Ted felt dizzy, unsure if he was experiencing an illusion. Ted wasn't a Gothamite; when Brainiac arrived, he went to Mercury Academy and later worked on Krypton, rarely returning to Earth, thus not familiar with Earth's situation. He only knew Pamela was a very talented botanist who could also control plants. But what's up with the Attacking Cabbage???
Ted thought it was a head made by Brainiac, but normally when regional heads appear, there's a system notification, and their name is displayed above. Ted focused and looked closely, finding no name at all. Could it be a minor creature?
But even minor creatures should have a monster display. This cabbage didn't have anything, looking more like props in the scene, similar to the surrounding walls and furniture.
"Don't just stand there," Pamela took a boxing pose, "Hurry and deal with it, we still need to use it to fight monsters!"
"Wait a minute," Ted said, "So what is this thing supposed to be?"
"A cabbage," Pamela said, "Haven't you seen cabbages growing in the field, or had salad before? Can't you tell it's a cabbage just by looking at the leaves?"
"Of course I know it's a cabbage!" Ted shouted angrily, "The problem is why would a cabbage attack people!"
"This one is a special variety," Pamela said, totally unfazed, "I cultivated this improved version. Because of frequent activity, the fibers become stronger, making it more chewy in a salad..."
Ted looked again at the bouncing giant. Never mind the chewiness, who would put this thing in their salad, Darkseid?
"You'd fit right in as a cook for the Titans." Ted complained as he got up from the ground, rubbing his waist, "This thing is a bit too advanced for the human race still."
"Stop wasting time," Pamela directly summoned a vine to bind one side of the cabbage's fist, "Hit it!"
Though taken aback, Ted released the Blue Beetle. The two began fighting the giant attacking cabbage.
To be honest, the cabbage getting bigger wasn't beneficial; it was easier to aim at, and the leaves supporting its body found it harder to maintain balance. Ted delivered a flying kick which knocked the cabbage down.
He transformed into a holographic projection, swiftly delivered a powerful chop, punching the cabbage squarely twice. Finally, he knocked the thing out. He hopped off the cabbage, and gestured like a champion boxer lifting the golden belt, waving his fists twice.
But he celebrated too early. Because right after the giant attacking cabbage, a giant attacking pumpkin jumped out. Pumpkins are naturally much larger than cabbages, and this giant attacking pumpkin stood over three meters tall. Though unable to use fists, it could jump smash and spew pumpkin seeds. Ted nearly got squashed to death.
"What the heck!" Ted turned around and saw a swath of yellow-orange. Because the pumpkin was too big, it took him a moment to figure out what he was looking at—he just saw one side wall. Looking up, whoa, whose Cinderella's coach is this?!
Luckily, Pamela used a vine to scoop him up, saving him from being smashed by the pumpkin. But it wasn't over yet; a giant attacking carrot and giant attacking wheat followed behind. These three even combined attacks; the pumpkin tanked at the front, the carrot delivered melee strikes, while the wheat launched ranged attacks from afar. Ted got pummeled, fleeing chaotically.
"Pamela!!!" he shouted angrily, "If you're fighting heads, bring more people!!!"
"These aren't heads," Pamela said, "Didn't you notice they don't have names?"
"Then why are they... oh, wait," Ted finally realized, "Could you be the head here?"
"Congratulations, you got it right," Pamela said.
"But where are you?" Ted wondered, looking around. If these giant attacking vegetables were summoned by a boss modeled after Pamela, then where is the boss?
"Probably already dead," Pamela said, "But these attacking plants aren't summons, so even if the cultivator is dead, they can continue living. We need to find a way to bring these things back."
"Are you kidding me!" Ted exclaimed, "Bring them back and let them chase us in the backyard?!"
"Why don't you consider these things would chase other monsters too?" Pamela said, "First knock them out; when they are unconscious, they are just like normal plants. Release them during an ambush, and you'll have a strong helper, won't you?"
"Whether they're helpers is still debatable." Ted sighed deeply but diligently continued fighting the monsters.
After a tremendous effort, they finally subdued these attacking plants. Looking at the scattered vegetables, Ted felt no joy, just a sense of absurdity.
The battle earlier was in no way easier than fighting a minor head. But thinking of the hard-earned fight all coming down to acquiring salad ingredients made him feel like a ravenous bull.
In addition to these big ones, Pamela also brought out many smaller ones from the laboratory. Ted found it amusing and infuriating; what do these botanists study all day? Will future salads require the vegetables' permission to be eaten? And if they disagree, would we have to battle?
