Eros, I have a question…
For as long as time immemorial, I have stared through the souls of the damned that traveled through the realm of Hades. Despite incorporeality they smiled through the reality of their situation; many weep tears of anguish and pain and yet they struggle and time and time again they pick themselves up. No matter how much they give up, they still stand up. In this grim reality of life, I often question whether mortals live a life to die and be reborn as tormented souls that'll never know the true meaning of happiness.
Eros, this bothers me greatly.
Why does the mortal man continue to struggle as they brave the depths of irrationality? Under the unrelenting sky of crimson brimstone looking down at how pathetic your life will ever be, surrounded by a blazing hellfire that burns all your happiness and zeal into ashes which returns like a bloody phoenix. Sisyphus struggles on for all eternity carrying the weight of his sins till the end of Cronos' parting gift; Atlas though chained, bent, and broken, continues to hold the weight of the entire world. Even Hades himself waits patiently upon winter's end just to be with a person that will never truly love him back.
Time, the blessing of Cronos since the birth of Terra, does not wait for those that keep chasing the endless highs and cheap thrills offered by this sick and twisted illusion of happiness. As I stand as a guardian of hell, I question the souls who've finally reached the point of no return; those that gave themselves up to the whims of chaos and revel in the endless suffering of life itself. They smile gleefully akin to those that tasted the most miniscule droplet of ambrosia from the peaks of Olympus.
How much pain can a mortal man entertain before they finally break? The same akin to the endless stars that shine down upon Olympus? The near limitless grasp of the domain of Poseidon or the endless expanse of the sky ruled by Zeus?
Gods be damned for they gave mortals a life only for it to be a never ending struggle between pain and misery, a war against the Fates that already woven our path from birth to death; as each and every single man, woman, and child fought for their Happiness. I wonder about those that ultimately gave up.
Eros. I have loved you for as long as I've stood. I fought every inch of thread woven by the Fates to taste your lips and defied Death itself just to feel your warmth against mine. Our very souls are intertwined with one another; and yet here I am questioning if this is truly the feeling of Love.
Is this Love, Eros? Does it truly work out? Does my selfless selfishness satiate your endless thirst for affection and passion that would rival your Mother's lust for beauty?
I have given my entirety just to witness that smile that sends a foreign feeling from the depths of my cold and unbeaten heart. To hear your laugh makes me feel omnipotent, capable of rivaling the titans of yore and the gods of present. To feel your skin against mine makes me a victim of Dionysus' trickeries. Each and every interaction of this forbidden love has been paid with every droplet of my sanguine blood. As a puddle formed beneath me, each droplet of tear that I shed to the Earth tears at the very fabric of my existence.
Help me, Eros. Save me from this disease.
Am I a victim of my own selfless selfishness that is Love?
What is Love if not for sacrifices. What is love without risks? What is love without you here by my side in Hell.
Eros. Help me wake up from this eternal nightmare that I have placed myself into.
End me of my pain and suffering of longing for your presence. Plunge the dagger into my cold and twisted shell of what I once was. Put me down like the rabid dog that I am, pained and weak at the sight of my own rotting body, A bloated carcass of self-loathing for all the insecurities I have possessed.
Why is death more preferable than to live in Hades? Eros. Please, Love me.
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The clouds at Olympus part to reveal a sea of stars that stare down at my body which lies on a bed of flowers. Surrounded by Hyacinths and Chrysanthemums, with Lilies and Daffodils; A single Dianthus being held aloft by my callous fingers.
A deep seated feeling overcomes me as my eyes gaze at the gates of Heaven; Orion and his never-ending hunt which ultimately leads him in the pursuit of nothing.
Nothing. I fear nothing. The very idea of nothingness; something so incomprehensible that it cannot be defined. Something that will never be tangible or rational, an object without a manifestation or reasoning.
Thanatos, I fear that this fantastic fascination of mine will lead to our demise. I've drowned myself in ambrosia to forget the pains of the past, wine flows in my very bloodstreams. However, nothing can compare to the most intoxicating thing I have ever consumed.
They say Love is a risk, dare I say that it's the most dangerous drug I have found myself addicted to. Forever chasing the endless trails of cheap thrills and rush of dopamine that a single kiss from your lips gives me; forever chained to the shackles of this endless pursuit of Love. This long and deep rooted sense of codependency tears at me like the endless specter of the shadow that chased me ever since the dawn of time.
Me and Thanatos both know it to be true; There is a large gaping hole in the middle of my soul that no matter how much love and passion that Thanatos throws, it can never be filled and sealed. Because at the end of the day I keep chasing after a person who will never love me back.
Psyche, when will you answer me? I know that it has been a lifetime since you've turned your back. My endless lust for a love that was idiotic was the start of our downfall. Like Icarus, I dared to reach for things I shouldn't have. I tried to taste a flavor I was never meant to taste. The snake in Eden has offered me a forbidden fruit that you and I savored and in the end you had to leave me for my very own safety.
As the arrows of love are stuck in my back, pulling them out slowly and painfully is enough to send me catatonic. But the more it's stuck, I'll bleed to death overtime.
Psyche, stuck in the back of my twisted and broken psyche. Chained in my memories as I stumble and struggle to accept the mistakes of my past; Alexander stared at the ends of the world and he turned his back with tears in his eyes. For the world was not big enough to house his ambitions and his ability. Psyche, please return back to me; I keep hurting others with these cursed arrows and have killed them slowly. The scars on my body never truly healed as only your warm and loving hands can grant me the release I so desperately need.
Athena's wisdom falls deaf on my ears, as Themis casted her sentence; forever to wander the earth with my other half missing. Chasing after the glimpses of my former beloved as she lives her mortal life with happiness and glee while the immortal suffer under this tormenting guilt.
Psyche, come back to me.
I miss you so badly.
Psyche please.
I still love you so dearly.
There was never a time in my immortal existence that I have not placed you in my list of worries, I have bled so much waiting for your safety, I have prayed so much to hear your voice once more, I have slept so much to feel your skin in my dreams.
Mother had taken you away from me, and since then I never saw your face again. No longer will you speak of words that soothe my aching soul, or smile at my imperfections, or weep at my despair, or exhaust yourself over my trials and tribulations.
This hole in my soul will never be filled for that hole was you, my dearest Psyche. I keep chasing after people who sought to replicate what you gave me, only for them to despair as nobody was truly equal to your generosity. If this was to be my fate for all of eternity; I'd rather spend the remainder of my days in Hades. To live a life of torment and despair as I accompany Thanatos on his self-destruction; Persephone could give counsel on what to do. For as Winter sets in, Spring will follow suit.
Are we really destined to be Luna and Sol? Forever cycling in this macabre dance of pain and suffering.
Psyche.
I still love you.
I'm sorry, please forgive me.
I don't think I can ever live without you.
I think I might do something irrational that ends our worlds.
I don't want to die. I'm afraid of nothing, to never see you again. There is no other side to this cycle of life and death; a perpetual limbo of nothingness as you float in the dark and cold abyss. Not a single sound shall penetrate your peace, and yet this isolation breeds loneliness on a magnitude that trembles every facet of my body.
Psyche please, come back to me. I fear I might lose myself in this bubbling insanity that takes hold of me every single day of my pitiful and pathetic existence. I don't want to lose myself in the endless expanse of the cosmos seeing a star that no longer exists; to keep chasing your mirage in the body of someone else.
Psyche please.
Kill me.
Plunge the arrow I shot at you deep into my still beating heart, for this pain is unbearable to the point of no return.
Psyche please, the passion of our love is so pure that it cannot rival anything else the world has got left to offer.
Psyche, please.
Love me.