Pop! - Eek!
Pop! - Eee!
Pop! - Yip!
Pop! - Ohh no!
I-don't-like-it - Pop! - Aah!
With Wex and Seeth's ships locked in close proximity, the journey to Diego's allies was well underway. Although the lizard being rather light on details about said allies, the length of the journey ahead had presented a wonderful opportunity for the two crews' to get to know one-another. Wex had kindly offered to host combat training sessions within his shooting range and armoury on-board the Fang. The two brothers seemed keen on helping one-another wherever they could, and for Wex, this meant knowing what level of combat proficiency he was dealing with.
The captain frowned as he glanced over Geralt's shoulder. He'd positioned himself in the first stall, perhaps hoping that the adjacent steel wall would offer him some guidance. However, somehow, he'd managed to hit everything but the target.
"Maybe I'd be better off with a handgun? Like Tivy?" Geralt sighed softly, his eyes surveying the unmarked target for even a hint of damage, yet its taunting visage remained pristine. "Or even non-lethal rounds?"
"Yeah. Maybe. We'll try some different weapons in a bit." Wex nodded, patting him on the back. Geralt placed the rifle back and stepped away, more than happy to have it out of his hands. "Might be a confidence thing, I'll see if we have any beanbag rounds."
It wasn't like Geralt was ignoring Wex's guidance, quite the opposite. He'd been doing everything Wex had advised. And yet, his bullets seemed intent on bending around the target.
"I'M RELOADING!" Tivy suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs, her announcement followed by the sound of her magazine clattering to the floor, then silence as she contemplated her next move. She patted herself down, searching for another magazine, before turning to Wex after finding nothing, and mouthing the word 'help' with an innocent bat of her eyes.
The captain couldn't help but smile, at both Tivy and the magazines placed directly behind her, as she held out the depleted pistol towards Wex. He quickly knelt down, guided the barrel back to the range, grabbed some ammo from the bench and slipped a new magazine into the handle.
"Remember what we said, Tivy. The gun stays facing the range, right? Top rule. No waving the gun around, even if it's empty."
"Top rule!" She nodded enthusiastically before seizing the pistol from him. An intense shiver shuddered through her body as her finger landed back on the trigger.
Pop! – EEK!
Next to Tivy, Oxyi raised her shotgun to her shoulder and quickly rattled off six shells in quick succession, each one hammering the paper target in pellets. Each shot was close to perfect, delivered rapidly and without so much as a flinch from the lioness. The same could not be said of Tivy, who shuddered, jumped and blinked with every shell fired, but kept on firing - and screaming - regardless.
The difference in ability was… extreme.
Wex continued on, placing a hand on Oxyi's shoulder as she laid the shotgun down. Indeed, if that paper target was a threat, it wouldn't be anymore…
"Nice shooting, Oxyi. Great placement, fast action. You'd be deadly on the field." Wex said, nodding to himself.
"Thanks, Wex!" The moment she'd heard him approach she'd felt her face begin to warm and heart race. She kept her eyes focused sharply on the target before her, fighting to stop herself shying away. "Its nice to get some time in actually. I've missed shooting things that actually aren't alive." Her words were followed by an awkward chuckle that trailed off into silence.
"Yeah. I get you. Sometimes it's nice just to spend some time shooting that isn't a life or death situation." Wex cleared his throat; he hated to admit it, and couldn't even begin to understand it, but his usual easy, charismatic self just curled up and died around the lioness, leaving him feeling… uncharacteristically vulnerable. "Great shooting though, keep it up!" And with that, he carried on down the firing range to the next occupant, eager to avoid embarrassing himself any further.
Wex couldn't hide a concerned frown as he laid eyes on Hammond. The bug had placed himself a couple of stalls down from Oxyi but was currently just sitting on the bench, swinging his legs with a bright pink cocktail in a dainty glass placed next to him, his target completely unmarked. Every now and again, his wings would buzz, mimicking Tivy's squeaks, albeit much more quietly as he watched the others practice. Wex wasn't exactly sure why he was there, or if his 'remarks' were intentional or not. Hammond's motives for doing anything were… a bit of an enigma.
His break-open shotgun was lying to his side, opened up and freshly cleaned. Somehow, the firearm carried the same relaxed aura that its owner did, Wex could swear if the shotgun had legs, it would be idly swinging them over the side of the bench, just like Hammond.
Finally, Trent had placed himself at the very end of the range, with a few empty stalls separating him from the others, popping rounds at the distant target with a traditional assault rifle.
