Jenn couldn't say that she was surprised that Tchisa considered her a friend, though Jenn wished she could say the same about her. It was complicated, but with not planning on staying around longer than she needed to, it kind of made it difficult for her to allow anyone to get close enough for her to consider them a friend.
The only one she'd allowed to even entertain the idea was Yaelish and that was simply because of the dream she had where she recognized Yaelish in it and that she was considered a friend. Not that she'd done anything to foster a true friendship with her, Jenn had to admit. She wasn't sure if it was possible to change that now before whatever choice she was supposed to have made to avoid Beth getting killed would come up. Assuming she hadn't already derailed the entire dream in the first place. Though, Jenn doubted she'd be that lucky about that. Not when she still didn't have all the information about her dream as she needed. As she only kept 'remembering' bits and pieces here and there.
If she was correct, the part of her ending in the scene with Beth getting killed because of a choice she'd made was a new detail she hadn't remembered before. The dream didn't indicate what that choice might have been, just that it was there and was apparently not only important, but pivotal.
Though, that didn't count Cithis and Haln. Those two seemed to have found their way into Jenn's heart without her even realizing it. Before she could find a way to create a buffer between them. She didn't think that she even wanted to leave them behind when she had to return to her own world. She had been speculating of how to get them to Earth without creating problems in the first place, but at the moment, she hadn't been able to come up with anything. Though, she supposed if she was able to get in touch with Heathcliff that she might be able to work something out. Not that she expected to be able to do that anytime soon. Potentially not even until they were on their way back to Earth.
As Tchisa turned to head towards the doors of the building, Jenn turned to head towards the stairs. While she was glad the mask and tunic kept her from being known as the Blue Rose, she felt a little suffocated by them right then. With all that had happened that morning, she needed time to decompress. To maybe even see if she could rope her friends into a dream conference so as to talk with them and get her nerves settled over having witnessed the execution of one of her people. One she felt should have been exiled rather than killed directly.
While the young woman likely would have died anyway, it would be possible that she could have done something to redeem herself and be able to return to the settlement with Jenn's blessing. However, they would never know at this point. Jenn wasn't sure she cared to speculate too much on that matter either. Not with how she was still a little shellshocked at how suddenly the young woman had been killed.
Jenn reached the stairs when the doors to the building opened and Jenn heard someone entering. She instinctively turned to see who it was and was a little surprised to see Embris. Jenn wasn't sure what she wanted, but she couldn't help but feel nervous about Embris learning that she was the Blue Rose.
Of all the people she'd encountered on this world, Embris was the one whom she'd consider the closest to a friend here. Jenn wasn't even sure how she'd forgotten about her when she was thinking about those who she might be a friend with here. She wasn't sure if there was a reason behind that or if it was just the fact that she was so tired right then. Even with the night's sleep she'd gotten with the ogre chief, she couldn't say that it was especially restful. Not with the other events of the morning that had happened immediately after that.
However, Embris walked straight towards her with a purpose, looking like any attempt to just walk away would be futile and the only way for Jenn to stop speaking with her was to have someone stop Embris. Which wasn't an idea Jenn was willing to entertain for more than just a brief moment. Though, the sight of blood spray on Embris made Jenn's stomach clench a little as she struggled to keep from reacting negatively to the reminder of the very public execution that had just taken place. One she'd been powerless to stop, which merely added weight to her feelings of inadequacy of being the ruler of these people.
"Um, do you know where Jenn is?" Embris asked as she approached Jenn, though Jenn thought it was a little ironic that she was being asked where she herself was.
"She's asleep upstairs," Jenn replied, doing her best to not let her amusement on the subject show. "She came back from the assignment I sent her on last night and was worn out."
Jenn hoped that whatever Embris wanted to see her about would be able to wait and Embris wouldn't insist on seeing her right away. Though, Jenn had a sinking feeling in her stomach. With the way everything had been going that morning so far, she wouldn't be surprised if Embris would in fact insist on speaking with Jenn even then.
"I see," Embris said, sounding a little deflated. "I just wanted to see how she was doing since I didn't know she was one of your stand-ins and she could have easily been the one killed if it was her turn to stand in for you."
Jenn couldn't help but smile, while letting out a small sigh of relief. "I'll let her know when she wakes up that you were looking for her. I'm sure she be happy to know that and will come looking for you."
Embris bowed while giving Jenn a salute. "Thank you. I really appreciate that."
