[Not beta-read by my beta reader and editor, GlassThreads, but thank you, GlassThreads, for beta-reading literally everything else!]
I know the title sounds dramatic, but going with "Announcement!" probably wouldn't have been enough. Those two words summarize it pretty quickly.
I haven't been able to write a chapter for DN since last February.
We've been coasting on my backlog for the past six months or so every time I release a chapter. I've tried many times; so many times to try and pick up my pen again and lay down words to the page. I have the entirety of DN volume 6 and 7 outlined, too. You can't write 1.5 million words without passion somewhere, without caring very deeply about what you're writing. But I just couldn't.
I wanted so much to write out the rest of Chul's story. So much to write out the rest of Arthur's, the rest of Toren's, the rest of Seris's. Caera and Cylrit and Sevren and Circe and Aurora all have so much left to give. The scenes are so vivid in my head, burning with a need to be put to the page. The fight scenes are there, more and more bombastic with every turn of the page. Then the emotional scenes, the character defining moments. But I just can't.
What made me care for TBATE was its core, central premise, given at the start between Arthur and Sylvia. "Live a life better than your last one." I'll admit, TBATE volumes 1 through 5 weren't the greatest. In fact, they were basically just a tier above common power fantasy slop. It avoided many of the tropes that made power fantasy terrible, but never took any of the paths that make a novel good. That was until volume 6: where TurtleMe recognized the flaws in his past work, and set to rectifying them. For the first time, Arthur's core motivation began to be challenged as he found himself slipping back into Grey. "Can I truly live a new life better than my last?" Arthur asked himself. "Am I truly worthy of this new life I'm learning to live?" And all of this culminated in the volume 7 finale, where we got our answer in Nico Sever's return.
That answer was a resounding "No. No, you can never live a new life, not until you rectify the failures of your past one. You can't run from your problems."
TBATE volumes 6, 7, 8, and 9 are considered the peak of the series: I say they aren't amazing intrinsically. They shine because, in those moments when the story recognized its past faults, it set to surmounting them. In a progression novel with a message of a brighter day, the narrative managed to embody itself. That's what I loved about TBATE, and also what made the Legacy plotline the beating heart of the story for me. From volume 9 onward, the Legacy was the greatest character obstacle to Arthur's growth. Nico and Cecilia were the emotional hinges on which any arc Arthur could have had would swing. But when the Legacy plot went awry, when no characters received development, and when the entire thing fizzled out at the end of volume 11… Well, that was the emotional conclusion of that. The story had given up on improving itself, and instead went back to its power fantasy ways, except with a little shinier paint.
TBATE turned away from what made me love it. When I saw Nico, I saw what I wrote in Chapter 299. I thought that was what TurtleMe saw, too. I've struggled to reconcile that that might have never been the case.
And on Friday, TBATE ended. I've followed that story for over half a decade, and I was a patron for five years. But when it ended, I just felt… Nothing. There was nothing left worth feeling over. The reasons to care for TBATE ended in volume 11, and afterwards, it had been a long, slow, miserable death I had obligated myself to watch. The greatest irony, for me, is that my backlog would have outpaced canon's ending by months if TurtleMe hadn't needed to take a few month-long breaks from the story along the way, but the ending of TBATE lined up exactly with the ending of my backlog.
The man was truly exhausted by TBATE. The second greatest irony is that I've also been in his exact position with something else. You won't find me hating on the man like so many of the fandom, only on his writing lol.
But that's why I haven't been able to write DN, no matter how hard I try. Someone else may be better able to separate themselves from canon, but how could I? I wrote this entire thing with extreme adherence to canon structures so it would feel like an AU, so that's not an easy option for me. The entire premise of this story—Lady Dawn breaking Fate—rests on the existence of a canon, another timeline. Another thing is that, as I've grown more and more as a writer, fanfiction itself feels like more and more of a chain rather than an outlet. Fanfiction is amazing for teaching an author how to write: the train tracks are already laid for you. You just need to paint in the car that's going on them as it rumbles through. Then, when one wishes to write their own work, they already know the shape of a train car, and can paint it in without struggle. But I've felt the limitations of those train tracks more and more and more.
I'm not done tackling the themes I've been trying to tackle with DN. I have another story that I'm writing that will probably take a year or so for me to get the first book done. It will be something of a spiritual successor to DN. I'll publish that on RoyalRoad and SpaceBattles when that's out.
But I know the legacy of authors just dropping an entire work that people are deeply invested in without leaving a conclusion. So on Tuesday, I'm going to upload my entire outline for Volumes 6 and 7of DN. The entire thing is mapped from plot beat to plot beat, all the way to the end. I cannot bring myself to write this anymore. But I can give my readers some closure. I will also write four chapters after the outline is published that act as the Finale chapters for what would have been after the outline's end. I'd also answer any questions about characters and where they'll be going.
I am sorry to those who cared for this story on all the platforms I've posted it on. The comments and messages about each of the characters that I so lovingly crafted (Chul is actually my favorite character, believe it or not) resonate with me, and I have been honored to give what is on my page to all of you. I hope that the epilogue chapters and the outline list will help, and I hope that, when I set off to write something new, you'll stick around.
Thanks,
TMKnight