Wex paced down towards the fox leisurely, his stroll accompanied by Tivy's yelps and gunfire. He wasn't too sure what to expect of the fox, as Trent had said his experience with firearms had been limited, but his target was well punctured. Not quite to the level of Oxyi, but all considered, Trent had exceeded Wex's expectations handsomely. The fox quietly mouthed the steps required to reload in tandem with the action, performing the act in good time and with relative precision.
"Well done, Trent. Remember to keep the butt of the rifle firmly against your shoulder, should help with the sway a little bit. Time with your breaths as well. Excellent shooting, though." Wex nodded as he peered over the fox's shoulder. The lizard noticed some room for improvement with Trent's stance and gently guided his shoulders and back to a better firing position. "Try that. There should be less strain on your neck."
"Thanks Wex. I'll keep that in mind." He replied quickly, before continuing to fire timed rounds at the target, adjusting his posture as guided by Wex immediately.
As Wex began to walk back up the range, he caught sight of Diesel entering the armoury with Seeth in his stead. The two of them were carrying several obliterated punching bags, and laid them to rest next to a pile of scrap in the corner of the room.
"Ceri and the lads will recycle what they can. I kinda expected these to last longer but… You're a total monster." Diesel stated proudly, guiding Seeth towards the far door in the range.
"Sorry about that. I can pay for them if you want? It's no trouble." Seeth replied cooly.
"No, not at all. I completely refuse. Punching bags are meant to be punched. I asked you to wallop them and you did. I know what I'm dealing with now!" The bear chuckled heartily. "To think, I was going to get you to punch me! Glad I didn't!"
"Everything alright there, Diesel?" Wex asked, burying his grin.
"Sure is, boss! Lockblade let her guns loose on my new equipment! The girl's reputation does not do her justice!"
"Wait, aren't those things quad-weave?" Wex's eyes landed on the split bags. They'd all been firmly burst, with their stuffing protruding from long rips down their length.
"They were. We're gonna go see what I got that'll fit her. She's currently down a melee weapon and I'd rather not have an unequipped strider on the roster, even if they can punch through Kevlar. What equipment are we allowed to give away?"
"Anything that's not already claimed, I'm not possessive."
"That's very kind of you, Wex. Thank you. How's the training going with my crew?" Seeth asked, her voice immediately pricking the ears of the entire firing line. All but Trent turned to face her, who instead continued loading his rifle and firing more shots down range, both faster and with tighter grouping than previously.
"Good! We've got a range of skill levels here. I'd rather let folks speak for themselves, though."
"I mean… their interior decorator is going to be livid, but my target? Not so much." Geralt laughed awkwardly, ruffling the back of his head.
"I need help with the reloading but I made it shoot!" Tivy spoke with a toothy grin, Seeth noting that her target had a fair few punctures in it. "Bang-bang! Guns are so loud!"
"You get used to it." Seeth smiled back. The Controller's gaze found its way to Oxyi and the two exchanged a knowing nod before Oxyi brushed her hair out of her face and turned back towards the range. In the far corner of the room though, Trent did not acknowledge her at all, and stayed focused on the practice.
It's like that is it, Trent? Fine.
"We'll catch you all up in a bit, keep it up!" Seeth waved to the crew as her and Diesel continued through the room and into the far door, entering the well kept armoury of the middle deck. It consisted of a few rows of dark green lockers secured with heavy padlocks, increasing in size as they went down the rows, lit by bright white tube lights. Diesel walked Seeth down the first row until they reached the very largest lockers, where he plucked a thick key from his rustling belt and carefully unlocked it.
Within was a selection of strider-sized firearms and weapons, definitely leaning towards the lower-tech end of the spectrum. None of the guns really stood out to her, they were vastly smaller than the SAFU and packed a far smaller, less versatile punch. Not that she was concerned; it was a replacement for her axe she was after.
Until she gazed over the limited selection. It was obvious that the pirates mostly ran off salvage gear, and there just wasn't a huge amount of strider-sized weaponry. Between the various blunt bats and savage stabbing implements, there was little that spoke to her, or looked like it could withstand more than a single fight in her hands. Her lack of enthusiasm didn't go unnoticed, and Diesel was quick to address it.
"Uninspired?" The bear asked casually.
"Not really what I'm after. I don't really need or like short blades, nor one-handed clubs. I'd either want something tough and heavy, or sharp and big. And either way, it needs to be strong, or it won't last long."
Diesel nodded and tapped his chin in thought, before his face lit up with an idea.
"I got it. Wait here!" He chirped excitedly, slamming the locker shut quickly and returning the padlock with a light click. "I have just the thing! I knew it was worth holding onto these!"
