"WHERE river are we going?" Niyong asked. I wanted to tell him to just drive the horse slowly so the carriage wouldn't shake too much. I was still trying not to bump Sebastian's shoulder.
It's like I'm sitting in a jeep right now where I'm the last passenger, crammed in and only half my ass fits in the seat. The carriage is spacious, but I don't want Sebastian and I to touch each other's arms.
"A-as long as the river is wide. The one that isn't rocky" I replied, Niyong turned to me in surprise. Even Lolita was also surprised by what I said. Sebastian didn't react.
I don't know where the road to the river is that part of this story. That's where Lolita and Niyong will be boating. I just don't know which direction to go there.
"A river so wide that we can go rafting," I continued, then gestured with my hand to show how wide the river I was talking about was. Niyong just scratched his head. He didn't seem to understand me. Even I couldn't understand what I was saying.
"Turn left, let's take the road to Balintawak. There's a big river we'll have to cross," Sebastian said. We all looked at him. Whoever the cat is now, he knows the way.
It was already noon when we reached the big river I was talking about. I smiled when I saw it. I stopped when I realized that I was looking at the window where Sebastian was sitting. He was just looking at me, which made me feel shy.
Niyong had already stopped the carriage. Sebastian got off first. Thinking about it, I should have gotten off where he got off, but since he was already standing there and it looked like he was going to help me get off, I chose to get off on the other side where Lolita got off.
"Here it is! This is exactly what I imagined in the story," I said and ran towards the river. It was calm and very clean to look at. The sky was blue and there were many birds flying around. "Let's put our picnic mat down there," I smiled and ran back to the carriage to get the basket but Sebastian was already holding it.
I just swallowed hard, I didn't think he looked so masculine wearing that red shirt. Maybe it was because it was really tight on his arm that it caught my attention.
Lolita walked ahead, "I'll just watch the horse here," Niyong said, causing me to turn to him. "That's not possible. You have to come with me," I said, Sebastian looked at me. He hadn't left the side of the carriage yet.
"But this is my duty. To be the coachman and guard the carriage," Niyong said. I just held my forehead, it seemed like there was another stubborn character.
"Niyong. You and Lolita are the stars of this scene. Do you get it? You two are the ones who will make the readers laugh and have fun now. This is where you will start to have feelings for her so you can't just be here in the carriage and watch the horse. Who will be Lolita's date? The river?" I said while smiling. Niyong and Sebastian looked at each other then looked back at me.
I took a deep breath again, "I'll just watch the horse. Follow Lolita there," I said and was about to get on the carriage but I was stopped when Sebastian spoke.
"You don't need to guard the carriage anymore," Sebastian said and walked towards the river. Niyong and I looked at each other, if I were Arturo, I would shoot this kid. Niyong followed Sebastian and I also walked towards them.
Sebastian put down the basket and sat down on a nearby log. Lolita and I laid out the freshly washed sheets. We just took them off the hanger this morning, they use them as table linens.
Niyong sat next to Sebastian. Lolita and I sat on the mat and then brought out the food we had prepared, which was all fruits and snacks. "Let's eat," I said to the two of them. Niyong's face showed that he was embarrassed to eat, so he looked at Sebastian first.
"Niyong! Come here! Lolita cooked some food for you" I smiled as I handed him a bowl. Lolita's face turned red, I knew that somehow she still liked Niyong. Her attention was only diverted for a moment because of Arturo's scene.
Niyong looked at Sebastian again, "Come on!" I called to Niyong again, he did nothing but stand up and take the suman from my hand. "That's special because that food is full of love, made by Lolita herself" I smiled, they both felt embarrassed.
Even Sebastian just looked at the river and I saw him trying to hold back his laughter because of what I said. I just ignored him, this scene was more important to me for the two characters whose paths I was going to set straight again.
"Lolita is a good cook. She is also good at all household chores. If you only saw the embroidery and sewing she has done, you would surely be amazed. Lolita is also smart, she is also learning to read and write. You won't need to look for anything else," I continued, I couldn't help but smile with excitement because both Lolita and Niyong's faces were already turning red. They couldn't even look each other in the eye.
