"God damn am I beautiful." Roman Torchwick, up and coming master thief and criminal star muttered as he looked at his reflection in the First Bank of Vale's window.
He hadn't yet gone in. Things had to be perfect for him, after all. No bed head, no wrinkles in his clothes, pearly white teeth, his hat was placed in a perfectly stylish position that framed his face and he had a large, empty black duffel bag strapped around his shoulder.
"Hm.. am I missing something though? Think, Roman.. you devilishly sexy bastard. Oh!" Roman snapped his fingers and popped a mint in his mouth.
"Perfect! Now, it's time to play my goddamned heart out." Roman smirked cockily and walked into the bank while twirling his cane/weapon, Melodic Cudgel.
His experienced eyes glanced all around, spotting the cameras and giving one a wink before cutting in line to see a teller. His whistling and natural charisma making it difficult to be too mad at him.
"Greetings and salutations, my good man!" Roman greeted the nearest Teller while hip-checking some poor middle aged man out of the way. "I've come to make an offer you just can't refuse. Five million lien, straight into this here duffel bag. No need to rush. I'll stand here and let you bask in my presence as reparation."
"...? Ahh..?" The Teller blurted out in confusion.
"Pffft-" A few of the civilians start to laugh, both from the sheer amusement and disbelief of the situation.
A few of them started to record and stream on their scrolls, thinking it was some sort of Scrolltube prank. And to Roman's credit, he didn't seem annoyed, frustrated or even mildly upset. In fact, he basked in the spotlight and gave the crowd his signature cocky smirk while twirling his cane-shaped weapon around his wrist.
"Aha, yes. Funny, right? Well I'm an underdanding guy, so I get it. Doesn't even seem real, right? Center of Vale? Who could be as ballsy, as handsome and as charismatic as to stage a robbery here..?" Roman paused, placing his hand on his chest and turning his head back toward the Teller.
"Uh.."
*BANG!*
The dumb confusion was shattered when Roman raised Melodic Cudgel and pointed it at the Teller before firing a blast from the end of the cane. The fire shot into the wall behind the Teller, shooting five millimeters away from his ear before making its mark on the wall and blowing a hole into it.
"KYAAA!" After that, all hell broke loose.
"OH SHIT!!" One of the civilians screamed before some of them made a run for the doors while the others ducked.
*BANG!*
The fleeing civilians stopped in their tracks, seeing a fire shot hit the ground in front of the entrance. Turning back, they saw Roman wagging his finger at them as if they were naughty children.
"Ah ah, no fleeing. I'm sure you all know how this song and dance goes. Everyone on the floor near the back wall, except the fine gentlemen recording me and mister teller here. Chop-chop, I like to keep to a schedule!" Roman yelled, prompting all the civilians and employees minus the two teenage boys who were streaming and the teller to either sit or lie down at the very back of the bank.
"Uh.. we're streaming though?" One of the boys, a teen with slicked back dark blue hair and brown eyes spoke up, holding his scroll up.
Roman paused for a second, then raised his brow.
"Is that another word for pissing yourself? If so, relax. I'm not looking to steal lives. Just lien and maybe some hearts while I'm at it." Roman stated while holding his jaw along the length of his index finger.
"Er..? No. It's a live broadcast." The boy corrected.
"Live? So how many people we got watching?" Roman asked, tossing his duffel bag at the teller and pointing Melodic Cudgel at him, silently telling him to get to work.
The boy looked at his other streaming friend and felt a shiver go up their spines.
"It's.. uh.. fifty.." Roman snorted in disappointment.
"Only fifty?! Well I did just start my magnificent robbery. It's understandable, I suppose."
The boy shook his head and cleared his throat before clarifying, "No! I mean like.. fifty-thousand. We're number one on Scritch!"
"Well hot damn! Hey kid, gimme your scroll. You, quieter kid, follow me and keep streaming!" Roman then swiped the scroll from the excitable boy and pulled the quieter boy along by his shoulder.
"Hey! Not cool, dude.." The boy muttered in protest, though there wasn't much he could do.
Roman merely ignored him and pulled the meek teen along while holding the scroll he took up to his face.
"Hello Vaaaale! It's me, Roman Motherfuckin' Torchwick coming at you live with my very own, very original lifehack! Need money? Take it! Can't take it? Get skills! Can't get skills? Get some balls! Your man here has all three. Don't believe me? Keep watching. I'll prove it." Like a game show host, Roman introduced himself to the stream's many viewers.
