
Thirteenth, what to do about Harry's portion of Riddle?
Fourteenth, remove, with extreme prejudice, Malfoy and all the other Death Eaters, in and out of Azkaban. Deprive them of their power and wealth which played a large role in controlling ministry and ruining people's lives. Not to mention crippling Voldewhore's financial base.
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"No, loot their wealth, and buy a beach house on his own island," added Gilderoy. "And find a lot of ladies to shag. Sinistra looks like a good one to start with." No, wait, that last was solely Lockhart's list!
The list review stopped abruptly due to some serious inner turmoil. Harry was still not used to interacting with adult women in the manner Gilderoy wanted.