How can you tell if a movie is a bad one? Many people, like Matthew sitting in a theater, have pondered this question.
A good box office doesn't necessarily mean it's not a bad movie.
Bad movies don't always perform poorly at the box office, and successful films can still be terrible. Hollywood has plenty of box office hits that are bad, just as it has good films that fail miserably at the box office.
Matthew had watched many bad films before, including some so awful they couldn't get any worse. He knew that watching a bad movie never brings any joy.
He remembered a time when he doubted whether Chinese horror films were truly as bad as people said, so he downloaded a few to see for himself. The experience was so distressing that he ended up with insomnia and hallucinations, similar to how Batman felt after being poisoned in Arkham Knight.
One night, after watching a particularly bad movie, he couldn't stop hearing unclear voices shouting in his head.
The next morning, while working on a construction site, he noticed the newly constructed building in front of him looked like a giant monster. Its main entrance was a gaping mouth, and the windows were its eyes, emitting a sinister white glow. The building seemed coiled by giant snakes, writhing and making creaky noises. He was so shaken that he sat down on the spot and took a few days off to recover.
Watching too many bad films not only harms people but can also deal a serious blow to their mental state.
Back then, when he took time off, he tried to heal himself by rewatching his favorite classics. He carefully selected well-loved and engaging films like Back to the Future, Die Hard, Indiana Jones, The Dark Knight, Lethal Weapon, The Lord of the Rings, and even Chinese films like Once Upon a Time in China and Infernal Affairs. But it was no use. He felt nauseous just by looking at them. Even romantic action films from the US and Japan, new and old, were unwatchable.
When he tried playing games, he would get dizzy after a while. Previously, he could play puzzle games for half the night without any issues, and it wasn't because he was getting older. Reading online novels was even worse; just a few lines would trigger nausea and hallucinations.
Later, a coworker who had also been tormented by bad movies told him that he had developed "Bad Movie Syndrome." The symptoms included vomiting, diarrhea, irritability, hallucinations, insomnia, weakness, dizziness, and blurred vision.
To recover, Matthew began going outside every morning to breathe fresh air and clear his mind. He made sure to eat well and exercised in the afternoons, gradually feeling better.
What frustrated him the most was that "Bad Movie Syndrome" didn't qualify for workers' compensation!
For the sake of mental and physical health, it's best to avoid bad movies.
Matthew later shared his experience with his movie-loving coworkers, urging them to exercise, eat well, maintain independent judgment, and, most importantly, stay away from bad movies.
As an avid amateur film enthusiast, he eventually developed a basic rule for identifying bad movies.
There are three types of movies that can almost always be assumed to be bad before watching: Chinese historical films, Chinese fantasy films, and Chinese horror films.
This wasn't prejudice; it was simply based on the high proportion of bad films he'd seen in those genres.
Compared to those, John Carter wasn't that bad. It was, after all, well-produced, with stunning visuals in every scene. Both the background effects and battle scenes were top-notch for its time.
From a visual standpoint, the $250 million budget was well-spent.
But Matthew knew that when Hollywood big-budget films fail, they don't fail in every aspect. Instead, there's usually a fatal flaw in one key area.
The "Hollywood bad movie" that makes it to theaters typically has a glaring issue that leaves the audience unsatisfied, feeling that it didn't live up to the "blockbuster" title.
Take John Carter, for example. It was a beautifully made film, but it just didn't feel satisfying. The content was outdated, filled with clichés long abandoned by Hollywood. The overblown and tedious narrative made it a textbook case of a well-crafted but poorly executed assembly-line product. Matthew's biggest takeaway was that it felt like eating a McDonald's hamburger at a fancy French restaurant—completely out of place.
In fact, there's a clear difference between Hollywood and Chinese bad movies.
Hollywood's bad big-budget films often have identifiable flaws—something here is overdone, something there is underwhelming. But with Chinese bad movies, every part seems terrible, like biting into a rotten fruit that's spoiled all over, leaving you with no choice but to spit it out and rinse your mouth.
Of course, Hollywood produces far more bad movies than those across the Pacific.
Especially the low-budget ones.
Hollywood churns out a huge number of bad films every year, but there are warning signs: an unknown director and cast, maybe a couple of B-list actors for show; a low budget; little to no promotion before release. Sci-fi, fantasy, action, and horror are Hollywood's most notorious genres for bad films. If the movie's title is strange and the plot summary vague, it's best to steer clear.
