Everyday was a struggle and it hurt to be alive. I waited each moment in that home for my life to be taken away from me. I had to numb my heart. Living was exhuming and I didn't fit in anywhere. I had all of these poisonous thoughts seeping into my head when I found myself isolated from everyone in the main home that was having a grand old time with each other; eating good food and enjoying the warmth of the main home and even each other's company, whereas I had absolutely nobody to look at, never mind talk to or to even distract my days with. I only knew that the Senior Scholar had been disgraced with the debt of Seon=Ho's aunt's brother=in=law, and as part of that debt, he was forced to take me on as a concubine to reduce even the smallest amount of that debt that had miraculously and unjustly tripled in size. And the very worst part was that this instigated him to officially cut all ties with me, even though he had me in his bed a week prior to the downfall of the Nam Clan. He hadn't visited me or even asked about me once, and no matter how much I kneeled in front of his residence, he refused to give me the slightest bit of relief, not even after having me kneel for him for 6 hours in the heavy rainfall. And to make matters worse, his wife punished me for breaking the rules by making me transcribe ancient buddhist texts 100 times that I knew he would certainly not look at, not even once. But it was only when I later managed to find out that he had been using these scrips to show off to the mother of the Crown Prince who remained deeply ashamed and embarrassed of her son's marriage scandal and preferred to lock herself up in the buddhist temple where her son's scandal started as a permanent reminder to herself to never fall for such 'lowborn' traps ever again. So it looked like the Royal Family had finally started to become suspicious of him as soon as Seon=Ho once again left the kingdom as he was getting significant information about The Third Prince. I did hear some servants far away from me discussing something about the Prince faking Imperial Edicts to abduct palace officials close to his residence in exile and was using them as hostages against his father to end his punishment. Maybe it was the fact that it was usually the Senior Scholar who was usually so on top of news about him, but he had become rather distracted of late and even hardly ventured out of his residence anymore, despite his prominent position in the palace. And as for he Crown Prince, he still only seemed to believe in SeonHo, despite the disasters that his paternal clan fell into so publicly as well.
I was still lost in thought about all of this when I began to overhear some heated words being exchanged in the distance with the Main Wife, who had fallen significantly ill in a short amount of time and her presumed mother=in=law based off of the conversation that they were having. "…we must never harm heaven's testimony, I have told you 100 times to focus on nurturing your husband's offspring and stop attending to such trivial matters and focus on the more essential matters. Your household is in complete shambles and my son still cannot get over the death of his firstborn, although I have no idea why it I bring brought up again in his mind now after all of this time. You should brew conceivable medicines for every concubine in his abde and renovate their quarters if need be to brighten up the atmosphere for them. And since you are only getting more ill, I suggest that you place the new favoured concubine in managing the household on your behalf since you seem incapable of doing so yourself." 'But mother!" "She has a much more natural affinity with children than you ever did! And the other concubine must be too sickly to be of any use at all if I still have not met the girl yet. Being steady in management should not depend non seniority or status if you have the skill for it." "Yes mother, as long as you let me be the one to teach her like you taught me." "Naturally, I am only visiting my son for a day or 2 maximum. And if you can carry out this task without any criticism from myself or my peers at the banquet that we shall hold for my son, then that should be good enough. Very well, I should retire until dinner time now, and do not hesitate to put all of the servants to work if you know what I mean." "Very well mother, I shall see you tonight."
What just happened? How was it even remotely appropriate for someone younger than me to takeover household management? This girl was only a few years younger than Seo Yeon, for goodness sake! Why wasn't any justice being upheld in this Yangon at all?