Jenn didn't even have time to say anything in response before Embris turned and started walking away. She supposed she could have revealed to Embris that she was the Blue Rose, but she figured at the moment it would only complicate things. Largely because she hadn't decided that she would be the ruler of these people permanently. She still planned on finding a replacement at some point, even if she didn't know exactly when that might be. Only that it was still part of the plan.
Jenn sighed again as she started to climb the stairs again. This time because part of her wondered if she would ever find someone to be a replacement here. Someone that her people would respect and would accept the role. Not to mention someone who would be good to her people and understand their needs. Though, she was lately increasingly suspecting that it would be a fruitless endeavor. That she was going to be stuck as the Blue Rose no matter what she did simply because she'd saved everyone from being a slave back then and she was starting to doubt that those she'd saved wouldn't accept anyone who wasn't Jenn as their leader simply because they hadn't saved them at that time. At least not if they didn't have to and Jenn was finding it harder and harder to convince herself that she'd be able to force the matter by offering them someone else and giving that person her endorsement.
While she would like it to work, she wasn't sure that she'd be able to even convince her advisors that it was a good idea. Nor did she think she'd even get Cithis or Haln to accept anyone as the Blue Rose other than her. Although, she supposed that if something happened to her, that Cithis probably would be made the next Blue Rose, if only because she had been adopted by Jenn before this whole mess had started. Though, Jenn didn't plan on that happening any time soon.
Not to mention, she'd likely be able to figure out how to have kids with Alex and explain that away down the road to those on Earth. Which in turn would mean she'd have an heir to replace Cithis, one that Cithis probably would accept without hesitation, even though Jenn really didn't want to burden any of her kids with being the ruler of her people. If only because she felt like she wouldn't know what to do to teach them how to rule in the first place. Especially since she was certain she was failing at the job right then. No matter what anyone else said to her about it.
Shaking her head, Jenn reached the top of the stairs and entered her room. She hoped that taking a nap would help her on not only the doubts she felt about herself right then but also help her figure out what she should do next. As it was clear she needed to get a form of a justice system established for her people already. That it wasn't going to wait until she had time to 'think' about it. That it needed to get established before she did much else right then.
Although, she supposed it could wait until her planned trip to purchase new slaves to free among her people. Namely individuals who were masons. Jenn had a feeling that if she could get at least one, that she'd be able to start working on getting the settlement to really start expanding. She wasn't expecting it to get essentially built overnight, but she was confident that skilled laborers were what they needed right then. She also supposed that she probably should look into getting carpenters as well. Especially considering the surplus they had in softwoods here. Her people might not like using softwoods in construction, but she suspected that it might be something they would need to accept that they were going to have to do out of sheer necessity. Especially considering the fact that she was becoming less inclined to spend even a portion of what little money they were able to get in to purchase hardwoods just so they could build things that her people were confident would last.
It just felt like it was an unnecessary purchase that strained their already tight budget.
Jenn sighed as she entered her room, wondering if her thoughts were heading in that direction simply because she was so worn out from not only dealing with the ogres but coming back and facing that very public execution. The one that she wouldn't be surprised if it haunted her dreams for a while.
She was at least confident that scene wasn't going to go away any time soon for her. Especially with how she was unused to things like that. It just wasn't something she'd experienced much in her life, even counting the memories she had that weren't hers.
While she had memories of battles that were especially bloody, most died from blood loss of wounds that didn't leave such a vivid image in her mind. Even the most gory of those memories weren't as much food for nightmares as suddenly seeing a young woman's head severed from her body.
Jenn shuddered as she lay down. She hoped that she wouldn't have nightmares because of it, but she doubted that she'd be able to do anything about it if she did.
_
Jenn's eyes snapped open. The room was dark around her and she couldn't help but worry about where she was. Nothing around her looked familiar and everything felt out of place.
She wasn't sure what was going on, but she felt uneasy, as if the shadows around her were reaching for her to do… Jenn wasn't sure what they were going to do to her, but she didn't want to find out, either. All she wanted right then was to get back to somewhere familiar. Somewhere that she was safe.
However, as the door opened at the other end of the room, a candle sending light around Jenn that was so very dim that Jenn knew she'd have to strain her eyes if she wanted to make out much detail of anything, but at that particular moment, it felt like that candle was the sun. That it would send its light to every corner of the room and illuminate the shadows that were reaching out for her to drag her away.
"Mother? Cithis sent me to see if you were hungry," Haln's voice sounded, surprising Jenn.
