I laid down in the barracks, watching a small, green spider weave its web across the soggy window frame. Apparently, Faren brought Indictment with him to the tower. He wasn't supposed to, and that was the only copy. He left a small canvas pouch beside his bunk, his stash of happy cabbage along with the Orca pipe. He'd kept it there as a thing to look forward to after surviving this war.
If I hadn't let Davod out, he would still be alive. None of this would have happened.
Renou and I had spent some time in the library earlier. We were taking turns making up stories about that mysterious book in the Forbidden section when this cute Goloagi runaway slave came up. She was in charge of making sure all the books were put back in the correct place and came to give him a good talking-to because he'd insisted on reshelving them upside-down. He confessed that he was merely trying to get her attention, and just like that I was alone again.
I borrowed a book, A Chronicle of the Daenma Schism, supposedly an analysis of the rift between the Imperial Goloagi and Eastern Orthodox Churches. Instead of reading it, I propped up on one elbow and stared at the cover.
I thought about going back to the empty church.
I couldn't.
Even that gave me a pang of guilt in my gut—I should have sought God's presence.
Miyani was busy doing her thing at the Lake of Doom. So she was there, and I was here.
Peyumi, the hundred-and-something-year-old woman, had told me I could come by at any time. So, I got up and made my way past the mud apartments, past the vita'o yard, to that back corner between the inner sanctum and the outer wall.
When I got there, Ta'o was talking with two Na'uhui women when I came up, one of whom twisted a lock of white hair around her finger while the other giggled at everything he said. When he saw me, he maneuvered his muscular frame before me and rested one arm on the stone wall. "What's up?"
Images of him bare-handed wrestling that four-hundred-pound throat-ripping lizard with three-inch talons to the ground to where she chirped out for mercy flashed through my mind. Yet his glistening dark-green skin bore few, if any scars. "I wanted to see Peyumi."
He shook his head and clenched his jaw. "Not a good time, bro."
"Oh." I lowered my eyes. "I don't know if you know what happened…"
He slapped my shoulder, and his yellow eyes smiled with the rest of his dark-green face. "You survived, bro! Jungle tested you, and you survived. You don't know what that means to these people! But seriously, another time."
"When's a good time?"
A shrivelly voice came from around the corner. "Is that Caleb of Gath?"
With it, sounds of children chatting hushed, and slow footfalls shuffled through the grass. Ta'o turned to her and answered. "Yes, ma'am."
As short as I remembered, she scarcely came up to my chest, but that permanent smile etched into her wrinkled face filled the world. "I'm so happy that you came by!"
I glanced at Ta'o and back to her. "You are?"
She took my hand in hers and led me around the corner, walking slower than I did on my wounded leg. "I need your help!"
"OK?"
Six children gathered around a short table filled with blocks of wood scraps of all sizes. Five of them had the dark, straight hair of their Herali fathers and the dark green skin of their Na'uhui mothers. The other, a girl of around five, was pure-blooded Na'uhui like Ta'o and the old womanq. The youngest couldn't have been more than three, and the oldest looked around seven.
She lowered her voice and craned her face up to speak to me as we walked. "All of these children lost their fathers at the Tower the other day."
A jolt shot throughout my whole body at that. I couldn't face them. Not me. That I survived… it wasn't fair. I shook my head and tried to pull away, but her grip was much stronger than I could have imagined. "I can't do this. It was all my fault. I can't…"
The old woman just smiled. "You're the third person to say that to me, but how can it be all their fault and yours at the same time? The math doesn't add up!"
That gave me pause. "Who else said that?"
She cocked one eyebrow high above the other and gazed at me through yellow eyes as though her whole face was to say you know better than to ask me that. Then she chuckled lightly and showed me an array of tools laid out beside an iron crucible at the center of the table that held burning red coals. "I bought these tools because I was told they're the same ones your people use to make those beautiful drawings on your bows. But then I realized that I have no idea how to use them! Won't you please show us how it works?"
