Zeph answered the door to see Xiam and Iri standing in front. Xiam was in a plain red shirt with yellow polka dots and Iri wore a plain flowery shirt with a yellow background. He wasn't expecting them but since they weren't dressed for any big occasion, he invited them in casually. "Hey you two, come on in."
Iri and Xiam both gave a light nod and strolled in, taking a seat on Zella's couch. Zeph went over and sat beside them near the edge where Zella's favorite brass lamp stood.
"How's Zella today?" Iri asked curiously.
"So, so." Zeph slouched against the couch. "Ky's irritable because she hasn't had a bowel movement in like four days." He never candy-coated anything.
"That was a bit more info than I needed," Iri said as she gave a small sigh and rolled her eyes.
Xiam just laughed, "Has she increased her fiber? Muin had the exact same problem."
"Xiam," Iri scolded her husband and hit him gently on the hand.
"Trying to," Zeph said, "but it's just hard still. She's in that bathroom trying as we-hey?"
Zella didn't speak a word as she came out, marched over to Zeph with gloves on her hands and grabbed his tail, tying it to her brass lamp.
Zeph looked at his tied tail, back to Zella as she sat down, and back at his tail again. "What was that for?" Original's tails were more flexible than other species and she freaking double knotted it.
"Well. That's one for my Chronicle," Iri said chuckling as she watched Zella take off her gloves. "AI 5677. Today I watched a Guard get his tail knotted on Zella's lamp."
"Don't write that," Zeph warned her, but only received the females laughing in return. "Females."
"Hey," Zella furrowed his eyebrows. "I said don't call us females, didn't I?"
"Fine then. Girls," Zeph said in a condescending manner. He tried to pull his tail away but the lamp wobbled, causing Zelly and Iri to laugh harder. "Oh yeah? At least I can poop." He grabbed the lamp and begin the arduous process of undoing his tail.
"Well Iri, Xiam. How have you been?" Zella smiled, neglecting Zeph.
"Good," Xiam said, "any luck this time?"
Iri just covered her face in embarrassment.
"That's really not important right now." Zella glanced over at Zeph, still not bothering to help.
"That would be a no," Zeph added as he finally got his tail untangled. "You'll know because she'll be throwing confetti when she finally does."
"Well now that you've gotten past most of your nausea, do you think you're ready to go out and meet someone?" Xiam asked Zella.
Zella pointed over at Zeph who was fluffing out his poorly abused tail. "He says no."
Xiam didn't look too happy at that statement. "I know it's risky, but she can't-"
"Why are you rushing her?" Zeph said, his voice becoming serious. "She's got a ton to deal with, guys add to the problem."
"Now isn't really the time to start meeting strangers off the street," Zella agreed. Smart woman.
"Well don't meet a stranger, meet that one guy." Xiam smiled, "Zaria's friend, remember? You were supposed to meet at the restaurant? He's liked you since forever and he's shown nothing but concern for you since he heard what happened. He really wants to talk to you again."
Zella gave a long drawn out sigh. "Yes, I know who you're talking-"
"No one!" Zeph interrupted coldly. "No one, no way, no how! I don't care if this guy knew her since freaking childhood, no one is dating her! Are we clear?"
Xiam didn't look very happy at Zeph's outburst. "Crystal clear. Guard."
Zeph stood up and crossed his arms. "I'm a Guard first and a friend second. Under no circumstances will Zella go out."
Zella just looked away. Zeph always got really upset when someone mentioned she should consider dating. The truth was, she never really wanted to date. Well, anyone that was dateable. Zeph sat back down and Zella looked at him gently.
"Fine then, no dating yet." Xiam agreed. "Until after the baby is born."
"There's not a set time," Zeph disagreed.
"Oh, I think there is. Probably when you have to leave." Iri answered backing up her husband.
"There's not a set time," Zeph repeated himself with more affirmation.
Zeph, Iri and Xiam all argued back and forth. Who she should date, when she should date, how she should date.
Zella couldn't take anymore as she stood up. "Will you just leave it be?"
Xiam and Iri both nodded and smiled. They probably thought she was going to side with them. Ppft!
