Chapter 46
'No,' he thought, as he took step after step, slowly moving towards the edge of the platform. 'No, fuck this,' he cursed in his mind, trying and failing to move his body. There had to be something he could do. It wasn't going to end like that.
"Sorry, Boss," Monoma said and, for what it was worth, he did feel sorry, from what Kazuki could pick up. "This feels shitty, but I want to win. And for that, I have to use everything I can," he explained. Kazuki couldn't see his face, but he didn't need to. The blonde's emotions spoke plenty.
Still…
'Fuck. This!' he cursed in his mind, mentally reaching for his limbs and trying to make them stop, trying to make them do anything other than lead him to his defeat. It couldn't end like that. It just couldn't. After all that time training and all that time struggling to keep his feet under him… He refused to let it end like that.
And yet, he could do nothing but feel his body take another step, watching the edge of the stage come closer. He felt the realization settle, there was nothing he could do. He couldn't control his body. So, he'd just keep going until he was out and that'd be that.
It was so… He thought he'd felt bad before, under the onslaught of the crowd's emotions. It was nothing compared to that moment, because on top of all that, he also felt helpless, defeated. In a way, he'd have preferred to just be blasted off the stage. It was so much worse, to have to feel his own body walking off the stage. It felt like a special kind of torture.
Still, the calm of the mind control or whatever that was was welcome. It almost pushed the negativity off his mind, and seemed to keep the grimm inside him under control. They were still there, of course pushing and urging but it was better-
'Wait,' Kazuki thought, and he felt something. Something he could do, at that. He tried, not really actually going for it. There was a quarter of the stage left for him to walk. He could do some planning. He could do some preparations…
He could do something.
He could still win.
'Ok, ok, calm,' he told himself, wishing he had enough control of his body to take a deep breath in. He couldn't, unfortunately, but he had more pressing matters than the inability to do his "calm down" rituals. Instead, he focused on what he did have the ability to do.
He'd only have one shot and if it didn't work, then that'd be that.
So, he concentrated and drew inside, towards his negativity pools. There, searched for one particular node that he'd avoided ever since he found out about it. Maybe one day he'd try to make a Grimm with it, but if that day was far into the future, all the better. Unfortunately, the only idea he had was to use it right then and there.
So, he plunged his metaphorical hand into the pain node.
"Wha-?!" Monoma started exclaiming when Kazuki turned around sharply. He didn't give the blonde time for anything else though, beowolf limbs appearing around him while the Imps that had previously just been standing there motionless rushed at him.
Moving back to the center of the stage, Kazuki's shadow extended, starting to create a Beowolf while Monoma tried to get his bearings and use his explosions once more. He'd gotten a nice advantage there, but he'd been shown how easily he could lose that and he wasn't eager to try to test his luck once more. He needed to keep what little momentum he'd gotten and keep pushing.
One of the Imps was blown up.
His hands trembled, his body spasmed and a tear fell from his eye, but those were low prices to pay so that he could keep himself in the battle. The pain was no more anyway, at least not from the node, so he could focus on the battle. Still… 'God, the pain node is awful, damnit,' he grumbled internally, taking a deep breath to try and calm his suddenly very much frayed nerves.
The second Imp was blown up.
The Beowolf was ready though and Kazuki immediately started creating two instead of one. He needed more and he had things somewhat under control. He just needed to keep the Grimm Guard barrage on Monoma to keep the blonde from doing much of anything other than trying to take out his Grimm. It wasn't a perfect strategy, but it'd have to do.
Monoma shouted, but he ignored all the words out of his mouth that didn't sound important enough. Yamada and Aizawa continued their commentary, but their words came in from one ear and out the other. He needed to win, and that was all that Kazuki could focus on.
"I'm not out yet!" Monoma called, frustration in his voice. It wasn't the first time he did, but something had changed now and Kazuki easily picked up on it through the blonde's emotions. A second later, it became even more clear that yes, things weren't staying the same for long during this fight.
'Kamakiri,' Kazuki thought, pursing his lips as blades came out of the floating parts of Monoma. He'd divided his body even more while trying to avoid his Grimm Guard and it had all been part of a plan, evidently. 'Fine then,' he mused, glaring as his first Beowolf was taken out.
He had two new ones anyway. He'd just have to be careful not to let them die too quickly. 'Change of plans. Things are mostly under control for now,' he thought, narrowing his eyes as his shadow extended and started forming Beringels now. Those were a lot more resistant. They'd go better against something like Kamakiri's blades.
They'd hold up about the same as the Beowolves against the explosions but one couldn't have it all in the world. He'd have made Boarbatusks, but those weren't quite as agile as he needed his Grimm to be in order to hit someone as slippery as Monoma was with his current Quirk combo.
'Buy time,' he thought to himself. Maybe he couldn't quite win just yet, but if he could buy time, maybe he could pull it off. So, he started doing just that by creating Boarbatusk barriers to mess with Monoma instead of trying to attack with Grimm limbs. They weren't good for much other than buying time but that was what he needed.
He didn't need all that much, anyway. Once the two Beringel were ready, he had a good Grimm count. Two Beowolves and two Beringel, that'd be enough to go on the offensive more decisively than before. That meant he could either win with those or let them buy him more time for his next Grimm.
It was time for something more drastic that Monoma wouldn't be able to blow up or cut to death, at least not quickly. So, it was time to bring out a King Taijitu. Narrowing his eyes, Kazuki took a hold of his Grimm, and made sure they didn't get killed too quickly. He needed them to pressure Monoma, yes, but he also needed them alive for that. Otherwise he wouldn't have enough time to create the giant serpent of negativity.
So, he did just that. Controlling the four Grimm as best he could while continuing to use Grimm Guard to attack, Kazuki made them swipe at Monoma's parts, carefully avoiding those with blades or at least the ones with the biggest blades. Kazuki noticed that Monoma's usage of Kamakiri's Quirk seemed… odd, all over the place. Sometimes he used it well, sometimes he didn't seem to get it right, sometimes it didn't even seem to work. That didn't make sense. He was using Bakugo's Quirk just fine and he sure as hell hadn't gotten practice with that before, like with his classmate's Quirk…
'Think about that later,' Kazuki told himself, making his Grimm dodge and block to the best of their ability. Any damage they might sustain because it was inevitable or he wasn't good enough, he repaired as quickly as possible.
He felt Monoma grow more and more desperate, having noticed the new Grimm forming in front of Kazuki. He couldn't do anything about it though. He had his hands full and any attempt at attacking him would risk him going out like Tokage had. And yet, he couldn't let things go on like they were because he was getting overwhelmed, pushed back by the second.
And Kazuki was sure he'd run out of tricks.
"No, nonono!" Monoma cried out, gathering his parts into one as he started charging, having found a small hole in the Grimm circle that had been targeting him. With an explosion, he was already a fair distance away and rushing at Kazuki, who put a Boarbatusk barrier between them, making the blonde smack against it. Then, he made the Beringels and Beowolves chase.
