Arcturus had been grateful towards his mother, Henrietta. If she hadn't given birth to his sister Ariel, he wouldn't have understood the concept of love. It was due to her that he wasn't emotionless. He knew what love was as he became attached to people around him like he would his family. They were all equal in his mind, grouped together inside a circle.
There were three instances where someone had almost jumped over the border. The first instance was a girl in his neighborhood back when he had lived in Plasma. She was an older girl with bright fluorescent yellow hair that he was convinced could glow in the dark. She had been his and Ariel's babysitter back when he was around eight years old. What he remembered about her was that she had an obsession with bread. She'd always been eating bread and would eat it for all three meals. Though, the most bizarre thing about her love for bread was that she only ate it plain; she would seethe at the idea of putting toppings or fillings in a bread. She hated sandwiches and any sort of pastry.
However, the reason why she couldn't jump over the circle was because she lost that opportunity. Arcturus, while a precocious boy at eight, had also been an impressionable child. He had read a picture book where a person had gotten fat from eating too much bread. It had shocked him, so when he had told his babysitter that she'd get fat from eating too much bread, he had been shocked when he had fallen to the ground. The girl became upset and started shoving her bread into his mouth in hopes of getting him fat so she wouldn't; she had shoved it to the point that he was slowly suffocating. Arcturus had been fortunate that Henrietta came back from work early and was bewildered at the sight she saw. The girl had been fired and he had never seen her again. All that was left of his memory of her was an aversion to bread.
The second instance of someone being close to jump over that border had been Daffodil, but the reason she couldn't do so was because he didn't want her to. His life in Lamina had been comfortable with caring grandparents, being with his sister Ariel, meeting Kori and making good friends in Landon, William and Daffodil. However, his mind was mainly fixated on Souhait's Lore that he didn't really pay much attention to his surroundings. He didn't care much for ritzy gatherings created by his peers nor did he try to hang out with the popular crowd. All he did was stick his nose into books. He wanted his life to be about Souhait's Lore and knew he wouldn't regret studying and chasing after his dreams.
However, there was one erratic presence in that peaceful, bookish life he wanted: Daffodil Henry. He was aware that she had a crush on him. She had treated him kinder than she did with other boys and was just as concerned about his social life like how a mom would. She would make a lot of attempts to get his nose out of books and to taste fresh air. She took him to places like her family's airship museum and an aquarium. While he had a good time and was grateful to her, his feelings for her still remained the same–he just saw her as a good friend.
The only reason they dated was so people could stop asking them if they were dating or not. He knew it wasn't a good reason for two people to start dating and he hated how he had to 'use' Daffodil like that. Perhaps, his guilt was the cause he prevented himself from developing deeper feelings for her. He had a hunch that Daffodil was aware of his guilt.
They had dated for a year until they broke up. It wasn't a messy one as they remained friends, but he had avoided her. However, he had remembered feeling rather hollow after they broke up. He had wondered if it was possible for him to fall in love, but Kori had always encouraged him with flowery words about how he's just waiting for that special someone.
Spending a year guilting himself to not fall in love with Daffodil definitely caused his mindset on love to change a lot. He wondered if that was the reason why he'd always answer that he could fall for Nova and not that he already did.
When he first laid eyes upon Nova, he felt as if lightning struck his body, causing it to function in a way he never knew he could. It had also caused a small candle fire to ignite within him. The minimal light helped him realize that he wasn't hollow and that he had to dig very deep to find an atom-sized piece of romantic love in his heart. He had never thought about what he'd consider his ideal type of person, but something within him told him that it was Nova. His instincts told him this was the person for him.
Yet, he refrained himself from getting his hopes up. Nova was immortal and had lived for over five centuries. He was also a man on a mission. Arcturus knew not to get his hopes up because he knew he was just a piece to make a big picture; he was just someone who was just tasked to stay by his side. There was no way he could be considered someone special for Nova. He had always prioritized his love for Souhait and his lore above everything else, after all.
He then came to realize something: why did he not fall in love with Souhait?
His love for Souhait was much different from what he felt for Nova. Idolization was a different kind of love from romantic. He had considered it a special kind of attachment. The breathtaking sight of the lavender dragon in front of his mind made him speechless. However, he didn't feel anything romantic when he saw Souahit's human form for the first time. Human Souhait was beautiful, if not more than Nova. He was an irresistible presence with his long lavender hair and heterochromatic eyes, yet he found Nova more attractive.
He had remembered when Asteria had hugged Nova. A stomach churning feeling had developed–a novel feeling that he didn't even know he had until he saw the embrace. He felt bad for being jealous over a woman. Asteria was older, wiser, and had a past connection with him, so he knew she'd be better for him than he would. Still, a part of him felt smug knowing that he was the one Nova wanted by his side.
Regardless, his doubts did not go away. Whenever the people around him kept asking about how he felt about Nova, he never gave them a concrete answer; he only told them that he could see himself falling for Nova, not wanting to let others know he already liked him. The feeling that he wasn't befitting enough hadn't gone away. He was fine if his newfound love for Nova would be one-sided.
With the knowledge that Nova felt the same had him feeling perplexed. He was upset that Polaris had to expose it, yet he also felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Nova wasn't the type to lie, so he knew what Polaris said was true. The honesty in Nova upsetted him. Why was he being selfish with his self-doubts? If he wasn't good enough to fall for someone, that would mean Nova was foolish and he knew Nova was anything but that. Why couldn't he be as honest as him?
He didn't have his journal with him, but he knew he couldn't rely on it to smack his head every time. Instead, he decided to raise a hand and smacked himself. He opened his eyes to see a confused Polaris. His cheek was stinging, but he felt a lot better, as if some weight had been lifted off of his chest.
"It's not that I could find myself falling for Nova…it's that I've been in love with him since the moment I met him. I never felt love before, so I was just trying to find a safe ground on what I felt for him because I felt as if I wasn't good enough to love someone, let alone have someone fall for me. I don't care whether he's immortal or not. Nova is much older than me, but he fell for me regardless. If he wants to spend an eternity with me, I'll gladly accept. If that's what it means to love, then I'll confidently say it: I love Nova."
Polaris smiled. He stepped aside, showing off the door to Arcturus. With newfound confidence, Arcturus marched towards the door and opened it.