He charged off with surprising speed towards one of the very back lockers and rattled around with the padlock before the doors flew open. The bear grunted with effort as he pulled something out and lugged them back towards Seeth. When he returned, his paws were cradled around two immensely thick grey 'brass' knuckles, with their striking surface composed on a flat bar of metal, painted with worn black and yellow hazard stripes.
"We looted these a while back on the outskirts of the UC's territory. They're melee weapons from their Rhino units, do you know anything about them?" Diesel asked, heaving the metal chunks over to Seeth who happily took them for closer inspection.
"No, I don't. What's the deal?"
"Loomer sized androids they use as shock troopers. Typically armed with power rams or these things. I've seen video footage of the UC deploying them like missiles from their command blimps they patrol their cities with. Just imagine a twelve-foot tall robot smashing through your walls and beating the crap out of your mechs and suits." Diesel remarked with enthusiasm. It was obvious he had an appreciation for the tech and fighting style. "I'm blabbing! Anyway! These things survived the fight, but they're just too heavy for me to use. I reckon you could swing them though! Might not be the reach you were looking for, but they'd give your already dangerous punching force a serious wallop. It'll be like swinging an anvil at someone's face!"
Seeth slipped her fingers into the grips and noted their jagged, uncomfortable texture immediately. The rough metal was biting onto her as much as she was gripping onto it, but she clamped her hands onto them regardless and raised them head level. Diesel was met with the visage of the two horizontal, hazard stripped bars, each one almost the size of a man's forearm. The two practice jabs Seeth conducted showed that their significant weight had not impeded her in the slightest, and she moved the imposing metal with frightening speed. As she got used to their gait, she noticed that the bars had some notches across the top and bottom, seemingly purposely cut into the metal.
"Any idea what those are?" Seeth asked, nodding towards the notches as she threw a few more jabs into the air.
"Blade catchers. If you catch a blade in there, the harder your opponent pulls, the stronger it grips. It can shred a blade's edge, allow you to pull the weapon from their hands, or even snap the blade! Rhinos have immense physical strength so it's really easy for them to do it, even for exo-sized blades. Say, have you ever watched Auspex Unleashed at all?" Diesel asked with a palpable level of excitement, like a teenager sharing their favourite interests.
"Can't say I have. Was never much of a television girl. More of a music head."
"It's this trashy show on UC broadcast that follows Auspex through some of their arrests and takedowns. Always high on the drama and overedited. They have this part of the show called the 'Rhino cam' that shows the view from their optics. I love that bit. I'm surprised the UC even airs it, as it gets pretty brutal sometimes."
"Pirates like watching shows about people getting arrested?" Seeth asked with a raise of her eyebrow.
"Hell yeah we do. It's even better when you know the people getting arrested! We saved an episode where a dickhead rival gang was caught in a sting operation." The smile on Diesel's face only continued to grow as he recalled. "This wankstain got an absolute mouth full of pepper spray, before getting ego-foamed and dropping to the floor like a sack of shit. The damn squeal that came out of his mouth was Wex's ringtone for months." The bear had to take a second to regain his composure as laughter completely overtook him, even bringing an infectious smirk to Seeth's face as he belly-laughed harder and harder. "I-It sounded like this…"
The bear cleared his throat and raised a single finger into the air, burying his laughter as best he could before squawking -
BEHRUGH
The noise was caught somewhere between exotic bird's mating call, and a manfunctioning washing machine.
"Ahah. We'll have to show you sometime! Anyway, blabbing again! How's the knuckles feeling?" Diesel continued on unabated, still grinning to himself.
"They're a little rough on the skin, you said the Rhinos are synths?" Seeth smirked back, amused herself.
"Ah, yeah. That would make sense. No need to file the burrs down for the Rhinos, I guess. I'll send them down to Ceri and we'll get them sorted out for you, if you want them?" There was a hopeful twinkle in the bear's eye that was hard to say no to.
"Yeah, I like the feel of them, if that's okay with you? I don't want to make any work for anyone on the ship though."
"Nah, don't sweat it. Ceri loves her job. Pass 'em back and I'll get them down to her."
And with that, Seeth passed the wrought chunks of industrial metal back to the bear carefully, as he put on a brave face to bear their incredible heft.
"Alright, let's get these down to engineering and uh… yeah… we'll go from there!"
"Lead the way!" Seeth nodded, following his lead as they left the armoury, his walk noticeably slower than before.
They hadn't even made it out of the armoury when they heard a loud cry from the adjacent shooting range, followed by a loud bang. Diesel glanced a concerned look back at Seeth, then forced himself into a jog.
