Lily didn't know why, but Ralph was the only person she felt truly safe around.
She didn't remember much before she encountered him, but what she did remember told her not to trust anyone. Yet, she couldn't help but trust him. It almost felt natural to believe in him, even when she knew that she didn't know anything about him at all.
As far as she knew, he would leave her somewhere and she'd never see him again. Yet, despite that, she didn't care. The only way that she could think of to keep him close to her was to consider him her father. Even if he didn't think of her as his daughter, she wasn't going to let that go. Although, sometimes she had a hard time keeping that image of him in her mind.
She didn't know why she found it so hard to speak, but she didn't try to press the matter. While there was so much she wanted to know about Ralph, she was confident she'd learn what that was in time. As each time she wanted to speak, something in the back of her mind would start coming to the forefront, making her terrified. She didn't know what that was, only that she didn't want to know. She also couldn't say why calling him 'papa' was the only thing that she was able to say. For whatever reason, saying that didn't arouse the demon in her mind.
She knew that there were some things that she was better off not knowing, but at the same time, she wished she could speak to Ralph. If only to help keep him from wanting to leave her. She wanted to do anything she possibly could think of to keep him from leaving.
As she held his hand, as they walked away from the ship, she listened happily to what Ralph had to say, even though he didn't say much to her. She wished he'd talk to her more, but she also knew part of that was because she couldn't speak that much.
It almost felt like it was a paradox to her, where no matter what she tried, she couldn't break through that demon that kept her from being able to talk.
However, she kept her worries from being seen on her face. She didn't know why, but she felt certain that Ralph would distance himself from her if he was aware of the worries she held. Or even that she had any worries to begin with. She didn't want to have him push her away for any reason. Yet, part of her felt that him doing just that was inevitable. No matter what she called him, he was going to leave some day and she'd only be able to watch that happen. Unable to stop him from taking that first step away, where he'd leave her alone again.
Like when she'd been left at the slave auction time after time.
One of the few things she did remember before she'd been bought by Ralph's friend.
Not that it helped her much when it came to understanding why she felt the way she did so much of the time.
Lily felt her thoughts get interrupted when Ralph suddenly picked her up, putting her so she was sitting on his shoulders. She didn't know why he did that suddenly, but she couldn't help but laugh as she felt an exhilaration fill her at the experience.
She hoped that he'd do this again sometime, even though she couldn't keep a shadow of fear in the back of her mind remind her that it probably wasn't going to happen. Even though she tried to push that fear away, it wouldn't budge. Just taunt her from the shadows of her own mind as they headed towards the Marquis' office.
_
When Jenn woke up, she felt a little disoriented. Not only was she unsure where she was, but she couldn't say why she didn't see any of her guards.
While she felt relaxed with them not hovering over her, she couldn't say that she'd have expected them to leave her alone like this for any reason and she was pretty sure there wasn't a real reason for her to be left like this.
As she started to sit up, memories of the previous night, and essentially morning, or what she hoped was the previous night, came back to her. Which would explain why she was sleeping in a strange environment, a steady ringing sound coming from somewhere nearby and out of sight. The ringing sound wasn't constant but would sound almost at fixed intervals. Almost like it was a recording that she was hearing, despite the fact that she knew no one here on this world, aside from maybe her friends, would have anything close to a recording of anything. Let alone a sound that seemed almost mundane on this world.
Jenn took a deep breath before she stood up, careful not to disturb anything around her. Even as a question started nagging in her mind about why her guards hadn't carried her back up to Maelias' place rather than leaving her sleeping in this place. The floor here hardly had felt very comfortable and she' have much preferred being where she'd have been able to keep an eye on Shirley.
If only so she could make sure that Shirley wasn't going to try and escape before she could convince her that she was safe and wouldn't be treated like she had been. That they'd only keep her as a slave to avoid any appearances that would negatively affect their ability to get her out of this city.
Jenn hoped that she'd be able to get her to understand, but right then, she wasn't confident that anything she'd tried to say to her so far had really registered. Even though she knew that Shirley had to have understood it in English, whether or not Jenn was actually talking in English. As she had a feeling that she'd somehow learned the local language. Which, she supposed was likely when she'd received the memories from the Lost that weren't hers, unless it occurred without her realizing it after she'd been made a slave. After all, it all sounded like English to her because of her magic, so she wouldn't be able to tell if she'd really learned to speak in the local language or not, just that everyone around her was able to understand her in general, when she recalled that her magic was only able to essentially translate what she said to one or maybe two people at a time. Not a crowd of people like she'd been able to do the 'night' before.
