On the train back to the city, with Bell still asleep beside me, I kept thinking.
I finally have a clue, perhaps the main point, about Shu's mental breakdown. I need to act accordingly.
Knowing that Miku's figure plays a key role, I must meet her and also Shu's parents.
Sigh.
It's going to be hectic work... I don't even know where to begin. But now I truly understand—I can't do this alone. I will need the help of everyone: Luna, Aris, Aisha, Bell, and also Zen.
But first, I have to find Zen. With Shu, I can still feel there's a little more time left, but in Zen's case... I don't even know the state of his situation.
I only know this much—his emotions are consumed by hatred.
And I know his trigger point as well: me. Which means the steps he'll take will only lead to one thing—killing me.
But I have to convince him before his emotions consume him completely.
"Yawn..." Bell stretched, her little yawn making me turn.
"Papa, where are we?" she asked sleepily.
"You woke up? That's good. We're going back now. If you want, you can sleep again," I suggested.
"No... I... I..." before she could finish, I heard her stomach grumble.
"So hungry?" I smiled knowingly. When I packed my bag earlier, I made sure to carry snacks because I knew Bell would feel hungry. I handed her some.
She started eating happily. But while I was lost in my thoughts, she tugged at me try to offer me some when I don't respond she stands and then—smack—she slapped me with her tiny hand.
"Hey! That hurts, Bell! What are you doing?" I said, rubbing my cheek.
"Aisha-sis said whenever you ignore me and look lost, I should slap you. She said that will bring you back to the right track again," Bell replied with a smug little grin on her face.
"That idiot..." I muttered, referring to Aisha.
But hearing that, a thought struck me.
"Bell, you're great! I was lost, but you brought me back to the track. And now... now I know what I have to do with Zen," I hugged Bell happily.
She tilted her head, clearly confused by what I meant.
As the sun set, we reached the station and started walking home, chatting along the way. Bell's cheerful voice brought me some relief from my storm of thoughts.
Just then, I heard a notification buzz from my jeans pocket.
"I bring him there... it's time."
I carried Bell on my back, running fast towards my apartment. I wanted to find Aisha, but she wasn't there. Maybe she hadn't returned yet. Taking Bell with me could be dangerous... I remembered the last time she saw me hurt—Aisha had told me she lost control and ended up killing someone. I don't want the same to happen to Zen.
So I told Bell to be a good girl, that I was going out to buy groceries for dinner. She wanted to come too, but when I promised to bring her pudding, she let me go.
I ran towards the hideout—built once upon a time by me, Zen, and Aris. Yes, I told Aris to bring Zen there, because being in that place might stir his memories. Maybe that would have some impact on him.
As I neared, I spotted two figures ahead. A boy and a girl. Zen and Aris.
It looked like Aris was struggling to keep him at the spot.
"Hey, Zen! Long time no see!" I called out, waving my hand as I approached.
"White?" Zen turned to look at me, then glanced at Aris.
"So that's why you said you wanted to come here of all places," Zen muttered, annoyed.
"If you're the one who told her to bring me here, then I'm leaving."
He turned to walk away.
I rushed forward and grabbed his arm.
"Don't be rude. I asked her to bring you here so I can talk to you."
"I don't," he snapped, slipping his hand out of my grip.
"No. You have to. At least listen to me first," I stood in front of him firmly.
"Stand aside. I won't say it again," Zen glared, his anger flaring.
If I let this chance slip... I won't be able to save either him or Shu.
"No. Not until you listen to me," I said with determination.
He closed his eyes, scratched his head, and then suddenly—BAM! A heavy punch landed on my face.
The impact was so strong I fell backwards. He wasn't holding back. His intent was clear—if I defied him, he'd kill me.
"If you still want some... then be my guest," he said coldly, walking away.
I lay on the ground, staring at the sky. Dark clouds hovered. Rain was coming.
Aris rushed to my side, calling my name over and over, but her voice sounded far away. Her lips moved, yet I couldn't hear clearly. My consciousness wavered.
And then—
"Hey, hey, look! It's a T-Rex from Dinosaur Diary!" A child's voice echoed somewhere.
"Oh, that's amazing!" another child's voice replied.
Memories stirred. Yes... I remembered now. I was looking at the past again.
Back in middle school... I used to sit alone in the corner of class. I was afraid of forming friendships. I didn't want anyone to leave me behind like Mom did. So I kept myself isolated. It hurt, but it was safer that way.