"Do you have a girlfriend, Niyong?" I asked then looked at Lolita. "I haven't thought about courting yet," Niyong replied, causing me to see Sebastian secretly laugh. He turned away so I couldn't see him. I knew I looked desperate to bring the two of them closer but I had to bring back the original flow of the story where Lolita would fall in love with Niyong again.
I ignored Sebastian and smiled at Niyong again. "We should be thinking about the future---. Isn't it Lolita?" I looked at Lolita who just nodded now while her cheeks turned red.
"Come on, Niyong. Sit here" I called to him, knowing that Lolita didn't have the courage to say that so I became her spokesperson. Niyong just scratched his head and then turned back to Sebastian. He was like a child who always asks permission from his father.
"Señor, sit down here too," Niyong called and sat down on the mat. "He's okay there. We don't fit here anymore," I said, I couldn't help but get annoyed because he had been secretly laughing at me earlier. Why did he know how to laugh now?
Sebastian just looked at me as if I had banished him to a faraway place. "Lolita, you tell me your story. What qualities do you want in a man?" I smiled at Lolita, Lolita immediately covered her mouth while eating especially since Niyong was closer to her.
"The man with a pure heart" Lolita replied, Niyong and I stopped and looked at each other. I saw Sebastian smile secretly again. I knew he was thinking of only one thing, Arturo was what Lolita was referring to because he also knew that Lolita had teased me at the market.
I just clapped my hands, "He's the real one! Niyong's heart is so pure too" I smiled and tried to laugh but I was the only one laughing. Except for Sebastian who was secretly laughing, which made me even more annoyed.
We continued eating and chatting. Niyong offered Sebastian food several times but he refused. It was already 1:00 in the afternoon when we saw the raft, I immediately stood up and asked the owner if we could borrow it.
I gave him fruits and sticky rice. He nodded and thanked me. "Nyong! Lolita!" I called out to them. Sebastian just looked at me as if he was waiting for me to call him too. I just took a deep breath, wondering if he would come with me on the boat? He would definitely be in the scene. Instead of just Niyong and Lolita going on the boat together in the book. Sebastian would be there too. He would look like a third wheel.
"You guys just get on the raft. We're just here," I said then handed Niyong the oar. "Binibini? Don't you want to come with us?" Niyong asked. I shook my head, "I'm getting sick of the boat," that was all I said then I forced them to get on the raft.
"Don't go far. Just stay here on the edge" I shouted and waved at them. I walked back to the mat to take a sit. The sun was shining brightly now but the breeze was cool and it wasn't that hot either.
Sebastian was still sitting on the log, staring at his palm. I just froze. I felt guilty because I ignored him earlier. "Eat here," I called to him, he didn't move.
"Do you want to ride the raft?" I continued, feeling like I was the one who was the worst because i make him out of place. "Let's just ride later when they get back," I took a deep breath and then removed the leaf wrapped in the suman.
"Maybe there are ants there, just sit here" I said, he looked at me then looked at the river. I thought he would ignore me again but I was surprised when he stood up then walked towards me and sat on the mat.
I handed him the suman, he looked at the suman for a moment then took it from my hand. "You dont know how to swim" he said. "It doesn't look like I'll drown, the river is calm and the raft is strong enough---" I didn't finish what I was going to say and looked at him in surprise.
"Wait a minute. How did you know I can't swim?" I asked in surprise, he just took a bite of the suman and ate it while looking at the river where Niyong and Lolita were now boating.
"I didn't tell you that I didn't know how to swim..." I thought, not realizing that I was biting my nails now. I remembered when he ordered Niyong and I to go swimming but it didn't work out because he just made us catch fish. I didn't tell him that I didn't know how to swim that day.
I stopped when I remembered that he knew the old witch. Wasn't she the one who saved me when Don Severino's men threw me into the river?
