I had never seen my man so animated in his entire life and I couldn't get enough of it. He had me in complete hysterics, so much so that he actually lifted me up in his arms and took me on a ride on his horse as he took me around the village to show me the places that he had his eyes on that he could work on. "Would you consider us living here then, my love?" "Without a damned doubt." "So we could be commuting from the palace to here then? Or come here on specific days?" "Well we…what? Hang on, why are you asking me this?" "Because I want a home here with my husband and bother, use this place as an escape from our realities and maybe even bare you a few babies if you promise me that we can settle here. Having you both busy together again isn't such a bad idea either, at least it will calm you down a bit since you've become an animal in heat around me."
He was quiet for a long time, but I knew what he was thinking before he even had to say it. I just wrapped myself around him "only god knows how you managed to change my mind and why you're so determined to have a defective outlandish wife such as myself, but you've chased me everywhere to the point where I cannot live without you anymore. I need you by my side if I want to breathe, sleep and eat, which I will need a lot of if you want me to get pregnant quickly." He still wouldn't look at me or say anything, he just slowly took me back to outside the chief's home where we sat on the only hill that managed to overlook the village. I tried to look at his face to try and read him but he kept hiding it from me until he lay down besides me and still had his face turned towards me. Everyone in the area was busy helping Hwi complete his own home which was almost done so he could surprise his woman with it, so we had the area to ourselves. I wrapped myself around his, placed my face on top of his and I kept rubbing his arms and legs so he wouldn't get cold. He still couldn't say anything so I walked away to give him some space and see my brother for a while but he reached out for my hand and pulled me back.
I saw the look on his face, and it was a face that I knew all too well, it reminded me of my own fears and insecurities before this man wormed his way into every single part of my life until I didn't know how to function without him, especially as I had planned to be on my own for a little while and he knew that. "Yeonna…are you really marrying me because you want to, or because I'm making you?" That completely took me by surprise as I finally recognised what was going on and the fact that we needed to have this talk. I took him by the hand and I told him to take me somewhere else so we could have a proper conversation one on one with nobody else around. We tried not to agitate my brother too much so we tried to stay in the village, so we could only walk around the village in circles to talk, which wasn't really ideal but it was the only option that we had right now.
"What's on your mind? Tell me everything and don't hold back." He was still in this really rare mood that wouldn't let him even speak so we just continued to walk around until it was time to eat. After that Seon-Ho went help my brother whilst I helped the women cook in the communal halls and I set out to check on the village's children who still lacked a lot of provisions. I made a list of everything they needed before I started planning where was going to put my workshop. For the next week that was all I focused on whilst my brother and Seon-Ho's relationship seemed to be improving every single day until it almost was what it used to be. Once Hwi's home was finally completed we started moving everything from the workshop to the village which Seon-Ho busied himself with. I just figured that he needed time on his own to work on whatever he needed to work on whilst I put Hwa-Wol in charge of recruiting not just women, but even men if they knew how to embroider and showed them how to use the new equipment and so on. I wanted my brother to teach me about payroll but Seon-Ho assured me that he would sort that out for me when it was brought up. I should have paid more attention to things like this before I almost lost it all…
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When there was something that I truly wanted deep down for myself, it was completely rare, so I chased it with every ounce of effort within me. I practically hunted Yeon down, I made myself a part of her life, whether it was professional or personal and I even stooped so low as to make her believe that I had taken her virginity before I went off to war to ensure that I had her by my side. I should have controlled myself and stop being so…free about her, but she had completely changed now and she wasn't like anything I had ever come across before. Before all of this mess happened she was just a warm person that you wanted to be around, but now she shone so brightly…as much as I was in awe of the person that she always had been…but there was still a part of me that resented her for hiding it from me, I guess that was why I felt so…entitled when it came to her and the love that she had for me for so many years, even before I recognised it. And another part of me didn't want any other man to even know that she existed, which jus made me even more determined to posses her before any other man could even look at her. And on top of this all, I knew that my enemies wold try to take her away from me the moment I married her…could I even protect her? What if she got swayed by other men who were far more capable than I was? What if she finally saw me for who I was; just a useless illegitimate lowborn who nobody wanted and nobody could ever love. I was used to being ignored, trodden on, degraded and so on.
Yes despite all of this, I couldn't even breathe without her as proven when she left the first time. And there was so many things that I had to achieve in the palace that I knew for sure I wouldn't be able to complete efficiently without her by my side. I needed her to even get through a single day…even if she finally saw me like the rest of the world did and ended up just using me, I would even settle for that. There was no way that she could live by my side for years and not get sick of me eventually…and just abandon me like everyone else. Because…because my secret of being a secret sodomite was eating me up inside as I had both siblings in my sight all the time. And for the first time I was conflicted; Hwi knew me for the longest and Yeon knew my best. I was with Hwi all the time and old feelings were beginning to stir up, mostly due watching him and his woman together. Hui-Jee alone didn't effect me anymore…but I couldn't deny that in my dark little mind that I was bit jealous…jealous that she had him before I even got the chance to. As fantastic as the people were who they surrounded themselves with…the siblings belonged to me first. The pair of them, and the fact that Hui-Jee kept showing up and taking him to the side when he was with me alone just to piss me off had began to work.
These were all the emotions and feeling that I couldn't stop think about about for a week straight after she told me that we had her brother's blessing. I had suddenly transformed into the little boy I used to be who was constantlu berated and shamed by the one parent he had left. I was useless, I was talentless and everyone I loved suffered because of me. I couldn't break myself out of that psychological torment for an entire week even though I was still around the Seo's every single day. As we made our way back and forth all I could do was observe just how different and capable she was. She now attracted attention in everything she did, said and just how she was. Her intellect and calm nature commanded respect and positive responses. Even if she didn't always receive the respect that she gave out, she didn't trouble anyone unless they went out of their way to trouble her, and she knew how to put people in their places without getting into any physical fights or riling people up. The workers she currently had were going to get different jobs of distribution and selling since we wanted to keep the two places and people separate.
It had been a long and busy week and I just wanted to rest before I made my decision on what I was going to do with Yeon. After I had rested up I wanted to go out and take care of my horse but when I reached the stables I already saw that Yeon had fed and groomed him. For a girl who refused to go anywhere near horses for her entire life, she was pretty good with mine. "Hmmm…he doesn't talk to me or go near me anymore after almost putting me through hell ever since I left his father's mansion. Maybe…maybe it was just all too good to come true and I should have just kept running from him. Maybe I should I have just been left alone in a brothel and not have burdened anyone." She was making me angry with each sentence she spoke but I couldn't utter a word for some reason, I felt as if I was emotionally paralysed and frustrated. I went over to take the reins off of her but she anticipated my move and actually got onto my horse and started riding off to god knows where by herself in the damed dark!
I swore that I was going to meet my end by this woman one day of she continued to be as reckless as she was as I got onto Hwi's horse that was gifted from the Prince that I hoped to god that I wore out as she rode out around the village at full speed until she came to a small place that I had not seen before.
"I think that I should return to the palace to see how things are going there for a while." "Of curse, you need to bring down General Choi don't you? But there is something else that you can start off with in the palace on my behalf…"