In my head I tried figuring out why her and not me. What was so special about her? What she had that I lacked. Unfortunately I couldn't find a valid reason at the moment. But perhaps, I thought it was because of her not fat-body. She was beautiful as well, She had a baby face well I had it as well but her small body complimented her face more. I had a relapse, into my passive depression which almost turned into some real depression. I recall at one point having some suicidal thoughts. I used to get drunk and on top of it take several sleeping pills.
I wasn't talking to no one; I wasn't attending my classes either. I had not set my eyes on him, I didn't try to reach him neither did he. I can't really tell but I guess a guilty conscience needs no accuser. For two consecutive weeks, all I did was go through my gallery swipe through his pictures and zoom them with teary eyes. When I went to my contacts, I wanted to call him, not call just block him but it wasn't easy because I really wanted to see his stories. At times I wanted to tell him, I couldn't lose him, I cared and he was my destiny, somehow we could rewrite our stars.
My life seemed impossible to move on with. I became like a void. In my head it was too loud and silent at the same time. The loudness drove me insane. The silence was so scary. I couldn't sleep at night. I was afraid that the reality would catch up with me .It became terrifying and exhausting. A girl needed some time off. I wanted to stop overthinking and the sadness to go away and for bad days to be over. Just then I recalled Arnold, he could be of great help with his weed. I rang him immediately and he told me he was in class but he had carried some to class. I freshened up and headed to school. This one time I had decided to go to school was because I was picking some marijuana. So I wore my over-sized jumper with grey sweatpants. I covered myself to the head so that no one would recognize me at school. 'Why have you not been coming to class,' as he held them not ready to let go of them. I didn't answer him and since I wasn't in the mood for any games I stood back biting my nails. 'You have eye-bugs, are you okay?' as he removed my cap.
'Fuuuck! Picking and putting it back on 'Drop this caring-friend crap and give me what I want,' into his face I said as I snatched them from his arms. I walked away leaving him all alone in shock.
I went back to the house and lit the two joints of weed. I was extremely high, literally I was laughing out loudly for no good reason. I was spaced out. My heart beat had increased and I was breathing quickly as if I was running out of air. My tongue was dry and I was kind of anxious. I walked into the shower and stood under it and felt every drop of water hit my body. I hoped that I would sober up a little bit .Well that worked but not that much. I later walked to the kitchen I ate milk and cereals, and flexed out with my headphones in their loudest volume. I was going to the stall. I was playing "The nights' by Avicii. ...He said one day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember...…. I sang along, I was a clown in the streets.
As I opened the door I didn't believe who I saw. I kind of became sober. 'Couldn't this get any better 'I said in a low bitter voice Hey, you're here, August said as she looked at the customer standing before her then back to me. I approached them, 'What a pretty girl, I've never seen one of your kind before, the Caribbean Sea, Island vibes; you give me such a rush.' Naya what are you doing? August asked. Don't be sarcastic, the girl said
I'm just appreciating God's work of the Sixth day, and on the seventh day he Rested, you know that part of the bible? I giggled. As she walked out I turned around as well and with a serious voice I said "You know I've been wondering where I've seen your face before and I realized, gosh! It's in here, in this stall, I joked. She seemed pretty mad and annoyed.
Well that's not important, the important thing is I know your boyfriend and you make a perfect fit together, I smiled with jealous and sarcasm written all over my face. 'I think you desperately need my opinion and here I go, go shit on yourself,' she said.
She walked away as I also walked to the point where she stood while insulting and I watched her disappear in the very direction Lucca used to his house. She walked right into the gate of Lucca's apartment
'...Make your mama sad-type, make your girlfriend mad-type, might seduce your dad type, I'm the bad guy, duuh!' I sang along to Billie Eilish, bad guy track and walked back in once she disappeared.
'Are you done obsessing,' Anne asked from my behind. Over the heavily built neighbor whose girlfriend just walked out of this place? Yes I am or was that not the deal doctor love,' I replied sarcastically
Excuse me , don't vent out on me , when you were rating his bed game at an eight you were not venting ,when you were gifting him , candy chocolates and necklaces , you didn't vent , so don't do it now,
Then don't talk about him, and stop venting out on me as well,' I said angrily.
Shhp! shhup! August shushed us. We both took our positions by the counter coz our feuds was the last thing any of the customers would purchase .After several hours of silence, a familiar voice broke the silence "Naya can we talk,' I was busy on my phone but I could hear the message was meant for me. So I asked without looking at whoever was speaking as I swiped my phone "is it that important that you can't say it here, where we can all hear you."
Naya,' the familiar voice called out again. Whaat! I shouted angrily as I looked up only to lock eyes with Lucca. 'The fuck, it's you? You looking for me yet your girlfriend have gone to prepare you supper? Or you want a threesome,' I said with a lot of despise
What do you mean by my girlfriend? The fuck Lucca, I have outgrown that question, every time I tell you something, you pretend not to know what I'm talking about. Listen to me; I don't want to be the reason why your two year relationship fails. You didn't heartbreak me but my expectations did. So I'm unapologetically telling you this we have nothing to talk about , secondly ( as I exhaled loudly) your presence before me today is an insult to my eyeballs and finally good riddance and if you must know my mama calls this " A blessing in disguise'
Daaamn! Did you just do that, Anne shouted. With a psyched up energy 'If I had peroxide I'd pour it on him and that would be the last memory I'll have of his handsome face.' I turned to him 'Leave whenever you deem it fit,' I placed some ear pods that were on the counter table.
My friends were happy and I felt relieved for shouting at him.
'Finally you realized he wasn't worth it, I always prayed to God that I see this day,' August said
'He wasn't cute after all, his head is deformed,' Anne joked and we burst out into laughter