Geraln's bow was decorated by all of us. Me, Sarina, Davod, Runya, Tor, Talys, Geraln, Guenevieve, Dariana, Ryoen, we each had a part. Talys drew out the words, For every flower, a place to bloom, and I filled them in. Davod drew a picture from The Great Hunt, and Geraln etched the names of some of his favorite books.
If some enemy warrior now carried it, would he care to know what it all meant?
Assuming it wasn't lost beneath a bush somewhere out in the forest, rotting in the rain.
As for the old woman, she had all the right tools. The straight, curve, needle, flattener, all of them. All the children watched, and so I picked up the curve. It nearly burned my fingers, so I showed them how to place them near the fire so the handle doesn't get too hot. Then, I gave them all a demonstration with a simple flower design.
I showed them how to use the flattener to cover large areas, or to feather it for a nice texture. From there, I moved on to the needle, burning a design into the wood with each until they all felt ready to make their own.
As for whether it was a good idea to let children from three to seven handle fire, Peyumi shrugged. "They'll have to learn that fire is hot at some point."
One boy was about six. He started burning shapes into the wood, made some more shapes, then looked up at me directly. "Have you ever seen a bear?"
They all turned to me. Had I ever seen a bear. I'd come too close to her cubs and didn't back away quickly enough. Davod shot her between the eyes. I should have protected him.
I looked among the children. They were suffering ten times what I was going through, so I had to put on a strong face. I made sure to animate my words for them, hoping to make it sound interesting. "Yes, I have. It's a big, giant, hairy beast with paws the size of your face, and a face like a real, meaty dog."
Another girl asked, "is it bigger than a vita'o?"
"Bigger, some of them, yeah, but not as smart."
The first boy asked again. "What about a rattlesnake?"
"A rattlesnake?"
"My daddy was half bear, half rattlesnake. He was half-and-half. Like me."
Sargon.
Just days ago he'd sat in the corner, watching as men volunteered for Borel's unit, one by one, until Pu'iyo asked for one more. He stood. He died in the same attack I ran away from. He had a son. His son was right in front of me.
You're not supposed to run.
He and the other veterans probably didn't run.
I survived while this boy's father was killed.
"Caleb!" The old woman's sharp voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Does this Falcon look right to you?"
Of course it didn't. On a light-colored block of wood, a four-year-old girl had burnt a crude stick figure with wings and human legs. It didn't look like Falcon at all, but that wasn't the point. I tried to show her a way to feather the curve in waves to make a nice wing design. She tried with enthusiasm, but her little fingers needed practice.
One could not say that Borel's final moments were marked with uncanny heroism, but that morning, I admired his wisdom. Ask for volunteers. He didn't want to be in a group of men whose only ambition in this war was to survive and go home. He wanted to make a difference; he wanted men who were there to fight.
At some point, Ta'o turned the corner with a canvas sack slung over one shoulder. He brought it up to the table and dumped out another collection of fresh wood scraps.
Ta'o wanted to fight. They wouldn't let him, but he wanted to fight for his home.
The Elder of Elders glanced up at him and nodded. "That will be more than enough, thank you so much!"
Then, before he walked off, she turned to the children. "You know, Caleb here wrestled a python!"
"Wow!"
"Cool!"
She added with effervescent joy, "and it was a big one!"
Ta'o laughed lightly as he turned the corner.
Sargon's son asked me, "how did you win?"
"I got lucky! That siren bird saved my life."
One of the little ones turned her face to the old woman. "What's a siren bird?"
Before I could answer, the Elder of Elders laughed low and smiled, resting her hand on the child's shoulder. Then she raised her face to the sky and whistled a strange and intricate warble unlike anything I'd ever heard.
Seconds later, an answer came from the trees beside the vita'o yard. She whistled again. A moment later, a small brown bird flew up, perched on a wire basket hung from the roof of her hovel, and nibbled at some greasy seed block thing.