Monoma recovered though, but Kazuki's eyes widened when the blonde used his explosions straight into the clawed limb of a Beowolf that he'd tried to use to block the path. He was cut into, Kazuki knew, feeling the pain through his Quirk, but he continued charging.
"I'm not gonna lose!" Monoma shouted, rushing at him like a madman. He kept going forward, no matter what Kazuki built or put in the way. The blonde simply kept exploding in his direction, simply powering through with his own body when he couldn't dodge in any way. "I'm not!"
'I'm sorry,' Kazuki thought, taking his mostly formed King Taijitu and making it twist its body like the biggest whip in the world. Its scaly hide hit Monoma on the side, sending him flying off. Kazuki's Grimm followed while he finished creating the serpent. Monoma would come back any second with an explosion and-
"There you have it, people!" Present Mic called over the speakers. It wasn't that what broke through Kazuki's focus, however. No, it was the sight before him. "The absolute champion, from start to finish, of this Sports Festival! Kazuki! ENDO!" the man announced while Kazuki tried to wrap his head around the fact that Monoma was lying on his back, outside the stage.
"I did it?" he asked with a mumble, blinking and trying to process that announcement. "I did it," he repeated, his eyes widening while his lips pulled up. "I did it," he had to say again, because he really couldn't believe it.
His body sagged.
His breathing evened.
His Grimm dissolved.
A chuckle escaped his lips.
"I fucking did it," he said between laughter that even he wasn't sure if it was out of relief, joy or delirious exhaustion. Whatever happiness he might have felt was very quickly suppressed by the negativity he felt, however. Even then, he still felt it underneath, because they couldn't take away his win. They couldn't take away his victory, not with their negativity and not with their…
… cheering?
Looking up, Kazuki took in the stands, as if he were able to distinguish any of the people in it. He was hearing cheering though. Granted, it wasn't the thundering thing he'd dared to dream about, but it wasn't that muted thing he had gotten used to through the Festival. If anything, it reminded him of that first one, after the very first event, when he imagined not everyone had figured out who he was yet.
'They are… cheering,' he thought, shocked. He couldn't believe his ears as he took the noise in. That couldn't be right… They had to be cheering for Monoma, right? He'd put up a great fight. Surely that was it. They were cheering for him, because he'd put Kazuki in a tough spot a few times.
But they were still cheering, even when he'd won. 'Or maybe, just maybe, they are cheering for me?' a small, hopeful corner of his mind wondered. He tried not to let that thought take hold, because it'd be so painful if he was wrong…
And yet…
Kazuki grinned widely, basking in the fact that maybe he did have a chance, despite the negativity. Maybe the support he had wasn't as noticeable… but it was there. He just needed to remember. And oh would he remember that very moment.
"Good fight," he told Monoma, extending a hand to the fallen boy. "You need help getting to the infirmary?"
"The least you could do, don't you think?" the blonde asked with a weak chuckle. "Boss?"
Kazuki just rolled his eyes.
As if anything could ruin his mood then and there.
[}-o-{]
"You did it, you did it, you did it!" Hagakure repeated excitedly as she threw herself at Kazuki and hugged him for all he was worth, not unlike how she'd hug the beowolf puppies. "You did it!"
At any other point, he might have made a joke about her repeating herself or something like that. It was a little silly, he imagined, at least from an outside perspective. However, as someone from the inside, he could very easily agree with the sentiment.
"I did it!" he exclaimed right back at her, hugging her back and following the momentum of the girl to spin around. Kazuki imagined how people would react to seeing him like that for a moment before quickly dismissing the very thought. He was too happy to care, if he were honest.
"Congratulations, Endo," Todoroki said, simply but not really disinterested.
"Congratulations, Endo!" Yaoyorozu exclaimed, almost as excited as Kazuki and Hagakure were. "You deserve it!"
"Thanks," he replied, grinning widely, which only seemed to make the girl beam even more back at him.
"Good job out there, man," Mineta told him, half smiling as he smacked Kazuki on the back. He'd probably have gone for the shoulder if he were tall enough, but it was what it was. "Now I can brag to the ladies about being your friend and all."
"Man, with how happy I am, I'd join you!" Kazuki replied with a laugh.
"Careful there, wouldn't wanna become pervert number two, would you?" Jiro pointed out, even though she had a smile on her face too. "Congrats though," she added, her amused grin turning into something softer.
"Literally wouldn't have made it without all of you here for me so… Thank you guys," he said, looking at his friend group and gulping down the sudden bout of emotions that threaten to overwhelm him in a completely different way from the negativity. "You are great."
"Remember to tell the girls tha-Ouch. Hey!" Mineta started saying before getting smacked with one of Jiro's earjacks and protesting. "Anyway, we are happy for you, man," he added, more serious this time.
From there, it was a matter of waiting for the school to set up the podium and final part of the event, where they gave each of the three a prize. Kazuki did get congratulated by the rest of his class and some of his friends in other classes.
It was a little funny to see Bakugo grunt at him in acknowledgement at one point. Kazuki would have asked why he'd given his Quirk to Monoma but he didn't think he'd get a straight answer and he didn't care enough at the moment. Maybe he'd do it some other time. As it was, he imagined that the blonde had wanted to get a laugh in after being left out of the final event, or something along those lines.
Kazuki definitely wanted to know how Monoma had gotten Shinso's Quirk though, because the Gen Ed student seemed to have had something against the Hero Course. Maybe his hate for 1-A in specific had won out there? Regardless, it was a story that he wanted to hear.
If he were honest, however, most of what happened then kind of blended together.
After spending most of the Sports Festival struggling to keep himself together, he felt like he was finally done. Sure, the emotions were there, but he didn't have to keep worrying about how he looked or how well he did in the events. That took a weight off his shoulders that made all the negativity much more bearable.
Now, he'd just have to go there, there'd be a little congratulatory speech from whoever gave them their prizes and it'd be more or less done. 'I can't wait,' he thought, because he was happy, sure, but he also wanted to just go home and not have to deal with extreme levels of negativity, thank you very much. The day couldn't end fast enough. Then he'd be able to just sit in front of his aquarium with music playing and a dumb gacha game to waste time on.
That was the dream.
"Earth to Creepy." For the moment, he had to deal with the still not quite finished Sports Festival. "Endo?" At least his friends were there still.
"Yeah, Bubbly?" he asked, smiling and looking at where he guessed Hagakure's eyes were. She seemed to pause for a second, shifting on her feet before she recovered. "Something the matter?"
"You were kind of staring at nothing," Jiro answered instead, poking his cheek with her earjack.
"Sorry, I just… I'm feeling better already, knowing that it's over, but I kind of want to go away," he explained simply, deflating a little and wearing a tired smile. "I'm so done with this event and this day… and this week, honestly."
"Sounds like it," Mineta replied with grin, seeming more amused by his expression than anything. It was quite the contrast to how he'd acted before but then again, Kazuki was feeling a lot better than then. "What do you say we go home after this, get some drinks, some snacks and spend whatever's left of today doing absolutely nothing?"