"OH MY GOD, I AM SO SORRY!" Geralt's face had gone deathly white as his gun slipped from his hands and clattered to the floor. "I have absolutely no idea how - I… I wasn't aiming for…"
Ceri was lying flat on her back against the metal tiles, a large, red, circular lump already visible from the middle of her forehead. Dozens of bean bags were scattered about her person in a dramatic fashion. Everyone else had immediately stopped practising, and stood with their faces frozen in shock as they peered around their stalls. Wex finally stepped forward towards her, gingerly.
"Ceri? Are you alive?"
"Ugh, no." Ceri groaned, gently pressing her fingers to her forehead. As Wex started to laugh, her pained expression turned into a scowl.
"A bullseye! Well done, Geralt!" He laughed, somewhat genuinely, somewhat in disbelief, rounding on his heels back to where the feline was standing, still in horror. He slapped him heartily on the back. "You're the only thing he's hit all day, Ceri."
"Oh, lucky me." The axolotl muttered as she struggled to sit up. The movement seemed to snap Geralt out of his initial panic, and he immediately ran forward to help as her head spun, dazed. "That's the last time I help you with anything, Wex. You can get your own bean bags next time."
"Holy… Is… Is she okay?" Seeth started to move forward, but slowed uncertainly as she looked between Wex, trying to stifle his laughter, unsuccessfully, and Diesel, as he let out a low rumbling… giggle.
"She'll be fine, Ceri's taken far worse hits than that. There's a reason we call her 'Near-Miss.'"
"He didn't miss though, did he?!" Ceri shouted back across the room as Diesel made towards her, the heavy knuckle-dusters putting an unmistakable swagger in his steps.
"Do us a favour and file these down for us." He dropped the heavy weapons on the ground beside her with a deafening thud that shook around the room and made Ceri, who had slowly been standing up, immediately slip back down on her backside. She flinched away from the noise and shot him the middle finger as he continued his sway past, unabated now.
"Leave her Geralt, she's fine. She's just looking for attention now." Wex gestured him back with a shake of his head as wiped tears from his eyes. The gang were slowly wrapping up their training session, unloading weapons and tidying up any spent casings, whilst casting worried glances towards Ceri. With the exception of Hammond of course, who merely buzzed "B-A-G." happily, then continued sipping his drink.
"How is it that you completely miss the stationary target with every round, then nail Ceri right between the eyes by accident?"
"I tell you what, next time we're in a fight, just stick Geralt on the battlefield facing the wrong way with a non-lethal gun in his hands and he'll be the most deadly man out there." Diesel chuckled.
"W-Wasn't that nearly a complete disaster?!" Trent spluttered. "H-He could have killed her!"
"Don't be such a snitch, Trent. Very uncool look in a shooting range." Seeth snickered, grinning wider as the fox scowled at her.
"Snitch?! What do you mean, snitch?! Someone just got shot! She could've been really hurt!"
"Nah." Wex replied to Trent non-chalantly. "I told him to shoot at Diesel with the bag-sling. I wouldn't have allowed a rifle to be swung around like that. It's a low power weapon." He grinned over at Ceri, who glared back at him, a very obvious blueish-brown bruise already forming over her soft pink skin. "Stop pouting, go ask Hazel to kiss it better for you." He teased.
"I swear, my handbag of a captain is asking for an ass kicking!" Ceri spat, rubbing her forehead.
"I dunno, Ceri. You seem to have the 'Getting your arse kicked' department covered already." Diesel chimed in with a low titter.
"Alright alright, at ease everyone!" Wex said, loudly then. Although he said it calmly and casually enough, his voice had a strong, commanding power to it that was hard to defy. The fuss around him slowly (and uncertainly) started to disperse, and Ceri staggered towards the door. Seeth noted the look he gave Diesel across the room, and the subtle nod of his head; Make sure she's okay. Diesel quickly turned and followed out the room as she sidled up next to the captain.
"So… How'd it go with my lot? And be honest with me." She said, quietly.
"Eh. I think I can get Tivy to be able to defend herself in emergencies. Geralt is… a long way even from that. Oxyi already knows what she's doing and Trent is picking it up very quickly. I'd be more than happy to have Oxyi covering my ass, and the same with Trent after a few more sessions. Is he alright, though? There's some… pretty obvious tension there."
"He's not happy about what happened on my ship, with Robin. He… He feels like we undermined him by not letting him in on the play."
"I see. I can't imagine he's used to having a captain. It takes some adjusting to. The fact is, some situations aren't open for discussion."