As Jenn got to her feet, she could see Maelias working on something, the cherry glow of metal she held in tongs slightly changing its shape as she tapped it with her hammer, the metal sending out a ringing sound with each tap, though Jenn wasn't sure why it would sound like that when it was only a tap, rather than a strong hit.
All she could do was to write it off as another difference between this world and hers that just didn't make any sense to her. Although, at the same time, she couldn't help but wonder what kind of metal that was being used. She thought it was iron, given the cherry glow, but she wasn't going to make assumptions. Nor did she really need to know, so she turned away, not wanting to bother Maelias as she worked.
As Jenn turned towards the entrance, she saw one of her guards standing by the door to the smithy, showing that she really hadn't been left alone, she just hadn't been able to see them from where she was laying down. Which annoyed her for reasons she couldn't quite explain, but she quickly let go of that feeling as she knew it wouldn't help her out any and it would only serve to push others away, since she knew that there really wasn't a cause for her to feel that way right then.
Jenn made her way over to the guard, and was a little surprised to find her asleep where she was.
Jenn's guard was leaning against the door, looking like she was alert from a distance, but as Jenn got closer, she could see that the mercenary was asleep where she stood. Though, Jenn couldn't say that she was that surprised. Especially considering how late all of them had stayed up. Jenn wasn't sure if this guard was one of the ones who escorted one of Maelias' friends, but she could at least understand the fatigue that had to have built up during that time.
Especially since Jenn could see that the mercenary didn't look much over 18, if she was even that old.
Though, instead of waking her up, or trying to pass her by, Jenn merely found a place to sit nearby and waited. She was wondering how long the guard would sleep for, or if it was essentially a power nap. She could at least appreciate it if it was a power nap, but she had a feeling that her guard had fully fallen asleep. A fact that would be shown by just how long she remained asleep.
The sounds Maelias made while she worked seemed to melt into the background as Jenn let her mind drift as to what the possibilities of what could happen as a result of her actions with having paid off so many people's debts. Yet, doing that also brought to mind what reactions of her advisors she was expecting to have when they learned that she'd spent all the money on helping people who weren't as likely going to return with her.
After all, they were already well established in this city and she couldn't expect them to just upend their lives simply because she'd helped them out of a tight spot.
Although, she didn't expect much of a better reaction if those she helped voluntarily accompanied her as it was a pretty big gamble, if it paid off. Even though Jenn really didn't think of it as a gamble, she doubted that her advisors would see it as anything else, given she didn't know if those she helped would want to move out of the city or if they were willing to risk going into debt again just to stay here, where they knew what to expect rather than going on essentially an adventure where they couldn't be as certain of what would happen to them.
Jenn sighed as she pulled herself out of her thoughts.
She couldn't say that letting her imagination create possible futures in her mind was constructive, since she couldn't know what would happen until it did happen. Even with Shirley, she couldn't say that she hadn't realized who Charlie was, or that she was hearing English, just that she wasn't reacting the way Charlie expected her to.
Besides, Charlie had a feeling that Shirley hadn't had anyone use magic to heal her since she'd become a slave, which she hoped would at least net her a few points if Shirley really hadn't recognized her.
Then there was the issue of how Jenn still didn't like Shirley.
She was willing to help Shirley out, simply because she felt that it would be the right thing to do rather than leaving her there and letting her dislike of Shirley keep her from helping someone who was clearly in need. Plus, she knew that Shirley really didn't belong in this world, and so shouldn't have to spend the rest of her life like she did.
Jenn also would like to know what exactly happened to Shirley, given the state she'd been in when Jenn had found her. As she seriously doubted that it was the result of her having tried to escape and fighting back just once or twice. It looked like Shirley had been resisting being a slave for quite a bit.
Though, Jenn hoped that they'd be able to take Shirley back to Duchess Versith and get her to help Shirley return to Earth so she could recover from the ordeal of being a slave. Something that Jenn hoped Emily would be able to help her accomplish.
The guard by Jenn started to stir, pulling Jen out of her thoughts about Shirley.