"Sounds like the best plan ever, Tiny. The best plan ever," Kazuki answered with a chuckle, because it did, indeed, sound wonderful. Just not having worries and completely forgetting about the awful lows he'd experienced and everything else. He'd won. He'd done everything he could do to make the best of the Sports Festival.
If it worked or it didn't, at least he'd done his best.
"Is there room for another?" Hagakure asked, bouncing on her feet excitedly.
"Sure thing. The more the merrier," Kazuki agreed easily. "Everyone's welcome at my place, who wants to come and hang out after this?"
"I have to go back home, I'm sorry," Yaoyorozu replied, with a very sad expression and even worse emotions coursing through her. Kazuki gave her his best comforting expression before patting her on her arm. She truly did feel terrible about not going, it seemed.
"It's fine. Some other time, yeah? It's not like we don't hang out all the time, right?" he commented, getting a nod and a small smile in turn. He guessed it was kind of different from the usual, which would explain why even Hagakure felt bad that Yaoyorozu couldn't come.
"I'll go," Jiro joined in easily.
"I'd like to go too, if that invitation extends to me," Todoroki said hesitantly, drawing some surprised expressions. Kazuki was beyond caring that he was new to the group or whatever. He'd seemed like a nice enough guy to him through the whole day. Certainly more… not friendly but more approachable than he'd seemed through the school year so far.
"Sure thing, man. As I said, everyone's welcome."
[}-o-{]
"Congratulations, Young Midoriya," All Might – Because of freaking course it was All Might – said as he gave the green-haired teen his third place medal. "I know being third place can feel like a failure, but it's anything but, remember that. You all set out to do one thing in this Festival and that's telling the world you are here. I can tell you, quite proudly, that you managed that and more. You should take this for what it is, a victory," the man told the boy, who already had tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
He did a good job with that little speech though, because Kazuki could feel how bad Midoriya had felt and how the emotions receded after he heard that. All Might wasn't Number One for nothing, he supposed. Besides his combat prowess, he was known as a comforting presence. 'The Symbol of Peace indeed,' Kazuki mused.
"Thank you, All Might," Midoriya mumbled, clearly doing his best not to burst into tears then and there. Kazuki would have found it amusing if it weren't a danger to the boy's public image. Sure, some emotion was expected but the green-haired teen could be a little too emotional at times.
Fortunately, nothing of the sort happened.
"Congratulations, Young Monoma," All Might said then, having moved back to pick up the second place medal and then approached the blonde. "It is often believed that 1-B is second to 1-A," the hero continued, clearly dampening Monoma's mood if the shift in emotions was anything to go by.
Maybe it was a bad moment to point that out, Kazuki supposed, considering he was second to him, a 1-A student. Regardless, he had a feeling he knew what was to follow. Sure enough, that was exactly what happened.
"But here you are, above many 1-A students, standing in second place for the whole school. Second best might not be the victory you wanted, but it is a victory for you and for your class," All Might said, placing his hands on Monoma's shoulders and squeezing. "Be proud of that, because you should."
If the lessening of the boy's emotions was anything to go by, he definitely was.
"Thank you, All Might," Monoma replied, confident smirk in place. "I'll be first next time," he added, his grin widening while he shot Kazuki a look.
As the Number one hero moved, however, he didn't find it in himself to focus on Monoma too much. He gulped down his own nervousness, suddenly very aware that he was standing at the top of the podium, that everyone's eyes were going to be on him and that there were still many bad emotions around despite the cheering from before.
"And last, but not least," All Might announced, taking his time with Kazuki like he hadn't with the others. Dramatic piece of shit, he just wanted to go away already. Couldn't he hurry up? Don't even get Kazuki started with the pain that was coming from him. 'Deep breaths, Kazuki. It's an important event,' he told himself. "The first place, the most promising of the new batch as of right now. Young Endo."
As the medal was set around his neck, it felt way heavier than it looked. He couldn't help but gulp, bringing his hand up to touch the golden thing. 'First,' he read in the number carved there, upside down. Somehow, that felt like a surprise even though it definitely wasn't.
"You were one of the students here that had the most to prove," All Might told him, trademark smile in place. "Maybe the one with the most to prove… And you rose to the occasion. The world has seen you, what you can do and how good you can be. Take heart, child, because what you set out to do, you succeeded in," the hero told him and he smiled.
"Thank you," he said, and it was now him that was in danger of crying in National TV. "That means a lot," he added, his voice cracking.
"Here you have them!" All Might exclaimed, turning towards the crowd and gesturing back towards the three of them with his hand. "The top students of this first year's Festival! They did it, went through every event and came out ahead of the rest. They've done this school proud and you have all seen them do it with your own eyes. You've seen them go beyond, haven't you?! NOW, SAY IT WITH ME!"
"Plus Ultra," Kazuki said, standing straight and proud, even as his voice was drowned with the many others that finished the school motto. Beside him, Monoma and Midoriya stood much the same as him, even if the latter was suspiciously shaky. The three of them had done it. They'd succeeded in what they came out to do.
They'd shown the world what they could do, what they were made of. Everyone had seen them do their best and how far they could go while doing it. And as he heard the crowd cheer over the negativity, Kazuki allowed himself to smile and bask on his own victory.
Chapter 47
[Momo Yaoyorozu]
The two days they were given off school were over.
She could safely say that she had missed her friends during that time, even if they had still seen each other during that time. Well, most of them did. Nobody had seen Endo since they were let off school, but he'd still texted them in their group chat. He'd mostly excused himself from going out saying that he was exhausted after the tournament.
Nobody had really blamed him or argued against that since they had all seen how much the Sports Festival affected him. Momo herself still remembered him, his shaking hands, his pale expression, the way he either hyper focused or lost himself in thought. They had tried their best, but nobody had been surprised when he fled the place back to his place after the fact.
It didn't make them feel better, however.
They had let him have his space though, happily at that. How could they not, when even his messages seemed subdued? They'd done their best to be there and support him through the days, especially when reporters had jumped on the news of his presence at UA like a pack of starving wolves. It seemed like that was the only thing they were going to report from then on, really.
That might have been an exaggeration, but it certainly felt like that.
If Momo felt like that, she could only imagine how Endo himself did.
The group had taken to posting the more hostile news reports just to mock them and show that they were on Endo's side. He seemed to appreciate it, from what little they could gleam from his scarce messages. Mineta had also had the brilliant idea to send him snipes of people speaking positively of him be it on the news – rarer than the alternative, but still happened – and on the internet – which wasn't more common, but certainly easier to find.
All in all, Momo hoped their friend was doing better than the last time they had seen him.
She had truly missed school and while she appreciated meeting out of school as much as the next girl, it wasn't nearly enough. She had gotten used to seeing her friends every day at school and then also hanging out after it. Not getting to do that had been… difficult. Granted, it was basically a weekend in the middle of the week, but still.
She was allowed to want to be with her friends!