"Yeah." Captain… Jeez. It's not just him that's adjusting to that. "I said something along those lines to him. Don't worry about it." Seeth paused, clearing her throat for a moment. I really am a captain now, aren't I? Perhaps I should try leveraging that… "Say, Wex… Could I ask a favour?"
"Hm? Sure thing."
"Geralt - I know he just shot one of your crew -" she laughed lightly. "But… he's been in a bad way for the last few months and I think he just needs a little help getting back on his feet. You're a… sharp dresser." The Controller blushed slightly. "Any chance you could… I don't know, help him get his sense of style back? He doesn't want to be dressed like an old fart, nor styled like one. Does that make any sense at all?"
Despite the slightly awkward delivery, Wex was nodding; he understood the assignment.
"I get you, I get you. Tell you what, you guys go have a relax in our break room on this deck. I'll take Geralt to my quarters and sort him out. We'll put some fire back in him, leave it to me." Wex winked, settling his hands behind his back. "Be warned though, you might not recognise him when I'm done."
And with that, Wex took his leave with a swish of his long overcoat, moving towards the group to usher them out, catching Geralt with all the grace expected of a silver-tongued captain. A strange feeling filled her chest as she watched Wex and his crew leave. She felt surprisingly light, and carefree, something she hadn't felt in years. This was the most comfortable she'd felt in all too long, aside from when she was with Diego, anyway. These pirates had allowed her to stroll amongst them like she'd always been part of their gang. Wex had been more than gracious in sharing his time and resources, and whilst Diego had obviously been a huge part of that, this ship was quickly feeling like a second home to her. It had taken her straight back to her barracks days (before her army career plunged into shit), with a sassy but strong sense of comradery. She chuckled to herself; she couldn't quite believe she'd told Trent to stop snitching like that, in front of everyone. It was a far cry from the usual, stoic front she usually wore. More and more as Seeth spent time with this ragtag crew she felt safe, comfortable and relaxed, and it was a glorious feeling indeed.
*
On Wex's recommendation, the gang had made their way across the deck to the break-out room, a large but familial space split into two sections by a small staircase leading up to a separate little reading nook. Various seating options were strewn about the place in a sort-of chaotically intentional style, including a long curved sofa, a few love seats, and several cushions. The main sofa curved around a large projector screen against the far wall, which was hooked up by a colourful but tidy array of wires to multiple games consoles. For those not digitally inclined there was also a ping-pong table, another bar - although this one seemed to have alcoholic beverages in mind rather than breakfast, considering the number of taps adorning the bar and the bottles lined up behind it - and plenty of open floor space covered with soft, plush rugs, if anyone fancied a round of one of the many board games stacked in the corner, in a fashion not unlike an intense game of jenga. All in all, it was a surprisingly cosy space for the crew to chill out and relax after a hard day's training.
Oxyi, Trent and Tivy were spread out across one side of the large sofa, soft drinks on the coffee table as well as a deck of cards, to go with the ones each of them currently held in their hands. Hammond was seated a little ways away behind Tivy, but close enough so that he could peek over her shoulder at her cards in between glittery pink sips. Seeth sat apart from the others, resting on one of the closer loveseats by herself, flicking through the playlists for the music which was currently playing quietly through the entertainment centre's speakers.
Trent and Oxyi were trying to teach Tivy how to play poker. Apparently the concept of a 'poker face' was one that Tivy was so far unfamiliar with however, judging from her reactions whenever she was handed a set of cards. As she slowly learnt the game, her expressions of confusion changed into pouts and huffs of frustration, when suddenly;
"OH WOW! I GOT TWO ACES!"
Oxyi sighed as Seeth tried to hide her smile. Tivy was grinning madly, clearly very proud of the hand she'd been dealt. "See, Tiv, you've just given it away now!" Oxyi was trying to explain - again. "You have to control your reactions, and hide your cards."
"I did!" Tivy cried out, immediately bringing her cards close to her chest, eyeing Oxyi suspiciously.
"You just announced to the room you have two aces, Tiv." Trent laughed, the tension over the last few hours seemingly lifted from his shoulders now that he was relaxing with the girls.
Tivy blinked. "Oh. Oh yeah."
"You've gotta work on your poker face, Tivy." Seeth said, glancing up from the songlists. "That's why they call it a poker face. You've got to keep cool until the last second, so your opponent never sees your victory coming."
"Oh. I understand." Tivy nodded, enthusiastically, then burrowed her face into her hand, giggling with glee.
"Welp, I can't beat that anyway. I'm out." Trent chuckled, and tossed his hand onto the table.
"Never get into gambling, Tivy." Oxyi sighed, discarding her own flush onto the coffee table as well, as Diesel padded heavily into the room. She could just make out Ceri walking behind him, and a girl she didn't recognise.