"Why won't you two just leave me be, okay?" Zella looked at Xiam and Iri with distaste. "I don't want to date, I have no plans for dating even after the baby is born, and when Zeph leaves I might still not want to date. It's my decision so quit pressuring me."
Zeph just leaned back comfortably on the couch with a bright smile etched upon his face.
"Fine. Pardon us for being concerned," Xiam said curtly as he stood up. "Come on Iri, it's getting late and we need to be headed home."
Iri nodded and stood up. "Thanks for a nice evening," she said a bit colder than she meant to be.
Zella politely escorted them to the door. Xiam easily went out, without saying a word, but Iri stopped briefly to whisper something to Zella.
"I know why you feel that way Zella but he's a Guard and he will never be with you."
Zella gave no reply as Iri continued out the door.
"What was that about?" Zeph asked.
Zeph couldn't have heard, but he knew by the way that Iri stopped that she had said something to her. "Iri said nothing." Zella closed the door. "Just a warning of sorts."
"What, about not dating?" Zeph scoffed. "Trust me. The pro's always outweigh the cons."
Zella smiled sadly at him. "Well, one day I'll still have to take that leap. Just not anytime soon."
"You know, you don't really have to date. I mean, considering what happened it might be better for you to never date at all," Zeph added as he walked behind her.
"Why don't we just skip this for now?" Zella groaned as she headed to the bathroom door. "I'll be back soon."
"I'm cheering for you," Zeph chuckled.
Zella felt her cheeks get hot as she closed the door. He was never going to change.
------
"Yeah, uh huh." Zeph tried not to let his groan be heard over the phone. A few days later after the lamp tying incident, Muin got tackled with all the fun Zella had been going through. "Yeah, I'm sure Zaria's an ass. I agree. No, I'm pretty sure a bat to the head for him's not quite the right idea. Oh you bought him the Sensitive Daddy book instead?" Zeph winced. Zaria was better off with a bat to the head. "Oh he backed off when you did that? Okay. Say, maybe you should talk to Zella about this instead when she comes home? No, no. I'm not trying to be insensitive to get you off the phone." Zeph sighed. "No Muin, I do understand. You're going to what?" Zeph wasn't pleased with her words. "You know technically threatening a Guard is illegal. No, no I won't tell. No, I won't let them put you in jail." Zeph grabbed his head. "Will you stop crying, I get it. What, Zaria showed up? Well good, go cry on him so you'll feel better. No I am not demanding it, only if you want to."
A grumpy, irritable, nauseous emotional Zella had nothing on Muin.
"Hey," Zella greeted him as she opened the door. "How are you?"
Zeph pretended to hang himself. "Help?" He whispered.
Zella strolled over and took the phone. "Hello? Hey Muin, how are you? Ooh…finally caught up?" Zella couldn't help but grin, but kept her voice sympathetic.
"Me? No, no I'm doing much better. You rest and let Zaria handle dinner tonight. Okay? Hugs and kisses. Bye bye."
Zeph watched in amazement as Zella hung up the phone. "Oh great one, please teach me your ways?"
Zella chuckled, "Gosh, I can't believe she's actually having two."
"Yep," Zeph said. "Let's hope they don't inherit too much of Muin's attitude though." He shivered. "I might belong in the highest class of Guards but she can be scary."
Zella laughed at him, "Anyhow, I've got my news." She set her purse down. "I'm going to name her Carressela."
"A girl?" Zeph chuckled. "Well, let's hope she takes after you and not Muin."
Zella gave him a funny look.
"Oh! That's right, you're not really…" Zeph hit his head. "I don't know why I said that."
"We're as close as family," Zella said as she sat down on her couch. "I couldn't imagine life without Xiam or Muin." She looked over at Zeph. "You have no clue how hard you leaving really was on this family at first."
"I know, but I can't help it." Zeph crossed his arms. "I'm a Guard, I go where I'm needed." Before the conversation could go further, there was a knock at the door. He watched as Zella went over to the door and answered with a simple hello.
A man coughed as he looked at Zella. He was dressed in a silky purple shirt with a gray vest holding a box of expensive chocolates. "Hey Zella, haven't seen you much down at Vallencio's. How are you and your little one doing?"