Unsurprisingly, she was the first to arrive. Also unsurprisingly, there was a crowd of reporters outside, just like at the start of the year. This time, however, they weren't asking about All Might. They were asking about one thing, one person.
Kazuki Endo.
Pursing her lips, Momo squashed the need to speak well of her friend. He'd specifically asked them not to burn themselves with this. They had all told him that he was an idiot, but he'd retorted that it would just make him feel worse if his friendship with them made things difficult for them. That had been entirely too unfair of him, but they had decided to respect that… At least for the moment.
She wanted so badly to say something though. Not only to the news, but to everyone, especially her parents. She didn't understand how they could be… like they were. Endo had even gone to her place and it had been… a disaster, she knew. Not because anything in particular had happened, but because she knew that her friend had picked up on her parents' opinion of him. No matter how good actors they were, they couldn't mask their emotions from Endo's sensing.
It drove Momo mad. She was there, trying to be a hero and her parents were…
'Focus, Momo,' she told herself, before she spiraled. She'd spent entirely too long dwelling on those thoughts as it was and they never went anywhere anyway. It didn't matter what her parents thought. Endo was her friend, and that was that.
As it was, she entered the classroom and found out that she was first. Not something all that rare, really. Soon, the usual suspects would arrive after her, one of which would be Endo. Just like always, and like always they'd chat for a bit before everyone else did. Although, on second thought, Todoroki also arrived early like her most days.
The ice and fire user hadn't met with them during their off days, but he'd been added to the group chat and had participated as much as… could be expected. He wasn't a very sociable person, but Endo could be the same at times, especially those days. It was fine.
Maybe they could get some talk going without issue in the meantime. Momo wasn't the best at that by herself, but surely they could make do until someone else arrived. Endo always arrived early anyway.
"Yaoyorozu," Todoroki greeted her, snapping her back to reality and making her jump where she sat. "You look nervous."
"Sorry, I was just thinking that you and I are always early and I'm not that great at conversation myself. That's usually Hagakure's thing, or even Mineta. Jiro does a good job so long as you ask about music and Endo when we talk about Quirk ideas. But I'm kind of a afraid that I won't be so good now because-"
"Because you struggle and I do too, so nobody's here to talk in the silence," Todoroki finished, his expression just as neutral as it usually was. Momo had to wonder if that was, maybe, part of the ice part of his Quirk. She wouldn't be too surprised if someone told her that.
"Yes," Momo mumbled, very embarrassed about her nervous babbling.
"It'll be fine. Besides, Endo arrives early too. He should do a good job, right?" Todoroki commented, looking towards the door and then back at her. "And I can talk about Quirk ideas too, if you'd like. I know I'm not Endo but…" he trailed off and she wondered if he was feeling as awkward as she was.
"That'd be grand!" she said enthusiastically. Anything to get her mind out of what she'd just done in front of a new friend – practically a stranger, friend of a friend, at most, for the moment – and have something to focus on instead. She wanted to do well. She had friends now and they were all amazing.
She couldn't start screwing up now.
So, she talked with Todoroki about what he could try to do with his ice and Todoroki tried to get to know her Quirk better so he could offer ideas too. They talked about the group some, and their after class training sessions and what they could do then. She brought up some of the things they were working on and they tried to come up with things to do while in the training facilities.
And soon, one by one, their friends started arriving…
Except Endo.
Momo didn't need the white-haired red-eyed boy's Quirk to notice that they were all getting worried. They glanced towards the door. They glanced towards the empty spot where he'd always sit. They glanced towards their phones, to see if he'd come by.
He didn't.
"Ok, class, we are starting now!" Aizawa said, as if there wasn't a glaringly empty seat in the class that had nothing to do with Aoyama. Endo wasn't there, and the teacher didn't even seem to notice.
Momo shared a concerned look with the rest of her friends.
[}-o-{]
[Minoru Mineta]
They were worried, very much so.
The school day was over and nobody had so much as gotten a single message from Endo. Hell, they had checked and he'd disappeared from even the group chat since about halfway through the day before. Some of them had assumed that he was just calling it a day early or something, still exhausted and wanting to get a nice, long sleep before having to tackle the shitshow.
However, that hadn't been the case.
Their friend hadn't gotten around going to class at all. Even worse was when they had talked with the teachers and all of them had some variation of the same thing to say. They knew that Endo wasn't going to attend, they didn't need to worry and it wouldn't affect him in any way.
As if that told them anything!
None of them thought Endo would get punished for missing one day. Not only would it have been bullshit at any point, but on that particular day? Nobody thought it was weird that he didn't go to class. They just wanted to know if they had missed something or if they could do something, damnit!
"This is bullshit," he hissed, taking one of his Pop Off beads and throwing it at a target. He hit the thing perfectly in the center, which wasn't rare but it didn't happen all the time. It only pissed Minoru off because his best friend wasn't around to share a high five with him or anything. 'This is bullshit,' he repeated in his mind, doing his best not to growl and shout as if he were Bakugo.
He was angry, he'd admit.
He was angry at the Sports Festival, for making his best friend feel like shit through what was supposed to be a great day for him. He was angry at the world, for all the vile they were throwing and would continue to throw on his best friend for something he'd done as a kid. He was angry at himself for not being able to help more.
Ultimately, Minoru was just angry.
"I know," Hagakure said from the side, where she sat and he could almost see her gloom even through her invisibility. Nobody was in great spirits that day, but it was especially evident with the usually bright and cheerful girl. As if he didn't have enough reasons to be pissed off already.
Why couldn't they be normal students? If they were normal, Endo's worst worry would be if some girl liked him or not. He wouldn't even need to worry about doing well as a hero, honestly. If they were normal, Hagakure would worry about her clothes or whatever instead of how Endo was doing with the shitshow going on. And there seemed to be a million more what ifs following those…
And Minoru hated it.
Even more so, he hated that he could do nothing about any of it.
He was useless, as usual.
"So much peace today, huh?" a voice called, loud and close enough to make Mineta turn. Immediately, he felt like he should be on guard. The purple-haired teen from Gen Ed was right there, the one that Endo didn't like. 'Shido or something? Mind control guy,' Minoru tried to remember. Honestly, he'd had more important things to focus on that day.
"Of course he'd drop by, Shinso," a voice to the side commented, and this one Minoru knew a little better. That was Endo's Gen Ed friend, Togeike. None of them were particularly close to her other than Endo, who wasn't around, but she'd stuck around as a fellow friend of the absent teen. The girls seemed to include her easily enough, at least, but Minoru didn't feel like doing much socializing.
Endo wasn't there to keep him from putting his foot in his mouth, for one. For another, it felt wrong to do stuff like nothing was wrong. It felt like a betrayal, to him at least. He guessed he was just being silly, stupid, like usual, but that was how Minoru felt.
"Remember not to reply to him, guys," Togeike told them, and Minoru was grateful for the reminder. He had forgotten about that too. The guy hadn't gotten to use that Quirk much in the final event, after all.