"Wait, did I win?!" Tivy cried, standing quickly to her feet, still on the sofa.
"N-No, I had a -"
"But you dropped your cards! I'm still holding mine, I WIN!" Tivy immediately threw her cards into the air and burst into a little happy dance as they fluttered down around her. Behind her, with a happy little bob of his head, Hammond buzzed a quiet little fanfare in honour of her victory.
"I just won my first game of poker!" Tivy announced to the crew as they entered the room.
"The first of many, I bet!" Diesel said, just a little bit sarcastically as he eyed Oxyi's flush. He walked past them to the bar, reached down behind it and grabbed a can out of the fridge.
"The universe's first honest poker player." Seeth smiled at him, then turned to address Ceri, who had sat in one of the other loveseats with the other girl. "How's the head?"
"Flip-flapping-tastic, thanks." Ceri replied. She was holding a large blue ice pack almost the same size of her face up against her forehead, but the bruise was already peaking around it, spreading around her nose and beneath her eyes. Looking very sorry for herself, she nuzzled into the seat cushions. She noticed the gang staring then, and sat up slightly. "Oh, sorry. Everyone, this is Hazel. Hazel's our main medic onboard. Hazel, this is everyone."
A chorus of polite 'hi's' and 'hello's' echoed around the room, to which Hazel smiled shyly at and waved at the gang. She appeared to be some type of hybrid silkmoth, judging from her large brown eyes, the copious amount of fluffy white fuzz hugging her neck and body and the two, bobbing antennae that protruded from her forehead. But her lack of a rear abdomen and wings, and her traditional two arms instead of four, gave her a more typically mammalian appearance, and certainly made clothes shopping easier too. Warm brown flecks speckled her antennae and those, combined with her sugary smile and curvaceous, short-stacked chubby body, made her quite the sweet little package. Although there debate around her size class, as without her antenna, she didn't quite break five feet tall.
"Geralt and the cap not back yet then?" Diesel asked. He sat himself down heavily on the sofa, spreading his legs out.
"No, not yet." Seeth replied. I hope it wasn't too much of an ask, I would've thought they'd be done by now…
"Good!" Diesel leant forward and cracked the can open, the sound muffled beneath his large, fuzzy paws. "That gives us time to goss. How's things going between you and Wex, Oxyi?"
"E-Excuse me?!" Oxyi spluttered, completely taken off guard, blushing at just the mention of their two names in the same question. "What do you mean?"
"Listen, Oxyi, I'm gonna be frank with you." Diesel placed his drink down on the coffee table. The various-sized condensation rings that had gradually stained the table over its years of use suggested that it didn't see much coffee. "Captains don't tend to stay single long. Especially when they're as charismatic, charming, and simply gorgeous as Wex is. I know of a few other folks who are gunning for him right now! Back me up here, girls." He gestured towards Ceri and Hazel.
"On which part?" Ceri asked.
"All of it!"
"Mmpth. Forgive me if I don't really feel like singing Wex's praises right now."
"Oh, stop being so dramatic! You hardly use your head anyway."
"You've banged him after he's done worse." Hazel teased quietly with a little giggle.
"Right, you can fuck off too, then! I thought this was about Oxyi, why do you always end up bullying me?" Ceri struggled to shuffle forward away from Hazel, but she wrapped her fluffy little arms around the axolotl, and held her close.
"True, true. We are getting sidetracked." Diesel turned his attention back to Oxyi, who seemed to be trying to force her body into the back of the sofa and disappear. "When are you gonna ask the captain out?"
"Wha - I… I don't know! I barely know the guy!" Oxyi's face had a deep beetroot red.
"He's a catch, hun. I refer back to the 'I know of a few other folks who are gunning for him right now!'"
"I-I-I…" Oxyi stammered, shying away from the gazes of literally everyone in the room. She burrowed her chin deep into her chest. "Who says I even want to ask him out!"
"Oxyi." Seeth interjected with a raised eyebrow. "No offence here, but you 're not that slick."
"Ugh!" Oxyi folded in on herself dramatically in frustration. "Well, if it's so obvious then Wex can just ask me out himself."
"Mmmn, nope he can't." Diesel shook his head. Oxyi rolled her eyes and looked at him like 'yeah, sure,' then peered over at Ceri and Hazel, who were sharing Diesel's sentiments. Her face dropped slightly.
"What? Why not?" She asked.
"It's against the Pirate Code." Ceri replied.
"What the - what?!" Oxyi spluttered in confusion. "What do you mean, it's against the Pirate Code?!"