You can usually tell a bad Hollywood movie by looking at the poster, trailer, and stills.
These bad films tend to follow a predictable pattern—no creativity, full of clichés, boring and uninspired...
True Hollywood flops are hard for audiences across the Pacific to even see in theaters. Even in North America, these movies typically bomb at both the box office and with critics. If a director makes two such films in a row, they'll struggle to find anyone willing to fund their next project. After Wolfgang Petersen's Troy and Poseidon flopped, he hasn't directed another film. Actors' careers also suffer after starring in too many bad movies—just look at how Nicolas Cage is doing now, accepting any low-budget flop that comes his way.
Most of Hollywood's truly terrible movies are made for the home video market, just to make a quick buck.
There's even a company called "The Asylum" that specializes in making knock-off trash films. When Transformers came out, they made Transmorphers. When I Am Legend was released, they made I Am Omega. They even made 100 Million B.C. to rip off 10,000 B.C..
These films are made for less than $1 million, skip theaters entirely, and go straight to DVD. Their sole purpose is to cash in on poorly-made copies of blockbuster films.
John Carter wasn't that kind of bad film.
No one would have expected a film by Andrew Stanton, an Oscar-winning member of Pixar's core team, to turn out this way. But leaving his comfort zone of animated films and stepping into live-action led to this result.
After watching the film, Matthew had a newfound respect for James Cameron.
Only after seeing a big-budget film like John Carter, which had a higher production cost than Avatar, could he truly appreciate Cameron's directorial skills. While many criticized Avatar for its simple and predictable plot, John Carter couldn't even tell a simple story well.
It felt more like a showcase for Hollywood's most advanced CGI technology.
For some reason, watching this film reminded Matthew of something a foreman once told him while he was working across the Pacific.
This foreman, who had probably subcontracted several layers of work, graduated from a fourth-rate university with a degree in architecture. He hadn't learned much in college but had amassed extensive experience watching films. He was, in a way, Matthew's guide into the world of cinema.
This foreman had once told him that watching bad movies doesn't just give you "Bad Movie Syndrome."
First, life is short. Even if you watched movies from the moment you opened your eyes until the day you died, you'd never finish them all. If you spend that precious time on bad films, you'll lose the chance to watch good ones—or rather, you'll lose a part of your life that could have been meaningful.
Second, the experience of watching a bad movie is painful. Instead of finding joy, you'll be mentally scarred, and you can't even talk about it too much with others. Some people, out of curiosity, will even waste their own time just to see how bad a movie can be. Maybe they do it to feel intellectually superior.
Watching John Carter brought back these memories for Matthew.
The foreman had once sincerely advised him: be cautious about the movies you choose, especially in theaters. People will waste your time, drain your energy, and you'll even pay them for it. It's just not worth it.
After watching this film, especially the scene where the male lead hops around shocking the Martians, Matthew was certain there would be no surprising twist to save it.
Andrew Stanton should really return to making animated films and stop dabbling in live-action.
Maybe live-action and animation are just two entirely different worlds.
When the movie ended, the audience applauded. Matthew, like the other guests, made his way to the front row where the cast and crew were seated, offering his congratulations.
"An excellently produced film," Matthew said as he shook Andrew Stanton's hand.
It wouldn't be smart to tell him the film wasn't great—that would just make him look like a fool.
Matthew also shook Brad Pitt's hand without saying much, then walked over to Natalie Portman.
"How does it feel to be a princess on Mars, Nat?" Matthew asked as he opened his arms to hug the elegantly dressed Natalie Portman. "Was it a special experience?"
Natalie Portman smiled and replied, "This is my last big-budget commercial film."
She
was well aware of the lukewarm reactions to the film and knew that her future lay in independent, artistic films.
Matthew nodded at her. "I hope you achieve your goal."
Natalie Portman understood that he was referring to Black Swan and the Oscars. With a confident smile, she said, "Thank you."
Her focus had long shifted to Black Swan. That was her final shot—either she'd soar to great heights or fade into obscurity.
Black Swan had already finished production, and two private screenings for critics had been held, both receiving rave reviews.
This had given her even more confidence, and she had now crafted a more secure plan for her Oscar campaign.
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