And a cascade of comments came in, along with more viewers.
[StinkyFard: LMAO. Can't rob a bank? 'No balls'. Bro telling us we aren't him cuz we don't break the law. Absolute madlad.]
[Holy_Suzuki: Gotta admit though the guy has balls. There's already gotta be some Huntsmen or Huntresses coming over.]
[ObviousSpy: RIP to the drippy robber. Bro's about to get folded 🙏😭]
[StinkyFard: Naaaaw I believe in bro. You got this shit, guyliner. Slaaaay 💅]
Sadly for Roman, the comment section warning him about Huntsmen being on their way were absolutely right. A man and woman had just entered the bank. The man was holding a collapsible staff, with different blades on each side: one being clawed, and the other being spiked. While the woman held a slingshot-tuning fork that could fie sonic blasts.
Publicly known in Vale, the man was named Roch Szalt while the woman was named Kandi Floss.
[Camo: Ain't no way they sent the middest of Huntsmen in. Kandi is decent but Roch is..]
[StinkyFard: LMAO Roch Szalt? Bro is so ass at his job and he doesn't even fight Grimm. Dude fumbled like five times this month.. and it's the 7th! 😩]
[P_J_Sch: I'd say he's being mean^. But during a turf war the guy accidentally tackled an eighty year old woman and shattered a bunch of her bones. Thing is, she wasn't even that close to it..]
[LStar_334: Hiya ❤️. Roch also tried to stop a drunk driver once and pit maneuvered the driver into a streetlight. Nearly killed the woman and she wasn't even drunk. Just driving a beat up pickup van. 😬]
Roman grinned as the comments began to mock Roch and share his many mistakes. He rolled his shoulders and tossed the scroll back to the blue haired teen, who dove in to catch it.
"Well, I guess I have a few minutes I could dedicate to feeding amateurs their teeth. Gonna come at me together or waste my valuable time kicking your ass one at a time?" Roman asked, his words instantly enraging Roch, who shouted and charged the criminal with staff posed to strike him.
"I'll show you amateur, BITCH!!" Roch swung his staff, clawed side sweeping at Roman's head.
"Damn it! Roch, can you stop charging into danger just once!?" Kandi yelled, clicking her tongue as her partner charged in and blocked any chance of a shot she could take.
"Ole!" Roman quickly moved to the side while spinning on his heel and tripping Roch forward while he ducked the telegraphed sweep.
"Aah!!" Roch tripped, his face driven straight into the crotch of the middle aged man Roman had hip checked away. The poor older man yelped, his voice taking on a high pitch as Roch's head smashed into his family jewels.
"Hey! This stream isn't rated R! Keep it in your pants." Roman grinned, aiming Melodic Cudgel at Roch's ass.
*DIIIING!*
Yet before he could, Kandi fired a sonic blast at the criminal. Roman saw her move out of the corner of his eye and quickly ducked low enough for the sonic blast to miss him. Yet it knocked his bowler cap off and the sonic blast cracked the wall behind Roman.
"Easy! That hat is expensive!" Roman yelled before engaging Kandi with close range attacks.
[firedogs13: Oh my god! He went for the balls! Can we get more nut shots!?]
[RatKingSkorn: Somebody get this bum outta the fight lmfao]
[StinkyFard: HARD carry by Kandi as usual. Roch is a living L, I swear bro 😂]
[NitroMiyazaki: Ooh man I feel for Kandi. She's a long range fighter. Getting a dumbass as a partner has to suck]
Roman smacked the tuning fork weapon out of Kandi's hand before aiming the handle of Melodic Cudgel backward and pulling a trigger. The hook shot out and caught Roch by the neck as he was getting up. He then clicked a button underneath the trigger and the hook quickly shot back to return to the cane, carrying Roch with it and hurling his body into Kandi as Roman took a bow, successfully ducking Roch's body as he flew over.
*CRASH!*
Both Huntsmen flew out the window and hit a nearby Vale Police car, taking a hit to their aura.
"Well that was fun! Oh look, my money's all ready. We should do this again sometime though." Roman smirked and took the stuffed full duffel bag.