Suddenly, a loud bang shook the coffee table which made the inhabitants of the sofa all jump. From seemingly out of thin air, Diesel had produced an incredibly thick, leather-bound book and dropped it on the table. Even closed it was clear that the book was a messy work in progress, with yellowing sections, pages added, and pieces sticking out from between the heavy brown covers.
"Where the fuck did you pull that out from?" Seeth asked, glancing down under the coffee table.
Diesel merely tapped his nose in response. "I always have the Pirate Code on me." He winked, then pulled a pair of half-moon spectacles out from his shirt pocket, and placed them on the edge of his nose.
"I didn't know you wore glasses." Ceri said, leaning forward.
"Only for reading." Diesel licked the tip of his finger, then went flicking through the book.
"That explains why I didn't know then." Ceri snickered, then winced and pressed the ice pack back against her head.
"Umm, excuse me?! The Pirate Code, is anyone gonna explain?!" Oxyi asked incredulously. "I thought y'all were pirates, aren't you supposed to be about breaking rules?!"
"Well, yeah, we usually are. Fuck the UCet cetera et cetera. But basically, Wex has spent a hell of a lot of time and effort in forming the pirate coalition, trying to semble some sense of peace between the gangs in our sector." Ceri explained as Diesel continued to flick through the book. "And despite the success he's had, and the allies and relationships he's managed to hold, there are a lot of people just waiting for Wex to slip up, do something that could be held against him and completely undermine his position, and the coalition by extension. And so, Wex started putting together the Pirate Code - as you can see it's ever-growing and changing. I've been trying to get him to digitise the thing for ages, but apparently 'throwing the book at people' just isn't as satisfying when you don't have a physical book to throw."
"So, what? Wex isn't allowed to ask people on dates?"
"He's not allowed to ask out members of other people's crews. He could ask out another captain, or a member of his own crew, but approaching another captain's crew member like that can be viewed as poaching, which is against one of the most important rules in the code. He can't even do it with the captain's permission."
"Here it is!" Diesel announced, pushing the book towards Oxyi. "Second paragraph."
Oxyi craned her head as she read the thick cursive lettering before her. "'Pirate captains may not approach a member of another captain's crew with romantic intentions. There are no exceptions to this rule. A crew member, however, may approach a captain, and the captain is allowed to accept. Should courtship commence, it is a requirement to inform the other captain.'"
"And you're part of Seeth's crew." Ceri continued. "Which means, even though we're travelling together right now, he's not allowed to cross that boundary with you. Political bullocks, basically."
"Does it still apply if we're not technically a pirate crew? Or part of the coalition?" Seeth asked quickly. "Because I absolutely wouldn't see it as poaching at all!" God, I've already gotten in the way of Oxyi and one man she clearly has a crush on, I can't seriously be doing it with another one?!
"No exceptions, unfortunately." Diesel tapped the paragraph with one of his claws. "It's political bullocks, yes, but it's really important for the coalition's sake that the rules are followed. Wex literally founded it, he's under constant scrutiny both from members, and everyone trying to bring it down."
"Are you… Are you guys bullshitting me right now?" Oxyi asked in disbelief. She pushed the book back towards Diesel with a horrified look on her face. "You're not actually being serious, are you?"
"We wouldn't do that to you, Oxyi." Ceri smiled kindly behind her ice pack. "We're not that mean. We are being serious, unfortunately."
"FUCK." Oxyi buried her face in her hands. "So I'd actually have to ask him out, myself?"
"Yep." Diesel nodded, and Hammond buzzed and nodded in agreement too (although if he actually understood or even cared what they were talking about is left to be said).
"Fuck." Oxyi breathed slowly out through her nose, the air escaping loudly between her fingers. "Does he even like me like that? I really don't want to embarrass myself for nothing. Has he said anything to you guys?" She looked desperately around the room at Wex's crew. "Could you… find out for me?" She asked hopefully.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Wex's side of the room erupted with laughter.
"You want him girl, you gotta go get him yourself! It's honestly no big deal." Ceri added, any sympathy in her face gone and Oxyi's hopeful expression contorted into one of misery, and then annoyance as her crew started to chuckle too. But before she could shoot back, a familiar voice grabbed the attention of the room.
"What are we all giggling about?"
"Oh, just Oxyi being -"
But the words stuck in Seeth's throat as she turned towards the doorway to see…
"GERALT?!"