"Well, that's not very nice of you, is it, Togeike?" Shinso asked, plastering the most fake smile Minoru had ever seen, and he'd seen some terrible attempts in his life. Endo came to mind regarding that, annoyingly enough. "Then again, I can't say I blame you, with the company you keep."
Everyone paused what few exercises they were doing, not that they had been trying all that hard. It had been a half assed attempt at keeping their minds occupied, but they weren't doing a great job at it, really. Minoru saw Togeike twitch and all, looking like she was about to open her mouth and all.
"I really don't know what he's talking about," Togeike said, looking towards Jiro who was by her side. They all knew exactly what he was talking about though. Because he seemed like the kind to be a petty bastard. Endo had told them what this one had done for the second event at the Sports Festival and while they were fine with that, it certainly helped paint a certain picture of the guy.
"I mean, they used to call me a villain in the making, but I guess you preferred an actual one?"
And that was it.
Minoru smiled, finally happy about something that day. 'Fuck this piece of shit,' he thought, his lips pulling apart to reveal a grin that was all teeth. Shinso went to say something, but no words came out. Instead, only muffled sounds reached their ears as a Pop Off bead sealed his lips shut.
In an instant, Minoru took two more and threw them, setting them up in specific places. Then, with a short jump, he bounced on one bead, then the other, and then he had his fist on Shinso's gut. When the other boy fell down, Minoru grinned down at him, standing next to his head.
"He really isn't all that smart, is he?" he commented, to his friends. He didn't even feel like talking to the guy, Quirk or no Quirk.
"I feel kind of bad that I lost against him," Togeike joined in easily and she was instantly all kinds of ok in Minoru's books. She was the best. Endo had the best taste in friends, evidenced by her and Minoru himself.
Clear as day, really.
"Mr. Mineta," a voice called and he gulped, turning to see Vlad King towering over him. "Something you wanna say for yourself?"
Instantly, he wanted to apologize or say that the guy had started it. He felt scared and frustrated, because of course it'd be him that got in trouble. That was just the bullshit place that they lived in, he supposed. The kind of place that would punish him for standing up for a friend and punish his friend because he made a mistake as a kid.
Ultimately, he pushed those feelings aside and looked down at the Gen Ed student as he let out muffled sounds of pain. Minoru wondered if it'd make things worse if he threw a few more punches. Almost definitely, but…
In the end, he just decided to be proud and imagine the laugh he'd have with Endo when he told them about that.
"The little shit had it coming," he said in the end, his grin coming back.
[}-o-{]
[Tooru Hagakure]
She might or might not be doing something wrong, she supposed.
She found herself, that day – that very specific day –, walking down a familiar street. She was alone, which wasn't a rarity, but she expected to be alone when she arrived, which was a little less common. Still, Mineta was dealing with detention, Todoroki had apologized and said he had family matters to deal with and Yaoyorozu and Jiro had decided to bow out of this.
Tooru herself had said she wouldn't do it, mainly because everyone was being dumb. Why did they seem so eager to leave Endo alone? He was their friend. Sure, he'd asked and justified himself saying he was tired on the previous days, but that day? He hadn't said anything at all. No messages had been answered and nothing had been replied too.
They had all taken their teachers' words and decided that Endo just needed space.
Tooru disagreed.
If he'd told them something that day, maybe she'd have agreed. If he asked them to stay away, then maybe. However, Endo had gone absolutely silent. None of the teachers had told them that Endo wanted to be left alone, just that he was ok and had asked to be able to skip classes that day. They'd even told them something about looking into things themselves.
But that wasn't enough.
So, Tooru had decided to take matters in her own hands and make sure their friend was ok. It was a shame Mineta had gotten in trouble for punching that Gen Ed idiot, because she was sure that he'd have wanted to come with her too, but he seemed to think it was worth it. Privately, the rest of them thought so too. Tooru almost wished that it had been her that gave the guy a piece of her mind.
However, she wouldn't be doing what she was if she did, so she'd take what Mineta's sacrifice had given her and go for it.
Eventually, she knocked on the door to Endo's apartment and waited… And then waited some more. It wasn't a long wait, but it sure seemed like it when she was just there, worrying about how her friend was doing. When she was about to knock again, however, the door clicked open.
Endo's form peeked out from behind the door as the thing was pushed back and Tooru was just glad to see him. He didn't look great though, sadly. There were bags under his eyes, he stood slumped and his distinctive black and red eyes looked dull. However, she was glad to see him all the same. She'd almost expected to be told to leave him alone through the door and she likely would have, if offering a little resistance. She didn't want to be a bother, after all.
She saw him blink for a second after he opened the door, like everyone always did when it was her on the other side. There was that slight moment of confusion before their brains figured out that it was her, the invisible girl. It was annoying, every single time, because it reminded her that she was invisible-
But then Endo smiled a little, a small fragile thing but a smile all the same, and all was fine in the world.
"Hey there, Bubbly," he greeted, sounding as tired as he looked. "Came to check on me, huh?" he asked, not even pretending he couldn't figure it out.
"You weren't replying to our texts," she pointed out some of her annoyance bleeding into her voice and he blinked again in confusion. Hadn't he even seen the messages? "We were worried, Creepy. You can't just ghost us like that. That's Ghosty's thing… or mine, depending."
"... Sorry," he said, like he was too done with things to say anything else. It was somehow just as concerning to see him like this as it had been to see him losing his mind at the Sports Festival. At least, there, they had been able to get to him a little. They could talk and help him.
There and then, Tooru half wondered if she was more invisible than usual or something, because he barely seemed to register much of anything, least of all her.
"Can I come in?"
"... Sure," he answered simply, almost shrugging but not quite managing. Instead, all he did was sort of raise his shoulders as he took a breath in and then drop them as he let it out. She didn't even know there was such a way to shrug, but it really got the point across about how her friend was doing. "You want something? Coffee, tea-"
"Soda, juice, water," she finished, because he always had the same stuff and he always said it in the same order. Their group had started making a game to see who would finish for him whenever they were over. "I'll make tea myself. It's always nice to drink some when I don't feel well."
"... You are not feeling well?" he asked her, making her glare at him. He couldn't see her, but she knew he could feel her annoyance and it'd be enough. "Fine, I'll go and-"
"I said, I'd make it," she interrupted, skipping past him towards the kitchen. Winning felt great but she was alsoglad that he could know what she felt without having to see her. Nobody could know when she was sad or angry unless they heard it in her voice or something like that. So, if she stayed silent, people would have nothing.
Not Endo though, and she really liked that. 'Not the time for that,' she reminded herself, shaking her head. She was there to cheer up her friend. Besides, she wasn't sure if it was good or bad that she was happy about his Quirk. On one side, it should be a good thing that there were good parts to it, right? On the other, that Quirk made her friend miserable…
Ugh, thinking was hard. So, she focused on making the tea for herself and Endo. He didn't say anything, didn't even follow her or anything. Instead, he seemed to have gone to sit at the table and just stare at the screen of his TV…
Tooru frowned.
