I choke at the last one. Ignoring the gaze in the rearview mirror, I hurriedly turn to look at the couple that has missed the previous red light and is waiting for the next one to cross the road.
It is really comical, and I wonder how the man would feel if he knew of the thought in his date's mind.
I laugh again, expelling the slight weight that has gathered at the heavy thoughts of preoccupation carried by many. Really, no matter which aspect of life it is, it always has its good sides and its bad sides. Like now, despite the mental noise that has become the background of my life, I get to derive some fun along the way, and that, without paying a cent.
A keep a smile on my lips throughout the rest of the journey. The taxi arrives home soon, and I pay the fare before walking down the short walkway. I look around before I unlock the door. It seems to me that I have stopped living in the neighborhood ever since the accident. It is like only the house that is the home of us two sisters has anchored me in this place, while a haze has appeared between me and the rest, a haze that has grown so thick that I suddenly find that I'm feeling a little unfamiliar despite having grown up here.
And, looking at the houses around, and thinking about the families I have grown up seeing, I suddenly realize that I have not really paid attention to their thoughts before.
Even though the world has become noisier since the last incident, thoughts are not like sounds. They don't propagate, but instead float around, for the ones strong enough to jump out, or light, inconsequential thoughts. And I always focus on home nowadays, aiming to jump in the little bit of warmth that remains after mom and dad are gone.
I blink, then push those thoughts to the back, and push the door open. The light that shines from inside creates a sharp contrast that breaks through the haze and brightens my face. If the world was a painting, or it is frozen right at that moment, I bet that would become a beautiful piece full of meaningful contrast.
"Max, you are back?"
"Sis."
I step into the silence that I have come to appreciate, with no noise in the background of my mind, just a simple, warm, orphaned home.
_ _ _
_ _ _
The night passes like usual, but also like a few times when it is not how it used to be more than nine months ago.
Stepping out of the house, I'm wearing a pair of earrings that I have chosen with Emmie's strong input at the mall yesterday. With silver bodies and light sapphire that glint in the sunlight every time they shake with the rhythm of my steps, it is the first time I feel an overpowering femininity since the accident.
With my hands in the front pocket of my jacket, I have a light smile on my face as I walk to the road, my mood light from the still lingering memories from yesterday.
After dinner, which of course Liz had already started to take care of when I got home, we prepare for bed as usual, before she asks to see the choices I have made, which are quite sober compared to how ostentatious Emmie has wanted me to look. With that, I had Liz playing with my ears while we lay in bed. That is when I discovered that I am actually more sensitive with my ears than I expected.
Even after tasting intimacy and losing my virginity, it was only yesterday that I knew soft fingers rubbing my earlobes and caressing the new accessories I have put through the new piercings could loosen up my lower lips to seek cool breaths.
So, I naturally took Liz's chest as my way out of the one-sided situation, fondling it while sucking at the tips of her breasts. Then I trailed downward, down to her soft stomach, over her fresh scar, then to the interior of her short nightie, for the warmth that has started exuding warmth even before the arrival of my fingers, the pathfinders for my lips.
Shaking my head to chase the heat from last night out of my mind, I flag a taxi to avoid the cramped and doubly noisy bus. The classes pass like usual, this time, without any usual unusualness.
The teachers come and go, and I absorb their more useful and educational thoughts like a sponge. When the last bell rings, chairs screech against the ground, shoes noisily rub the ground, and breaths charged with the heat from burning brains are exhaled. Well, the last point doesn't come last for everyone, but everyone understands.
In short, classes are over, freedom has arrived, and there is no chain holding anyone back anymore.
Emmie glances at me, her dark red eyes holding a light of inquiry, not even lingering on how different from usual I look with the accessories she has enthusiastically helped me buy. I smile at her, still not explaining anything about the promised surprise, and throw my bag over my shoulder after putting my things away.
Smiling, I wave at her, then walk out of the classroom, and go to the locker rooms.
Actually, all of Emmie's confusion comes from not knowing how I will surprise her, or rather, how I will manage to do so. Because it is a fact that I have never played basketball before, and now I am aiming for the team straight away instead of the club where I can casually or seriously learn before taking the leap, like she is doing with the swimming club. However…
I leave the locker room with a confident small smile at the corner of my lips. Will what I am about to do bring about another heap of suspicion? I don't know, and I don't care. I don't want to care. I am young. I am supposed to live a bright life. And I will live one, even if the sky remains overcast.