"Y-you are the one who saved me in the river before?" I asked. He can't look at me now. He even choked on the suman he was eating. I quickly gave him some water. "It was you, right?" I asked again, trying to read his face.
"This suman is very sweet," he said, then put it on the mat and drank a lot of water.
"Sebastian, that was you, right? How did you know I don't know how to swim? No one else here knows that. You also know the witch woman—I woke up in her house and she said she didn't save me. That was you, right?" I asked many questions.
Sebastian just cleared his throat and fix his collar even though his shirt don't have one.
"D-do I still need to answer that?" he said while avoiding looking at me.
I just take a deep breath. I'm one hundred percent sure it's really him because of how he acting now.
We became quiet for a moment. I realized that I owe him my life now because he saved me. I opened a sticky rice and gave it to him. "Thank you," that's all I can say. He look at me for a moment, then at the sticky rice I am holding.
"I remember what you said before, when I'm here everything becomes okay. Same with me to you, when you are there, everything happening to me also becomes okay," I said while looking straight at him.
He took the sticky rice from my hand and look at it for a moment. "You already no conscious when I pull you out from the river. I bring you to Manang Milda. But I need to leave that night, and when I come back next day, she said you already gone."
I bit my lower lip. No matter how I look at it, I am always somehow connected to Sebastian. "So, what were you doing there that night?" I asked him. He is just looking at the clear river now. I can't stop noticing his sharp nose.
"Don Florencio came to the prison, he helped me to be free and when we are going home, I saw the men of Don Severino. They put someone in a carriage full of hay. I think that is my chance to find a way against them, so I follow them."
I cannot speak after what he said. He saw everything that happen that night.
I immediately got a mango and peeled it, then handed them all to him. "I don't know how I can make it up to you," I said, unable to look at him. I remembered all the times I insulted and fought with him these past days.
I heard his soft laugh, and when I looked at him, he quickly put on a serious face again. "You always get close to danger," he said, then ate the fruits I peeled for him.
Silence ruled again as the wind gently moved the leaves that were slowly falling around us. "What will you do about Arturo?" he asked. For some reason, I didn't expect him to be the one to bring up the topic first.
"His hiding is already over, so his duty is also over." I don't know why I felt sad when I said that. Arturo's character has already ended, so the writer will now set him aside. That is really what happens to characters once they are no longer needed in a story.
"But you should tell them the truth? Both of them are waiting for Arturo. Both of them weren't able to say a proper goodbye to him," Sebastian said, then looked at me. I glanced at Niyong and Lolita, who were riding on the raft.
"You're right. They also have the right to know the truth," I said blankly, feeling even heavier inside.
"And it is your responsibility to say goodbye to them properly. You often disappear without a word," Sebastian continued, which made me slowly look at him. I don't know how to tell him that I might disappear again in this story in the next chapters.
"Why you bring those two closer?" Sebastian asked again. We are watching Niyong and Lolita now, riding on the raft.
"That's what should happen."
"Why are you the one dictating what is destined to happen?" I sighed at his question while staring blankly at the two of them. Because I am the author of this story—that's what I want to answer him—but I don't have the courage to say that I am the cause of all the suffering of the characters in this novel.
"If you become a writer… what will be the flow of the story you will make?"
"Maybe it's a story full of hope and lessons," he replied. I smiled at his answer. Is this really the villain I created?
"What if the ending is tragedy?" I ask, he get quiet for a moment.
"Depends. But I will choose to be fair to all my people. That no one will die without meaning in the end." At that moment, I slowly looked at him. Until the end, he still wants to find the meaning of his death that he sees in his dream.
When the two of them came back, we also got on the boat, all four of us. I held tightly on the bamboo that was tied together. Niyong and Lolita got their revenge on teasing me because they were scaring me that the raft will flip over.
"Don't stand up!" I tell them but they just keep laughing and try to stand up again Lolita and Niyong. I can see Sebastian also smiling a little secretly while rowing. It looks like he also happy seeing me being ganged up by the two of them."