"Madame, pardon the interruption, but may I have a word with you?" "Very well, as long as you make it quick." "My Lady, I am aware of your desire to throw a banquet large enough to entice the entire neighbourhood to secure your husband's support, but I am afraid that I shall be unable to help you with this task without some particular support for myself." "You are my husband's eunuch, are you not? Then what type of support are you looking for exactly?" "I have served your husband everyday for years now, and yet I find myself alone and in pain in my old age. I have nothing to eat in my lonely quarters and barely anyone to talk to at all. Even my old back pain has relapsed and I find myself bordering on uselessness without any help at all." "Would you be referring to female help, by any chance? And if so, do you have anyone in mind?" "As a matter of fact, the servant that came with your husband's new concubine seems quite sweet doesn't she? We are considered to know each other quite well now at this stage and she often is the one who will pass on messages between the master and his new mistress. Would this marriage not be beneficial to you also? If I reported everything about her to you instead? I will most definitely repay you for this favour!" "Vey well then, I shall speak of this to my husband tonight before supper and get his take on it before I go ahead with things, but as for the matter pertaining to the nephew of the Lord Nam…as you know, my husband needs an heir and isn't very confident in our second son who has recently contracted asthma during this harsh winter season that has just passed us by…which was my fault. He was severely lagging behind in his studies and I make him work in the bitter cold to cure his never ending hangovers" "He is very devoted to his studies, even more so than his uncle was at his age. He is not rebellious or disobedient in the least. He studies from 6am to 7pm, and he still trains himself in archery despite his unfortunate accident with his leg." "So he is definitely crippled then?" "Yes, I have seen to this myself; he has a wooden board strapped to his leg at all times, apart from when he is sleeping. And he only takes his breaks from classes on festival days, which are few and far in between." "My husband has been treating me differently ever since the fall of the Nam Clan and I have no idea why, but I must regain his favour again, and what better way to do that than to hand him his nephew's last remaining relative? And seeing him with other sluts, I can only smile and hold onto my jealousy as best as I can. Even if we only have surface level affection, what else can I do in my position than to stick on like a leech and not let go? He barely calls me in to serve him anymore and never warms my bed up for me…how can I not be pushed to these limits?" "But his asthma will surely limit his future, Madame?" "His physical abilities maybe, not his mental ones, and if he is anywhere as smart and cunning as his uncle, then that is all we need from him." "that bitch even got in the way of my own birthday service to intercept my husband and offer this suggestion first. I must beat her to this and this shall be the favour that you repay me with if you want this marriage to go ahead as soon as possible. Now go and send him some food on my behalf, and tell him that I shall be his benefactor from now on."
The Lord Nam's nephew? that little pubescent creep that practically lives in brothels at his young age? He sold be playing and studying at his age, not endlessly flirting with women and doing god knows what behind our backs with those kisaengs! "Madame, now that I am here with you, I may as well inform you of the news of your paternal family before I inform your husband…" "Oh for goodness sake, what is it now?" "Your first cousin's family has fallen due to the decline of your own husband's reputation. Her son bribed his way to find a suitable job in the palace, but he was caught and due to…recent events that have taken place in your family, he was caught and severely beaten before being thrown into the dungeons, alongside his father, who was also caught for bribing the guards for getting his son treated for his bruises. She…your cousin I mean, committed suicide on the spot when she found out. I guess her family has never faced scandal before, so she didn't know how to face it all now." "My cousin, my father always compared me to her our entire lives and now look who meets her end before I do, ill and as broke as any lowborn that we have to share our air with. Tell my husband that we shall not attend their funeral, and we should focus on this upcoming banquet in peace."
The Lord Nam's nephew, that was the new target? The eunuch had a crush on the concubines servant whom he wanted to marry clearly, and I needed to become the ultimate benefactor to that boy in order to climb up the ranks here and control this place like I should have been able to do with SeonHo's home as soon as he confessed his feelings for me. So now I needed to do anything and everything in my power to make this go my way, even if I had to break this futile wedding mission for the eunuch myself. But was this really what I was left with now? My future had to depend if I was going to able to seduce a eunuch? A damned eunuch that didn't even have the working parts for a seduction in the first place, so what on earth was he going to do with a damned wife? Maybe this was why SeonHo kept his precious wife locked up behind closed doors, so that he could protect his wife from all of this superficial nonsense that these greedy and cunning people came up with all of the time. "Excuse me? Eunuch? May I have a word with you?" "Mistress Han? How may I be able to help you…?"