Hue (Mentions of Suicide)
June didn't go to school the next day as he was exhausted physically and emotionally. I admit; it was boring without him there to be the nerd he was. I actually had to learn something. School dragged along until lunchtime. Cas was already waiting for me in the gym.
"Hey. How did it go last night?"
"I found out what he saw." The mere descriptions of the painting made me shudder. "Some disturbing paintings made by his uncle. From the descriptions he had given to me, I think they portrayed his uncle's depression. One was a noose." I looked at her.
"When he saw who it was by, I think he put it together. But I was right; he only read the beginning of the diary."
"Are you saying he still doesn't know?"
"Yes. He seemed happy seeing pictures of him and his team when they won the championships. He thought that he graduated that year."
Cas was silent.
"I'm assuming you didn't let him find out? Poor thing would have had a heart attack."
"No, but I told him I had read it and apologized for not telling him."
I thought for a moment.
"Wait," I tore open my bag, throwing everything out in seconds. The diary wasn't there. I must have left it in June's room. I called my mom as fast as I could.
"Mom. Mom, please tell me he's still sleeping."
"Yes, he is. I just checked on him. Why? Is something wrong?"
"No. Nothing wrong." I was relieved.
"Did you see a book in there by any chance? I need it for school; that's why I called."
"Nope, sorry. I didn't see any books. What did it look like?"
"Old. Very old and battered."
"I peaked in again but still didn't see it. Sorry, kiddo." Shit.
"Make sure he sleeps until I get home. At least if he wakes up, try to find it. Please."
"Well, I can't control whether he sleeps or not, but I can search if he wakes up. Back to school now." She hung up.
"I think I left the diary in his room." I said to Cas was stood in confusion.
"You WHAT? How can you be so stupid? I think my head going to explode."
"It's okay, he's sleeping and probably will be for a while. There are only two hours left of classes for me. I can race home as soon as they are over."
"You need to pay more attention."
"I was comforting him! How was I supposed to remember?" The bell rang.
"You better sprint home, I'm telling you."
I could barely concentrate on my classes. What if he read it while I was here? He would be all alone again, and it would be my fault. When the last bell rang, I grabbed my stuff and ran. I think it might have been the fastest I'd run in my entire life as I was hoping and praying I wouldn't walk in on another scene like yesterday. Barging into the house and, as quietly as I could, I went into Junes' room.
I kept praying.
When I opened the door, there June sat. He looked at me.
"He's dead, isn't he? He killed himself."
"He killed himself, and you knew it."
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June
I didn't go to school the next day; I was exhausted. On top of that, my head hurt like a bitch. While sleeping, I woke up to Hue's mom opening the door. She seemed to be looking for something, but I didn't really know what. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday, so I went downstairs to grab something from the pantry.
"Oh! You're awake! I'm sorry if I woke you up. Hue said he was looking for a book that he left in your room. Have you seen it?"
"What did he say it looked like?"
"He said it was old and tattered, I believe. He'll be home soon, so he'll be able to get it, so don't worry." He must have left the diary in my room last night, but what was in it that he called for her to get it? Obviously, it was something he didn't want me to see, and I didn't know if I wanted to.
I made my way back to my room slowly. It's like I was hoping to find it but also hoping I wouldn't. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to read it. I didn't want to even think about it. Nevertheless, I searched for it and found it under my bed. Sitting, I picked up where I had left off.
To be honest- I think I had already known the truth, except I didn't want to acknowledge it. How could I? My mom doing that to her own brother? I wished I could've turned back time to a place where I was blissfully unaware of the secrets my mom kept from me. At that moment, I wanted to disappear entirely. I reached the last page.
"I'm sorry."
"Please forgive me."
The same things carved into the wall of the painting were also now engraved in my memory. He only wanted his sister to acknowledge him.
He only wanted to know what he had done, but he would never be able to find out.
Because his sister's words took his life.
The hate she spilled. The hate in her heart led him to take his life.
Just then, Hue opened the door to my room.
"He's dead, isn't he? He killed himself. He killed himself, and you knew it."
"June, it's not like that. Just listen to me."
"Okay. I'll listen."
"I know what your thinking. You think your mom was the reason, but we don't really know. Yes. June Sekin killed himself, but nobody knows why. We can't say that." He reasoned.
"You know as well as I do. The last page is an apology. An apology to her for things he didn't even know what they were. He died, never knowing the reason. He never knew why he was cast aside and left by everyone loved. So what do you mean we "don't know?"
It was silent for a minute before Hue finally said something.
"What has your mom like?"
"Gentle. One of the most gentle people I've ever met. Do you know that day at the water fountain? I remembered something then; maybe that's why I accepted it so quickly. I asked her if I could tell her my wish, even if it was against the rule," I laughed. "I told her I wished to be a good person like her. She responded I didn't want to be like her and that sometimes people who seem good have secrets that can't be told. It held no significance to me; what does that mean to a little kid? All I knew was my mother was there with me and treated me as if I were her entire world. For all my life, I had no reason to hate her. She was always there for me. She was my best friend. So I don't know what to believe. Should I believe the mom I knew or a diary by someone I didn't?"
After Hue left, I lay there for hours. The more I thought, the more I doubted that my mom would do that. How could she, the one who raised me, hide such a thing from her son? No.
I knew everything about her. I knew all her secrets. She never kept anything from me. Now there was no doubt in my mind that my mom wasn't the reason. It had to have been something else, something she couldn't have controlled. Right.
That's it.
There's no way the things he wrote were true. He was delusional, his mental state wasn't right. My mom was an angel. She treated me like I was the only person alive. I'd never seen her be mean to anybody. She didn't have a mean bone in her body.