Zeph raised an eyebrow as he started to stand. This guy was not welcome.
"We're fine," Zella said in a quick manner. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, well I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to see how you were doing," He said tenderly. "Are you alright?"
"She's fine." Zeph interrupted as he came to the door. His hand firmly placed on the back of the door, almost ready to slam it. He gave the stranger a firm but strange smile. "Who may I ask are you?"
The clueless guy smiled like a dumb idiot. "My name's Marni. I'm a friend of Zaria's and I'm also a waiter down at Vallencio's part time. I used to know Zella well."
"What, you think that gives you a shot with Zellaponia Cattral?" Zeph said in an unfriendly manner.
Zella covered her face, "He's here as a friend Zeph."
"Yeah sure," Zeph said unconvinced. He smiled at the guy anyway. "Do you like games?"
"He's here as a friend only Zeph," Zella warned him. She smiled back at Marni. "It was nice seeing you."
"Well, actually I came over to ask something else." Marni smiled as he cleared his throat. "Zella Cattral, if you aren't real busy later, maybe you'd like to go out as friends sometime?"
And that was that.
"Ow, ow, ow! What the hell are you doing?" Marni screamed.
"Playing a game," Zeph said as he bent Marni's elbow back and scrunched his fingers. "How many of your fingers am I holding up? Guess right and I let go."
"Zeph, stop it," Zella demanded. "Will you stop it?"
"Three," Marni yelled in agony.
Zeph finally let go. Without even a reply, Marni took off running down the street. "Touch her and your digging your own grave." Yeah it was a cliché saying he said a thousand times, but he didn't care, it got the point across a thousand times. "Wanting to go out as friends, how transparent is that?" Zeph gawked. "I don't think so. The guy didn't even figure out who I was."
"Well, you're not wearing your Guard uniform," Zella's voice held some disdain within it.
Zeph looked down. Oh yeah, it was just a casual blue with an imprint of orange hybrid roses. "I didn't feel like wearing it." He looked over and saw Zella's expression, his actions were unapproved. "He said friends, he didn't mean friends. Males don't go out as friends."
"We go out as friends," Zella protested.
"That's different," Zeph settled on. "I'm a Guard and I'm never up to anything. The way he was fidgeting and acting, he was up to something. That stupid wannabe charming shirt and suit, he probably rented it just for the night."
Zella just turned around and went back in, "he's harmless."
"No guy's harmless," Zeph reminded her. "Give any male a chance and they're all the same."
"Yeah, except Guards. I know, I know." Zella groaned in frustration. "The almighty Guard is the only one immune to the female charm," she said lazily, repeating something Zeph used to say all the time. "Everyone else is simply barbarians driven by pheromones and their sex drive."
Now wasn't the time to use his own words like that.
"If Muin calls, tell her Zaria is doing the best he can with her so give him a little break and to try to drink some milk if she's nauseous," Zella said as she went up the stairs, stomping a little harder than usual.
As if on cue, the phone rang. Zeph took a deep breath, remembering Zella's advice.
"I didn't say it, Zella said to say it," Zeph protested on the phone with Muin. He had shared Zella's advice, and it hadn't turned out so well. "Yeah, I agree. He's scum and you could do better. No, I don't know why I said that. No, I didn't know that about milk, Zella said it, not me. I'm not trying to pin blame on her but she's the one who said it. No, I'm sorry, go ahead." Zeph groaned as he heard a knock on the door. "You know what? If you just come over and whack me, will you stop yelling at me? No, Muin, will you listen? What do you mean you lost your Sensitive Daddy book? You misplaced it?"
Zeph made it over to the door. Lo and behold, Zaria stood there with the missing book. Muin's husband waved awkwardly at him.
"Zaria? Oh, he's missing too huh?" Zeph continued to talk on the phone. "You think what? He might have hidden the book?" He looked at the book in Zaria's hands again. "Well, who knows. Okay. Alright, you go look for him and make him pay then. Alright, nighty night." Zeph hung up the phone.
"How are you Guard Zeph?" Zaria tipped his head politely.