She repeated the whistle again, and the bird flew down to perch on her outstretched finger. The bird flexed its wings out into a large arch shape, then spread them wide and walked around in a circle. "This, children, is a siren bird. We say, woðæfifɪða. The females make their nests high in the trees, and do nothing but sit on their eggs and gossip! If you learn to hear them, you'd be surprised what you can pick up."
She pursed her lips as though she were about to whistle again, then spoke instead. "This is how they warn each other about pythons."
Peyumi then whistled low and followed with a high flip downwards—the same call I'd heard right before that snake attacked me. The bird flapped her wings and squawked in protest.
"I'm giving a demonstration, and you know that!"
The bird squawked again and shook her tiny head rapidly. The Elder of Elders then whistled the same call again, three flips. The bird echoed. Peyumi explained. "Remember, children, three flips will try to eat you, four will succeed. Unless you're big like Caleb, here, he'll need at least a five to get eaten." She turned to me. "How big was it?"
"Seven."
"Seven!" Her yellow eyes went wide, and her whole face effused in wonder, mirroring the children's enthusiasm. "ɣʊdʊ gaŋo payiθa!"
I chuckled lightly. "Yes, it was very big."
The four year-old girl asked. "How did you win?"
I had to make it good, so I leaned in and put a special inflection in my voice. "When I heard that bird warning me, I couldn't remember what it was at first. I started to get afraid, because it was right over me. Then it flew down, and I swear it looked right at me. Finally I remembered it meant python. So I immediately dropped my bow and took out my knife."
I drew the blade Davod forged for me and showed it to them. One of the little boys reached to touch the blade, so I pulled it back.
"Then suddenly, wham! Something smashed into my face! And before I knew it, I was wrapped up all around by this massive, huge, giant muscle. Luckily, I was able to get my arm free, and I stabbed it. As soon as I did, it started flailing about all over the place."
I told them about the dog that tried to rip my leg off, and they were even more fascinated. I told them about shooting one of those vudu birds out of the sky, and the fascination was palpable. I grew addicted to the admiration. All the while, the old woman smiled and watched. Ranía's warning rang in my head, and I held back everything from meeting that family of vita'o and after. Even without her warning, I couldn't imagine how to explain what happened.
After a time, a handsome native woman rounded the corner. As soon as she appeared, the four year-old ran up and jumped into her waiting arms with an exuberant smile across her face.
"Ahh, ahh!" Peyumi held up a finger. "We always help clean up first!"
Moments later, two more came to collect their children, and we all helped to put things away. There was a bin beside her mud house where we put the extra pieces, and I found a metal dome to put over the coals. The tools went back in the box they came in. The clover tool was lost at first, but one of the children found it on the ground beneath the table.
Peyumi held up a light-colored block where the native girl, probably only five years old, had drawn an Escher cube.
I don't think it was supposed to be an Escher cube. No matter, the old woman held it up and beamed at the little girl who'd made it. "May I keep this?"
The girl nodded effusively.
Ta'o came back once more as the last mother led her son away. He grimaced at me briefly before turning to the Elder of Elders. "Shahel would like a word."
Whoever Shahel was, Peyumi squinted and pursed her ancient lips, then thought about it before answering. "Tell him I need a little time, and then he can come."
At that, Ta'o bowed and walked off. Her yellow eyes meandered up and down his back side before he turned the corner. She turned to me and laughed. "I'm old, not blind! Come. I have something for you."
"You do?"
She bent her venerable frame down to brush the grayed dog behind the ears. He barely reacted but for a deep breath and a shifted paw. Then she led me inside through a doorway I had to duck down low to fit through.
Inside, the scent of citrus filled the space from a copper pitcher atop an iron stove. The air was cool, a stark reminder that outside was sweltering and muggy—a feature of life at Carthia I'd nearly forgotten. Those strands of roots hanging from the ceiling seemed swollen from the rain earlier.
"Have a seat." She directed me to the same stuffed bag chair I sat upon the last time I was here, and she joined me with a tray of two ceramic cups giving off a healthy head of steam and a plate with four dark-brown shells.
