The door to Qingkong's room was open. Xueye hoped that he hadn't heard them downstairs. The last thing he wanted to do was worry his little brother. Qingkong glanced over at Xueye upon hearing his shuffling. Qingkong could tell from a glance that Xueye was uneasy about something.
"Gege, what's troubling you?" Qingkong held his hand out to invite Xueye to join him on the bed.
Xueye flinched and hesitated. So much for not worrying him… Xueye thought rather dismayed. He was losing his mask that gave the illusion all was well. He just couldn't muster it today. He briefly considered stepping away for a minute but before he could he could see Qingkong straining to get up. Xueye quickly moved over and sat on the edge of the bed, flopping over next to him.
"Gege, you can tell me anything, you know that right?" Qingkong settled back in and started gently petting Xueye's hair.
"There's so much happening lately. It's too much." Xueye buried his face in his brother's lap to hide the overwhelming emotions that threatened to spill forth.
"I can imagine, father puts you through enough as is." Qingkong sighed. "Did you even rest or take time off after the ordeal you went through last month?"
"Not exactly…" Xueye quietly admitted.
"Xueye!" Qingkong scolded in a harsh tone but stopped when Xueye flinched. Qingkong let out a breath and expressed his concern much gentler, "I always worry about you. You're always pushing yourself. Do you realize how much you are breaking?"
"I have lately…" Xueye stopped hiding his face but couldn't look at him. He thought he'd been doing rather well to hide what had troubled him, at least around Qingkong. It was amazing how Qingkong could be so perceptive. Then again, perhaps he'd always let too much slip with those he loved, especially lately.
"You better find some time to take a break. An actual vacation, even if you don't go anywhere. Just no work!" Qingkong stated firmly.
"I can't right now. Father might take the opportunity to ruin something I've been working on," Xueye sighed heavily.
"At least stop with the long hours," Qingkong voiced in dismay. "If you don't take care of yourself I'll convince Jinse or Shujing to make you for me."
Xueye stiffened. He looked up at Qingkong with the most childish pout that made Qingkong laugh.
"You wouldn't," Xueye huffed.
"I would!" Qingkong said with a smirk. "I spoke with Shujing earlier. Even just that conversation, I could tell he would do it in a heartbeat."
"I know he would, so please don't bother him with something so trivial," Xueye grumbled.
"It's not trivial!" Qingkong shook his head. "You are not trivial."
Xueye didn't say anything. What could he say after that? All he could do is try to let the words sink in.
Before he met Shujing, he felt adrift. He used to just let things happen and keep moving, keep working, keep pretending. The only voice that gave him hope before was Jinse, but Shujing's voice joined in and he couldn't ignore the desire for something better. A life without misery. A life with love. Yet it often felt so out of reach, like he was still in the bottom of those ruins still. Just thinking about it made him shiver.
"Qingkong, do you think someone can really love one so broken?" Xueye asked meekly.
"I believe so," Qingkong smiled softly. "In fact, I'm sure you'll find it sooner than you think."
"Don't joke like that," Xueye grumbled, feeling his cheeks grow warm, especially thinking back on his time alone with Shujing the last couple days.
Even with all the adoration and care Xueye had received from Shujing he still was so hesitant to broach the topic. Not that Xueye doubted Shujing's affection was genuine but Xueye doubted himself still. There was also the confusing mixed signals from Jinse he didn't know what to do with. Now with this strange magical affliction, chilling him so deep down, with no known result or cure as of yet made him think of the worst possible scenario.
"Xueye? You're shaking… Are you okay?" Qingkong wrapped his arms around Xueye as best he could given their position.
"I just can't seem to stay warm today. Feels like the dead of winter to me…" Xueye hoped he wouldn't look into it more.
"You talked to Dr.Jingji right?" Qingkong fretted.
"I have, and he's looking into a solution," Xueye mumbled softly. "He's concerned for sure, but he didn't seem too terribly worried so I'm sure I'll be fine."
"He will do everything he can to help you, I'm sure of it," Qingkong smiled reassuringly even though Xueye couldn't see it. "Are you sure you should be visiting mom like this?" He asked tentatively. "You know she'd much prefer you take care of yourself. It's not as though today is the Ghost Parade, there's no urgency."
"I still want to. Even for a little bit." Xueye's voice was so fragile and emotional. "I won't be alone either. They'll take care of me. They have been all day."
