"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" I asked as soon as we stepped inside the house.
RJ turned to me and held my hand.
Then, without a word, he led me to the room that was apparently his. I had assumed it would be near mine, but it was actually on the opposite side of the house.
His room had minimal decor, wooden furniture, and tan-colored bedding.
There was a pile of clothes in the corner and multiple empty soda and beer bottles on the dresser and under the bed. It wasn't as bad as I'd expected.
At least the bed was neatly made and clean.
RJ lay down first, and I lay on top of him.
I didn't need any blankets because the heat radiating off him was so intense.
"I didn't know you drank so much..." I murmured, noticing the trash can in the corner was also full of bottles.
"The spirit of Fire that chose me loves alcohol more than food. I get sick if I don't drink some every day. I can't get drunk... not even with Bane in my system."
That sounded like a pretty major drawback.
"Oh... um... I can't get cold," I offered, trying to be relatable. "But the Water element didn't choose me... I just have to keep my core cold at all times, so external cold doesn't bother me..."
He patted my head and closed his eyes.
"Thank you, RJ... you're the first person to do something for me with no ulterior motives," I admitted softly.
"That's... not true," he said.
"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting up just enough to see his face.
He didn't seem like he wanted to answer.
"RJ... tell me," I whispered.
"I'd rather not. I don't want you to hate me," he mumbled.
I giggled while stroking his cheek to calm him.
"There's no way I could hate you."
"You're wrong," he said simply. "Now sleep... you've had a long day."
I wanted to keep talking, but after crying so much and with the way his hands gently stroked my back, I obeyed.
I fell asleep in his arms.
I woke up still wrapped in his embrace, but his eyes were locked on the ceiling, like he was deep in thought.
"Good morning," I greeted softly.
"Go brush your teeth," he blurted.
Then he rolled me off of him and walked out of the room.
What the heck?
After brushing away the embarrassment in the bathroom, I found RJ still in his room, typing on his desktop computer.
"You're in a bad mood," I commented from the doorway.
"I couldn't sleep. And since I couldn't move all night, all I could do was think... so yeah, I'm in a bad mood," he muttered coldly.
I felt a little sad.
I should be used to his manner of speaking, but it still hurts sometimes.
I approached him, and he turned off his monitor.
"What do you want for breakfast today?" he asked, giving me his full attention.
I don't want to fight, so I sighed and said,
"I... think I just want an orange this morning."
He turned the screen back on.
I saw that he was scrolling through emails—urgent ones, from the look of it.
"Then I'll see you when you're done with your fruit," he grumbled.
So I left to eat alone in the dining room, staring at the wall.
I wasn't over what I'd found out yesterday... I'd hoped I could let myself get lost in RJ, as a distraction.
But clearly, that wasn't going to work.
"I realize..."
I heard his voice and turned to see him entering the room.
"I am a bad person," he finished.
"Oh... are you ready to eat now?" I asked, puzzled.
He didn't answer.
Instead, he slowly walked over and gazed down at me.
Our eyes met, and I blinked at him, confused.
RJ gently cupped my cheeks, then he kissed me—hard—and began tearing at my clothes.
"RJ—RJ! Wait!" I shouted in shock.
That snapped him out of it.
He pulled away, eyes wide.
"Sorry..." he muttered, then rushed from the room without explanation.
I changed out of my ripped clothes, and later I found him sitting in the corner of his room, drinking.
His eyes were puffy as if he'd been crying.
"Hey, you," I called from the doorway.
I knocked, even though the door was open.
"Leave," he said, not looking at me.
I ignored him and sat beside him.
"I know you wouldn't hurt me."
He scoffed.
"Yes, I would."
He tossed aside his empty bottle and opened another one.
I chose not to believe him and continued anyway.
"Did something happen?" I asked, gently touching his shoulder. He'd do the same for me...
"I just... wanted a distraction. A lot is going on that I don't want to talk about. I'm tired of thinking about it. See? My excuse is a bad one."
He downed the drink and hung his head.
I placed my hand against my chest to help steel my nerves.
Then took several deep breaths.
"If you wanted to be intimate... you could have said so at any time," I said carefully.
"I wanted to use you. No intimacy necessary," he confessed.
I'd been so caught up in my own issues, I hadn't noticed how off he'd been today... I ignored the signs.
I took his hand, closed my eyes, and kissed him gently.
"I know I'm important to you. No matter how you're feeling, you wouldn't force yourself on me," I remarked.
"...That's true," he agreed calmly.
Realization flickered across his face, and his expression brightened.
"I asked to sleep in your room for a reason, you know. I guess my hint was too subtle," I whispered.
He smiled softly.
"I'm not sure why, myself... but when I see you, I feel happy. Having you around brings me peace. I think that's why I want to be with you..." I added.
