Outside of the apartment building, I exhale, and I don't know if it is relief that action of mine carries. Walking down the road with my hand, I shove my hands into the side pockets of the jacket I have worn. I feel a twinge of uneasiness inside.
My first thought goes to Liz. She just comes to my mind, and my uneasiness starts melting into a slight but irrational fear. But my rationality comes online, and makes me think about what the source of the sensation can be. And that brings to my mind what just happened.
I look up at the bright sky tainted with a gloomy haze of coldness, a similar haze coming to cover my heart as it calms down. I know what Emmie has tried to say yesterday, and today. And I didn't let her say it neither of those two times. And I can even come up with an excuse.
She is dealing with an emotional upheaval that has shaken her world and destabilized her life. She may be seeking an emotional anchor. But I know that is just an excuse.
I pause in my thoughts, and stop myself from thinking further, as I let my mind empty itself. I proactively let everything become like a breeze that moved away.
Ignoring the gazes falling on me, and the thoughts polluting the air, I move on autopilot, like I have detached myself, disconnected myself a bit from the world. In that silence, a sharp contrast with the joy and brightness around.
Right, melancholy doesn't really suit Christmas. Well, it is not called Christmas here. Not in this city, I mean in this world. But it is something similar, so omnipresence is really a thing. A change in universe and in reality hasn't changed that, and maybe that is why reincarnation has gotten me here. A not-so-clean start from one room to another in the same house.
An absentminded smile makes its way to my lips. How do I know, when I'm moving with that little haze between reality and me? I just know. Or maybe that is just my imagination.
The day before yesterday was the start of the winter holidays, and yesterday, the day of the winter dance party at school, a way to celebrate before the holiday itself, or just an excuse. Though Emmie and I skipped it.
This time, I can feel the smile I produce with my lips, and it spreads wider than the one I may or may not have imagined.
Back to the topic, today is the eve of the holiday, let's say Christmas Eve. No matter Liz's plan yesterday, she can go anywhere today, at least in the evening.
Arriving by the road, I cross it, and I wait in the dry cold air for a bit, before the bus arrives at the stop. It is less cramped than usual at this time. I find myself a seat, and look at the passing scenery like how one would look at a distant painting, just with an empty gaze that takes in the colors, the emotions, the brightness and the dimness.
After a while on the road, the bus arrives where I must go down, and I continue the rest of the way on foot. When I arrive home, I immediately know that Liz has not gone out upon stepping inside. But she is not on the ground floor. Her traces in the living room have yet to fade, so she must have gone upstairs not long ago. I thought I would come back to find her on the bed, or on the sofa, with her learning materials.
I smile, and go to the kitchen, first to wash my hands, then to take the milk bottle out of the fridge.
At that moment, a shout comes from the top of the stairs:
"Maxine! Is that you!"
"Yes, sis! It's me! I'm back!"
Looking at the time, it is nine. I wonder what she is doing upstairs. I put the milk bottle back into the fridge, and put the glass I have filled into the microwave.
I look through the kitchen for something to snack on along with the drink, and I'm surprised when I find a plate of cupcakes that have not been made for long, and have been covered to keep them fresh.
I don't think they are for me. Liz didn't know when I would come back today, and most of the time, she keeps things simple in the kitchen if she is cooking for herself. So, given that they possibly are not for me, and not for herself, especially since the plate is still full, who are they for?
The thought I had yesterday came back to my mind, and I take a cake which I angrily bite into.
"Max?"
The voice startles me. I glance at the stairs with panic surging inside, and hastily push the rest of the cake in my mouth. And even though it is full, I still stick my tongue out to lick the bits and pieces on my fingers. I put the cover back onto the plate, and turn around just as the footsteps coming down reach the floor.
They come to stop behind me, and a question floats over, full of curiosity:
"Max, what are you doing?"
I pretend that the microwave and its contents are the most interesting thing around, and refuse to turn around.
I hear Liz move behind me, and she must have seen the object of my focus. When she speaks again, I can hear the soft laughter at the back:
"You quite like the milk. Because of you, I have to keep dealing with damp bras. And I'm not even a mother yet."
I tilt my head to the side both to hide a pout difficultly generated with my stuffed mouth and an embarrassed blush.
"Hahahaha… So, how was your night out? You let go of the snack you never miss the occasion to sleep with. Has there been some progress I should know about?"
The embarrassment this time digs deeper, and I almost forget to chew on what I have stuffed in my mouth like a little thieving mouse.
*Ding-dong*
The sound of the bell comes like a relief. The teasing glance behind me seems to read me like an open book, before moving away, along with footsteps I now notice belong to high heels. I also smell a subtle scent of perfume that seemed to hammer the conclusion I have reached before about Elizabeth's plan.
I wrinkle my nose in distaste, and glance back to see Liz really dressed with care for an outing.
I yank the door of the microwave open and take out the glass inside without waiting anymore, and push the cupcake down my digestive tract with resentment with a third of the content.
I watch Liz go open the door, and I turn my eyes away when I hear her smilingly converse with a male voice. I slow down to avoid hurting myself out of spite without even seeing the enemy, and soon, footsteps coming back resound, two distinct footsteps.
I wrinkle my nose, and refuse to look, but then the uneasiness from before comes back. I don't know why, and I don't really know what it is. The world seems to slow down for me, while my heart does the opposite, accelerating to the point of pounding the side of my ribcage.
I suddenly recall the fear that has crept up behind the uneasiness half an hour or more ago, and this time, it comes like an unstoppable tide.
I frown, really shaken this time, and I turn, slowly, in my perception, but maybe not in the perception of the world. My gaze falls on Liz, her smile, her shining eyes, before moving, and I see someone I have never expected, someone I have almost forgotten, pushed to the back of my head to live a good life, at least while I still can.
I see a man I wish I have never seen, and who I would never see again. Only, I may have forgotten about the world, about the abyss, but I have forgotten, not it, not them.
I pause, then I choke, because of the world crashing down over my head… our heads.
"Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough!~ Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough!..."
A/N: Send the power stones, and don't be stingy with reviews. I need the motivation, especially with the recent bad wind that has given me a cold.
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