The first thing Eva noticed was that she had a rock in her bra.
"..."
She blinked once.
Twice.
"...Why is there a rock in my bra?"
She reached down to investigate and immediately discovered three more alarming things.
One.
She was wearing metal.
Two.
It was heavy.
Three.
She definitely did not own whatever medieval tin can cosplay this was.
"..."
"...Mom is going to be really mad I lost my hoodie."
A horn blared.
Not a car horn.
Not a train horn.
The kind of horn that sounded like someone had looked at peace and said, Absolutely not.
Eva slowly sat up.
Her brain took several seconds to process what her eyes were seeing.
Smoke.
Mud.
Hundreds—
No.
Thousands—
Actually...
WAY too many people.
Men in armor sprinted across an open field carrying swords, spears, banners, and what looked suspiciously like an unhealthy amount of confidence.
Metal crashed.
Someone screamed.
Another someone caught on fire.
"..."
"...Huh."
She watched the burning man run past.
"...That's probably bad."
A horse nearly trampled her.
"AAAAAH!"
She threw herself sideways into the mud.
The horse thundered past without so much as an apology.
Eva lay face-first in the dirt for a long moment.
"..."
"I miss my apartment."
"GENERAL!"
She flinched so hard she nearly swallowed dirt.
A soldier was running toward her.
No.
Not just a soldier.
This man looked like he'd been carved out of oak.
He dropped to one knee.
"My General! Thank the gods!"
Eva looked over both shoulders.
"...Who?"
"You!"
He pointed directly at her.
"...Me?"
"Yes!"
"..."
"...No."
The soldier frowned.
"...No?"
"I think you've mistaken me for someone significantly more qualified."
"My General, the enemy has broken through the eastern flank!"
"...That sounds terrible."
"It is!"
"..."
"...I wish you the best."
She gave him an encouraging thumbs-up.
The soldier didn't move.
Eva didn't move.
The battlefield continued happening around them.
"..."
"...Why are you still here?"
"...Awaiting your orders."
"..."
"..."
"...I'm sorry?"
"Your orders, General."
Eva looked around.
Surely—
Surely there was another general.
One with...experience.
Or at least a pamphlet.
Instead she found several dozen officers staring directly at her.
Waiting.
One of them even had a notebook.
Why does he have a notebook!?
"..."
Okay, Eva.
Stay calm.
This is obviously a dream.
A very loud dream.
Dreams end.
Probably.
The giant soldier cleared his throat.
"...General?"
THEY'RE STILL LOOKING.
Her brain began sprinting in circles.
Think.
Think!
You write fantasy!
This should help!
It did not help.
Writing fantasy, as it turned out, required approximately zero knowledge of actual military tactics.
Her battle scenes usually went something like:
"The battle was fierce."
"Many heroic things happened."
"Eventually the good guys won."
Done.
Beautiful.
Award-worthy.
"...General?"
STOP SAYING GENERAL.
She looked down.
A sword hung from her waist.
She slowly pulled it free.
SHIIIIIING.
"..."
"...Cool."
She'd never held a sword before.
It immediately became obvious.
It was much heavier than movies suggested.
She nearly dropped it.
A nearby captain gasped.
Eva froze.
"..."
The captain nodded solemnly.
"Even now..."
"...What?"
"You test the blade's balance before issuing commands."
"..."
"..."
Sure.
"Exactly."
The captain smiled.
"I knew it."
You absolutely should not have.
The giant soldier coughed again.
"...The orders?"
Eva desperately looked around for inspiration.
There was a hill.
Trees.
Smoke.
People screaming.
None of those seemed particularly helpful.
Then she noticed something.
The enemy soldiers were all running.
Her soldiers...
Were also running.
"..."
"...Why is everyone running?"
Silence.
The officers exchanged confused looks.
Finally one answered.
"...Because..."
"...It's a battle."
"Oh."
That...
Actually made sense.
"...Carry on."
Nobody moved.
"..."
"..."
"...Carry on...?"
Still nothing.
The giant blinked.
"...General."
"...Yes?"