She wasn't sure why she worried about where she was. She knew this room and knew that she was safe in it. She couldn't say why she was so worried about that shadows around her, but she didn't plan on sharing that knowledge with anyone if she could help it. Not only was it embarrassing, but it was confusing for her as well. She wasn't sure if it was related to the execution earlier, but she didn't plan on spending much time thinking about it. If only so she didn't have to worry about what she might find if she did think too much about it.
"Something to eat sounds good," Jenn replied, unable to keep a smile off her face as the thought of food warmed her more than her blanket had.
Haln didn't leave immediately, instead he lit a candle on a candlestick for Jenn, offering it to her with a small smile of his that Jenn couldn't help but wonder what her parents would think if she suddenly brought Cithis and Haln back with her. Even if they didn't travel through time to return with Jenn and her friends when they got back to Earth, Jenn was pretty sure that her parents would want an explanation as to how Jenn had adopted children of her own. Especially since in the eyes of her parents, she was little more than a child herself.
"Here you go mother," Haln said as he handed her the candlestick. "This way you won't have to light it yourself."
"Thank you," Jenn replied, the thought behind the act warming her more than the light of the candle could. "I really appreciate it."
Haln blushed, looking like he was ready to hide behind Jenn to hide from her statement, but instead he quickly rushed towards the door, his skirts lifted to keep from tripping over them, closing it behind him as he left.
Jenn couldn't help but chuckle to herself as he rushed off. She wasn't sure if she should have teased him a little or talked to him a little more before he left, but she wasn't going to think too much about it.
The light from the candle seemed to banish the shadows in her mind as well and she looked around for something to change into, given she was still wearing the borrowed hooded tunic, which she suddenly started feeling as if the itchiness of it was suddenly coming due like a debt that she'd forgotten about.
"Jenn?"
Jenn spun around towards the door, surprised to see it still closed until she remembered that she wasn't the only one who slept in this room. She turned to look at Saelea, who was propped on her elbow on her own straw mattress.
"What is it?"
Jenn wasn't sure what Saelea wanted, but any conversation was a welcome distraction for her. She didn't want to sit by herself at the moment. So, even if the topic was unpleasant, Jenn was eager to talk about it. If only to keep the shadows in her mind, and in the room, dispelled.
"About Jianopra." Saelea trailed off after that short sentence. Almost like she was worried what Jenn herself might say about her stand-in who was murdered.
"We'll hold a memorial service for her," Jenn replied, not sure if that's what Saelea had been worried about or not, but rather confident that it's what was needed for those who knew Jianopra best to heal from her loss. "I was thinking of doing it in the morning, but I wasn't sure about how you handle dealing with those who died."
Jenn wanted to bury Jianopra, but it wasn't until that moment she realized she didn't even have a place dedicated to burying those who died. She doubted it would be too much of a problem, but at the same time, she was pretty sure that she shouldn't just pick a random location and call it good. Especially since they were in mountains that weren't exactly conducive to creating a cemetery.
However, if they had another idea of how to handle her body respectfully, Jenn was open to other options.
Saelea thought about it, sitting up and letting her blanket fall from her, making Jenn blush and look away as she saw Saelea wasn't wearing anything under the blanket. Not that she was very surprised given how common it was among her people. Or at least from what she'd seen at various times. Much to her aggravation.
"Well, there's not much room to bury her here," Saelea answered thoughtfully. "But we probably could set something up on the other side of the gate. There's more room there and I think Jianopra would have liked to be buried under those towering trees."
Jenn blinked. She hadn't realized she didn't know her stand-ins very well. She wanted to think that they were all friends, but it wasn't until that moment that she realized she didn't know what even any of her stand-in's favorite color was. Let alone where they might like to end up after they died. Or at least what was done with their bodies, that is.
Jenn smiled Saelea, turning back to face her while making sure to keep her eyes on Saelea's face and not look anywhere else.
"Should we have someone find a place to dig her a grave tonight?" Saelea asked, looking like she might like to do that herself rather than letting someone else be assigned such a task.
Jenn shook her head. "No, we can wait until morning to do that. Plus, I think we should first look to find the best place for her. Which means we'll need to wait until the sun rises so we can see what it'd look like before we dig. Or we might not like what location we pick later on."
Saelea nodded, smiling wistfully. "Yeah, I think that might be better." Saelea looked like she was done speaking, so it surprised Jenn when she added, "Could we hold off on the memorial service? I'd like to bury her after that but I can't if I'm looking for the place she'd like the most."
Jenn nodded, not very surprised at the sentiment. "Don't worry, I haven't made anything official just yet. We still have a little flexibility as to when we hold it."
"Thanks. I appreciate it."