I had enough. It was like too much. Suddenly a wild thought crossed my mind. What if Lorcan's wife agreed to take some money for one night with her husband's lover.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, grabbing the duvet and covering myself.
"I don't know. Kian, as long as Lorcan lived I knew you were out of my reach. Now I've lost a good friend, yet all I can think of is you in my bed." He came closer.
"No. Gael please go away." I felt scared.
"Kian, I would be good to you." His voice was soft, almost pleading.
"Please leave." I was thinking about a way out of this room.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!"
For a moment I thought it was Lorcan, but no. It was Tod.
"Oh, Tod. I was just talking to Kian." Gale looked embarrassed.
"Tod, name the price. I want Kian, I can pay a lot more if you want."
"Kian is mine. Now leave." Tod hissed and I knew the situation was about to escalate. Gale sensed that too.
"I see. So this is how you feel about him. You too?' He patted Tod's arm and left.
Tod closed the door and for a moment stood motionless facing the door.
"Tod?"
He turned around and sat on the bed next to me.
"This is how father must have felt each and every time other men were looking at you. You can make any man go crazy, Kian."
For a moment I felt like I was back with Lorcan. He shall scold me or punish me for being flirty.
"I didn't invite him here." I said it immediately, old habits don't die that easily.
" I know. I need to be more careful. Tomorrow we shall leave this place. Now, come here I want to sleep with you."
"What?" I was too shocked to say anything more.
"I will hug you, I won't do anything Kian. Come we are both tired." He nested himself next to me and hugged me from behind. His embrace felt warm and after a moment I calmed down.
I woke up with my face buried in Tod's chest. He smelled like summer breeze and pine. Different from his father. I was trying to free myself from his embrace but he hugged me tighter.
"Stay like this Kian, no need to rush." His hands glided smoothly along my back before he started playing with my hair. I felt uneasy, he was too intimate.
"Kian you are so soft and you smell so nice."
"Tod, I want to get up."
"Not yet, give me a moment." He hugged me even tighter, I could feel his manhood. He was hard and he kept pressing against me.
"Tod your father is going to have his funeral today." I decided to pull it out, otherwise I might be in serious trouble.
"Right, three days. Jay said three days." He said quietly letting me go.
I stood thinking how Jay was able to influence Tod. They were a weird combination. I couldn't figure them out.
I took my time preparing for the funeral. I didn't go down to have breakfast but I went straight to the chapel. I was overdressed in a sparkling black set but I did it for Lorcan. I also had my zither with me since lady Ashling made such a request.
I took my chance to say goodbye to Lorcan before everybody else came. He looked as if carved in stone, unmoving with that little scar on his eyebrow I have kissed so many times, his lips and strong arms. I missed him. I already knew him and his kinks and now everything I got used to disappeared and I shall start anew.
"Your son killed that Moreta monster." I whispered into his ear. Then I placed a strand of my hair into his hand. I wanted him to have something from me.
I turned around and saw Tod standing in the entrance.
"Is it time?" I asked.
"It is, come to me Kian." Right, my old master is dead , long live my new master.
Only the closest family was in the chapel to pray for the last time, then the body was carried away by Lorcan's guards.
The city burial ground was outside the wall, surrounded by trees. A large wooden pyre was constructed and Lorcan was placed on top of it. Some more people joined us and soon the place was almost crowded. Most of the people came to watch the show, others to truly say goodbye to the dead count.
The priest initiated a hymn and people sang along. Lolrcan's wife was handed a burning torch as well as Tod and Jay. The three of them approached the pile and set the fire. The flames slowly spread, making a crackling sound. They haven't reached Lorcan's body yet.
I was offered a sitting place as Lady Ashling asked me to play on the zither. I could play for Lorcan but I knew I won't be able to sing. I played one of the pieces he liked, a relaxing slow music. The sound was mixing with the crackling of the fire which slowly engulfed the body. The smoke has risen creating swirling clouds. People were standing motionlessly watching the fire swallowing its prey.
I kept playing one more piece while feeling the heat of the fire. The feeling of loss hit me hard, so I stopped playing. All I could do was to look at the hungry flames consuming the wood along with Lorcan's body.
Lorcan was gone. A piece of me was gone too. I felt a sudden emptiness. I know I will miss his strong arms, warm embrace and gentle kisses. I liked listening to his stories or watching him order his men. I loved when he was combing my hair and sitting quietly enjoying the music I was playing. We had our hard times too, a lot of them yet right now I only wanted to think about the good ones. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked to the side only to notice that neither his wife nor his children were crying. They were looking solemn, a bit lost in thoughts but emotionless. I was a mess.
I could understand lady Ashling, there was no love between them and Lorcan humiliated her many times bringing his male lover to official or family meetings. She must have been the talk of the town. Now she was finally free. However his sons might be missing him more. Maybe they were just better at hiding their emotions than me? I lowered my head and tried to calm down. No need to make a scene here.
The priest stepped out and said a few words about Lorcan's spirit being released from his earthly shall and right now transcending into the afterlife where he shall be waiting for us to join when our time comes.
A loud noise drowned out the rest of the priest's voice. The pile shifted to the side, the fire was blazing now and we had to take a few steps back to escape the heat.
Another song was initiated by the priest and we all followed. The sad tunes were resounding in the air.
Lorcan was gone, turned into ash and smoke. I could still feel the heat of the fire on my face when Tod grabbed my hand .
"Let's go Kian. It's over."