He took one last bow toward the crowd and the cameras and turned toward the entrance. Though as soon as he saw who was there, he stopped dead in his tracks. The confident smirk on his face wiped away with something resembling true caution.
"Oh my heavens. These poor Huntsmen. Are you okay?" A crimson haired beauty with striking green eyes asked to the Huntsmen as she stood in the entrance to the bank.
[StinkyFard: Pack it tf up. Ain't no way Carmilla herself showed up to check this man 😭🙏]
[Rezhok: Dude you're fucked. Might as well raise your hips for the inevitable pegging]
[Von_Krieg: There's a ton of people who'd wanna get pegged by this baddie. Ngl I'd rob a bank for a chance to get vigorously tackled by her]
[Chimera_Owl: Nah I'm here for it. ROUND ONE: FIGHT!]
The comments came in, mostly raving about how hot Carmilla was. She had a certain dangerous reputation as well. Being a Huntress Mercenary with a 100% mission completion rate earned her that reputation. Roman, however, wasn't completely intimidated, even with the prospect of the two amateur Huntsmen teaming up with Carmilla.
"Well now.. I'm honored! To get the attention of an actually competent Huntress. Not that it'll matter, but-"
"Oh Roman~! Save the bravado for later. I love to savour the rush of breaking cocky men like you." Carmilla interrupted, holding her cheek with a blush as a bladed lightning infused whip was taken from a hidden compartment around her hips.
"Ma'am.. allow us to help-" Roch started to talk until Carmilla shut his mouth with her hand. "Shh.. No. Guard the exits. I'm going to take him myself and I don't need a walking fumble ruining things for me."
Once again, the comments seemed to go nuts. But what happened next nearly made them frenzy.
*CRACK!*
Roman, seeing a window to strike, dashed at Carmilla, only to narrowly avoid a crack of her whip. The tip of the bladed whip snapped, the force of the impact and lightning enough to carve a large gash into the solid marble floor. Roman staggered off to the left with wide eyes from shock.
"Holy..-" "Don't take your eyes off me, Roman~" Carmilla said, appearing right beside the criminal with a seductive yet sadistic smile on her lips.
Seeing as how Carmilla had Roman on the defense, both Kandi and Roch looked at each other before silently obeying the dangerous mercenary's order. While Roman instinctively raised Melodic Cudgel and blocked a flourish of Carmilla's whip, his metal cane scaped and carved into by the many blades.
"Son of a bitch..!" Roman backed up, quickly thinking about how he could escape. He had gotten cocky and thought he could fend off Carmilla, despite knowing who she was. Now that he saw he bit off a bit too much? He was going to run like hell.
"Are you daydreaming? Thinking about me in the midst of a fight?" Carmilla asked, her voice teasing as she wrapped her whip around Melodic Cudgel and kicked Roman in the stomach hard enough to launch him into the bank's vault door.
*CLAAANG!*
"Sh..it... Ow.." Roman groaned as his aura flickered. He picked himself up, just in time to see Carmilla walk over, whip poised to lash him across the face while she blushed.
"I'm sure a little stitching won't ruin you.. Oh I'm going to have so much fun with you afterward.." Seeing her lick her lips, Roman sneered in disgust and prepared to resume the fight. Carmilla struck out with her whip and Roman prepared to try and block it as best he could.
*BANG!!*
That is, until gunfire erupted behind Carmilla, diverting the strike of the whip and letting it harmlessly carve into the metal door behind Roman.
Carmilla quickly turned her head, seeing Ryuko, another redhead standing there holding up an engraved silver revolver. All while giving her an interested smirk.
[IStayTearwynning: Heh.. What do you call it when two redheads fight? ...Ginger beef!]
[Turtle5707: Mommies!? Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry]
[StinkyFard: BRO THIS SHIT IS GAS! 🗣🗣 CATFIGHT! White hot tears are coming down my LEEEEGS!!]
[MakotobutDiff: I'm about to act up, on god 🖐😩🤚]
"Sorry, that's one of my future partners. If you're horny, I recommend getting a dog to fuck you. You seem desperate enough." Ryuko said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
Carmilla turned to face her, instantly infuriated yet her lips parted in a cold smile.
"Charming.. I guess I'll break you first then."
"It'll take more than you have.."
[AN: Stinky got the most lines eh? Bro's no.1 on this fic. Higher than even ME! Anyway! Thanks for reading!]