"...Carry on doing what?"
"..."
"..."
"...The battle?"
"My General..."
"...Yes?"
"...That is what we are asking you."
Eva wanted to cry.
Instead she pointed randomly across the battlefield.
"...Go over there."
Every officer snapped to attention.
"AT ONCE!"
They all sprinted away.
Eva stared after them.
"..."
"...That worked?"
She had expected questions.
Or criticism.
Or imprisonment.
Not...
Immediate obedience.
One officer stopped mid-run.
"My General!"
She jumped.
"...WHAT?"
"Which formation?"
"..."
"..."
"...The..."
Yes.
Good.
Formation.
Very military.
She definitely knew one.
Square?
Circle?
Triangle?
Those were shapes.
Armies probably liked shapes.
"...Surprise formation!"
Silence.
The officers looked at one another.
Then—
One of the older commanders slowly smiled.
"...Of course."
Another's eyes widened.
"...A fluid formation with decentralized command..."
A third slapped his forehead.
"I see!"
"The General expects the enemy to anticipate traditional formations!"
"Brilliant!"
Eva stared.
"..."
No.
"No, that's not—"
"The General wants every captain to adapt independently!"
"Genius!"
"Magnificent!"
They all ran off before she could explain.
Eva watched them disappear into the smoke.
"..."
"...I have accidentally invented strategy."
A distant cheer erupted.
"..."
"...Why are they cheering?"
Then—
ROOOOOOOOAR.
Something enormous passed overhead.
Eva slowly looked up.
"..."
"...No."
It looked like someone had taken a dragon...
Removed about thirty percent of the dragon...
Then decided the remaining seventy percent was still terrifying enough.
"...Nope."
The creature opened its mouth.
Fire exploded across the battlefield.
Eva screamed.
The soldiers screamed.
Everyone screamed.
"THAT IS A DRAGON!"
The giant soldier looked offended.
"...A drake."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE TAXONOMY!"
The drake wheeled around for another pass.
Eva did the only sensible thing.
She ducked behind the largest rock she could find.
"..."
"...General?"
"I'm thinking."
"...Behind the rock?"
"I'm thinking safely."
The soldier nodded.
"...A cautious commander."
"...Exactly."
"...One who values survival."
"...Exactly."
"...One who refuses to expose herself unnecessarily."
"..."
"...Yes."
He looked inspired.
Eva looked terrified.
A fireball landed nearby.
She squeaked.
"..."
"..."
"...General?"
"What now!?"
"The men await your next command."
"..."
She peeked over the rock.
Thousands of soldiers.
Waiting.
Watching.
Trusting.
"..."
Why?
Out of every person here...
Why her?
Then someone shouted from farther down the line.
"General Valcrest!"
Eva froze.
"..."
"...What did he just call me?"
"General Evelynn Valcrest!"
The name hit her like a punch.
Valcrest.
No.
No no no.
That couldn't be right.
She knew that name.
Because she'd—
"..."
"...No."
She looked toward the mountains.
The crooked river.
The ruined watchtower.
The black forest.
Each one struck her with a horrible, sinking familiarity.
"No..."
She knew this place.
She had drawn maps of this place.
Named those mountains.
Designed that river because she thought it looked prettier with an extra bend.
"..."
"...Oh, you've got to be kidding me."
Fragments came rushing back.
Late nights.
Coffee stains.
Word documents.
A folder on her desktop labeled
Fantasy Novel FINAL v8 ACTUAL FINAL.docx
"..."
"..."
"I never finished chapter thirty-nine."
The blood drained from her face.
She remembered this battle.
Not because she'd researched it.
Because she'd written it.
Or...
Started writing it.
Her notes flashed through her mind.
Battle of Ashmoor Plains
Big battle.Heroes look cool.Figure out tactics later."..."
"..."
"..."
"I wrote..."
She swallowed.
"'Figure out tactics later.'"
A nearby explosion shook the earth.
Eva slowly looked at the battlefield.
Then at the officers awaiting her command.
Then back at the battlefield.
"..."
"I have made a series of truly catastrophic life choices."