Jenn couldn't help but smile to herself as she watched her guard look outside, not seeming aware of Jenn's presence or of the fact that she'd fallen asleep. While Jenn knew she probably shouldn't find herself eagerly waiting to see the guard's reaction to Jenn being awake and right next to her, when she had been sleeping herself a good distance away when the guard had fallen asleep.
However, the guard didn't seem interested in looking around. She just kept her focus on the outside and didn't seem to consider seeing if anything had changed.
At least assuming the guard was aware that she'd fallen asleep. As Jenn knew full well that it was quite possible to fall asleep without realizing it and be unaware of the change in time unless something brought it to her attention. Like looking at a clock or something.
"So, any update on what's going on?" Jenn asked quietly, not wanting to disturb Maelias from her work.
As Jenn predicted to herself, her guard nearly jumped out of her skin at Jenn's words.
As her guard started sputtering for a response, Jenn could only look at her with amusement. Especially since her guard seemed more concerned with the fact that she hadn't heard Jenn approach than anything else. At least from what little Jenn could make out of her mostly unintelligible sounds.
"Relax," Jenn said casually, hoping to keep her guard from having a medical episode that would require her to do something to help the young woman out. "It's just me."
As if that was what the problem had been.
"My lady, please don't sneak up on me like that again," her guard finally said, her breathing starting to return to normal.
"Oh, I didn't sneak up," Jenn answered casually, keeping a close eye on what the guard's reaction to what she was about to say. "I came over a little bit ago and you were sound asleep."
The guard's face drained of color and Jenn wondered what the punishment for falling asleep on duty was supposed to be in this world. As she did recall from her history classes that in the Roman Empire, a soldier could get executed if they fell asleep when they were on watch. Though, Jenn certainly didn't plan on taking things anywhere close to that level. Especially since she recognized how tired she'd made her guards the night before.
Or what she still hoped was the night before.
Though, Jenn didn't say anything more, wanting to hear what her guard had to say, as she wanted to see what her verbal response would be before Jenn assured her that she wasn't in any trouble because she fell asleep from being too tired.
"What?" the guard managed after a minute of silence. "I-I-I didn't fall asleep."
Jenn chuckled to herself. "No, I saw it myself. I could tell you were asleep when I came over here. I didn't want to wake you up because I could tell how tired you much have been when I had all of you stay up so late with me."
"No, my lady," her guard said, looking rather horrified at Jenn's words. A fact that started to dampen Jenn's amusement. She certainly wasn't expecting this reaction. "It shouldn't matter what you ask of us. We're supposed to protect you at all times. Even if we're asked to do things like staying up so late as you needed us to."
Jenn shook her head, a little annoyed that her amusement was gone. She was enjoying it so much up to the point where it was clear that it was more serious than she had taken it in the first place. "The fact that you fell asleep tells me that I asked too much of you. That you pushed yourself too far beyond your limits."
Jenn couldn't say she believed everything she was saying, but she felt that if she didn't phrase it this way, that she probably wouldn't be able to get this guard to listen to reason and not thing she'd done something wrong just because she fell asleep during a time when they were as safe as they could be in this city.
"I still should have been more vigilant," the guard insisted, making Jenn sigh.
"It doesn't matter how vigilant you are if your body needs you to rest," Jenn said, recalling some words she'd heard from her mother before about spending too much time studying one night when she'd fallen asleep while in the middle of working on her homework. Not that it stopped her parents from insisting that she complete her homework before she go to bed. "If you ignore what your body needs, you'll only find it harder to do what you need to ask of it later on."
"Still, it's inexcusable that I fell asleep while on duty. I need to be better than that."
Jenn had a feeling that no matter what she said, this guard wasn't going to listen to what she had to say. Though, she wondered if maybe this was a cultural issue or just whatever passed for as 'macho' behavior on this world. As it certainly wasn't anything that she could say she understood. Especially when she knew that if anyone was at fault for this guard falling asleep while on duty, it was Jenn. Simply because of the reasons that she'd stated and not for any other reason.
"Were you guarding me, Maelias, or both of us?" Jenn asked, deciding to drop the whole subject.
"Just you."
Jenn nodded, not really surprised. Though she wished that they weren't so dedicated to her like this. Especially since she still didn't want anyone to know of her being the Blue Rose, and she had a feeling treatment like this was only going to let others who had a discerning eye know that she was at least the most important person in the unit. Which she knew would only make it more likely that someone would pick up on her being the Blue Rose at some point before she was ready for that.