"They should be convincing you to stay home instead," Qingkong grumbled.
"They tried," Xueye giggled.
"Good! If they didn't then they really don't deserve you," Qingkong smirked.
"Please stop!" Xueye whined. "You are more relentless about this than Xinhua, and you've barely interacted with them."
"She tells me a lot too, you know," Qingkong giggled. "I've seen the way Jinse looks at you and Shujing had the sweetest look as he spoke of you. Oh, the things he said too!"
"What did he say?" Xueye asked all too quickly as he looked up at Qingkong.
"No, no, no, I won't tell. Ask him yourself!" Qingkong teased. "It'll mean more coming from him."
"Come on, it's not that different, is it?" Xueye pouted.
"Of course it is, you'd melt more hearing his voice say it," Qingkong smirked.
"I-! Y-you-!" Xueye groaned in frustration because he was right. Especially after the way he reacted to hearing his old nickname from Shujing's lips this morning. How close he was to actually kissing him, if Jinse hadn't shown up when he did Xueye just might have had he said it again. Xueye buried his face in his hands and let out the most pitiful noise, "Mercy, please!"
"You're so cute when you're flustered, no wonder Jinse teases you so much," Qingkong giggled. He relented upon seeing Xueye's pathetic pout. "I'll stop for now, but you have to admit it eventually. If not to me then someone else, preferably them."
"I know…" Xueye sighed. "I just don't get how to sort through all these emotions. These feelings are so different compared to when I was with Mellina."
"I bet jiejie could help, though aren't you friends with her partner too? You could talk to both of them about it surely." Qingkong smiled. "Unfortunately all my knowledge of romance is from the books I read so I doubt it's the most helpful."
"I'm sure you'll find someone," Xueye said sweetly. "You're smart and witty. Someone will try to snatch you up one day."
"I'm quite the catch, huh?" Qingkong grinned. "Maybe if I wasn't so isolated due to my poor health I would have beaten you to it."
"That I don't doubt." Xueye shrugged.
"Who knows I still might," Qingkong snickered.
"At this rate it's possible," Xueye melted into the bed once more, curling into the blanket on his shoulders even more.
"That I doubt," Qingkong reached over and grabbed an extra blanket and draped it over his brother.
"Thank you," Xueye cocooned himself further. He felt no amount of cloth would be enough. He wanted to curl up close to Shujing since it was the only time he felt perfectly warm today. "So cold…"
"Oh, Xueye…" Yushi's worried voice carried from the doorway. Yushi was about to knock but seeing him bundled and having heard him say that was just heartwrenching.
"Shujing!" Qingkong waved him over and Yushi didn't even hesitate to approach. "Go take him to sit by the fire and I'll join in a bit."
"Didi…" Xueye wined at him as he sat up. "Here is fine."
Yushi caressed Xueye's cheek and the young man closed his eyes and leaned into the touch in response. How quickly the cold seemed to instantly ease. Yushi still noticed that Xueye's skin was a bit colder than when they left, even if it wasn't as bad as the first instance it still caused him to worry.
"No, you are feeling cold to the touch again," Yushi sighed, wrapping his arms around the young man to draw him in closer. "The doctor is steeping a special blend for your tea now. I was going to see if you two would join us or stay here. You should sit by the fire."
"But-," Xueye was about to protest but Qingkong interrupted.
"No, no! You go!" Qingkong waved him off. "I'd like to get up and move for a bit anyway. Off you go!"
"Didi, you should be resting more than me," Xueye pouted.
"I'll carry you if I have to," Yushi whispered to Xueye.
"That's not necessary!" Xueye said quickly. The thought of the one time Yushi did carry him spontaneously had him all sorts of flustered. While it was appealing to some degree he didn't want to give Qingkong more fuel to tease him with.
Xueye stood up slowly with Yushi still lingering nearby, a hand never far from the young man. The warmth was welcome as was the comfort that he wouldn't stumble again like he had a couple times now.
"If you need help to join us just holler," Yushi smiled at Qingkong.
"I will if I need to, but don't worry I'll join you shortly," Qingkong giggled. He could have gotten up there as well but he wanted to give them a short moment to themselves. He knew Xueye could certainly use it.