"I promised you the last time that the next time you came I would tell you what this is."
I couldn't help but grin at that. "One of my friends told me. Dokokno, is that right?"
"That snitch!" We laughed together at that.
The hard, brown shell melted in my fingers, and when I bit into it, a thick marshmallowy goo exploded in my mouth carrying a faint hint of orange liquor. And if the Emperor could taste this, there would be no shortage of resources to defend this place, surely.
The old woman closed her eyes and basked in one of the treats before facing me. "How are you feeling?"
I needed that. Of all the people I'd ran into since making my way back to Carthia, she was the first and only one to ask me that. "It's difficult. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Meeting Sargon's boy, I don't know. I should have stayed back. I should have fought, maybe there was a chance. I ran. Like a coward, I ran. And I'm the only one to make it out alive? It's not fair. I don't understand."
"Mmm," she nodded. "It will take time. How are things with mɪyaŋi?"
That made me feel warm deep inside. The sensation of her arms around me. Blue jumped her to the second floor balcony, and the sight of her face alone made me feel at home. "I'm crazy about her."
She giggled lightly. "That's good!"
"You said it was the most important thing."
"Do you disagree?"
"Well…"
She rested her venerable hand on my arm. "Let me guess. It's a frivolous pursuit, and you should be focused on more important matters."
I shrugged. "Something like that, I suppose."
"What could be more important than the people we love?"
"It's so crazy. We barely know each other, it's been a struggle just learning each other's language and we're only now getting to where we can actually talk about things.
She leaned in to answer. "There are couples who speak the same language, who spend decades together and never learn to communicate. I think what you two are building together is beautiful. And, I'll add that these skills you've employed communicating with her will prove useful in many dimensions of your life."
Again she smiled at me, gesturing to the two steaming tea cups, equidistant from each of us. I took one, and she continued.
"There was a man when I was young. He was a pirate—real swashbuckler he was! And oh, he loved a lot of women!"
That made me smile. The tea had a hint of blackberry added to the citrus grass.
"One morning I was toying with his hair while he slept. His beautiful eyes cracked open, and he started telling me stories of his adventures. He told me about these magnificent Sequoia trees that grow around the Agarthan Sea. Have you heard of them?"
"I've read about them."
The old dog wandered in and rested his body at her wrinkled feet. She reached down and patted his neck. "Well, he told me he wanted to take me there. He wasn't serious, of course, but I was. So we sailed together. Such beauty in the world! The straits of Panem, high cliffs on both sides and the waters were treacherous let me tell you! We rounded the coast and sailed all the way north to the mouth of the sea, and we found a small village on the north coast. Caleb, let me tell you. We have trees here in 'uxuwi, I'm sure you've noticed."
That made me laugh.
"Words cannot do them justice. These Sequoia, they're massive, unlike anything you've ever seen. It would take twenty, perhaps thirty people holding hands to wrap around them, and they reach so high above you. It's so beautiful."
"Sounds breathtaking."
"Did you know," she set her cup down and looked directly at me, "that their seed pods will not open unless they're burnt?"
I sipped my tea. "I didn't know that."
"It's true. We think of fire, it destroys everything, consumes everything, leaves nothing but destruction and sorrow in its wake. But look close, and fire brings new life, new hope, new possibilities, things that couldn't have come to life without it."
I was speechless. She had a way of weaving meaning through her words, and it wasn't lost on me.
"Now," she added, "To follow up, the last time we spoke… uh… oh dear. You know, my granddaughter made me take a memory test the other day."
I smirked. "You told me that joke the last time."
"I diiiiiiid?" Her lips curled into a wry smile.
That made me laugh. She laughed as well, and we both sipped our tea.
Then she nudged the next piece of candy towards me. "I need you to eat your half. If you don't, I'll have to eat it myself."
"Perish the thought!" The second dokono was as sweet as the first, but filled with a tan-colored nutty paste that melted like butter on my tongue.