We also played a game of throwing stones far into the river. Niyong and Sebastian always wins against me and Lolita.
"I don't want anymore. This stone is unfair to us," I said then walked back to the mat. We already tried many times but they always win. So we also played hide and seek but Sebastian is not cooperating so he is always the first one found.
He just lean on thin trees where his shoulder can easily seen. In the end, when Sebastian was the one who will find, we run back to the carriage and we just let him search there by the riverside.
He didn't say anything when he saw us in the carriage. He just smiled for a moment and nodded because we had tricked him.
It was already dark when we returned to Manila. Before we got off the carriage, I quickly whispered to Niyong.
"Niyong, as a gentleman, you should walk Lolita to her front door and tell her that you were happy to be with her today and you will not forget it. Also tell her to sleep well."
Niyong just blinked, like everything I said was slowly sinking into his mind because of how long it was.
"Why do I have to do that, binibini? Can't she just walk by herself into the door?" he asked innocently. I wanted to hit him, but maybe he might forget what I said, so I just closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down.
"Tell all of that like a summary—like a recap of everything that happened the whole day you were with her. The girl needs to know that you also enjoyed being with her," I explained. If there's only text right now, I will just make Niyong text Lolita if she can't say all of that face to face.
"Just do that okay. You really gonna get in trouble with me" I said it to scare him but I was just joking. Niyong just scratched his head. It's obvious on his face that he got nervous because it looks like he never tried courting in his whole life as Niyong character.
The carriage in front of the Panciteria was already stopped. The place is almost closing. Mang Pedro and Aling Pacing looked out and warmly greeted Sebastian. Sebastian nodded to them, then the couple looked at each other and went inside.
Niyong went down already, I pushed him and signaled him to go ahead of Lolita so he can help her go down. Niyong looks panicked, he quickly jump and then helped Lolita. Lolita got surprised from what Niyong did, her cheeks got red again.
I touched my cheek when I saw that scene. I looked at Sebastian and he was looking at me now. "They are so cute! Go down now, I will pass there," I said.
Sebastian was surprised and then he got down from the carriage. I did not notice that he already held out his hand to help me get down. It was too late when I saw his hand, I was already down from the carriage.
I accidentally bite my lower lip. I didn't mean it and I didn't notice it. I just didn't see it.
I smile then I tap his hand like we doing a high five. "Touchdown!" I said. I just laugh at his reaction because he didn't understand what I said.
Niyong looked at me and scratched his head, then I quickly signaled him to walk with Lolita going to the door. Good thing he followed me. I whispered to Sebastian while looking at the two of them. "Look, Niyong is already a grown man now! He might get a girlfriend soon!" I can't help but feel excited. Finally, everything is starting to go the way the story is going again.
"Lolita will surely not be able to sleep and will dream of Niyong with a smile on her lips," I added. I didn't realize I had hit Sebastian's chest because of excitement. I forgot that we were not that close for me to do that, and in his eyes, my actions were once again a kind of boldness.
I quickly stood up straight and step away from him. I was about to walk to the door of the Panciteria but I stop when Sebastian speak. "I-I hope you sleep well tonight"
Slowly, I turned to him. He was just looking at me now, like he is waiting for what I will say. I don't know if I just heard it wrong or maybe I am just tired that I am already hearing things that are not real.
"G-good night," he continued. I stared at him for a few seconds. "Y-you too," that's all I could say, then I quickly turned around and went inside the Panciteria first. Niyong and Lolita stopped and looked at me, like they thought they saw a ghost.
THE next day, while I was busy delivering foods to the customers. I suddenly stop when I saw four men coming, wearing hats. They walk to the empty chairs and sit there.
We looked at each other with Aling Pacing. She signaled me to go closer to the new arrivals to ask what they want to eat. I just took a deep breath before I walked toward them.
"G-good morning," I said. They all removed their hats at the same time.
My eyes got big when I saw the four of them. Lorenzo, Berning, Santino, and Tadeo. Only Lorenzo is smiling at me right now.