However, Ted still used a holographic projection to materialize a pickup truck, loaded all the plants onto it, and dragged some behind. As he drove, he asked, "So these things exist in reality?"
"Of course," Pamela replied, "And in reality, there are many more varieties than this. The ones I left in the university laboratory are relatively stable types, to prevent my juniors' insurance premiums from rising."
"They can actually fight them?!" Ted said in disbelief, "Even the Blue Beetle struggles with these big ones; what do you botanists eat to grow?"
"We don't use such violent methods," Pamela shook her head and said, "If you can make them jump up and attack people, naturally you can make them stay put obediently."
"Then why did you have me fight?"
"These are already out of control," Pamela sighed and said, "The previous compilation methods are useless, so I have to rely on you. But you are really capable, last time it went out of control, most of the Gotham Police Department came to suppress it, and they barely managed to solve it."
"Can this be used as a weapon?"
"What do you think it's for?"
"I really can't understand," Ted puzzled over it, "With so many effective weapons, why make plants stand up and hit people? What's the point of that?"
Pamela laughed: "It's the choice of the best plant protectionist."
"You really are for plant protection..."
"I'm kidding, it's to deceive funding," Pamela added, "Otherwise, why would All Things Green give me so much energy? Isn't it because I've fired the first shot in plants' rebellion against the human race's rule?"
"And then appear in salad with a more chewy texture?"
"Don't worry about that," Pamela said.
"If they're just hitting people, why make them so big?" Ted asked again.
"Of course, it's also to deceive funding," Pamela said bluntly, "Brainiac wants to enlarge the plants to feed more humans, All Things Green hopes plants have the strength to protect themselves, I combined the two, and both sides are quite satisfied with me, aren't they?"
"I can't see that," Ted shook his head and said, "The energy consumed in defeating them is probably more than what you get from eating them. I feel like Brainiac is just placating you by allowing you to do this."
"You can't say that. I contributed quite a bit during the war," Pamela leaned back, "If I hadn't diligently used hitting plants to deceive the power of All Things Green, his victory wouldn't have been so smooth."
"Moreover, although giant hitting plants are a bit troublesome for ordinary people, they're nothing for Superman. His estate now has quite a few of these, and when he inspects his land after dinner, he can also practice fighting."
Ted was speechless, not wanting to argue with Pamela about it any further. Finding a solution to this shows that humanity's error tolerance is too high.
Returning to Viscount Manor, unloading the vegetables into the back garden, Pamela waved her hand and said, "Let's go to the Wayne building."
"Why go there? You wouldn't be fighting the final boss, right?"
Pamela shook her head and said, "Tim probably stashed something there, we need to go over and help him move it."
"What did he stash?" Ted asked.
"Not too sure, but it's possibly some of his previous gadgets." Pamela shook her head and said, "We'll know once we take a look."
Arriving at the Wayne building, Pamela observed but didn't see Batman. She didn't rush in, waited at the entrance for a while, and sure enough, saw Tim's figure.
"Let's go, to the East District," Tim got in the car and said, "I was here to get the keys, the stuff is in the East District."
They drove all the way to the East District, carefully avoiding monsters. Pamela found a sewer entrance and asked: "What is it?"
"It's not equipment," Tim said, "Batman once set up a purifier here."
Pamela realized: "'Final Laugh'?"
"It's not called that in our cosmos," Tim said, "It's equipment initially used for water purification in the early Gotham redevelopment plan, but it can also be used to purify..."
Before he finished talking, they heard a set of footsteps ahead. The three of them quickly hid around a corner. Tim peeked out and saw a long shadow extending through the dimly lit corridor, ending with a pair of pointed ears.
"Batman? Why is he here?"
Pamela froze as well: "How would he know about our cosmos's underground..."
"He won't know," Tim said, "But don't forget who the final boss of the East District is."
"You're saying Joker?" Pamela then realized, "True. Batman and Joker always attract each other, especially the classic Batman. No wonder he'd come over, but why come underground?"
"Monsters in the East District have attributes of spiritual pollution, it's too dangerous above ground," Tim said, "We have to figure out how to lead him away, can't let him discover that purification system, or else all other Batmans will know."
"Lead him away? How?" Pamela frowned and said.
Tim's gaze fell on her, glanced at the sewer environment, then said: "You can use vines to pose as a monster and first drive him out of the sewer."