The results were in. I was going to die.
Death was a concept that I had always thought of as something to not be afraid of. To embrace the inevitable.
After all, what begins and never ends? Yet is the ending of all that begins?
The answer could only be death. For death, so long as life exists, persists. For it is the ending of all that begins.
To me though, it was a matter of what happens after you've died. The regrets, pain, and suffering that those around you go through. Death is just a means of motivation, for people like me, to fulfill their last wishes and move on with no regrets.
Glioblastoma, an incurable form of brain cancer that eats away at your brain tissue, slowly killing you within a year. Funny right? Getting diagnosed with cancer right after graduating college. It was as if God was mocking me, taunting me with the lifespan of a one measly year to make do with whats left of my life.
Walking back from the hospital, it felt like a weight was on my chest, the anxiety and stress suffocated me. I wasn't worried for myself but for others, especially my family and friends.
It was quiet tonight, I was a good distance from the hospital, with only a few people around. The leaves of trees rustling from a sudden gust of wind, the distant sounds of traffic, blocked out by the whispers of the trees, commanding silence. It was the perfect backdrop for me to collect my thoughts. It was as if nature itself could understand what I was feeling and was trying to soothe me with its soothing whispers.
I wonder, if I died one day what'd be their reaction? Sis would probably have a mental breakdown, she loves me more than herself, that's what scares me. If something were to happen to me, Sera would go mama bear mode and defend and protect me with the ferocity of an overbearing big sister. It's always the "protect the little brother complex" with older sisters huh? I would all the more hate myself if I ever hurt her.
Well if I were to think of my friends, I guess I could think of them as the leaves that pass by with the wind. Not many stay, more often than not after hanging out with me they'd be exhausted or bored, flying past my life like the leaves around me. Though there are a select few that try to hold on. Take a few leaves that got stuck on my clothes, traces of wool could be seen at the sharp tips of the maple leaves, showcasing their effort in staying beside me, these were my true friends. As much as I'd like to ser them leave for their sake, despite that they still hold on to me. Not that I'm complaining.
I would think of August and Hazel when I held up the leaves to the sky, the moon's cool glow paired with warm illumination from the streets lamps highlighted their vibrant colors.
Like me, they were the outcasts of society, we had a common connection and so we were a tight knit group. August was there for me whenever I felt down, while Hazel was our group's disease specialist, always infecting us with laughter and joy. Minus the actual diseases since she had a great immune system, never catching a cold in winter.
Soon a sudden gust of wind blew the two leaves out of my hand, joining their countless predecessors amongst a sea of different shades of brown and red. Again, it looks like this was nature's way of telling me I have to let them go, to join the wind that passes me by. They'd have to forget me if they don't want to get hurt.
Soon the familiar sight of a parking lot came into view, a landmark that showed that I was near my apartment. The historic three story redbrick soon came into view, it was never a sight for sore eyes, but a sight to behold. Vines that scaled and encased the building in it's embrace. The greens were still vibrant, resistant to the massacre of fall, but would soon fall victim to the onslaught of winter.
I opened the front door, the insids was quite contradictory to its exterior, despite living here for four years, still can't get used to it, in a good way of course. Decorated with modern furnishings and marble tiled floors, the only thing remotely historic was the dark oak staircase, sanded and waxed to shine like the stars.
While walking up to my room, my phone vibrated and buzzed to a kpop group that has long since disbanded. Only a select few of its fans still remain to this day, pity that they had to disband, I really did love their music.
It was a text from my sister, it should be around early morning there right now, looks like she's going to be busy again the whole day. She only ever has time nowadays to contact me at the break of dawn and dusk.
The phone changed screens to a photo of my sister and I smiling, it was a call.
"Yeah sis? I just got home, wait let me close the door first."
"Leo I heard from August that you just had a checkup, are you alright?"
I could hear the trembling in her voice, I guess I could understand that, she was worried for me.
"Yeah it was alright, I had to eventually have one anyways. Gotta know I'm healthy am I right?"
The nonsensical joke I made led to an awkward silence from me, if i talked anymore, my sister would realize i was using my lying voice, she knows me too well. She doesn't know yet, I can't let her know yet.
I slumped against my door, still haven't taken off my shoes.
"Leo, look, do you think you could do your big sis a favor?"
"Sure."
"Leo I'm going to go on a business trip to the UK and it's going to take around a year for me to finish. I need someone to take care of the house while I'm gone. I know it's sudden but do you think you could come back to Hong Kong and take care of it for me? It'd just be like taking a gap year and going on vacation, just only this time coming back home. I'm sorry but you're the only one I trust with the house, I don't want some stranger who isn't even part of our family. I hope you could do it, I'll understand if you—"
I just gave her a simple sure, followed by I'll leave in a few days, cutting her off. If i talked anymore she'd know something was off, be it my tone or choice of words, she was like sherlock, and i her watson, albeit, a terminal watson.
"I was planning to go on a trip anyways, it has been awhile since I left Hong Kong."
It wouldn't hurt to live the rest of my life there.
"Great, but sorry Leo I have to go now, there's a meeting with the executives soon and I have to get ready for the presentation. I'll call you again tonight, bye love you."
Before she could end the call I could hear the swears my sister screamed, looks like she burned her hair with the curling iron again. I really should get her one of those dyson air wrap thingies, an early birthday gift. Ive alreafy nagged at her that she shouldn't do that while on the phone.
Walking towards the living room, mom was reading a book, and dad with a newspaper right beside her. Both of them comfortably sitting in their designated chairs.
"Hi sweetie, was that your sister? How is she? Is she still single? Im never going to have granchildren am I?"
"Mom can't you ask her yourself? I'm your son, not cupid."
"Hahaha Hack hack hack."
My dad burst into a laughter which led to a rapid succession of coughs.
"Dad I told you not to laugh like that, you'll break a rib or two."
"I just wanted to show my affection to my son, who stood up to this old hag like a man."
"Excuse me Howard but say that again. Old hag?"
My mom had gotten up and was already on my dad, pouncing on him firmly, securing his ears in her grasp. The ultimage move.
"What was that again sweetie? Say it again."
She sakd "nicely", in that sugary sweet voice, with hints of, "I'm going to kill you."
Watching mom put my dad into submission was always funny, I didn't intervene, letting my dad take the beating he deserved. I'm a momma's boy after all.
"Mercy mercy, honey please that hurts."
I laughed to myself, this was never going to get old.
"Oh Ian, how was the checkup today? What were the results? Is my baby okay?"
"Mom I feel great, doctor just said that i need to eat a but healthier, more greens and whatnot, I'll be fine."
Immediately after I ran straight into my room, closing it behind me, narrowly avoiding my mom's wrath.
"Haizzz"
I let out a sigh, today was exhausting, mostly mentally. The thoughts in my head kept piling up, they were unintelligible at this point and it was giving me headaches.
Lying on my bed looking towards the ceiling, the glow in the dark stars were always dazzling to look at, it was childish I know but it's my pet peeve. I can only fall asleep if I look at the stars.
"Sweetie, are you okay in there?"
My mom knocked on the door, I could tell she was nervous.
"Yeah I'm alright. I'm just a little tired, I think I just need to take a resr."
"Goodnight then sweetie"
She said as she shut the lights, tge stars glowing ever more brightly.
Soon feeling the weight of the mental fatigue on my eyes, slow blinking, into eternal darkness. Embracing the comfort that sleep brings.