"What do you want to eat?" I asked, then I just swallowed hard because of the serious look of the three, especially Berning.
"Don't be like that. As you can see, Tanya is doing her job well here in the panciteria," Lorenzo told his friends. I remember that I also have a big debt to the rebel group because I was gone for several months. They probably thought that I already betrayed their group.
I slowly raised my hand like I was going to recite in class. "T-the truth is, I want to say sorry because I suddenly disappear. But don't worry, I did not report you to the government," I explain. Good thing it is very noisy inside the panciteria and it looks like nobody is hearing us. It looks like I am just taking their orders.
"But why were you with the former general last night?" Berning asked seriously. I blinked twice. I'm the one being suspected when he is the one who is with Roberto. I just shook my head. I was the one who made him betray the rebel group, so I also cannot blame him.
"Are you with General Guerrero last night?" Lorenzo asked, they all looking at me now like I did something wrong or like I was flirting last night. I quickly waved my hand in the air.
"That's not what you think.There is nothing between me and Sebastian. It's just that he owns the carriage we used when me, Niyong, and Lolita went out yesterday," I explained, trying to laugh but their faces still looked serious. Even Lorenzo was not smiling anymore.
"Sebastian? You two must already be close for you to call him by his name," said Santino, Lorenzo's older brother. In the revised version of Salamisim, he was rescued from prison by a rebel group. That is why he is here now.
I was about to speak but Lorenzo spoke first. "I believe Tanya should get close to that general so she can gain his trust. Right?" Lorenzo said while looking at me. I could not speak. I need to choose again between the rebel group I created as the hero in this story against the government that is the villain and will make them suffer.
Tadeo stood up first. Berning and Santino followed while putting on their hats. Lorenzo stood up last but before he walk out of the panciteria, he turned to me.
"You cannot fall to the enemy. Don't forget the purpose of our organization," he said then turned around and walked away.
I stayed standing there, feeling kinda blank while I watched the four of them wearing hats as they mixed in the crowd in the middle of the market. I cannot get out in my mind what Lorenzo said. That line was supposed to be said to him by his older brother Santino when he fell in love with Maria Florencita.
And now, I don't know why Lorenzo himself said that to me even though I was not even part of this story.
That night, I could not sleep, so I went out of the panciteria and sat on the steps outside. I looked up at the sky, not really understanding what was happening. I could not stop thinking about what Lorenzo said. He was supposed to receive those words, but why was I the one he told it to?
I closed my eyes until I heard a carriage coming. From far away, I could already hear the sound of the horse running. I quickly stood up when I recognized the carriage. It stopped in front of me, and Sebastian got off holding a lamp.
"She's already here in the outside Senor," said Niyong, is his coachman. I slowly stood up while Sebastian was walking closer to me. At that moment I cannot understand the fast beating of my heart. I don't know what is happening to me while I am waiting for his, coming near.
"Why are you outside?" he asked, wearing a white shirt and black pants now. The shirt is a little loose on him and the sleeves are long on both sides. "I cannot sleep," I answered then I looked at the lamp he is holding. That is not the magical lamp.
"What are you doing here?" I asked then I looked at Niyong who is still sitting on the carriage. He even yawn and stretch his body. "I also cannot sleep," Sebastian answered. It is like he is telling that we have the same situation now. We are both disturbed by many thoughts that make us cannot sleep.
He went first and sat on the stairs going to the door of the Panciteria that is closed now. I remember that here I first saw his smile before. I also sat there, there is one arm length distance between us like before.
"Why do you always come here when you can't sleep?" I asked. He placed the lamp between us. I don't know why he brought a different lamp tonight, but somehow I felt peaceful because the magical lamp was not near us anymore.
"Why do you also go outside when you can't sleep?" he said, just returning my question. I just smiled at what he said and nodded. He was right. I had already used many excuses to him that I just want to get some fresh air, that's why I am outside even at night.