"Wondering if I have extra business coming my way," Zeph couldn't help himself. "My fees are outrageous for your income, and you are not my favorite guy, but after hearing Muin, I'll give you an hour." He gestured for him to come in.
"Oh by the planet of Pagnia." Zaria groaned as he brought the book inside. "Muin's become a complete psycho now. I don't know what to do. I try to say something nice and suddenly she thinks something's wrong because the book says so. I do laundry or the dishes, she thinks that I don't think she can do it by herself, the book says so. I just don't do anything and, according to this stupid book, I'm accused of making her overwork." He whined as he dropped the book beside him and landed on the couch. "I didn't know what to do anymore."
"So you ran here?" Zeph couldn't help but smile a bit. "I've always guarded just women or the king. I've got no clue what to charge you if you come again."
"It's okay. I know she'll settle down in an hour or so," Zaria said as he relaxed. "I just have to stay away until then." He groaned and looked at the book on the floor. "I can't let her find that book, it's ruining my life."
"Yeah, I've heard of that book before," Zeph admitted. "Actually, I knew the author, we both went to the same Guard Academy. He didn't pass, but I hear he's doing well."
Zaria slouched into the couch. "Well he's made my life miserable. I am used to Muin's gloom and doom moments, but this is out of my league. How did you get through Zella's tantrums?"
"Easy," Zeph said, chuckling. "She isn't Muin. It's not a soft delicious piece of dessert, but it wasn't so much as concrete cake. Muin laid the foundation and it was quick drying."
Zaria smiled strangely, "You are actually funny."
"Who said I wasn't?" Zeph answered back.
"No, it's just strange," Zaria commented. "I mean, all the Guards I've known or heard about are always serious about everything. You actually seem more laid back."
"Yeah, well I'm sure your friend Bates would disagree with you." Zeph put his feet up on the couch. "You would too if you'd think back."
"Bates?" Zaria seemed impressed. "You knew my friend?"
"Sure did. I never forget an arm I break or a finger I fracture," Zeph said smiling strangely.
"Oh." Zaria slowly began to sit up. "Oh, I think I actually remember you now. You always tossed him back over to his yard and gave his family huge hospital bills to pay."
"It wasn't my fault he, and you, wouldn't leave Zella alone." Zeph held his fingers together at the tips. "If I was still here when you started to like Muin, I would've done the same to you again." Ha, like he didn't know Zaria was involved too.
Zaria held his hands up. "It was different and it was an overwhelming pheromone thing. It's not the same with Muin at all. Really it's not, I love her."
"You better," Zeph practically growled. "You're so lucky I wasn't here."
Zaria gave him an awkward smile. "I think I finally get it now. You're pretty tough on the outside but you're a nice guy on the inside."
Zeph cocked up an eyebrow. That wasn't what he expected.
"I know." Zaria relaxed on the couch again. "I know Muin's young but I'd never hurt her if I could help it. I mean look at me? I'm running away from her."
Zeph couldn't help but smile. He knew Zaria was right. "You still shouldn't have married her so young."
Zaria shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe in a different world I would have waited." He looked over at Zeph. "Come on Guard Zeph, don't tell me you can't feel it? I've felt it for years now," he said and sat upright. "I don't know how great life will stay. Why waste a moment?"
Zeph took his legs off the couch and sat up straight. "You are smarter than I gave you credit for. Yeah, we don't have real long before some kind of assault but we're doing what we can."
"You mean, you're actually doing something?" Zaria's eyes were wide with curiosity. "What?"
"Don't get your hopes up." Zeph's demeanor turned from serious to casual again. "We're not revealing our colorful tails and hair anytime soon. We're just investigating right now."
Zaria nodded. "I guess 'Guard' took on a whole new meaning over this last century, huh?"
"Not really," Zeph admitted. "We guard who needs our help. Whether it be women, the king, or a guy hiding from his wife."
Zaria rubbed his face. "Yeah, Muin. I love her but she's going to be the death of me." He sank back into the couch further again. "You trained eight decades to be a Guard, any advice Zeph?"
"Guard Zeph," Zeph reminded him. "Not really and eight decades still isn't long enough to know the female mind."