Yushi guided Xueye to sit with him nearest to the fire they could without moving furniture, which Yushi was tempted to do but didn't want to mess with the doctor's living space without asking. Without prompting, Xueye snuggled into Yushi, balling up in his blankets and leaning against Yushi. Yushi smiled fondly and tightened his arm around Xueye's shoulders as he pulled the young man in as close as he could without being in his lap.
"No matter what it takes, we'll get you better," Yushi whispered as reassurance, almost more for himself than it was for Xueye. He heard the emotion and strain in Xueye's voice when it came to talking to the doctor and his brother on the subject, so he knew Xueye needed the comfort as well.
Having been unable to completely tune out their conversation, due to Yushi's sensitive hearing, Yushi just wanted to dote on Xueye more. Hearing his hesitation and doubts just reaffirmed the fact that Yushi had to make Xueye believe that he was loved, jagged edges and all.
"I wonder why with you, this chill so quickly goes away?" Xueye closed his eyes contentedly.
"Curious, indeed," Yushi felt a strange sense of pride well up. It appeased the beast within him a great deal.
"Oh heavens! I said that outloud?! I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind." Xueye was about to pull away but Yushi's firm yet comfortable grip kept Xueye in place. Instead, Xueye pulled the blanket up higher to hide his face a bit.
"It's no problem, truly." Yushi chuckled softly, amused by Xueye's reaction. "I quite enjoy having you close. I'd love nothing more than to remain like this as long as you are comfortable."
"Don't tease," Xueye grumbled softly. "I've had enough from Qingkong already."
"I mean it," Yushi voiced evenly. "I'd give you all my time, but I suspect you'd scold me for neglecting my responsibilities."
"You'd be right!" Xueye leered. He started fiddling with the edge of one of his blankets. "Forgive me if I find it hard to believe, but just what is it that even makes you think that way?"
"It's difficult to explain in detail right now," Yushi hummed thoughtfully. A gentle smile fell across his lips as he recalled Qingkong's teasing over their shared conversation that he happened to overhear. "Your brother asked me something quite similar when I stopped by earlier."
"Well, what did you tell him?" Xueye tried to tamper his eagerness, however Qingkong had made him quite curious.
"I told him how remarkable you are. Even with the hell you've had to go through, you're so kind to others and you still manage to smile despite it all." Yushi's voice was so gentle and filled with admiration.
"Surely you realize that smile of mine is not real," Despite the warm feeling Xueye got from those words there was still an anxious feeling deep inside. He couldn't help but worry that Yushi was missing that side of him. "I smile so no one asks, 'what's wrong?' I got used to hiding how much I'm shattered inside because it's usually too much for people, but not you. So far anyways. I worry about the day it will."
"You can't scare me off," Yushi smiled fondly. "You'll never be rid of me for something so small."
"How can you be so sure?" The sorrowful look on Xueye's face held a hint of fear. He really didn't want to lose him but paranoia that came from past events just made it so difficult to believe. The most devastating was fresh on his mind after all.
"Snowdrop, I've been broken myself, quite close to your age." Yushi's voice was so incredibly gentle and filled with a hint of sweetness. "I know what it's like. It takes a long time to get put back together. However, even broken pottery can become more beautiful when pieced together with gold. Don't you think so?"
Yushi looked at him with such admiration and adoration it made Xueye feel weak. Xueye felt tears threatening to fall. He closed his eyes to try and stop them. How could he not believe Yushi? He'd been nothing but sweet and genuine to Xueye. Even when Yushi couldn't reveal secrets he expressed how much he wanted to. Xueye felt nothing but care and consideration from Yushi since day one.
"I think I'm still a long way from being put back together," Xueye's voice was barely above a whisper.
"There's no shame in that," Yushi reassured. "If you ever need me to help put you back together, I'll be there. Even if you don't want to be, I'll still be there. I'm here for you, regardless of how pieced together you are."
"How can you just say things like that?" Xueye whimpered. "You'll give someone the wrong idea."
"Ever consider you have the right idea," Yushi chuckled softly.
"I'd rather not misunderstand," Xueye sighed.
"Perhaps, when we next have quite some time alone, I'll make it clear then," Yushi heard the doctor starting to make his way back upstairs and he'd seen Qingkong eavesdropping from the doorway out of the corner of his eye. On top of that, he'd already decided earlier that it was not the right day.
"I would appreciate that," Xueye smiled shyly.