Other students gossiped about me, but either they kept their distance or I built a wall to keep them out. Just like Shu, except—her wall was to protect herself. Mine... was to keep others away.
And yet, despite that, there was this one kid. Black-and-yellow hair, always cheerful,
always nagging me, always trying to pull me out of my shell. At first, I thought he was mocking me. But as days passed, I realized... he genuinely wanted to know me.
He even proclaimed himself my "rival." Everything I did, he treated as competition.
He was popular back then too—the star player of basketball. So people gossiped even more. Why would someone like him talk to someone like me?
Everything stayed the same until one day—I accidentally collided with a delinquent. He dragged me into his group, and eventually, a fight broke out. Of course, the outcome was decided from the beginning—I was beaten down.
The next day, I sat quietly at my desk, bruises and bandages all over, while classmates whispered. Zen—he looked at me once, troubled. Then he walked away.
I thought, of course. If someone saw me like that, they'd avoid me. No one wants to get involved and end up targeted too. From then, Zen and I stopped talking in class.
Later that day, the teacher called me to the staff room. There—my eyes widened. Zen stood covered in mud, bruised and beaten from a fight.
"Is it true?" the teacher asked. "What Zen says—that your injuries were from your seniors?"
I froze. How did Zen know?
"White, this boy fought three seniors. He said they attacked his friend. I'm asking you again—is that true?"
I was stunned. Elsa was the only one who had ever stood up for me before… and now here was Zen, fighting for me. Standing beside me.
I laughed.
"Hey! Don't laugh! Just say yes! If you don't, they'll suspend me. Are you even listening?!" Zen panicked.
That memory slowly faded as I returned to my senses. Aris's voice rang clearer now. Rain was pouring. I pushed myself up. My nose bled, my body barely standing.
I shouted hoarsely, "So you hate me now, Zen. You're angry at me, right?"
Zen froze, turning around.
"I struck a nerve, didn't I? You've hated me since the beginning. Because I was calmer than you, better at studies. And even your own sister... relies on me more than on you."
I knew I had to do the opposite to convince him—but Bell's words echoed in me. When someone is lost, you can only bring them back by shaking them hard enough to listen.
"What are you saying?!" Zen's voice thundered.
"You seem angry, so I must be right. You think I'm the reason Aris struggles so much, don't you?" I provoked him further.
"You bastard!" he roared, rushing and shoulder-tackling me in the stomach. I crashed into the muddy ground, rain soaking me.
He mounted me, fists raining down on my face. I tried to cover up, to stay conscious somehow.
Aris screamed, trying to pull him away, but his rage blinded him. In the chaos, his arm swung and struck Aris by accident.
That was my chance. I swung with all my strength, punching him in the face. His grip loosened, and I rolled away.
Blood blurred my vision, my face swollen, but I stood shakily.
Zen rushed to check Aris, but I shouted, provocation burning in my throat:
"See? You're the reason she got hurt! If you were really her brother, you would have been the one protecting her, not me!"
"Shut up!" Zen snapped, charging again.
This time I was ready. I dodged his punch, countering with a strike to his face. He stumbled back. I followed through, landing a solid punch to his jaw. He collapsed to the ground.
Without a pause, I pinned him and threw punch after punch.
"You know..." punch
"I thought, of all people..." punch
"You were the one..." punch
"Who understood me best..." punch
"I want to apologize..." punch
"Because of me, Aris had to suffer..." punch
"I know it hurt you—that I learned about her job, yet kept silent..." punch
"But one thing... will never change..." punch
"If I'm still here today... it's because of you..." punch
I stopped at last. My blood-drenched hair fell over my eyes.
"When everyone else left... I only had Elsa as my sister... and her parents, who gave me shelter. Even though they loved me, I always felt like a burden.
But you... you were the one who fought for me that day. You... gave me strength, Zen. And for that... I'll always be grateful."
Tears burned my eyes, mingling with blood. My vision warped, turning blurry. The injuries I'd taken earlier were worse than I thought. I couldn't hold out any longer.
My voice cracked as I whispered the last words I could muster:
"Please, Zen... help me.I want to save Shu... and you... No... It is lie. For more than others I want to save... myself..."
And with that, my body gave in.
Consciousness slipped. I fell beside Zen, the rain washing over both of us.