The room collectively did a double-take, staring at the feline in the doorway who had the same kind, wise eyes as Geralt, but everything else…
Gone was the doddering old man of yesterday. His hair and fur had been trimmed into a scruffy but stylish emo slick, combined with a seriously punchy black and gold pirate jacket, matching trousers and tough boots. His glow-up had taken at least ten to fifteen years off the once scraggly-looking old timer. The sharpness of his outfit matched the shine in his eyes and all in all, he was looking damn good. Possibly the best he'd ever looked in his life.
"Geralt you look… different." Oxyi managed to splutter with her mouth firmly agape.
"Looking good, grandpa!" Tivy yelled across the room, throwing him a thumbs up and massive smile.
"That ain't no grandpa. That's a damn daddy." Diesel grinned, also giving the feline a solid thumbs up.
"Heh, thank you. I'm hoping your reactions are genuinely positive and I don't somehow look worse." Geralt chuckled, but there was a faint flush to his cheeks too; it had been a long time since he was anyone's centre of attention, nevermind an entire room's. "Wex has kindly lent me a couple of his old outfits for now, but I might have to do some shopping soon."
"For outfits or partners?" Seeth teased.
"Why can't it be both?" Geralt smiled back. "Anyway, first thing's first…" Still conscious of everyone watching him, Geralt walked over to Ceri, who, upon noticing his approach, had very quickly discarded the ice pack and was trying to brush her fringe over the bruise with her fingers.
"I am really really sorry for shooting you in the head." The apology was both comical and sincere, and made them both smile. "I promise not everything I do is as astronomically terrible as my aim."
"Ah, don't sweat it." Ceri replied, trying to both slump back in the chair and look unbothered, whilst simultaneously leaning forward and pushing her chest out. "I'm sure we'll find a way for you to make it up to me."
Geralt grinned, then held out his hand to her to shake. "I appreciate that."
"So… who are you trying to impress with the new getup?" Oxyi teased, seemingly more than happy to banter when the attention was on someone else. "Geralt finally getting back in the saddle."
Geralt glanced quizzically back at Oxyi for a moment, slowly raising his eyebrow. "Oxyi, I've been having sex longer than you've been alive. I think instead of worrying about mine, you should be focusing on your own love life."
The room immediately erupted with laughter again, and cheers as Geralt, not completely sure of what he'd said to elicit such a strong reaction, smiled and sat quietly down on the other end of the sofa. Oxyi's plan to keep the attention off of her sexless sex life had immediately backfired, and she wasn't happy about it.
"It doesn't even matter!" She huffed. "After this I'm probably never gonna see Wex ever again anyway, so what's the point in me asking him out!" She folded her arms in a strop and glared down at her feet.
The laughter died down a bit then, small smiles were shared amongst the room, some amused, some feeling a little bit guilty. Even Diesel was feeling like he'd pushed too far, and made to change the subject, but to everyone's surprise, it was Seeth that spoke up.
"Better to have loved and lost, Oxyi…"
Everyone's heads immediately turned towards Oxyi, waiting for her response on the edge of their seats.
"Why the fuck should I take advice from you?! You're so fucking big and attractive, what you say does NOT apply to me! You've got like, triple X cups! You just glare at men and they roll on their bellies! I'm getting lectured by a fucking… bouncy castle! Your bra could double up as a survival tent for me!"
"B-O-I-N-G"
"It's not the tits, Oxyi. It's about confidence. Yeah, you don't have a pair of wrecking balls on your chest, so get one in your belly instead. Guy brains are like butter, they seem pretty solid until you warm them a bit and they just melt. All it takes is a bit of body heat." Seeth winked at the lioness, heaving her breasts up to emphasize the point. The entire room shook slightly as the Controller let go of her bust, causing Hammond to almost fall off the sofa.
"Ah yes, because I can do that, can't I?" Oxyi replied sarcastically, slowly raising her voice. "I suppose I should just, grab him and haul him up by the legs and slam him against the wall and suck his fucking dick dry. Just get some confidence, Oxyi!"
"Jeez, what have I missed? Sounds like a good time." Wex chuckled as he swaggered into the room, and leant against Seeth's loveseat.
Oxyi squealed as heads turned to Wex, and then back to her, with shocked grins of amusement plastered on their faces. Her face went from a bright, deep red, to almost deathly pale. "N-N-Nothing! Absolutely NOTHING!" She squeaked, burying her face in the sleeves of her jumper as everyone started to laugh again.
Wex laughed too. "Don't worry, Oxyi, there's no need to be embarrassed. We're a very open crew, we don't kink-shame on this ship. Unless it's Ceri."
"That's in the Pirate Code too, y'know." Diesel said with a wink, and raised his beer towards Oxyi. "To bouncy castles, butter and wrecking balls!"