She smiled wide. "Now. If I recall, you said you wanted to find a peace that works for all sides. Tell me, how's that coming along?"
I lowered my eyes. "You know, I haven't even thought about it."
"Well how can you say that's what you want when you don't do anything about it?"
I shrugged. "I don't know… It seems insurmountable. Besides, I'm still getting used to this place. "
She nodded. "That's fair. But there was something I wanted to throw at you, to see what you would do with it."
"Okay?"
She sat up and raised a finger. "I wanted to know, what if peace for me is my boot on your neck?"
"How's that peace?"
"I find it peaceful."
"It's not peaceful for me!"
"If I can't have my boot on your neck, I can't have peace." She threw up her arms in mock frustration.
I winced hard. "That's… disgusting!"
She raised an eyebrow. "There are a lot of people like that in the world. You may find quite a lot more than you'd think. Fear is a powerful driver. Very powerful. Fear of having less, of being less. For some, the only way to escape that fear is power. In order to feel safe, you must have power over everyone else."
I had to think about that. "Does that even work, though? You gain power, but then every time you run into something you can't control, that fear comes back. You need more power. More, and more, and more, until you've consumed the world. It's greed. Greed is fear. Someone like that can never know peace no matter what they do "
The old woman smirked. "But you say, peace that works for all sides. That's one of the sides."
I sat up confidently. "The answer is faith. Faith in God. Trust."
"And how do you impose your faith upon others?"
"You don't impose it."
"Then how can you make that side have faith?
I shrugged again. "Well… I don't know."
She nodded. "Well, as I always say, if something cannot be done within the existing framework, maybe it's time for a different framework. But the next time you come by, I want to hear your thoughts."
Light from outside suddenly grew dim as Ta'o eclipsed the doorway. The midday sun shone through his white hair giving him a yellow halo, and his features were lost in shadow. "He's here."
"Oh," she shuffled her hands around to stand. "It must be urgent." Then she turned back to me. "I hear they've made you captain. Tell me, what do you think of your team?"
"I don't have a team yet."
"No?" She stooped to pick up the last candy and stuffed it into her mouth. With an elated moan, she closed her eyes and chewed slowly.
I stood. "Yes, the… important people think it best to hold the new recruits at the Lake of Doom until talk of what happened at the Tower dies down. Until then, I have Renou, and that's it."
"Hmmpfh!" She grunted as the Imperial Voice came into view.
A tall Goloagi gentleman with a mat of curly hair and a hooked nose, the man wore a black silk loincloth with the crescent moon of Carthia embroidered in silver thread with the sash over his shoulders bearing the Imperial crest and regalia of his rank. He raised an eyebrow at me briefly, then turned to the old woman and bowed his head low.
Peyumi giggled lightly and tapped his arm. "Please come in! It's so good to see you."
I paused on my way out and looked him in the eye. "Shahel, is it?"
He smirked and spoke with the smug confidence of his station. "Caleb the Jungle-tested."
Outside, I stood. My heart was overcome with a certain fullness I grasped to describe. To my left and my right, gray and yellow stones reached into the sky with men pacing the ramparts beneath the clouds. In the distance, thunder heralded a coming storm.
I rounded the corner and saw Ta'o talking to a young woman who'd stopped and dropped a bag full of grain to the ground beside her. His body was toned from his muscular thighs to his shoulders, his ripped stomach and back; there was no mistaking his strength. From the way he handled Fluffy, he could clearly manage himself in a fight, yet he carried himself with enough charisma to disarm just about anyone.
He turned to glare at me as if to burn the matter of what I was looking at into my soul.
I answered the unspoken question. "I want you on my team."
He pulled his face back in disbelief. "Huh?"
"Yeah. Uh… I mean, I'm asking. Would you join my team?"
He chuckled out loud with a wide smile. "I'd love to, bro, but you know they won't allow that."
"Who?" I asked. "Who won't allow it?"
"Princess Rosalynd, and you're never going to convince her."
I grinned back. "Yes, I will."