Am I in the dark or have my eyes closed? Maybe both. In life, there are ups and downs. Some days make us understand that happiness can be personified through a smile, a look given without saying a word, a fruitful encounter. While others leave us with the impression of getting lost along the way, between reality and illusion, joy and pain. We refuse to believe that we are really stuck in such a mess. To the point of no longer believing what we see before our eyes. The escape of a look, the fading of a smile.
It all starts the day when doubt arises. This moment of anguish and distress so palpable when we can't put our finger on it. There is this voice that tells us that time heals everything. Without specifying anything. We don't know if we should wait for a day, a week, a year, a lifetime perhaps, who knows? Sometimes, we literally burst into tears in complete discretion. Disappointment does not support company well. So it only happens between the two of you. Just you and the pillow. Nobody else! At the risk of making yourself look ridiculous.
People don't care about our pain, let alone its longevity. The important thing for them is that you know when to shut up so you don't seem like a crybaby. "Cry if you want, but for heaven's sake, do it silently!" " Oh yes! This world imposes standards on us on how to deal with grief and even death. Even going so far as to gender emotions, a boy doesn't cry, I've been told since I was little. And yes! These standards were well anchored in my head. In my family they always knew how to put on a good face, do to others even to me, yes me the little girl, the youngest to be more precise, I don't care about the laws, about authority , I always said to myself why should I respect the laws imposed by men while they do not even respect that of their creator. In this world we are there to spend the little time we have, the little of time we have to live, learn to love and be loved, but no what did we do, we don't use it to lose a loved one, can destroy us.
To die, am I ready to die, everyone asks themselves this question, is it true, you ask yourself, do you start thinking about your death?
Death who does not fear it? We poor mortals, every day a mystery haunts us, we do not even try to understand it, we just live the time that gave us that we wanted to stop or prolong.
Tell me I'm here, I'm looking for every way to get up, but how can I do it in a world that has lost all its colors, my own world.
I was between life and death, the sound of footsteps entered the room where I was, and I felt a person sit down next to me, I already knew who was there, Ada my great-granddaughter, the only who still visited me.
-Grandpa, how are you today? I'm late, right, I had to give copies to father before coming!
I turned my head in her direction, I always wanted to know what she looked like but couldn't, I answered her
-Don't worry Flora de fuego, I won't go anywhere without telling you, you know, I don't feel like it anymore, I don't have any time left, I always wanted to see you but what a shame.
-Grandpa! Her finger ran over my cheek, my stone irises staring at her, I could only see a reflection.
-You know I have the impression of feeling her when you are there…
-who she, who are you talking about? Granny?
-the owner of the name I give you, Flora de fuego.
There was silence, I only heard the sound of his breathing, and the gentleness of the wind that caressed my skin, the memories rose to the surface, I wanted to drown them, push them deep down, but I promised you would never be forgotten, you will continue to live on in someone's memory. On the dodine chair where I was sitting seemed far away.
I whispered to myself- it's time, I hope I could find you.
-Papi, his voice brought me back to the present moment, if you plan to leave at least tell me who she was, the one whose name I bear.
-You'll know sooner or later, it's time for you to leave, I can't take up any more of your time.
-you will wait for me, I have a surprise for you, she was happy I could feel it, just like you, and don't be indifferent, promise me!
-I can't promise you something that I can't give, go outside now, it's getting late.
She stood up and gave me a kiss on the forehead, then left.
...
The silhouette of a young woman came out of the house, and the one at the edge of the window got up and disappeared into the room where she was.
The next day, the DoeFuera family received the news of the death of their long-lived relative. It was a great loss for the young woman, who had become attached to the old man, she only felt at home with him.