"Wait…" she said, looking towards the screen and seeing that it was news about him. 'Because they just don't have anything else to talk about, do they? We all almost died but that didn't cause nearly this much of a mess,' she thought, annoyed. Some small part of her felt very proud to be able to even think that without feeling the cold biting at her. "You are looking at those idiots?"
"I guess I am," Endo replied, barely sounding like he was there.
"Why though? You could be looking at the aquarium instead. Much better, in my opinion. Or at the super awesome board- Oh, right!" Tooru exclaimed, hurting to pull something out of her backpack before bringing it to Endo. Then she hurried again to get the tea all set up before she ruined things. "I had those made after the Sports Festival. There's some cool ones from all of us… Granted, there were more of yours and Yaoyorozu, since you guys got further, but we got some too."
As she put their drinks on the table, she chanced a look towards the TV, but she didn't really pay attention. It was the kind of shit she'd grown tired of already. She couldn't fathom why Endo kept looking at those news.
"They do look nice," he commented with the same weary tone. "That's yours? Bold color, Bubbly."
"What? But it was wh-" she started arguing before stopping herself and narrowing her eyes. "Idiot," she hissed, getting a weak chuckle from him. Then his eyes went back to the TV and whatever smile he'd managed was gone. "Hey, why are you looking at this, honestly? I think it's awful and it's not about me."
"I just can't stop, I guess," he replied, self-deprecating smile on his face as he kept his eyes on the screen. "I just…" he started then, trailing off and seemingly unable to find the right words for what he wanted to say. "... can't," he finished lamely.
"It's fine, Endo, I just," Tooru started, noticing a weird shift in the scene at the TV, but dismissing it as a change in frame or something. She really didn't want to look at it. She'd had enough of those already. "We are just worried about you. Why didn't you go to school? Was it… worse than you told us? Is there something we can do?"
"You did plenty at the Festival, I'd say," he replied to her. He wasn't looking at her, and that hurt. Sure, he couldn't look at her, but he usually tried. He seemed to try more than most people and succeed more than most too. Maybe it was his sensing or something else, but he'd even managed to actually look at her eyes sometimes, even if he didn't know.
And now he couldn't look away from those stupid news.
"It's not a quota, Endo. We can and want to help you as much as we can," she told him, hoping against hope that something she said would catch his attention. Nothing did, however. His expression remained the same. His eyes remained locked on the screen.
The image shifted again and this time Tooru frowned.
"Wait, is that… Is that looped?" she asked incredulously.
"Yeah… Yeah, it is," Endo answered, a smile with no happiness whatsoever on his face.
"But why? Why would you… loop… it…?" she started exclaiming before her voice word by word turned into a whisper. She stared at the news report that her friend couldn't look away from.
"I'm disappointed, in UA and in our heroes in general, for allowing a travesty such as this," the woman that was being interviewed said, lips pursed and frowning. "The Black Rampage was a disaster, a dark mark in our history and we are supposed to learn from history. We should have learned, and instead, we are allowing that history to repeat itself. It could be a year from now, a month from now, tomorrow. It could be today and it seems like the people meant to protect us don't care," the woman said, and Tooru felt sick just hearing her talk. "So… I'm disappointed… and I'm also sorry. Sorry, for not having been able to keep this from happening. I'm sorry for contributing to this. To all his victims, I'm sorry."
And then the video started again.
Somehow, even though her words were awful and the entire situation was too. None of that was what got to her. No, what did that was that she finally understood. Looking at the woman talking, with a very familiar hair color and complexion, she just felt more and more sick as she processed that.
Especially when she read the tag underneath the woman, for the viewers to see.
'Mother of the Black Rampage,' it read.
Chapter 48
The TV was turned off, but Kazuki continued staring at the now black screen. He could almost see her still there, with that resting bitch face that she tried to pass as an innocent look, those cold eyes that had frozen the blood in his veins once upon a time and the way she shook her head to get the hair out of her face which often also transformed her face into a glare. Most of all, he could almost still hear her voice, full of disappointment, disgust and judgment.
'It's almost like it hasn't been a day, huh?' he thought to himself, his lips pulling up into a smile that held no happiness behind it. 'Mom?' he added after a second and, for just that moment, he was back to being a child, watching her mother shouting at his father, at Kazuki himself and at the world as she stormed off. He was back to his old self as he called fearfully for his mother, because he knew she didn't like him, but surely she wouldn't leave.
Except she did.
Now there she was, right there in front of him, acting the same way as she ever had, maybe even worse. Because as bad as she'd been, she had never been that vocal when in public. She had kept her worst for behind closed doors, even if she had never been nice at their place or outside of it.
A small part of Kazuki had always wondered… Would his mother have been better if his father had left? Would she have been better than he had been? Because he'd gotten worse when the divorce happened and she left, but maybe she wouldn't? Little Kazuki had liked to think that, to hope for that. It wasn't a comfort, because if so he'd gotten the short stick in life once more, but it was… It was something.
And something had to go right for once in his life, right? Something had to be good even if he didn't get it in the end. Surely there had to be a way for things to go well for him somehow. Maybe he'd been just unlucky. Somehow, it was better to think that than just thinking he was doomed from the start.
As time passed, however, he'd thought about that less and less, especially after the Rampage and his time in juvie. He was pretty sure the incident had burned any bridge that he might have been delusional enough to believe was there. If nothing else, the years and years of zero visits certainly proved his assumptions correct.
And yet…
Then he got out and enrolled in U.A. and Kazuki had hoped once more. Maybe he could do things right. Maybe he could prove to his mother that he was nothing like she thought. Maybe he could do something that'd change her mind. Maybe he could have a family, for once.
Maybe, maybe, maybe…
"So… I'm disappointed… and I'm also sorry. Sorry, for not having been able to keep this from happening. I'm sorry for contributing to this. To all his victims, I'm sorry."
Kazuki had been a fool.
"Endo," a voice spoke, breaking him from his thoughts as much as the hand on his arm did. He turned slowly, suddenly pulled from his musings and regarding Hagakure at his side, with all the concern and sadness that came from her. Somehow, it didn't affect him all that much. He couldn't be happy about that though.
He was just finding it hard to feel much of anything.
"I'm here ok," Hagakure told him, her clothes shifting a little as if she had wanted to do something and then changed her mind. Instead, she squeezed his arm comfortingly. "Is there… something I can do for you?" she asked then, unsure, nervous, sad, worried…
He almost wanted to tell her to turn on the TV and set the video on again but there was no point. She wouldn't do it, he knew, and besides… After she turned it off, he wasn't even sure why he'd been staring at and hearing the thing for so long. Hell, he didn't even know how long it had been.
"I don't know," he replied and his voice sounded far away. It was weird, but he didn't ponder on that. Instead, he just stayed where he was, sitting at the table, facing the now turned off TV with one foot on the chair, his thigh pressing against his chest, and the other down. He glanced towards his untouched tea cup and he decided to change that.
He didn't do much else other than curl his fingers around it though, feeling the heat coming off of it. The water was getting colder and the tea seemed to be at that point where it was both too cold but not cold enough. 'Of course,' he thought, his hollow smile returning. 'Bad luck even with that,' he mused.