We stayed silent for a while, both of us just looking at the sky full of stars. "I go to Manang Milda to talk about my dreams. Like I told you before, I have been bothered by it for a long time," he said. I just looked at him. I could feel the sadness in his eyes. Dreaming about your own death can give nightmares to anyone.
"I don't know why my death keeps changing in the dream? Before, I only died inside the cell. Then I saw many people and I was garroted together with my father. And last night…" he said then he looked straight at me.
"I saw you in my dream," he continued and my heart beat loudly again. That was his last words before he fainted again after I turned off the magical lamp.
"W-what happened?" I seemed to lose courage to know his dream. Did he see me as the writer who decided his death?
He just kept looking at me, like he is thinking if he should tell or not. "I also want to know…" I said, even it was scary, I know I need to face this thing.
"You was carried by water going down below. I tried to save you but I cannot reach your hand," he said and I stopped for a few seconds then looked at him again.
"Didn't you save me from drowning before? Could that be what you saw in your dream?" he lowered his head after what I said that, then stared at the ground.
"You are not tied in my dream. You are also not wearing red," he said. I just froze. My whole body felt numb. I was wearing a red gown and tied up when Don Severino's men threw me into the river.
It means I might drown again in the next chapters if I cannot escape this story.
"What if you found out something that will die in the next days? But you also know that if you stop it, everything will change and it might mess everything up. Also, she is too far. You still need to travel a long way," I asked. He looked straight at me. Amalia has been in my mind for days now.
"As long as I can change what will happen… why not?" he answered. If only he knew that I am the reason why his mother died, he grew up alone and sad.
"Why would you do that? If that is what is destined to happen, why do you want to change it?" I want to hear his answers. I want to know how bad I have become as a writer for characters like him.
"Because as long as I have the ability to prevent or change what is meant to happen… it is my duty to do it. It is not right to just let someone die without reason when I know I could have done something to save them." I could not speak. If he only knew that I am the reason for his death, maybe he would think twice before saving me from drowning.
DAYS passed. I am now staring at the calendar. After the festival in Bulakan, Amalia and her lover, a civil guard, will run away. During their escape, they will both be shot, which will be the end of their characters.
I remember what Sebastian said, that as long as a person can stop or change what will happen, it is their responsibility to do it, because no one should die without reason. That a story should end fairly for all characters.
I quickly packed my things. I said goodbye to Mang Pedro and Aling Pacing that I need to go back to Bulakan because I have something to do there. Whatever happen to the story, I will try to save Amalia.
Lolita found out that I will leave and she want to come with me but Aling Lucia did not allow her. I will travel in the afternoon riding Mang Pedro's carriage. I already planned everything. It will take two days of travel to go to Bulakan.
When I go out of the panciteria, I stopped when I saw Niyong riding a kalesa. "Ate Tanya, the horse of Mang Pedro is weak so I asked Niyong," I looked at Niyong, he nodded then avoided looking at Lolita when she smiled at him.
"Thank you, Niyong," Lolita said with a smile. Niyong cleared his throat and fixed his hat. "I-I am doing this to help ate Tanya," he said, and it is clear in his face that he is shy to admit that he cannot refuse Lolita's request.
I just smiled and got on the carriage. "Take care hija!" waved Aling Pacing and Mang Pedro. They even sent a letter and food for Amalia. I smiled and waved back at them, I will not let their smile disappear so I will find a way to save their only child.
Niyong started driving the horse. I just closed my eyes. I will start fixing all my mistakes in this character. As much as I can, I will still try.
After a while, the carriage suddenly stopped when it was about to turn on a corner. I got surprised when I saw Sebastian, he was wearing a black coat and black hat. He is also holding a suitcase. I looked at Niyong, he smiled at me and scratched his head again.
Sebastian got on the carriage. He put his black suitcase in the middle of us. I just stared at him in shock, I know this carriage belongs to him so I have no right to ask why he is here.
"I want to come. I will go with you to save Amalia," he said that make me more shocked. Niyong started to drive the carriage again. And in that moment I cannot take my eyes off Sebastian.
How he know that I will save Amalia?