I took another deep inhale, then pulled off my shirt and got on my knees in front of him. His eyes went wide in shock, and I laughed.
"I feel the same way," he muttered.
His gaze drifted over to meet mine.
He stared at me for several long seconds before asking quietly,
"Are you saying... you're also in love with me?"
His voice was heavy with desperation and loneliness.
The question made my mind spin. I hadn't even considered that word yet... love.
That he could be in love with me…
I didn't know how to respond.
But my silence didn't stop him from tugging at my clothes and kissing me again, deeply.
That night, we made love for the first time.
The next very day, Zai was back.
I was the one who opened the door.
The strange discomfort I'd once felt around him had vanished...
But something new replaced it.
A heavy ache thudded through my chest the second our eyes met.
My breath caught, and I had to remind myself to smile.
"Hey... Where's Rai?" he asked, brushing past me with casual ease, but there was something electric about his presence.
Something that made the hairs on my arms stand up.
"He's in the shower," I answered, my voice smaller than I expected.
He stopped mid-step and turned to face me fully, his gaze narrowing slightly.
"Did you... just talk to me?"
I nodded, trying to ignore the sudden rush of heat to my face.
"Oh? Are you finally warming up to me? How nice..."
His smirk was lazy, but the warmth behind it made my stomach flutter.
He stepped closer, just a little too close, then leaned past me to close the front door.
I could feel the air shift between us, as if the room had gotten smaller. Quieter.
I swallowed and stepped back as he turned away, heading for the couch.
"Okay, then. I'll wait for him. How have you been, Snowe? I'm so glad you're finally talking to me," he said casually.
The way he said my name made it sound like silk. Like a secret.
My knees felt a little weaker than they had a moment ago.
"I've been okay... finally got all my documents in order. Thinking of getting a job nearby," I managed to reply, my voice breathy.
Zai sprawled onto the couch like he owned the place, eyes dragging over me in a way that was... not quite polite.
He tilted his head.
"Why? You haven't even been on Earth that long. You don't need the money. You should be traveling. Enjoying yourself. Not wasting time on some minimum-wage job."
His words were relaxed, but his tone was oddly intense... like he cared more than he was letting on.
"I haven't worked before. It'll be a new experience for me," I replied, trying to keep my tone even.
He exhaled through his nose and shook his head.
"You're pretty boring, huh?" he noted.
That jab stung more than it should have, but then he leaned forward, his smile softening, eyes locking onto mine as they saw straight through me.
"But you're cute. So I'll help you out," he added sweetly.
My heart skipped.
I tried to look away, but couldn't.
There was something dangerous about the way he smiled.
Like he already knew he affected me and didn't mind showing it.
Just then, RJ came down the stairs, his hair damp and clinging to his jaw.
Zai lit up instantly and bounded toward him, pulling him into a hug and launching into a conversation about some game.
Watching them together, I realized how natural their connection was... how easily they fit together. Brothers, best friends, teammates.
But the way Zai had looked at me just now... that was not how a best friend should look at someone else's partner.
Their conversation shifted to business, and I could only pick up fragments. Something about a deadline.
Zai's tone grew more serious.
"It's not like you to be so behind," he remarked gently.
"I'll have it finished in two days... I've been slacking lately, I'm sorry," RJ said.
Zai patted his shoulder reassuringly.
"It's okay. Valin's just stressed. I get it—you've been... distracted," he said it while glancing at me, that same teasing smirk tugging at his lips.
RJ's reaction was subtle, barely even a twitch, but I knew him well enough to recognize his faint blush.
"Let's talk more in my room. I'll be back soon, Snowe," RJ said, waving as they disappeared upstairs.
I sat on the couch, staring at the TV but not really watching. My mind was spinning.
What's wrong with me?
RJ gave me a place to stay. He took care of me. Told me he loved me. We finally made love last night, and I meant it!
I wanted it.
I wanted him.
So why did my heart pound harder just now, when Zai said my name?
Did I jump into this relationship too soon?
I flipped through the channels faster, searching for anything to drown out the spiraling thoughts.
I just need to make sure I'm never alone with Zai. That'll solve it. Keep a safe distance. Be respectful. Loyal.
...But I'm sure RJ told him we're together.
Zai wouldn't cross that line.
Right?
After all, they're not just brothers. They're close. They trust each other with everything...
Except...
When RJ was trying to decide whether to be with me, he mentioned Zai. He hesitated. He said something about me leaving one day... and about Zai.
Maybe he already knew.
Maybe he saw something before he lost the ability to read my mind.
I can't even remember what I was thinking when I first saw Zai... but my body does.
Why couldn't I recall it until now?!
I hugged my knees to my chest and closed my eyes, trying to breathe.
No more staring. No more silence. No more hesitation!
I'll just make sure I'm never alone with him.
Before it's too late.