"That's it," Hagakure said and Kazuki turned to see her… slapping herself? She did so with both hands, one on each side, before standing up, the chair dragging on the floor as it was pushed back a little. Then she reached for his arm and pulled on it, trying to get him up. "Come on, up!" she ordered, clearly not having enough strength to force him.
He didn't have enough will to fight her though, so he just follows along. She drags him through the room before stopping in the middle of the living room, not quite close to the table, not quite close to the sofa or the bookshelf. He doesn't quite get why, honestly. There's nothing there.
"So, which is it gonna be?" she asked him, making Kazuki blink slowly at her. Judging by her groan and the way she places her hands on her hips, he's pretty sure she's either glaring or pouting at him. Maybe both. "Aquarium or photos?" she asks this time.
'Ah,' Kazuki thinks intelligently.
"Flip a coin?" he suggested. Judging by the huff and the way she deflates, nevermind the slight disappointment, that wasn't a good answer.
[}-o-{]
In the end, they did flip a coin.
So, the two of them spend the better part of half an hour just looking through the photos on his wall. Furthermore, they also went about adding a "First Year Sports Festival" section to it to one side. Kazuki wasn't very responsive, but his smile turned a little less empty as the minutes passed and Hagakure did her best to talk his head off about anything and everything.
It was nice, to be reminded of good things all around. She talked to him about their friends. She talked about plans they could go through with one of those days to pass the afternoon. There was less need for training now, so they could take a day off or two if they really wanted to, which sounded wonderful to Kazuki. He felt like being lazy, he felt like resting…
He felt drained.
Hagakure also talked about other things, like stuff for the future and how things could go now after the Sports Festival. She told him that Aizawa had announced that U.A. was gathering the internship offers for them. He'd already known that, but it was nice to know where things stood for the moment. He hadn't looked through the stuff he'd been sent regarding the classes he'd missed yet, after all. She also talked about theorizing their group had done in regards to that, where they could go, how it could affect them.
He'd missed a lot in a single day, it seemed.
That was further proved to be right when Hagakure had to leave. The word "had" was operative there because she literally had no other choice. She tried to convince her parents to let her spend the night at his place (she might have lied a little, but it didn't work out in the end anyway). She also tried to get someone else to come too, but it was no use either. So, when the very determined girl had no other option, she started apologizing.
"Hagakure," Kazuki interrupted at some point, plating his hands on her shoulders and making her go silent. "I appreciate you coming here. You've been… I really needed someone here with me and you were, so thank you, alright? There's literally nothing for you to be sorry about," he told her, trying to express as much emotion as he could muster in his still a little numb state.
"But you need someone here still," she mumbled and he was pretty sure she was either crying or about to cry and he didn't want either to be a thing. "You shouldn't be alone today."
"I'm not alone. I have the fish, the shrimp, the snails… and I have my friends here, thanks to you too," he said, getting a watery chuckle from the girl. "So, thanks. But I'll be fine for today. You can continue being the supportive friend tomorrow, deal?"
"Deal," she answered with a short laugh. A second later, she wrapped her arms around him strongly. "Take care, ok?"
"I promise I'll be fine."
"And you won't skip tomorrow?"
"I won't skip class tomorrow either, no," he reassured, patting the girl's back. Then, before letting go, Hagakure gave him one last squeeze. "Actually, I should accompany you, shouldn't I? It's a bit late," he added.
"You are the best, Endo," she replied and he could almost hear the smile in her voice.
So, they walked together from there while he did as he said until he couldn't anymore. There, he stood alone for a long moment, considering the last few hours. 'If Little Kazuki could see me now,' he mused, shaking his head and turning to leave.
That was when he saw it, a man off to the side, passing by. There weren't very many people around at that hour, it seemed, but that was not why this one person got Kazuki's attention. No, that was because of the way he was staring at him.
"Came out to try and get more deaths in your toll?" the man asked then and Kazuki stiffened. Because, of course. His face had been shown to everyone and everyone knew exactly who he was now. The news made sure of that. He'd be more surprised if someone saw him and didn't recognize him.
"Too many," Kazuki replied, even though he knew he shouldn't. Regardless, he continued walking, eventually passing by the man, who kept glaring at him. "I have to make up for them now."
"That simple, huh?" the man snarled behind him, but Kazuki's sense told him that he hadn't moved.
"I wish it were simple," Kazuki added then, and neither said anything else after that. He just kept going until they were too far away, but the encounter reminded him that things would be tense, to put it mildly. If Hagakure was to be believed, he might have to deal with the press at the school and this time he wouldn't be able to just ignore them.
'That's going to suck,' he mused, taking a deep breath in. Maybe he should get some research going, see what kind of questions they might ask him so that he would be prepared. He was fairly sure that it'd be awful regardless though.
So, as he walked back home, he considered that, but mostly he considered the fact that people cared about him now. Hagakure had gone all the way to his place just to check on him. She'd told him about everyone being worried, but not knowing what to do. She'd told him about Mineta and what the little guy had done for him.
It was a little overwhelming, to be made aware of that fact.
The fact that he now had friends.
Kazuki was a little surprised about that everyday. He was always a little disbelieving. He just couldn't wrap his head around it. He had to wonder, by then, if it would ever fully sink in. He wondered if he wanted that to happen.
When his phone vibrated, he checked it almost on auto-pilot, expecting it to be Hagakure checking on him already. She seemed worried enough when she left to do that. Or maybe one of his other friends trying to reach him once more. Speaking of, he'd have a lot of messages to respond to, but that was hardly a chore.
It was none of those… or at least it wasn't any of the friends he'd expected.
He opened Distressed's chat to see not someone in need of help, but someone offering help. Distressed had no idea what Kazuki was going through, of course, but evidently all that time with him being silent had been enough to cause worry. He smiled at the irony, because he'd started it all trying to help Distressed, and now Distressed was trying to help him.
With a chuckle, he started replying. He might as well get started with things, since he had a lot of messages to send. Maybe he'd get yelled at too, for his silence, but even that would be welcome, really.
"I'm sorry for disappearing," he wrote, hesitating a moment before sending just that. After a long moment, while his brain worked and worked, he pursed his lips. It took him a few more seconds before starting to type again. Distressed wasn't even online yet anyway. "The last few days were terrible."
With that said, he moved towards the kitchen and went to prepare himself a cup of tea.
"You have bad days too? Wow. The world is full of wonders," was the message he got midway through the process of getting his drink ready. It made Kazuki smile, if only wryly. Poor Distressed didn't even have a clue.
"I have a lot of bad days," he admitted, because he was feeling too numb and tired to give a damn about being all calm and supportive at that moment. If Distressed needed his help then, maybe he'd try, but as it was… "The last few were just… worse."
"... Is it rude if I ask how bad?" was the response he got from Distressed, to which he grinned a little as he poured himself a cup of tea.
"The knowledge that my parents hate me was reinforced quite thoroughly," he answered frankly, if vaguely enough as he usually did with that kind of thing. Then he hesitated for a moment before sending another message. "Other things happened too and now… Now I feel like the world is against me. I already did before but now… I guess it became more real, with everything."
"Well… I'm not nearly as good as you at being comforting and shit, Knight," Distressed sent him, making Kazuki blink at the screen of his phone. Then he brought his cup to his lips while he waited for the next message. He could see the other person typing, after all. "But, I guess, if it helps… Not the whole world is against you, Knight. I'm on your side."
"That… does help, yeah. Thank you," Kazuki replied, smiling a little more honestly as he turned to look at the wall where the photos were set up. A moment later, he sent a message to his group of friends, letting them know that he was fine and reassuring them. He also made sure to thank Hagakure again, just in case. "I guess I might need help getting through the days myself now," he added for Distressed then.
"And I'll be happy to. I already was feeling kind of shitty leeching off of you like that," was his response that time, which made him snort. "So, if you can't deal with my bullshit, just say so, yeah? And if you need help and I'm not feeling like shit myself, I'll do my best."
"Thanks, Distressed. I really appreciate that," he wrote, because he really did. He knew that the person on the other side didn't have any obligation with him. He'd set up their whole relationship because he wanted to help them and that was that. Distressed hadn't signed up for any added "bullshit" as they said, which… "You don't have to, if you don't want to. Ok? You didn't force me to send you a message, this is what I wanted to do. There's no need to repay me or anything."
"And you didn't force me to continue messaging you, that was my choice," Distressed shot back at him after only a few seconds. "I want to help you, Knight. So, how about we switch roles and you are Distressed for a bit and I am Knight, yeah?"
At that, Kazuki gulped, feeling his emotions get a little out of control. Somehow, that was very moving to hear from Distressed. Sure, he'd call them a friend, but they weren't one in the same league as his group, for example. So, hearing that they cared so much made him think that maybe he'd helped more than he thought, maybe they were that grateful.
Maybe he could help people.
Maybe he could succeed.
"Thank you," he replied, taking a deep breath in. "You are still Distressed though. I ain't getting stuck with that name. Not on your life."
"Damnit."
Idly, he pulled out of that chat and immediately chuckled as he saw the wave of messages that waited for him. Slowly, he savored every single message, every single one filled with concern and then relief when he continued reassuring them. It was… nice, to know that people cared. It was nice to know that he wasn't alone.
And it was nice to know that without it being buried under emotions that weren't even his.
Kazuki spent the next hour or so just texting his friends, those from U.A. and Distressed. Because maybe his family had fallen apart and maybe it was always going to be that way, regardless of if things went better or worse. Even then, at least Kazuki now had a better life in spite of that. Now Kazuki had friends, and a future that he could fight for instead of slowly being drowned in bad luck.
'Things aren't so bad,' he thought, a smile on his face as he continued talking and talking and talking. He walked around the apartment with his phone in his hands, looking at his aquarium, which was getting better and better by the day as the plants grew inside. Then he switched to the photos once more, taking a moment to remember the moment for each of them, one at a time and skipping none.
He looked at the rest of his apartment, which he could now call home. It was his space, even if it was technically the school's. The aquarium was his. The photos were his. The books on the shelves were his. The mess on one side of the table was his. The clothes in the bedroom were his. It was all his.
Kazuki had a life now.
So, why?
Why was it that he couldn't be happy? There wasn't even that much negativity around him. He'd go as far as saying there was less than normal. It was a good day. The weather was nice. He'd gotten plenty of nice talks with his friends by then. One of them had even visited personally and made sure he had a good time…
And yet, he still sat at the table late that night. He sat there and considered his life. Not his future, uncertain but still there. No, what he pondered was his past and his present. He remembered being a child, with parents that hated him and each other. He remembered when he became a teen, inside juvie already and giving up more and more on life by the day.
Suddenly, he was that Kazuki once more. Not one with hopes of parents that would change their minds nor one with a future ahead of him. No, he was just a child that had lost everything. He was just a child that had caused a catastrophe, with deaths and many people suffering irreparable damage because of him. He was the kid that would forever know about every single person's pain around him. He was the kid that had monsters whispering in his ear and ready to tear the world asunder.
He was the Black Rampage, not during the incident, but afterwards. He was in his cell, alone and with the mutterings of people following him everywhere. He was the criminal that was isolated and that people feared being close to. He was the stuff of nightmares for some and a disaster waiting to happen for others.
That's who Kazuki Endo had been, that's who he was for some people still, especially at that moment. He knew it was the case, he'd been watching that be the case through the whole day. He felt like he was that kid once more. If he didn't focus, he felt like he was back in his cell, the memories of those days, right after everything had happened. The feelings were so vivid and so were the memories. He remembered every word he heard, everything he saw, every person and every sound. He remembered the textures in the cell and the helplessness.
'I'm a monster,' little Kazuki had thought then and continued on thinking through the years. All the way until a very strange individual had asked to visit him and given him the chance of a lifetime.
'I deserve nothing,' little Kazuki had realized, in an epiphany. Because surely there was a reason why he couldn't have good things happen to him. Surely there was a reason why everything was always feeling bad and things never were good, just bad or worse but never good.
'I am, where I have to be,' little Kazuki had decided, accepting his cell and his life as of that moment. Because he didn't want to cause more deaths and pain. He didn't want to make things worse anymore. He didn't want to be a curse, the reason why people always felt bad.
Kazuki, now older, out of his cell, with things his younger self would have never even dreamed of. He was in a different place, in a completely different situation. He'd grown, changed. He thought and acted differently from how he did back then. He liked to think he'd matured and learned from his experiences, even if it had taken him a while.
Yet, at that very moment, he felt the same. He felt the same way he had back then. 'I'm a monster. I deserve nothing. I shouldn't be here,' he thought to himself, the words repeating themselves in his mind again and again.
Then, he reached for the remote, pressed a button… and then play.
"I'm disappointed, in UA and in our heroes in general, for allowing a travesty such as this. The Black Rampage was a disaster, a dark mark in our history and we are supposed to learn from history. We should have learned, and instead, we are allowing that history to repeat itself. It could be a year from now, a month from now, tomorrow. It could be today and it seems like the people meant to protect us don't care. So… I'm disappointed… and I'm also sorry. Sorry, for not having been able to keep this from happening. I'm sorry for contributing to this. To all his victims, I'm sorry."
Kazuki sat there, in his house.
Kazuki sat there, in his prison.
Kazuki sat there, in his apartment.
And he listened to his mother, like he always had. He listened to her voice that told him everything without even needing to pay attention to the words. Maybe she had been right. Maybe they had been right. His parents, the children at school that had always stayed away, the heroes that never seemed to look his way.
What if they were all right and he was wrong? What if his friends were wrong? What if his teachers were wrong? What if it was all a lie? What if he was deluding himself?
'Maybe I'm a monster. Maybe I deserve nothing. Maybe I shouldn't be here.'
And then…
The video started again.